What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Grinders, Gyros, And Hoagies Edition

"I would like to grind your cock into a fine paste," Brea Bennett did not say at a news conference announcing her "Cock Grinder" movie. "Or maybe a meal from which I can make my family's tortillas." As head-scratchingly bad a title something implying that, should your penis pass through Bennett's folds, it will be ground is, I'm sure you can imagine a much, much more horrifying title.

Go, as they say, nuts because, like the subject of last week's winner josereyes, you're "smart! Not like everybody says!"

· Club Jenna (clubjenna.com)
· Buy "Brea Bennett: Cock Grinder" (gamelink.com)

When you took your SATs last year, doubtless you encountered the analogy "Love is to porn as sports is to X." And if for X you chose "professional wrestling" you will be delighted with today's feature film spotlight, which combines porn and wrestling in the same way couchbound people yearned for Alien and Predator to get it on.

Bree Olson is like a delicious abyss: sometimes we enter it and sometimes, if we have the means to wipe the sparkles off, it enters us.

Today we have three Bree Olson-related products to consider. Two of them are what our cosmopolitan readers should expect by this point, but the other is, well, kind of odd.

My personal belief is that no man is ever truly surprised when the woman he's with reveals herself to be a transsexual, a dominatrix, or a Mormon. So Mistress Berlin's question of Julian at the beginning of "Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass!" is part of the elegant dance between domme and sub, like French Court face-saving protocol. Of course he knows he's about to get beaten, pegged, and "forced" to fellate a transsexual, but the savvy domme also knows to pretend he just fell into her clutches. See that question after the gap.

Sometimes she uses a simple vegetable mist, sometimes she uses Crisco, sometimes she uses her own essential oils. But(t) no matter what she does to make her ass look so slippery, America's hopes and dreams are reflected and take root in Buttwoman's shiny bum, as will no doubt be stated over and over again in this fortnight's political conventions.

Once the title held by Belladonna, Tianna Lynn, Brianna Love, and Lauren Phoenix, Buttwoman is now the domain of Alexis Texas. At a solemn ceremony earlier this week, Texas acknowledged that with great power comes great responsibility, and vowed to avoid offshore drilling in search for the excess of emollients her ass requires.

• Alexis Texas (Wikipedia)
• Watch the "Buttwoman" Trailer (elegantangel.com)
• Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
• Alexis Texas Galleries: 1, 2 (nsgalleries.com. via askjolene.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Catatonia Edition

Submitted for your approval: There is something not quite sentient about the woman on the left, being disrobed for your delectation in this Earl Miller movie. Now I get glazed looks like this all day, running as I do the Dunkin' Donuts concession inside Bogue Chitto High. But I don't know if these ladies are inviting me in or asking me to step outside while the formaldehyde tops off.

Two lines of dialogue from these women is all we ask you to provide if you want to join Zipper in the winners' circle.

· Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)
· Buy "Earl Miller's Naughty Girls" (gamelink.com)

We were lucky enough to see some of our favorite new (and gently used) people this week on the sets of movies they make solely for you. "I like the way he leans forward in his chair until his nose almost touches the screen," the recently assualted Kayden Kross did not say about you on the set of the futuristic "The 8th Day." "It kind of tickles."

See more of pornstars the way they really are after the jump.

"Holy shit. Look at you."

That's the first thing out of the mouth of the director of Vivid's "Brand New Faces 10" when he sees Pharyn Sparxxx for the first time. Me, I was like "Holy shit; look at your name tag." Had she been the guy from those old Cheetos commercials, Ms. Sparxxx probably would not have got very far with that name but, as you will see, she'd look good even if her name was Asdjliklvf McNejfhkuedkued.

Extreme Sophia climbs the carpeted stairs of her duplex, her mouth half open with a dreamy look that is supposed to suggest nymphomania and sex fatigue. All I can think is: I have seen this duplex. "Follow me," she says to us, and then proceeds to look at a magazine. Tease.

To know jessica drake—or at least to bump into her semi-regularly—is to be infatuated with jessica drake. That is why hopes are high when Wicked gets around to jessica drake in its contract performer marquee movie rotation. And that drake gets around to Dana DeArmond turns out to be a pleasant surprise in "Kissing Girls."

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Gold Medal Edition

This publication seems to be in love with the word "fap" as much as the nation is in love with Michael Phelps. So why not combine them? At least for the duration of this post, substitute "Phelps" for "fap" and consider the onomatopoetic implications (I imagine the L sound coming from a punch to the throat when it's done).

Anyway, if you were running the Beijing Olympics, what sexy sport—and we're talking medal sports, not demonstration sports—would you like to see your country's porn performers competing in? Be like last week's winners and don't keep switching between the Olympics and a pledge drive version of "Celtic Thunder."

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "Private Gold #100 - Pornolympics The Anal Games" (gamelink.com)

Here at Fleshbot's Western Headquarters, we have identified three distinct styles of "realistic" intercourse simulators: the whole body, represented by blow-up dolls and "real"dolls; the vaginal/regional, such as Heather Vandeven's Doggy Style Pet Pussy & Ass; and the specific, as embodied (in a matter of speaking) by the floppy tube that is Jamie Lynn's Ass Stroker.

Burnt Offerings: Viv Thomas' "Members Only 6"

While we are not the, er, house organ for Viv Thomas, we can explain covering two sequential titles in his "Members Only" series by saying that this one, confusingly, doesn't have cocks in it. Why, then, call it "Members Only"? Is this one of those Euro things like how cigarette holder-holding vamps refer to their parts as their "sex"? Don't they know what "member" means? Karen Black would know.

What better time to celebrate America's pastime than with American pornography, especially with this summer's Olympic games probably being the last for baseball? "Bad News Bitches 3" hearkens back to rambling, Cormanesque T&A movies like the original "Debbie Does Dallas" in its misguided attention to a plot when people like Penny Flame, Amber Rayne, and Rachel Roxxx running around in baseball jerseys and short shorts will do.

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? MILF Accessories Edition

What kind of woman forgets to take out her curlers before allowing herself to be reamed by the local blind, distractingly hairy-legged newsboy? Well, a MILF, apparently. In some circles a MILF is a mom, in others a cougar, and in this someone who just doesn't care. Why not a housecoat, too? Two weeks ago we asked for the optimal teen porn accessory—and you, bless your heart, said a big wheel. Now, if you can suggest the best porn accessory for a MILF, you will join last week's laureate in the winner's circle.

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· Buy "Ramonator 2" (gamelink.com)

As the lithe Audrey Elson might tell you, sometimes the best outfit is no outfit at all. Lounging on the set of the Anabolic production of director Ivan's "Creampie Explosions 3"—yes, they said it couldn't be made—the 5'10" Elson makes a good case for never wearing anything again.

Join us after the gap for more Popshots, in which we show porn stars not as the world sees them but how they really are.

Fleshbot OMG: What Lies Beneath

You're A Nation Of Proud Porn Consumers: "Liquid Gold 16"