Fleshbot: nerds

Popshots of the Week! Cheeks And Geeks Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:00:00 EST

Pockets of Porno-Americans popped up across the Los Angeles Basin this week to tweak the bums of supervllains, run in traffic, and get their asses beat with crops and flanges. More than anything, it reminded us that an open bar and Bobbi Starr go great together.

Lest you thought you were watching yet another reason for the mothballing of Guantanamo Bay, the mass ass-presentation of (from left) Ava Rose, Bobbi Starr, Bree Olson, Trinity Post, and Mika Tan to the cruel whips of Nina Hartley and Claire Adams that led this story was in honor of the release of "O2: The Surrender of O."

Here Adams scandalizes the proper Hartley with some ribaldry.

At the Webmaster Access West convention, an annual get-together of Internet nerds who happen to own the porn industry, The Internet's Ashley Steele poses with two eskimo girls from the affiliate program Flashcash. Who cares if she can't see Russia from her house?

Then Bobbi Starr returned at Hollywood's Golden Apple Comics to launch Nerdcore's 2009 calendar (she's Miss November). As you can see, here she is attempting to fist the Silver Surfer.

Finally, we caught geektrix extraordinaire Justine Joli trying to leave the city of Los Angeles. "If you try to keep me," she did not say, "you never really had me."

Because everyone else is doing it, the next...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 10:45:21 EDT

Because everyone else is doing it, the next version of Firefox will contain a "private mode" for all your porn browsing needs. (Although true Mozilla fans know that this has been possible for awhile now.) Of course, we don't understand why you would want to erase your porn surfing history anyway—how would you remember where are all the best smut is? (techcrunch.com)

Advance tickets are on sale now for the...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:15:45 EDT

Advance tickets are on sale now for the Arse Elektronika conference in San Francisco later this month. You know—the one where nerds and geeks gather to build their own kooky DIY machines and then fuck them? (monochrom.at)

Flesh Flicks: Revenge Of The Nerd

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:00:00 EDT

Nerds! They never know how to say the right thing around women. Take this guy in the glasses—the specs clearly indicate that he is "complete nurd," of course—who simply tries to say something instructive (i.e., nerdy) to this young woman, but of course he says it in the wrong language and offends her. Her only recourse is to fuck his brains out, because nerds are afraid of sex, so that's really the only way to teach them a lesson. It's true! The next time a nerd says something awkward to your face, give him (or her) some head and you'll find they change their tune pretty darn quick.

. . .

· "beauty and the 'nurd'" (Megarotic)

If Iron Man, The Hulk, Batman, Hellboy,...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:10:00 EDT

If Iron Man, The Hulk, Batman, Hellboy, Indiana Jones, Maxwell Smart, and Carrie Bradshaw can't satisfy your superhero fix this summer, here's one more thing that might help: 50 pictures of hot chicks dressed like Wonder Woman. Trust us, though—that "tie me up with your golden lasso!" pickup line never works. (bamkapow.com)

"A Series Of Controversial Dildonics": Think Globally, Fap Locally

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:45:48 EDT

San Francisco's annual Arse Elektronika events sees the sexiest of the geeky (or the geekiest of the sexy) trying to outnerd each other with fabulous sexual inventions that are impractical, implausible, and exactly what you want for Christmas. It's also a great way for tinkerers of this sort to experiment with new and wacky ideas. Like, say, a vibrator that's hooked up to the U.S. Geological Survey and only buzzes when there's an earthquake somewhere in the world: you just plug it in, turn it on, and ... wait for a completely unpredictable natural disaster! Only trouble is that when your own "Big One" finally arrives, it's tempered by the realization that a building might have collapsed somewhere with people trapped inside. Talk about a buzzkill.

If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

The Teeny Weeny USB drive would the perfect...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:20:56 EDT

The Teeny Weeny USB drive would the perfect place to hide your porn if your porn collection didn't require more hard drive space than the Library of Congress. And you can save the jokes about "pulling out early," because they made that one already. (teenyweenydrive.com)

Ignorance Is (Literally) Bliss?

