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great moments in marketing

"The Best Hand Job In Town"

An Elgin, Illinois, car wash recently caused a bit of a kerfuffle by advertising their machine-free towel dry service as "the best hand job in town." Even more amusing than the hysterical reaction of the townsfolk—or that the local paper can't bring themselves to say the offending phrase—is the owner's defense that this is standard industry "lingo" and if you don't believe her then you morons should just Google it. Well, we didn't, so we did and you know what? She's right! So does that mean "hand job" is just a part of boring everyday business jargon ... or do all car wash owners simply have the same sick sense of humor? Check out our rogue's advertising gallery below and decide for yourself. More »

video

Rubber 55: Latex Goes Viral

Say you're a latex clothing company that specializes in unusual, hard-to-find and even harder-to-slip-into fetish wear—you know, the kind of stuff that most people need and don't even realize it. How do you get your message out to the non latex-wearing masses? Viral marketing to the rescue! Just shoot a video parody of "MTV Cribs" that shows off your sense of humor and your wardrobe collection at the same time, get it up on YouTube, and you'll be an overnight viral sensation. (OK, so it took a little over a year for this video to reach us—which means maybe the overnight part didn't work out that great. But then no one moves fast when they're wearing a rubber catsuit.) More »

While some of us have been getting our shorts in a bunch about untoward asperands in certain gay porn titles, our pals at The Sword have somehow managed to come up with a list of dirty movie names that are even more offensive. Like, really more offensive. (By the way, we totally knew the guy who originally made up that "Creme of Sum Yung Gai" joke; he was a friend of a friend of ours in college. No, really!) (thesword.com)

American Apparel: For All Your Masturbatory Needs Showing true dedication to filling your life with as much sexy as possible, American Apparel has moved beyond its softcore ads into the realm of sex toy peddling by stocking the storied Hitachi Magic Wand on its shelves somewhere between the unitards and the leggings. As you can probably imagine, we're pretty stoked about this development—though we'll be even more stoked when they decide to expand their offerings a bit. Confidential to Dov Charney: if you need need any suggestions for your sex toy inventory, all you have to do is ask. (store.americanapparel.net, via streetbonersandtvcarnage.com)

And speaking of sex toys (purple or otherwise): do you ever find yourself paging longingly through our Marital Aid Test Kitchen archives wishing that you too could be a professional dildo reviewer? Here's your chance: sex toy retailer LoveHoney is now recruiting judges for the UK Sex Toy Awards, and twenty lucky Brits will have the chance to test out ten sex toys each as part of the process. (Yeah, you have to be a UK resident to participate—but if there's a better reason to emigrate we'd like to know what it is.) Apply today! (lovehoney.co.uk)

We've long wondered why so many sex toys are purple—and finally, someone has taken the time to try and find out. Even if this poll of several sex toy luminaries still doesn't explain our peculiar fascination with a certain large and fuzzy fast food promotional character. (nakedcity.com)

porn of the moment

Rapture, Maybe, But No Revelations At The "Rapture Inn"

Okay, we'd be lying if we said we weren't excited about Lucas Entertainment's newest release, "Rapture Inn". Bitch all you want about the Michael Lucas' curious lips or his Ginsu cheekbones or his litigious off-screen antics ... but the man knows how to put together a porn film, stuffing them (and the guys in them) with lots of hot, hot stuff. More »

The Bunny Ranch in Nevada is fighting back against (Anti-)American Airlines' silly policies, by reimbursing weary travelers for the $15 bag checking fee. So now you can splurge and get that extra reach around! (bunnyranch.com, via jaunted.com)

blowjobs

This Week In Book Promos: The Art Of The Blowjob

Think Chuck Palahniuk's the only one who can make a viral video to promo his book? Think again: Chuck's faux porn has nothing on the sexy stylings of this promo for "Licking After You," an e-book that aims to educate couples about the finer points of giving head. The advantage of course, is that the book and the promo contain actual sex. Animated sex, but with special effects what they are these days, you can hardly tell the difference.

· Oral Sex Art (YouPorn)

Earlier this week, London's Hyde Park was filled with topless ladies riding horses as part of a promo for the DVD release of "Lady Godiva." Man, why do we always seem to miss all the British fun? (prphotos.com, via Sexoteric)

And speaking of bad videos: if you've been following the so-bad-it's-hilarious series of faux retro porn videos being released to promote Chuck Palahniuk's new book "Snuff", you won't want to miss today's short but sweet final entry "The Twilight Bone". Hey, if you survived "The Wizard of Ass" and "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang" you really have nothing left to lose—except of course, your soul and/or your sex drive. (YouTube)

great moments in marketing

"Chitty Chitty Gang Bang": Chuck Palahniuk Goes Deeper Into Cassie Wright

With the imminent release of "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk's book "Snuff" it's never been more clear to us that (a) his marketeers have some really excellent drug connections, and (b) Palahniuk's obsession with fictional aging porn star Cassie Wright is as surreal as his novels. After the awesome fake retro "Wizard Of Ass" trailer comes "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang", another wacky sendup of classic porn tropes complete with bad dialogue, scary sound effects and ridiculous scenarios. Which is nothing like real porn, of course. (Maybe it's better?) More »

great moments in marketing

Chuck Palahniuk's "Snuff" And The Legend Of Cassie Wright

Reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk—author of cult classics like "Fight Club" and "Lullaby"—has occasionally been described as a mindfuck. Time-bending stories of vividly bizarre characters in surreal situations is kind of his specialty. For his latest novel, however, he's moved on from mind fucking to just, well ... fucking. "Snuff" is the story of veteran pornstar Cassie Wright, who hopes to end her career with a big bang. A 600-person gangbang to be specific. How and why she accomplishes this, you'll have to read the book to discover, but we are amused by the online efforts to imagine what Cassie's career might have looked like in the real world. We don't know where she would have ended up in the firmament of today's pornstars, but we do know that we would like to have seen her interpretation of Dorothy in "The Wizard of Ass." (See the "trailer" below.) Who says that literature is dead? More »

This Week In Swimwear Marketing Apparently, the advertising geniuses at swimwear and underthingie company IQONIQ are on a mission to help (presumably straight) guys lose the board shorts and get over their fear of ball-and ass-hugging micro briefs. We still prefer the roominess of board shorts when we hit the beach, but we have no fear whatsoever of drooling over hot guys (straight or otherwise) who choose to wear all-and ass-hugging micro kind themselves. Does that count? (beautifulmag.eu + iqoniq.com)

survey

Fleshbot's Hot Wet Reader Survey Action

Come on, baby. You know you want it ... but we want it even more. Yes, we're talking to you: you, who visits us during the day at work, with one hand nervously poised over your Esc key in case the boss happens by while the other is busy ... er, at your keyboard too, since we know you're not the type of person who jerks off at your desk. And you, the one who visits us late and night when the wife or husband and kids are asleep, to keep up with all the sex news ... because we know you just read us for the articles, and that's fine too) And you there in the back, who found us via a Google search for "Adriana Lima Sex Tape" and are confused by this whole "blog" thing you stumbled across instead (and who are still looking for that sex tape).

We (and our advertisers!) want all of you ... to take ten minutes or so from your busy browsing and/or fapping schedule and answer our latest reader survey. Aside from our eternal gratitude, you'll also get a chance to win a $300 AmEx gift card. But really: isn't that warm feeling of knowing that you're helping make Fleshbot a Better Place for your fellow pervs sexual adventurers reward enough?

· Take the Fleshbot Reader Survey (and read the rules if you'd like a chance to win that gift card)


Coming soon (maybe) from the same company who bought you Carmen Electra-branded stripper poles and that erotic claymation kit we told you about yesterday: Wii Pole Dancing. It's cheaper (and easier) than installing a pole in your home—though maybe not quite as sexy. And we're pretty sure those crazy upside down moves are out of the question. (peekaboopoledancing.com + dbtechno.com)

Meet your exciting new sex pillow, which is pretty much exactly the same as your boring old sex pillow except for the fact that it comes with its own satin storage bag. Somewhere, George Clooney is kicking himself for going with the Liberator. (therightposition.com)

Strange as it may seem, there are actually some women out there who want to avoid nip slips. For these spoilsports more modest types, we present the Winkee, a thong-like bra attachment that does away with any chance of untoward exposure (and, we might add, cleavage). We're hoping this thing doesn't catch on—it could totally put us out of business. (thewinkee.com, via dailybedpost.com)