· We've haven't seen Daisy Fuentes in awhile, maybe because she's too busy getting drunk in the ocean. She's definitely no sea cow. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Let's say you open a salon where scantily-clad ladies cut hair in sexy outfits. Well, this is the worst that can happen. (alliednews.com)

· Hooters is now 25 years old, so come on down and bring the kids!. When they say one big happy family, they mean it. (ajc.com)

· Some Malaysians don't mind the sports car racing, but aren't so keen on the ever-present racing babes. Sorry, you can't have one without the other. (thestar.com.my)

· Nudist recreation is now more popular than golf or tennis. Probably because you don't have to wear those ugly shirts. (azcentral.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Michelle Marsh will have to get back to you soon, because she has quite a lot on her hands right now. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com)

· LAist was not impressed by Erotica LA. What was the problem? Too many pornstars or not enough shoulder stink? (laist.com)

· What's the weirdest part of this story? That male and female inmates are housed side-by-side, that they were able cut a hole in their cell walls so they could "join" each other, or that prisoners apparently have unlimited access to pancake batter? That last bit doesn't make it as kinky as it should be, either. (newsday.com)

· We don't care what you're selling, there's no such thing as a gratuitous bikini model. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks are the world's sexiest vegetarians, but we still don't understand how could anyone turn down a piece of hot beef. (chron.com)

· Internet speeds in the US lag far behind other industrialized nations. It's hard to sleep at night knowing our porn should be arriving faster than it is. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Believe it or not, we don't have any photos of a famous celebrity on a beach in a bikini today. (Did they close the ocean or something?) So here's Vida Guerra in her underwear instead. We hope you can forgive us. (dailypoa.com)

· A man in England was arrested for having sex with a bike. Don't ask us ... we don't know how that would work either. (sundaymail.co.uk)

· Good news for those of you about to be sent to prison in Sweden—you can still get porn while you're in there. We'll send you some cookies, too. (thelocal.se)

· Art helps explains why "naked" and "nude" are not the same thing. They both involve tits though, right? (telegraph.co.uk)

· It's ok to use condoms for disease prevention, but don't tell anyone that they also prevent pregnancy. Because that's the kind of thing you should figure out through trial and error. (nytimes.com, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

· Britain wants to adopt a ratings system for the internet, since the one they have for movies works so well. We'll hold open the exit door for you. (contractoruk.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Demi Moore's is careful to cover her head, but can't be bothered to cover her nipples. We think she made the right decision. (egotastic.com)

· A city attorney steals a work laptop carrying important legal documents? Big deal. The laptop is filled with porn, you say? Sound the media alarm! (rockymountainnews.com)

· New Jersey wants to put a "porn zone" for adult businesses near the Meadowlands Sports Complex and based on the quotes from concerned citizens, they are also planning to place this zone in the 1950s. If they have their "druthers," that is. (northjersey.com)

· There are a lot of ways to get hurt on the job, but a sex worker getting workman's comp after the client who hired her drove their car in to a gully is a pretty unique one. (nzherald.co.nz)

· An infection chain is redirecting several hundred pornography URLs to Mpack tool kit servers which uses a FRAME manager to automate malware attacks from compromised domains. Go find a nerd and have him explain that to you. (computerworld.com)

· In a delightful twist on your typical air rage incident, an Indian man took off all his clothes and danced in the aisles of a Thai Airways flight. It's was probably better than whatever crappy movie they were showing. (bangkokpost.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Keeley Hazell has returned to class the joint up a little bit. We could use a little refinement, actually. (thumblogger.com)

· Even though China has officially "banned" them, Chinese-language porn sites are still raking in the dough. It's almost like the internet has a mind of it's own. (pcw.co.uk)

· Would you like to read the "filthiest criminal complaint ever filed"? Who knew the FBI had such nasty writers? (thesmokinggun.com)

· NPR commentator Frank DeFord says if "feather-brained" men had their sports pages taken away, they'd probably just turn their attention to porn. Yikes ... hopefully those Deadspin commenters can't figure out where we are. (newsbusters.org)

· Why would people get so angry with Family Video for having a back-room adult section? Oh, right ... the whole "family" thing. (dailyherald.com)

· A "hillside artist" is painting a "tasteful nude" on the grass alongside Hwy. 20 in Oregon. In other news, car crashes and traffic jams will soon shut down Hwy. 20 in Oregon. (kgw.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Who is Natasha Hamilton? She probably sings or something, but let's face it ... topless beach pictures are the real music to our ears. Or eyes. Whatever. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The Brazilian soccer community is up in arms over the news that a female referee will pose for Playboy. We're shocked too—Brazilian soccer has female referees? (news.com.au)