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:40:29 EDT

Researchers say that smart girls don't have as many orgasms because they over-think everything. Or maybe dumb girls are just so happy to get laid that they don't know the difference? (thesun.co.uk)

"The Uncanny Valley": Why Porn Video Games Suck

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:15:23 EDT

As readers of this site know all too well, there have been many, many, many attempts to meld interactive video games with hardcore porn, and despite the occasional interesting result it's been pretty much a total failure. Why is this such an impossible task? (Besides a lack of money, creativity and raw computing power?) It has to do with a little rule of animation and robotics known as the "Uncanny Valley." What is that exactly? Well, last week's episode of "30 Rock" provided the clearest, most succinct explanation of the concept that we've heard yet—by breaking it down into a "Star Wars" metaphor, of course. See why your dream of fighting off an alien invasion while boning 3-D Hillary Scott clones is never meant to be.

· 30 Rock (full episode @ hulu.com)
· Uncanny Valley (Wikipedia)

Steampunk Masturbation: Jerkin' It Very Old School

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:08:42 EDT

Are you familiar with that whole "steampunk" thing all the kidz are talking about? If so, congratulations—you're a nerd! Fortunately, we love nerds around here and that's why this video tickled (or maybe abused) our various bones. For the uninitiated, steampunk fans are into reading and writing about and even building old-timey technological contraptions that may not be as convenient or cheap (or useful) as your fancy modern doo-dads, but they sure look cool on a shelf in the den. (If you still don't get it, read more Boing Boing.) Well, online nerd leader Merlin Mann has taken this aesthetic to its logical conclusion,with his own homemade steampunk onanism device, modeled after the "masturbatory sketchbook" of H.G. Wells (the "Leonardo Da Vinci" of jerking off). Yes, it's expensive and heavy and very, very painful to use, but fapping with this will make you so totally punk! Steampunk that is! Dig the old world, "artis-anal" craftsmanship below.

. . .

· Steampunk DIY from Merlin Mann (vimeo.com)
· Merlin Mann on Steampunk Masturbatory Devices (coilhouse.net - thanks Molly!)

P.S. Yes, he's kidding.

Scientists discover that most technological...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 10:21:07 EST

Scientists discover that most technological advances develop because somebody, somewhere just wanted to get off. One doc says: "Nothing shocks me now, although I'm frequently surprised at how ingenious people are in order to obtain sexual satisfaction." To which we say ... um, duh. (vnunet.com)

Mac Or Windows: Who Spends The Most On Sex Gadgets?

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:08:23 EST

Because Fleshbot staff meetings frequently devolve into all-out flogging battles over who is running the superior operating system on their laptop, we often wonder which brand of computer attracts the kinkiest, freakiest and perviest users. Well, UK sex toy emporium LoveHoney decided to find out through a totally scientific study of their online customer base. The verdict?

Windows PC users rack up way more page views per visit, which means they take their time to peruse as many options as possible when browsing for vibrators, dildos and the like. However, when it comes time to plunk down the credit card and actually purchase that new bedroom plaything, it's the Mac users who spend more money on average to secure the perfect object to to stick inside themselves. (We just hope it's compatible!)

So what does it all mean? Are Windows users practical, thrifty consumers or indecisive cheapskates? Are Macheads richer and hornier than your average shopper or do they simply get off on paying extra money to own any new gadget with a shiny surface? And Linux users? You don't even want to know what those freaks are into ...

· Mac v Windows: Who Spends The Most on Sex Toys? (lovehoney.co.uk)
· Thumbnail of the one thing we can all agree on, Gianna Michaels (via danni.com, via kellyfind.com)

Exclusive: Nerd Girl X Talks Nerdy To Us

Violet Blue — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:02:23 EST

There's no shortage of 1337 lust around the sekrit underground Fleshbot colo where we keep the fembot interns in training, but give us a little whiff of explicit girly geekery and we're all over that nerd babe action almost faster than the girls at Nerd Girl X can make a resplendently retro joystick disappear. Oh, and they've also got cute geek lust comics, articles, a shop, and a roster of girls who think geek in creative sets from games to cosplay. We made some small talk with the h4wt amateur paysite about port sniffing and exchanging packets, and got an exclusive gallery just for you, after the jump. (And if you didn't understand much of what I just wrote, just go look at the nerdy hotties sharing all their warez with us after the jump.)

