· Mariah Carey See Through (taxidrivermovie.com)

· VIBE Magazine (vibe.com)

· Here's your chance to own the original "Bushplug" ... that's right, the first George W. Bush butt plug ever produced. Let's just hope it's an unused prototype; the whole concept is disturbing enough as it is. (ebay.com)

· Despite some interweb rumors to the contrary, Mary Carey has not lost her legal fight against Mariah Carey over their names. Will we ever be able to tell them apart? (tmz.com)

· Would you let a complete stranger watch you have sex just to score Philadelphia Eagles playoff tickets? If it was the Super Bowl we would understand, but for the first-round? (philly.com, via Deadspin)

· Internet sales of adult movies are cutting into the market for DVDs. Any chance that VHS comeback is going to happen? Because we would really like to unload our old tape collection. (redherring.com)

· Daryl Hannah claims that before she became a movie star she was nearly tricked into becoming a sex slave, and not the good kind. (thesun.co.uk)

· What's it like working in a porn shop every single day? Probably a lot like writing about porn every single day, only you'd actually get to play with dildos instead of just looking at tiny pictures of them online. (ocweekly.com, via Consumerist)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jessica Alba greets the new year by taking her nipples for a romp along the beach. We're told in certain cultures that this augurs well for the twelve months ahead. (egotastic.com; more @ wwttd.com)

· More glad tidings for the new year: Jillian Beyor is Playboy's first CyberGirl of the Week for 2007. The remaining 51 weeks of the year have a lot to live up to. (dailyniner.com)

· We have no idea who these female soldiers are or where they're serving. We do know, however, that we like the way they salute. (softblog.it)

· Take this Nerve quiz and test your sexual knowledge of 2006. We totally would've scored better if we had been able to remember that chick who kept on getting caught by the paparazzi without her panties on. (No not her—the other one.) (nerve.com)

· Jenna Jameson says that she has an issue with the fact that most male talent in porn is totally unrealistic due to their use of performance-enhancing supplements. Which is, of course, why she's dating a pro fighter. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

· Meanwhile, we finally figured out the only way songstress Mariah Carey and pornstress Mary Carey can reasonably settle their ongoing legal squabbles: a hot girl-on-girl nude Dove Cream Oil wrestling match. Hey gals ... you're both winners!

(See more @ 10 Zen Monkeys and TMZ.com)

· If you're going to the AVN Awards next week, photographer Michael Grecco wants to hear from you for a book project he's working on. Of course, you'll probably have to look like a porn star to expect a call back. But we still figured we'd help spead the word. (michaelgrecco.com + avn.com)

· Fine, Paris Hilton ... you win. If you take a shower in public then we guess we'll write about you (and your friend Kim Kardashian) again. But just this once. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Britney Spears' vagina has it's own New Year's resolution, but unfortunately the brain it's attached too might have other ideas. (prettyontheoutside.typepad.com)

· For those who are interested in such things, The Smoking Gun has the court papers from Mariah Carey's fight with Mary Carey over their names. We like a little more visual evidence in our pornstar lawsuits, but that's just us. (thesmokinggun.com)

· If real human calendar babes are a little too much, maybe the computer generated variety would appeal to you more. When you break it all down, they're all mostly silicon anyway right? (thesun.co.uk)

· A Chicago massage parlor is not only accused of offering more than massages, they may also have been broadcasting those happy endings on the internet. Talk about getting rubbed the wrong way. (suntimes.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Mariah Carey wants to prevent Mary Carey from trademarking her name. Shouldn't this story have been written like, four years ago when it might have mattered? (avn.com)

· Jennifer Lamiraqui sure looks good in lingerie. Maybe it helps that they're both French? (doubleviking.com)

· Are Indian men really underendowed when compared to ... uh, non-Indian men? Gawkering minds want to know, so they asked the one Indian guy they could find ... with little success, no pun intended. (Gawker)

· Exhibiting more than their usual interest in genitalia this week, Gawker also investigates the celebrity crotch shot phenomenon, asking two experts a whole bunch of questions that we've remained too dumbfounded to think of ourselves. (Gawker)