· Finally, here's one airline confirmation code you'll never have to write down. (Boing Boing)

· Rooftop sex sounds exciting, but please take precautions or you'll end up like this unfortunate couple. (Classy headline by the way, Boston Herald.) (wistv.com + bostonherald.com)

· Why would China possibly want to censor Flickr? Oh, right ... that whole Tiananmen Square thing. (cnn.com)

· Searching for porn is no longer a ticket to a computer infected with malware. Searching for unicorns? You're on your own. (informationweek.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Joanna Krupa is a Polish model starring in an Australian magazine, which might make some Americans question their own patriotism. Should we get the U.N. involved? (dailypoa.com)

· A new study says that when shown pictures of couples having sex, men stare at women's faces and it's the women who stare at the naughty bits. We don't know how they figured this out, but those scientists might want to check their machines. (forbes.com)

· Oh noes!!1! A local weathergirl traffic reporter may have posed nude for Playboy six years ago! What will all the little traffic fans think! (postchronicle.com)

· We're all in favor of masturbation, but when you persist in doing it after being stabbed, it might be time to admit you have a problem. (theage.com.au)

· A judge orders a California strip club to stop offering nude dancing. Can you order a rainbow to stop being colorful? (knbc.com)

· Not surprisingly, most parents would support new limits on sex and violence in the media, but they've also deluded themselves into thinking that they know what they're kids are watching. They're so adorable at this age, aren't they? (cnn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Meet Sarita Stella, yet another Australian model for you to keep an eye on. We might need a scorecard to keep them all straight. (dailypoa.com)

· Could Riga, Latvia, become the next Bangkok? We hear their Thai restaurants aren't that good, actually. (theage.com.au)

· A female bomoh (or shaman) in Malaysia is causing a bit of a stir with her unusual "healing methods." We don't see what the problem is—nude dancing usually works great for our headaches. (thestar.com.my)

· In case you haven't noticed, Americans are a little uptight about nude bodies. Plus, we wrap our cheese in those crazy individual slices. (pittsburghlive.com)

· When even an innocent search for a job turns up "gay sexual things", you know that teh internets cannot be trusted. (kern.org)

· It doesn't get much hotter than trading anal sex for a nice set of vertical blinds. Welcome to married life! (Jezebel)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· First Lucy Pinder is naked, then she's not, then she is, then she's not again. All this back and forth is making us dizzy. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Does porn make society more misogynistic or does a misogynistic society get the porn it deserves? Only the makers of "Donkey Punch" know for sure. (imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

· Good news! "Mooning" is not considered indecent exposure in Salem, Oregon, although maybe strippers should keep their shows inside the strip club just for safety's sake. (katu.com)

· A woman says she was hired by "political enemies" to seduce the mayor of Jackson, Tennessee, and get it all on film. Who says local politics isn't exciting? (jacksonsun.com)

· Back in our day, we would have never broken into our high school and put porn on our teacher's computers. Probably because when we were in high school, computers hadn't been invented yet. (mainetoday.com)

· Are you looking for a foolproof, software-free method that will help you avoid internet porn? Try throwing your computer out the window and never going online again. (washingtonpost.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's a virtual certainty that we'll be writing about Gemma Atkinson's bikini calendar come December, but you can get a preview of it right now. Try to guess which suit will be October. (dailypoa.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Two adult DVD distributors get busted for obscenity, because of the movies they sell, "none of the three films has a plot line." If that's the standard for arrest, why are the makers of "Fantastic Four" still walking the streets? (sltrib.com)

· Even rich and powerful people get destroyed by porn, which is weird because you'd think they could pay someone to destroy their life for them. (denverpost.com)

· Harry Reems looks back on the good old days of alcohol and homelessness. Oh wait ... yeah, he's probably much better off now. (channel4.com)

· Breaking: Men and women learn a lot about the opposite sex when they date one member of it for an extended period of time. They also learn how to fight over morning bathroom privileges. (gainesville.com)

· A judge orders man not to have girlfriend for the next three years. A) You can do that? B) We have some material that might help him through this tough time. (ap.org)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· This is either Petra Nemcova topless on a runway or someone doesn't know how to handle their crayons. Actually, it might be both. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Porn-for-Father's-Day.com sounds like an awesome place to get gift ideas, but it's really just a scam put on by the ironically-named, anti-porn XXX Church. Those guys are more sinister than that Nigerian king who was going to give me all his money. (kentucky.com)

· A naked couple gets cited for "embracing" while driving. So is that what the kids are calling blowjobs these days? (thenewstribune.com)

