Lest you thought you were watching yet another reason for the mothballing of Guantanamo Bay, the mass ass-presentation of (from left) Ava Rose, Bobbi Starr, Bree Olson, Trinity Post, and Mika Tan to the cruel whips of Nina Hartley and Claire Adams that led this story was in honor of the release of "O2: The Surrender of O."

Here Adams scandalizes the proper Hartley with some ribaldry.

At the Webmaster Access West convention, an annual get-together of Internet nerds who happen to own the porn industry, The Internet's Ashley Steele poses with two eskimo girls from the affiliate program Flashcash. Who cares if she can't see Russia from her house?

Then Bobbi Starr returned at Hollywood's Golden Apple Comics to launch Nerdcore's 2009 calendar (she's Miss November). As you can see, here she is attempting to fist the Silver Surfer.

Finally, we caught geektrix extraordinaire Justine Joli trying to leave the city of Los Angeles. "If you try to keep me," she did not say, "you never really had me."

. . .

· "beauty and the 'nurd'" (Megarotic)

If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

. . .

· Steampunk DIY from Merlin Mann (vimeo.com)
· Merlin Mann on Steampunk Masturbatory Devices (coilhouse.net - thanks Molly!)

P.S. Yes, he's kidding.

Windows PC users rack up way more page views per visit, which means they take their time to peruse as many options as possible when browsing for vibrators, dildos and the like. However, when it comes time to plunk down the credit card and actually purchase that new bedroom plaything, it's the Mac users who spend more money on average to secure the perfect object to to stick inside themselves. (We just hope it's compatible!)

So what does it all mean? Are Windows users practical, thrifty consumers or indecisive cheapskates? Are Macheads richer and hornier than your average shopper or do they simply get off on paying extra money to own any new gadget with a shiny surface? And Linux users? You don't even want to know what those freaks are into ...

· Mac v Windows: Who Spends The Most on Sex Toys? (lovehoney.co.uk)
· Thumbnail of the one thing we can all agree on, Gianna Michaels (via danni.com, via kellyfind.com)

. . .

· Nerd Girl X (nerdgirlx.com)
· Fleshbot Exclusive: Nerd Girl X Gallery (fleshbot.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Revenge Of The Nerdcore Babes, More Nerdcore: Naked Gamers, Linux Sluts Gallery, Geek Pron 3.0, Geek Fantasies, Naked Czech Computer Geeks, Spanking Perl Geek Girls, Hot Circuit Porn

· NUDAR - GPS for Strip Clubs & Nudity (nudar.com)

Lisa Sparxxx is still going strong after four days of signing. Here's hoping her wrists are as strong as her fans'.

These are the stairs that lead from the convention floor to the dungeon-level press room. If we never climb them again, it will be too soon.

Yes, these dudes are riding Segways. Well, that's one way to navigate the avalanche of humanity.

Just hours ago, this was the world headquarters of sex toys. We'll understand if you want to cry now.

Tyler Hope's Pets: A island of cuddly in a sea full of filth.

Oh, Savanna. So close, yet so far away ... Maybe next year.

· G4 TV (g4tv.com)

Previously: Nerdcore Calendar 2008: Sexy (And Naked) Heroes And Villains

So you can understand why our jaws dropped in amazement at this "Controlled Sensations" computer operated bondage station. Not content to merely build a sturdy table for BDSM play and then rig it up with half a dozen or so vibrating and electro-stim devices, the whole thing is also wired up to a laptop computer that can control the entire buzzing and shocking experience, even running preprogrammed erotic scenarios. It's billed as the perfect gift for the "lazy top" who loves to mess with their willing slave, but doesn't have the energy to do much more than push a few buttons. We can't even imagine the effort that went into designing and constructing this funhouse contraption (even the highly-detailed online instructions are exhausting) but we tip our hat to the evil mastermind who was clever enough to pull it off. We think this is one household gadget where you definitely should read manual.

· Controlled Sensations: A Computer Controlled Bondage (tpe.com, via Slashdong)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Electrical Silicone Cock Ring Set, Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Electrosex Plug (Or, Fun With 'Trodes!)

