#ouch

The poor fellow underneath the sheet here is not dead—he's merely being extracted from a rather delicate situation. And by that we mean his penis is being extracted from the steel bench that he tried to hump. Just so you know, if you're desperate to try a metal cock ring there are better ways to go about it. (weirdasianews.com)

#advice

These Cosmo sex positions are guaranteed to improve your sex life—if you can decipher any of the descriptions and figure out how they are actually done. If we're reading these correctly, we might need to starting dating gymnasts in order pull most of these off. (cosmopolitan.com; image via)

#crimeandpunishment

It's true that porn does cause violence—especially if you watch it when you should be paying attention to your girlfriend who likes to stab things when she's angry. Why do you make porn hurt you like that? (bostonherald.com)

#ouch

When Cumshots Go Wrong

No one has greater respect for pornstars than we do: their jobs aren't easy, and sometimes things can get downright hazardous. If you think it's all just fun and games and dirtpipe milkshakes, look no further than this clip to show you just how dangerous (not to mention hilarious) things can get. (And if you've got a case of the Mondays right now, watching this video five or six or a hundred times just might the cure for what ails you too.) More »

#publicnudity

Note to ambitious streakers out there: There's a time and a place for running around in the buff and that place is not an Australian cricket match and that time is not when all-star Andy Symonds is on the field. Hey, it could have been much worse—did you see the size of that guy's bat? (No, we're still talking about the cricket player.) (w/ video @ theage.com.au, via Deadspin)

#vagina

Dentata.net: Where Vaginas Bite Back

With all the talk surrounding "Teeth," the horror-comedy about a girl with some bite in her bush, we've found that we can't stop thinking about vagina dentata ... and it would seem that we're not alone. Dentata.net (which, like the legend itself, predates the movie) collects info, artsy photos and even a comic strip, in an effort to cover all those with fangs down there. Normally, myths about females as ravenous man-eating monsters don't really rev our engines, but there's something strangely sexy about this gallery of women with teeth in their labia. It kind of adds a little extra kick to the experience—but we still advise you to keep your fingers (and other sensitive parts) away from the nice ladies' toothy bits. More »

#found

Nad Shot: Where A Kick In The Balls Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry

Those of us who have testicles (you know who you are) know that getting kicked in them ranks pretty high up there on the list of the more unpleasant things in life, worse perhaps than even tax audits and being forced to listen to Celine Dion on lite radio while waiting for a root canal at the dentist's office. Not so for the contributors to Nad Shot, however: each post lovingly chronicles a superhero or other comic character getting slammed in the nuts by a (usually) female adversary. The whole spectacle might be groin-clecnchingly uncomfortable for some to look at, while for others ... well, if you have to ask whether some people are really turned on by this sort of thing, you haven't been paying attention. More »

#ouch

A man in England had to be rescued by firefighters who had to remove a metal ring from his penis with a ... um ... er ... mini hand grinder. A moment of silence, please. (bbc.co.uk)

#unnaturaldisasters

A Croatian man was unlucky—really unlucky—when he stopped to take a roadside piss and his cock got hit by a bolt of lightning. We have too much sympathy right now to make a lightning rod joke. (news.com.au)

#youredoingitwrong

In the annals of bizarre sexual reproduction techniques, we're not sure if anything beats the male bat bug who skips over the vagina and impregnates the female by punching a hole in her stomach instead. Ladies, we know that sometimes it feels like that's what your man is trying to do, but he's just probably just really nervous. (yahoo.com)

#ouch

Adele Haze's Buttocks Are Recuperating Nicely, Thank You

Where erotic spanking is concerned, there's the kind of playful slaps on the ass you give your lover in bed to add a little naughtiness to your otherwise ordinary sex ... and then there's spanking, the kind with canes and switches that leave deep, nasty-looking welts on a set of creamy butt cheeks for days. As one of the UK's most prominent spanking models and an expert on the "science of artistic suffering", Adele Haze is well acquainted with the latter: her latest blog entry documents the status of her ass after an especially intense spanking shoot a week and a half ago, though if you're squeamish about things like big purple bruises you might want to skip the "before" shots and head straight for the "after" one. More »

#deathbybrazilian

A woman in Melbourne nearly died after getting a nasty infection from a bikini wax gone bad. We've always said that there's nothing wrong with a little growth Down Under. (theage.com.au)

#wetspots