· A woman is Seattle is running for city council so she can put a stop to nude statues. Crime, taxes and all that boring stuff will have to wait. (seattleweekly.com)

· News flash: Women like to watch porn too. It's like we're having déjà vu or something. (metro.co.uk)

· The Canadian town of Delta wants to ban all adult entertainment. The citizens are still allowed to think about sex, right? (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Venzeulan beauty queen Aida Yespica puts on quite a show, especially when she isn't wearing a shirt. She should still learn to use her hands more. (dailypoa.com)

· A moratorium on new strip clubs in Seattle has finally been lifted after 18 years. Seattle's 18-year-olds will never know what they were missing. (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

· Meanwhile, Cleveland's mayor want to build a "strip club district", where horny bachelor party attendees can gather en masse. We hope there are enough $1 bills to go around. (cleveland.com)

· A new survey says that carpenters and other "tradies" do better than white collar workers when it comes to getting dates, although we think the investment bankers and their million dollar bonuses do alright for themselves. (news.com.au)

· Italian sex bomb Monica Bellucci says that "Beauty has no laws," which is too bad because her body should be illegal.

· Art folks are buzzing over the painting of a naked lady found underneath a famous Australian masterpiece. Boy, everybody has to keep their boobie pictures hidden, don't they? (news.com.au)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When you're Kelly Brook, summer is not a vacation—it's bikini calendar photoshoot season. She makes a lot of sacrifices for her art. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Speaking of bikini season, beach volleyball is back! Just think of all the ass you'll get to drool over between now and Labor Day. (hateon.blogspot.com)

· We have a lot of fun with those Maxim Hot 100 lists, but some girls don't take so kindly to being graded like produce. Especially when they're aren't graded high enough. (theshowbizshow.com)

· Rachel Kramer Bussel asks "Is There Such a Thing as 'Porn for Women?' They're in pretty much all the porn we see ... what else do you need? (huffingtonpost.com)

· We guess naked women bathing in milk and honey isn't standard operating practice in Pittsburgh. Too bad for them. (post-gazette.com)

· New Jersey joins the list of states looking to clamp down on strip clubs and adult stores. We guess that makes all of them. (avn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A filly may have won the big horse race this weekend, but Michelle Marsh would prefer to be the one doing the riding. Is she hiring stable boys? (dailypoa.com)

· The Australian Government issued a warning to Penthouse for publishing photos that "emphasized genitals," to which Penthouse replied, "Umm ... duh?" (xbiz.com)

· The New York State Bar Association was all excited to have a "sexual empowerment consultant" speak at their divorce lawyer meeting, until they found out she was ex-pornstar Sydnee Steele. What exactly did they think a "sexual empowerment consultant" does? (wsj.com)

· A few museum patrons were quite upset to learn that Marilyn Monroe once posed for naked photos. Wait until they hear about what happened to President Kennedy. (wkyc.com + daytondailynews.com)

· Brooklyn, Missouri, is the little town that could—thanks to four strip clubs, a massage parlor and an adult bookstore that keep the place alive. It's just like the movie "It's A Wonderful Life," isn't it? (stltoday.com)

· What if they gave out adult awards and none of the winners came to pick them up? Can they still put them on their mantle? (adultfyi.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When Jenny McCarthy goes to the beach, there's a pretty good chance you're going to see some nipples. Of course, you get to see Jim Carrey's nipples too, but that's the price you have to pay. (celebslam.com)

· If you would like to see the nude parts of the angel painting at this London gallery, you have to ask nicely. Of course, then everyone will know about your angel fetish, but that's the price you have to pay. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· Women are from Venus, men are just trying to get laid. Let's all work together, people. (theglobeandmail.com)

· A teaching candidate is having trouble getting a job because of his "association" with porn. He was also somehow involved with the FBI, which might be more damaging to his credibility. (xbiz.com)

· Fertility rates are way up in the UK, which can only be good news for the booming MILF industry. (guardian.co.uk)

· The wizards behind the "Creation Museum" are a little peeved to learn that the guy playing Adam in the Garden of Eden is a fan of drag queens and free love. Also, it turns out that he was not actually made out of dust. (sfgate.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Katie "Jordan" Price is a loose woman. What? She's the one planning to get her hoo-ha tightened after her baby is born. Was that more than you needed to know? (celebnewswire.com + tmz.com; thumbnail via taxidrivermovie.com)

· President Bush's new Surgeon General nominee is a good doctor. He even knows how the boy parts and girl parts fit together! (abcnews.go.com)

· June is National Internet Safety Month, so try not to slip and fall while surfing the web in the shower or something. (blorge.com)