· A priest in Romania plans to fine any brides who come before him that aren't virgins. Fortunately, the definition of "virgin" is not exactly written in stone. (metro.co.uk)

· A court rules that you can be fired for passing around emails of Wicked Weasel girls, and the Americans with Disabilities Act isn't going to help you. Not even if it gives you carpal tunnel syndrome? (news.com.com)

· Finally, the new guy at our sibling site Valleywag digs up the softcore past of the web's sauciest search engine. We think that kid has a future ahead of him. (Valleywag)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Despite comments to the contrary, we actually think Mariah Carey looks pretty good dressed as a mermaid. Is it supposed to be some sort of costume or something? (wwtdd.com)

· So how did you celebrate the big day yesterday? We bet that most of you weren't running around naked with a pumpkin on your head. That would just be silly. (rockymountainnews.com)

· Just a tip: wearing 625 condoms at one time would probably crush your penis, so don't try this at home. Even if it does look sort of fun. (funreports.com)

· It's a sad day as the venerable World Modeling is closing after 31 years of supplying talent to the adult industry, which is about 30 years longer than most of their clients stay in the business. (dailynews.com + xbiz.com)

· Durham, North Carolina, is not exactly comfortable with paintings of naked people. Then again, some folks aren't exactly comfortable with censorship, so to each his own. (indyweek.com)

· Chinese health officials are a little embarrassed after realizing that a photo used to advertise a healthcare forum is actually of a naughty nurse without panties. Hey, even pornstars want to help people. (shanghaidaily.com + .pdf of the ad @ lifenanjing.com.cn)

* * * * *
Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We don't know when these photos were taken or where or why, but we do know that Mariah Carey is very happy to see you. (hotspot.blogbugs.org)

· An Argentinean man who has fathered 37 children begs the government to sterilize him. He says he's not the type to "cut and run," so pulling out is not an option. (pravda.ru)

· Hey, good news: high school students are having less sex. The bad news: those who do are trading their bodies for drugs and don't know how to put on condoms. Can't win 'em all, we guess. (reuters.com + forbes.com + upi.com)

· A massage parlor that offers happy endings and a free rib dinner? Forget Texas ... that sounds like the best little whorehouse in the world. (Consumerist)

· Congratulations to Usemycomputer for raising enough money to keep the site - and its hundreds of babe galleries - online. Apologies to Usemycomputer if sending you extra traffic destroys your fragile new servers. (usemycomputer.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· An "ultra-orthodox sex commando" sounds like the set-up for some new military-themed gonzo series, but he or she is actually one of the anti-porn hackers who are taking down Hebrew sex sites and replacing them with images of a rabbi. We're no experts on religion, but we're pretty sure that's not kosher. (ynetnews.com)

· Despite huge record sales, a famous wife, and a new baby, Coldplay's Chris Martin is still obsessed with Mariah Carey's boobs. Join the club, pal. (nydailynews.com)

· Good news for East Coasters who always wanted to get freaky at the Exotic Erotic Ball, but couldn't afford the plane ticket to San Francisco: a second version of the sexy masquerade bash will debut this summer in New York City. Because two balls are always better than one. (exoticeroticball.com)

· When Carmen Electra joined the growing list of hot chicks who have mounted Howard Stern's Sybian, her ride may cost her more than a new pair of panties: her Max Factor spokesmodel contract is now "under review". Hey, it's not like they hired the frequently nude bombshell for her outrageous sex appeal, you know. Oh, wait a second ... (idontlikeyouinthatway.com + lse.co.uk + usemycomputer.com; see also video footage of Carmen and the Sybian @ videovat.com)

· Alert viewers in Cincinnati called the cops when about 18 minutes of hardcore porn showed up on their local public access channel, but not before calling the whole family into the room and firing up the VCR. You know ... for "evidence." (channelcincinnati.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Until the site selling the Colin Farrell Sex Tape is back online—or until his legal team decides to go the Paris Hilton route and sees the wisdom in actually making some money off the footage themselves, whichever comes first—the grainy, ill-lit screenshots in this slide show are about as close as any of us are going to get to seeing what all the fuss is about. (Flash video @ yeeeah.com)

· Funny, we were at the AVN Awards last weekend and don't remember an MC who looked like an "out-of-shape social studies teacher", to say nothing of the fact that we were pretty sure we were in Las Vegas and not a "large nightclub in LA"; either we were at the wrong event, or someone writing a purported first-person story for the SF Weekly is full of crap. (sfweekly.com - thanks J.)

· All hail Amazon.com, the one-stop shop for all your x-rated anime DVD needs! (consumerist.com)

· Then again, if you prefer to use eBay to get your rocks off ... well, there's always plenty of pervy merchandise to browse through there as well. ('badgoodgirl"'s listings @ ebay.com - thanks Steve)

· Has Mariah Carey's much-reported recent weight gain adversley affected her wild bikini-stuffing capabilities? You be the judge. (egotastic.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

What do you get when you combine the barest hint of Lindsay Lohan's nipple; an immensely unflattering photograph of "Will & Grace"'s Debra Messing in which her boob may or may not be actually falling out of her bikini top; and a split-second video shot of Mariah Carey's breast in the back of a limousine as caught (and helpfully annotated) by an Italian camera crew? Why, today's Celebrity NippleWatch™ post, of course. Put them all together and you have ... er, something to occupy your attention until the next high-profile wardrobe malfunction comes along.

· "Mariah Carey Nip Slip Clip" (QuickTime video @ taxidrivermovie.com)
· "Debra Messing Nip Slip" (doubleviking.com)
· "Lindsay Lohan Nipple Slip" (egotastic.com; nip slip in question is here; also spotted @ Defamer)

Previously: Celebrity NippleWatch™ Archive

Spin control or source of crushing disappointment to celebrity breast observers worldwide? According to a "clarification" posted yesterday at Mariah Daily ("one of the largest and most visited Mariah Carey fan sites on the internet!", in case you didn't know), this whole wardrobe malfunction hysteria this week has been just one big misunderstanding: "In reality, the strap in Mariah's dress tore once she finished singing 'Vision of Love'. Mariah jokingly told the audience: 'Do you think this will cause a worldwide scandal?' She then turned to the side and showed the audience that she was holding her dress and nothing was revealed. Mariah then left the stage to return moments later with a new black dress!" In the lack of any further photographic evidence (as opposed to more copies of those fake pics that everyone still insists on posting and/or forwarding us), we'll have to consider the case closed for now.

"Clarification Regarding Concert In Germany" (notice and photos @ mariahdaily.com, 7/13 entry)

Previously: Celebrity NippleWatch™: (Probably Not) Mariah s Boobs

It's touching, really, how badly people want to believe that these obviously doctored and/or old photos allegedly showing Mariah Carey falling out of her dress this week (and to which someone added an MTV watermark at some point over the last 24 hours for extra "authenticity") are the real thing—but we've received no less than a dozen links to sites featuring them this morning, and we're sorry to say that we're still not convinced enough to let that precious DVD copy of "Glitter" we mentioned as an incentive yesterday go to just anyone. Stay on the lookout, kids! (Oh, and if anyone wants to send us some fake stills from that alleged Colin Farrell sex tape, we'll be happy to take a peek at those as well.)

(Thanks to TJ for sending us this iteration.)

See also: Completely unrelated red carpet photos of Mariah at the 2000 World Music Awards here (uselessjunk.com - thanks Tim)

Update The good news: Our friends at Double Viking found an alleged screencap from that German TV appearance which at least looks a lot more plausible than the ones above. The bad news: You still can't see any boobage. (doubleviking.com)

See the maybe-it's-from-German-TV-and-maybe-it's-not but who-cares-because-it-stops-before-the-good-part-anyway video @ jaggle.nl (thanks Z.)

* * * * *

Previously: Celebrity NippleWatch™ Archives