. . .

· Nerd Girl X (nerdgirlx.com)
· Fleshbot Exclusive: Nerd Girl X Gallery (fleshbot.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Revenge Of The Nerdcore Babes, More Nerdcore: Naked Gamers, Linux Sluts Gallery, Geek Pron 3.0, Geek Fantasies, Naked Czech Computer Geeks, Spanking Perl Geek Girls, Hot Circuit Porn

If you've ever wondered what it takes to...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 10:01:01 EST

If you've ever wondered what it takes to work your way into the pants of certain Fleshbot contributors, here's a hint—find your local Apple store ... fast. (Don't worry, Windows fans. Some of us are still PC compatible.) (Gizmodo)

Nudar: GPS For Boobies

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:30:02 EST

We've all been there before—driving down a lonely highway in the middle of night, not really sure where you are or if you have enough gas to make it to the next station, when suddenly a beacon rises above the horizon signaling the oasis you've been searching for: "Strip Club. Next Exit." But in this interconnected, wi-fi, super-surveyed world, why go through all that stress? Nudar wants to take the pain away by mapping the world ... the strip club world. They want to build a database of any place on Earth where you can find bare boobs—wet t-shirt bars, nude beaches, New Orleans—and then send that data to you anywhere in the world via your GPS device. It's like the tits come to you! Plus, this way when you run out of singles and end up face down in the parking lot, your loved ones will know where to come pick you up.

· NUDAR - GPS for Strip Clubs & Nudity (nudar.com)

We're pretty much dyed-in-the-latex, nerdc0re...

Violet Blue — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 11:31:33 EST

We're pretty much dyed-in-the-latex, nerdc0re leg humpers and geek-lusters around these parts, so we're lees impartial to judge when an olde-skool nerd posts to Craigslist for a little companionship. Unless it's a spoof, but we're not so sure... Though we hope Mr. Stallman finds the free (extra soft) software sweetie he desires with all the necessary ports and apps, regardless. (boston.craigslist.org)

Postcards From Las Vegas: Saying Goodbye To All That

Dashiell Bennett — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 18:14:20 EST

As Saturday afternoon fades into Saturday night pre-Awards show madness, the AVN Expo takes on a certain lugubrious quality. Booths are starting to come down, pornstars and fans (and press) are worn down, and things are winding down for our 2008 coverage. Don't be too sad—there's still lots more to come, both from the Awards show itself and our grab bag of leftover goodies, but for now we'll leave you with these parting shots from the convention hall. We've lost some of our good health, probably a bit of our sanity, and all sense of time and space (it is still January, right?) from spending the last four days in this climate-controlled fleshy wonderland ... but we wouldn't have passed up this weekend for all the melon spray in the world. We hope the big winner was you.

Lisa Sparxxx is still going strong after four days of signing. Here's hoping her wrists are as strong as her fans'.

These are the stairs that lead from the convention floor to the dungeon-level press room. If we never climb them again, it will be too soon.

Yes, these dudes are riding Segways. Well, that's one way to navigate the avalanche of humanity.

Just hours ago, this was the world headquarters of sex toys. We'll understand if you want to cry now.

Tyler Hope's Pets: A island of cuddly in a sea full of filth.

Oh, Savanna. So close, yet so far away ... Maybe next year.

Oh, Brandi Belle ... thank you for making...

Jonnobot — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 12:16:12 EST

Oh, Brandi Belle ... thank you for making many a skinny geeky nerd guy's fantasy come true this holiday season. If only we shared a locker room with gals like you and your friends when we were in school, we totally would've dropped the soap in the shower a lot more often. (brandibelle.com, via yourdirtymind.com)

Here's a nice collection of all the incredibly...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:24:29 EST

Here's a nice collection of all the incredibly hot (and occasionally green) women who probably made out with Captain Kirk on the original Star Trek series. Now you know why sexually frustrated nerds are so sexually frustrated. (Flickr, via Boing Boing)

Can you really trademark the term NSFW?...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:39:43 EST

Can you really trademark the term NSFW? It doesn't really matter to us either way, because if you're reading this right now you've probably already been fired. (Valleywag)