· USA Today scrambles to keep up with The New York Times, and their story about the internet vs. DVDs. We're starting to think porn isn't the only business that's in trouble. (usatoday.com)

· Does porn really empower women? Again, with the Naked News! The internet does have more than one website, you know. (scrippsnews.com)

· Kanye West is so upset about missing the AVN Awards, he wrote a song about it. Imagine how distraught he would be if he'd actually been there. (avn.com)

· Go to an illegal porn theater in India, get free condoms. Everybody wins ... except for the people who will probably get busted for running an illegal porn theater. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Newspapers and websites appeal to the lowest common denominator and use cheap, tawdry tactics to grab attention. In other news, look at these tits! (brisbanetimes.com.au)

· No, really: look at these tits. Though the asses ain't bad either. (Michelle Marsh and Lindsey Anne Strutt @ dailyniner.com)

· An elementary school discovers the hard way that their educational videos were recorded over someone's used porn tapes. That's just good recycling. (wsls.com)

· Since the weather is finally pleasant around here, how about some nude gardening? Your thumb won't be the only thing that's green ... wink, wink. (earthtimes.org)

· A New York man is suing the makers of a health drink because he says it gave him a permanent erection. To be fair, it was called Boost Plus. (news.com.au)

· Letter to the Editor of the Day: "Our culture is on the skids!" You say that like it's a bad thing. (mainetoday.com)

· Remember the "Rad Girls"? Well, they may think subway pole dancing is a great "prank," but it's a lot tamer than what we saw on our commute this morning. Don't worry, they still managed to work farting in there. (maximonline.com)

* * * * *
Thumbnail boobies courtesy Ashley Robbins (bustycafe.net)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Congratulations, fellow countrymen: "Americans are the greatest downloaders of porn." U.S.A.! U.S.A.! (news.com.au)

· It's okay though, because music websites are a much greater security risk to your computer than porn websites, mostly due to the increased chance you'll accidentally download the new Linkin Park album. (earthtimes.org)

· Michelle Marsh is doing whatever it is Michelle Marsh does, which naturally involves some kind of bikini. It's what some people like to call a comfort zone. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· What's the best way to let British Prime Minister Tony Blair know what you think of his foreign policy? Why, a nude drawing of him and his wife, of course. It's better than writing a letter. (upi.com)

· Prostitutes in Vancouver need safer places to live and work. Have they tried Seattle? (cbc.ca)

· It could be worse—they could be in South Africa where workers there say they are too tired to even have sex. On a completely unrelated note, are bloggers allowed to go on strike? (reuters.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Is Brooke Burke supposed to look like this just a few weeks after having had a baby? She must have had her skin replaced by spandex. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· Spencer Tunick shot yet another series of mass nude portraits in Amsterdam this weekend just a few weeks after his gigantic spectacle in Mexico. Give the naked people a rest, will ya? (cbc.ca + tv3.co.nz)

· Speaking of nude photos, portraits of Kate Moss in the buff were auctioned off for £185,000, which is roughly 184,950 pounds more than her body weight. (femalefirst.co.uk)

· Larry Flynt wants the dirt on your local Congressman ... again. Has anyone noticed that this guy is kind of obsessed with sex? (tvguide.com)

· Are you or someone you know suffering from that most horrible of afflictions: sleep sex? How are you supposed to brag about all the nookie you're getting if you can't even remember it? (foxnews.com + usnews.com)

· Man, Google really is trying to take over the world. Even Ceiling Cat has been assimilated. (erosblog.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We were wondering whatever became of Lara and the porn company that stole her online photos, until Violet Blue got some answers using ... what's the word? Oh, right ... journalism. We'll have to try that sometime. (sfgate.com)

· Breaking: Pornstars seen partying in Los Angeles to celebrate the release of Winkytiki's "Man's Ruin". What will they think of next? (laist.com; more @ Flickr)

· A contestant on the UK version of "The Apprentice" has been conveniently "caught" having sex in a field with a married man. It's almost like she went on a reality show just for the publicity! (dailymail.co.uk)

· Did you know that 2.4% of all pornstars use the world Lexus in their names? And Toyota would like a word with them? (freep.com)

· Everyone thinks it's cute when a guy dressed as Elvis runs for city council and promises to turn the town square into a nudist swimming pool. Until he wins, that is. (stuff.co.nz)

· Lubbock County, Texas, is made safe for nude dancing once again. We wonder if the Lone Ranger had anything to do with it. (kcbd.com)

· Have you noticed that sex is like ... everywhere these days? Yeah, us neither. (winnipegsun.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives