There are things in porn that it’s always nice to see – some of them are rarer than others, so there is a calculus of enjoyment – a quantum, if you will – predicated on how good it feels to see them. The delectable Jandi Lin, for instance – her fascinating backpiece, beautiful face, and delicious body are always a treat; the fact that she is all over the place these days, appearing in dozens of movies and landing on our desk with satisfying regularity means that a Jandi sighting is, however wonderful, not all that much of a surprise. Her appearance, however, in a movie about encroaching Asian sluts with the word “invasion” spelled correctly in the title – it is a rare and precious thing. Thank you, Pink Visual, for that ‘O’, and for the many others in "Asian Slut Invasion #5."

· Pink Visual (www.pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Asian Slut Invasion #5" (gamelink.com)
· Buy Jandi Lin’s moves (gamelink.com)

Asia Noir 6: Evil Sex Trap!

Trent (Mr. Marcus) wakes up in his own body, uncertain of who he is. He sees only the slick suit, the police badge, and the sidearm. He's in a bad part of Los Angeles, the kind where dreams don't come true, and he's getting drunk-dialed by a mostly incoherent Oriental Black Widow (Ange Venus), who beckons the amnesiac into her evil sex trap warehouse.

Her evil sex trap warehouse, I add, where things aren't as they seem. Sex is happening there. Black men on Asian women sex (Dick James and Lana Violet). And does Mr. Marcus start having flashbacks? Does he know, now, why he's here?

Asia Noir 6, like the best low-budget porn movies, succeeds because it follows certain rules and does not stray from its own economy. For example, most of the important dialogue is in voiceover, which Marcus delivers convincingly, a late-night DJ mixed with a dude you don't want to mess with.

The noir aspect is also not overwhelming. Director David Aaron Clark realizes that the audience has to see (please tell this to Wicked Pictures), so the noir is more in the mood and the skin tone of the performers than in the lighting.

In the evil sex trap warehouse, Marcus stumbles on a sexual encounter. His LAPD instincts returning, he mostly watches. But when it looks as if things will get ugly for the Destiny, he acts. But the girl disappears, and now Marcus has murdered Dick James.

Meanwhile, Ange Venus continues her cryptic phone calls. Myself, I would have fled, but Marcus is dogged and patient. He continues patrolling the evil sex trap warehouse until he finds Coco Velvett, who is a secretary "down the hall." Spookily, Velvett's hair is down on one floor and up on the next. Ange Venus' dialogue coach must have been handling the continuity.

Velvett fills Marcus in on what goes on in the building. There's an Import/Export business on this floor and a porn studio, Velvett whispers, in the basement. Marcus gets himself down there fast, where he meets Myla Montez, who doesn't have to try too hard to seduce him.

I am not making excuses here, but the awkward readings of heightened dialogue by some of the actresses gently nudges the overall creepiness of the movie. It is rare that bad line readings in a serious porn movie actually work. But here they serve to increase Marcus' -pardon the pun- disorientation. When working with a limited budget, any tool in the shed is helpful.

Upstairs, a frightened Velvett has dreams about Marcus, even as he works on Montez below (so "below" is Marcus' work on Montez that she doesn't take her shirt off). But girls keep disappearing after they've been serviced by black men in this movie, and Montez vanishes.

Marcus gets dressed and finds Velvett being throttled by Destiny, a strap-on succubus. He's not a very good cop. Must call William Bratton and tell him that there's a homicide detective in L.A. letting nice girls get strapped by ghosts.

Destiny, Montez, and Venus are, you see, an evil ghostly trinity bent on vengeance for a crime Trent committed in the conscious world.

When Trent finally figures it out, things have gone irretrievably creepy, and it is too late. He discovers the part he has played, and why he is at least partly responsible for the events. Of course, the vindictive spirits might have forgiven him, but vengeance is a bitch.

Studio: Metro
Director: David Aaron Clark
Cast: Ange Venus, Mr. Marcus, Coco Velvett, Destiny, Lana Violet, Myla Montez, Dick James

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy "Asia Noir 6: Evil Sex Trap!" (filthyadultdvd.com)

I don't know why some of these women are wearing wigs and some are not. I don't even know why some of these women are sucking cocks and some are not. All I know is that I am here in Los Angeles and no one is currently sucking my cock.

Oh wait - hold on. Someone's at the door.

Nope! Still no one sucking my cock. But look! AOL is still giving out those free Install CDs.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Little Asian Cocksuckers 13" (gamelink.com)

These photos were taken by the estimable Glenn Baren because my glasses kept fogging up in the shower.

The standard Porn Valley pool scene seems so much more classy somehow when no one feels compelled to drink a jug of water and squirt at you. I'm glad it's not going to be that kind of movie.

"No Man's Land Asian Edition #7: Mr. Hentai's Super-Funtime Asian Pool Party" will doubtless be released before the Summer Olympics begin, so laser-topical is the porn marketing machine.

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Listen: "House at Pooh Corner" (youtube.com)
· Buy "Asian Slut Invasion 4" (gamelink.com)