· Nerdcore #8: Sexy half-naked women with videogames (destructoid.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Return of the Nerdcore Babes, More Nerdcore: Naked Gamers

Olivia Munn holds a strange power over the geeks of the world. As co-host of G4's "Attack of the Show!" she comes into their homes to tease them with informed talk of video games, sci-fi movies, and comic books and just generally frustrates them with her nerdy hotness. The upside (or maybe downside for her) is that any time she does anything remotely sexy—like say, dress up as Wonder Woman or Princess Leia—fanboys everywhere go into spasm of joy and start flooding teh internets (and our inbox) with tributes. Not that we're complaining about having to watch slow motion remixes of Miss Olivia swallowing an airborne hot dog slathered in mustard. There just aren't a lot of girls out there who could wear the crown of "wiener champion" so effortlessly.

· Video via G4TV (g4tv.com)

More Olivi-mania after the jump.

- - -

· Fünf Pittoresken For Piano Documentation (YouTube)
· Olivia Munn Almost Takes Down A Wiener Whole (hollywoodtuna.com)
· Olivia Munn Deep Throats a Wiener, Doesn't Swallow (egotastic.com)

- - -

· Olivia Munn as Wonder Woman (YouTube)

· Math Bus (sxswclick.com)
· See also: That Other Site

We may not be as big gaming geeks as some people we know, but we have spent our fair share of time on digital foolishness over the years ... and it probably won't come as much of a surprise to know that our favorite title of all time is Tomb Raider. We'll give you two guesses as to why that is (hint: it has something to do with Lara Croft), though we've also been captivated by the game's marketing strategy over the years —especially when it involved real-life, flesh and blood babes who were hired to strut around in Lara's trademarked hot pants and skintight tank tops. (The whole "hot chick with guns" vibe didn't hurt either.) Believe it or not, it's been over a decade since the first volume in the long-running series was released and everyone has 10th anniversary fever these days (even though it's actually been 11 years); from the developer who is releasing an updated edition of the original game next week to the kind folks who brought many of those babes together for a new latex-y photo shoot, you can cut the nostalgia with a knife. We prefer to remember Lara in a different context , though: the naked state that nearly all of her real world avatars like Rhona Mitra, Nell McAndrew and Lucy Clarkson usually ended up in at some point. We guess we're just sentimental fools that way.

· Lara Croft Model Reunion (ign.com)
· Lara Croft Nude Pics: Lucy Clarkson, Nell McAndrew, Rhona Mitra, etc. (toxicmagazine.com)
· More Nell McAndrew (comicbookhotties.com)
· Tomb Raider (Wikipedia)
· Kotaku's Lara Croft coverage

Previously: Ava And Mia Do "Halo 3", Top Ten Video Game Boobies, Return of the Nerdcore Babes, Sneak Peek: Playboy's "Women of Video Games", Exclusive: Hannah Harper Does "Whorecraft"

We object to the title given to this video identifying the blowjob giver as a "nerd." Just because she's wearing glasses? Not that we object to the label—obviously nerds will always hold a special place in our heart—but why so quick to judge? We don't know much about Carly Moore's extracurricular personality or interests, and we would never assume that she has any nerd tendencies simply because her vision is a little fuzzy. Unless the uploader is implying that her performance in this clips shows that she is a nerd about blowjobs ... in which case, yeah ... we can totally see that.

- - -

· Nerdy Chick Gives Head (shufuni.com)
· Carly Moore (carlymoore.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

· January 31 is the absolute last day for sexy 2007 calendars, so the Girls of the University of Illinois Engineering Department just barely got in under the wire. They were probably too busy erecting structures or making test tubes overflow or something. (girlsofengineering.com)

· We have not yet received our Asscademy Award, but it's a honor just to be nominated—even if we could do without all the turd jokes. (celebritybuttplugs.com)

· Ah, the old "burn a penis drawing into your school's yard with weed killer" gag never gets old, does it? Oh, wait ... yes it does. (sky.com + Boing Boing)

· A new survey says that rich people have better sex, proving once and for all that money can buy happiness. (Like there was ever any doubt?) (foxnews.com)

· Raid my strip club and charge the dancers with prostitution once, shame on you. Raid my strip club twice ... what the hell kind strip club are you running over there? (thesmokinggun.com)

· ABC News says porn won't settle the format war between HD-DVD and Blu-Ray. We bet they have a lot of fun trying, though. (abcnews.go.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives