Fleshbot: mondo boobo

New Book Does Not Make Us Think About Breasts At All

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 10:45:00 EDT

A new photo book called "One-Track Mind" claims to offer "a revealing insight into the obsessed minds of men," but frankly ... we don't get it. How can you learn anything about men just by looking at pictures of nice round objects that maybe have little protuberances on the end of them? What the heck are they trying to say? Just because the world is filled with round heaving bumps that cleave together in pairs and tantalizingly glisten as they rise and fall with each passionate breath, that doesn't have anything to us. It sounds like a pretty silly idea for a boob ... er, book.

· One-Track Mind (creativereview.co.uk)
· One Track Mind by Tony Davidson (Amazon.co.uk)

When Stocks Drop, Tops Don't Pop

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:20:06 EDT

We already knew that it's been a rather slow summer for topless beach shenanigans from our usually reliable celebrity sun worshipers. Well, now we finally have an explanation. It's the economy stupid! Yes, some super smart French guy has determined that a) women are less likely than usual to whip 'em out on his nation's famous topless beaches, and that b) the reason is a lack of confidence in the economy. It's all related to a well-established economic principle that women dress more provocatively when the stock market is doing well. The always classy Daily Mail puts it a bit less delicately, but the message is simple: Forget jobs, gas prices and trade deficits, we need to get people back to work on our topless beaches! (dailymail.co.uk)

An Ode To The "Treasure Chests"

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:50:17 EDT

Some of you may have a dirty old uncle who likes to sit you down on a rainy afternoon and tell you dirty limericks about women with three breasts, or maybe boobs that sprout somewhere below the belly button. The poetry might be hilarious—but of course you didn't think creatures like that actually existed, right? Turns out that you were wrong: back in the 1960s, two enterprising wordsmiths compiled a book called (what else) "Treasure Chests" which contained photos of these unique specimens along with poems explaining their stories. After looking through the entire thing online, we're convinced these fantastical females really do exist somewhere. After all, good old Uncle Bruce wouldn't lie to us, would he?

· "Treasure Chests" (landoftuh.com, via ponyXpress)

Stefany Hohnjec Will Tumble For Ya

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:50:13 EDT

Does this look like the body of a gymnast? Well, it used to be back when Stefany Hohnjec was a champion in rhythmic gymnastics, but then something funny happened—she kinda grew up. Blossomed, so to speak. She got juggs. Huge ones. 42FF, to be more precise. As you can imagine, they kind of get in the way when tumbling and jumping, although staring at them is kind of rhythmic in its own way. Fortunately, Stefany has found other pursuits, such as modeling and acting, where her new "talents" are better appreciated. Don't you just love stories with a happy ending?

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· Stefany Hohnjec (YouTube, via xfanz.com)
· Stefany Hohnjec gallery (klik.hr)

Previously: Flexible Girl Megagallery: Bow Down To The Bendiness, Nude Yoga: Get Bent (Into Shape), Flesh Flicks Classic Edition: Naked Romanian Gymnasts Forever!

Ok, Zoo Weekly is just toying with us now....

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 15:11:34 EDT

Ok, Zoo Weekly is just toying with us now. They've put all their Keeley Hazell content into one easy to digest package, which is just begging for us to turn our obsession into a full-blown mental disorder. Must ... not ... surrender ... oh, what the hell. (zooweekly.co.uk)

Calendar Watch 2008: Keeley After Dark

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 11:26:06 EDT

We warned you that this day was coming, and now the time is at hand. After tempting the young and innocent with her "family-friendly" bikini calendar, Keeley Hazell is now set to unleash her "adults only" version, complete with sandy buttocks, glistening breasts, and come-hither stares. Of course, Zoo Weekly has a preview—and of course we had to share it with you here, since we're so cuckoo for calendars. Something about all those big round dates and luscious curvy weekends just makes us want to go out and schedule our own appointments. What were we talking about again?

· Keeley Hazell's Nude 2008 Calendar (sexypix.thumblogger.com)
· Bonus: Pinder's Big Boob Special in Nuts (dailypoa.com)

Previously: Calendar Watch 2008: Keeley Hazell Doubles Down

Former Page 3 girls Sam Cooke thinks big...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 13:29:22 EDT

Former Page 3 girls Sam Cooke thinks big boobed girls are discriminated against. On related note, Sam Cooke has been living on Mars. (boobieblog.com)

Blogger BoobieThon 2007: Keep Saving The Boobies!

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:56:52 EDT

Boobies: we all love 'em, we all have 'em. (Some more than others.) But despite the best efforts of scientists and well-meaning bloggers, they're still in danger. That's why October is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and why the first week is still the time for the annual Blogger BoobieThon. Dozens of generous webby-like folks have donated pictures of their racks to help entice you into opening your wallet for cancer research. Think of all those grabby hands and swelling ta-tas that might never meet for a good grope if we can't put a stop to this deadly menace. The Boobiethon only lasts until next Monday, so don't miss out on this chance to catch the kind of charitable action that makes Jerry Lewis' Labor Day thingy look like a bake sale.

· 2007 Blogger Boobie-Thon (boobiethon.com)
· Related: Save 2nd Base (save2ndbase.com)

Previously: 2006 Blogger Boobiethon

A plastic surgeon will present his formula...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 14:19:29 EDT

A plastic surgeon will present his formula for the perfect boob job at an international conference on breast enlargement. (Victoria Beckham = No.) There's an international conference on breast enlargements? We've spent just as many hours poring over photos of topless models as this guy, so where's our invite? (news.com.au)

Boobie Chew Will Work For You!

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 11:37:09 EDT

Congratulations! You've just found the song that will be running through your head for the rest of the day, possibly driving you to the point of mental breakdown. It's the jingle attached to this commercial (spoof? cruel mistake?) for "hormone" wonder gum, Boobie Chew. As you can see through the magic of time-lapse photography and awesome special effects, the results achieved while gnawing on this rubbery miracle are obvious and impressive: to think that generations of women have been wasting billions of dollars on plastic surgery, when a five cent Bazooka substitute gets the job done just as well! Fortunately for dudes, popped collars and whatever they're selling in your email spam folder have already got you covered.

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· Boobie Chew (YouTube, via yesbutnobutyes.com)

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Previously: YouTube Watch Archives

Calendar Watch 2008: Keeley Hazell Doubles Down

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 13:51:06 EDT

After dominating our internets for most of 2006, Keeley Hazell spent a good part of the '07 keeping a slightly lower profile—among, ahem, other things. But with calendar season arriving, it seems that she's poised to make even numbered years belong to her by putting not one, but two 2008 calendars into production. She explains it thusly ...

We received a complaint from a mum last year. She'd bought her son the calendar as a present and was, um, a bit shocked by all the nudity! So we refunded her the money and decided that this year we'd have a "family one" without nudity and another, naughty one for the fans.

Aside from hearing from the greatest mom ever, it seems Keeley is willing to bend space and time to give us two years worth of boobage in just 12 months, and maybe put all those measly one calendar broads in their place. These "family friendly" snaps will tide us over for now, but consider our breath held for the adult-only days.

· "Nice" 2008 Calendar in Zoo Weekly (bastardly.com)
· Keeley's Back With a Bang (zooweekly.co.uk)

Previously: 2007 Calendar Watch: Keeley!

It's boobs on parade when ever Jennifer...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:20:19 EDT

It's boobs on parade when ever Jennifer Ellison takes a dip in the pool. Do they have to add extra water in order to completely soak those things? (hollywoodtuna.com)

Jesse Jane Upgrades Her Arsenal

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:58:29 EDT

Plastic surgery fans who fired up their DVRs this week to watch "Dr. 90210" on the E! channel may have been surprised to see the one and only Jesse Jane going under the knife of Beverly Hills' superstar breast doctor. Not that they'd ever fooled themselves into thinking she was 100% natural, but who would have guessed that there was anything wrong with the bongo set she'd already been given. It turns out that despite two previous enhancements—and the healthy career they supported—a little tuneup was needed to bring Jesse v.3.0 online. You can see the modestly-covered results above, but all will be revealed as soon as her next flick, "Naked Aces 2," hits the market. We'll be first in line, of course, just to make sure the surgeon did his job properly.

· "Jesse Jane Talks About Her New Boobs" (xfanz.com)
· "Jesse Jane Featured on 'Dr. 90210'" (avn.com)

Previously: We Don't Even Have Our iPhones Yet, But Jesse Jane Got Her "Juice" On Them, Gallery: Jesse Jane (And Friends) In "Jesse In Pink"

Tera Patrick has something that she really...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:20:01 EDT

Tera Patrick has something that she really wants to share with the readers of Bizarre Magazine. It always helps to get these things off your chest. (dailypoa.com)

Equal Time For Keeley Hazell

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:41:27 EDT

Of course, we would never begrudge Lucy Pinder and her video tribute courtesy of Unibrow or Uber or whatever they're calling themselves, but we're pretty sure that most of you were thinking what we were thinking as we checked out the goods on that post: What about Keeley? Yes, Keeley Hazell has not been seen much around these parts lately, but that doesn't mean that we've forgotten about the First Lady of Totty. She is almost ~~single~~ double-handedly responsible for our ongoing obsession with the entire lad mag industry, so it's only fair that she receive the same loving respect as Lucy. Plus, we know we're playing with "this video is no longer available" fire by embedding this particular clip, but ... more boobs on YouTube! Get 'em while they're hot!

· "Behind These Hazell Thighs: Top 10 Video Tribute To Keeley Hazell" (uber.com, video @ YouTube)

Previously: Lucy Pinder's Video Boob-O-Rama

Hello, Denise Milani. We're glad you came...

Fleshbot — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 13:15:53 EDT

Hello, Denise Milani. We're glad you came all the way to California from the Czech Republic to demonstrate your amazing trampoline skills for us. Would it be too much to ask you to take your top off next time so we can examine your technique more closely? (yourdirtymind.com)

Just eat a couple boxes of these tasty Japanese...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 13:59:35 EDT

Just eat a couple boxes of these tasty Japanese cookies and you'll be bursting out of your oversized bra in no time! OK, so you might die of cancer instead of suicide, but life is full of tradeoffs. (plasticsurgery101.blogspot.com)

Fake boobs: disappointing imposters for...

Fleshbot — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 13:43:47 EDT

Fake boobs: disappointing imposters for true breast aficionados everywhere or "beautifully enhanced" specimens of feminine pulchritude? The boys at Bullz-Eye present a comprehensive guide to all their silicone-fortified models to help you make up your own mind on the subject. (For the record, we appreciate all boobs no matter what their provenance, though it's true that one can have too much of a good thing.)

Lucy Pinder's Video Boob-O-Rama

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 11:55:35 EDT

It's no secret that we like Lucy Pinder ... a lot. But even we haven't taken the time to compile a ten video tribute to the big-boobed bombshell that simply revels in all her well-endowed glory. It's a wonder why we haven't though, since the only thing better than looking at her ubiquitous lad mag photos is seeing those wonderful cans bounce and jiggle and sweat in full-motion color. Plus, she speaks! If you're into that sort of thing.

· Major Juggstaposition: Top 10 Video Tribute To Lucy Pinder (uber.com)

Previously: Lucy and Sophie Howard On The Beach, Lucy And Michelle Together Again, For The First Time, Lucy Pinder Lets It All Hang Out, Vote For Lucy Pinder!

The World's Largest Breasts (That We Know Of)

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:20:37 EDT

Obviously, you can't turn a corner on the internet without running into a pair of gigantic breasts, but we're not talking about your standard big boob queens, like Lisa Sparxxx or Gianna Michaels here. We're talking BIG. Like Guinness Book of World Records big. Some are real, some (ok, most) are fake, but they're all huge and this handy scorecard will point you to the biggest bongos out there. Of course, all the ladies featured here have participated in porn at some level, because why else would you spring for 152MMM-size melons if you aren't going to use them for good—i.e., to smother people with. So take a deep breath and dive in.

· Livin' Large: The World's Largest Breasts (body-philosophy.net)
· Thumbnail: the late, great Lolo Ferrari (Wikipedia)

Previously: Gianna and Lisa Sparxxx Are Brutally Frank