Fans of legal maneuvering, non-compete clauses, and hot naked tattooed babes have probably been following the tale of Lithium Picnic photographer Philip Warner and his battle against his former employer, SuicideGirls. The rest of you might still be interested in an update, since it has come to our attention that Warner recently shuttered the LP site as a result of all the litigation. Like any good underdog in today's world, however, he's taking his fight to the people, with the help of model Apnea, a former Suicide lass herself. (It was his post-SG work with her that started this whole dustup in the first place.) They're selling photos and equipment to raise money for his legal defense and basically using the World Wide Webs to spread the word about what they say is nothing more than a case of corporate bullying. If all this makes little sense to you then we'll put it this way: If the lawsuit ends and he gets back to work, that means new hot photos of sexy models. We thought that might get your attention.

· LP SITE OFFLINE (lithiumpicnic.com, more @ livejournal.com)
· See also: Interview with Apnea on Legal Dispute (altporn.net, 2/2007)

Update 6/08: SuicideGirls Vs. Lithium Picnic: The Final Chapter?

Previously: SuicideGirls vs. Lithium Picnic, Apneatic, Lithium Picnic, Michael Hussar Prints on eBay: Hot Art For A Cause

Could we really have been so remiss in our duties this week as to neglect telling you about the legal squabble brewing between porn titanesses Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick? Actually, the whole brouhaha isn't nearly as exciting as the idea of one porn star suing another would make it sound: it seems that Tera is upset about some royalties from her website that went missing after Playboy (which acquired it from Jenna's production company last year) took over its management, and ... well to be honest, our eyes start glazing over when it comes to terms like "revenue" and "management", so we aren't really interested in the details. What we are interested in is the prospect of Tera and Jenna working out their differences via a knock-down, drag-out nude oil wrestling competition—produced and broadcast free worldwide by Playboy, of course—that would settle the matter and give us something really newsworthy to report about in the meantime. We'll even chip in for the cost of the bikinis they can rip off each other to get things started. Who needs to pay all those hefty lawyer fees anyway?

· "PORN SHOWDOWN" (NY Post)
· "Teravision Sues Club Jenna, Playboy Over Website Accounting" (Xbiz)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch: Your Week in Porn Fracases

· Zoo Weekly looks out for the environment by recycling some Keeley Hazell beach photos. Must be some kind of belated Earth Day thing. (dailypoa.com)

· If you're having trouble slithering your way out of a sticky situation because of all that Astroglide you ordered, try consulting this slick list of slippery excuses. (homemade-sex-toys.com)

· Kira Kener settles her lawsuit against Vivid, in which she claimed she got a disease from a previously used sex toy. Sterilization is your friend, people! (cbs2.com)

· We like Benny Bennassi as much as the next perv, but to describe his videos as "X-rated hardcore pornography" is stretching the truth just a bit. Sigh ... if only ... (cnews.canoe.ca)

· In France, American Apparel ads come with tits. Why does American Apparel hate America? (wetamericandream.com)

· An Arkansas man wants $20,000 because his teenage sons were "disturbed" by finding "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" in their local library. Disturbed? Is that what the kids call it these days? (nwaonline.net)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Kylie Minogue gets a new gig as a swimsuit model for H&M. Now she has something to fall back on if the whole "international music superstar" thing doesn't work out. (savemanny.blogspot.com)

· "Can regular guy date a porn star?" Sure ... if you don't mind knowing that your girlfriend paid for dinner with her "Gaped Crusaders" money.(sunjournal.com)

· An armed robber steals $140 from a porn store cash register, then walks off with the real treasure—$22,000 in DVDs. Cops are on the lookout for the guy with the most kick-ass video library in town. (lsj.com)

· European sex shops go upscale, because for some reason all their swarthy, low-class customers don't want to pay $50 for a DVD anymore. (dnaindia.com)

· A former pornstar wins 1.7 million yen in court (about $14,000), because apparently in Japan, you can't talk about famous people after they've retired. Is there any way we can get Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to retire in Japan? (mainichi-msn.co.jp)

· The "he said/she said" porn piece comes to the startling conclusion that a) guys like porn and b) porn isn't real. We're glad that's finally settled. (collegiatetimes.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Sorry, but sometimes those tabloid headline writers get the better of us, and how else could we capture the brouhaha brewing (sorry again) over some cheeky photos of pinup model Lara Bingle. It seems Lara—who is famous down under for appearing in a big international tourism campaign—is suing Zoo Weekly because the "smutty" magazine published some unauthorized bikini photos of her. Never mind the fact that she already posed nude for the allegedly not smutty, German version of GQ. She says it's about her rights, not about her boobs, but why should Zoo Weekly be considered any less respectable than GQ? All exposure is good exposure when you're a model (a lawsuit makes for good free publicity, doesn't it?) and besides, nobody reads either one for the articles.

· "Bare Bingle shots won't stop Zoo blue" (smh.com.au)
· "Biff over bare Lara Bingle" (news.com.au)
· Lara Bingle - ZOO Magazine (the-feeding-tube.com)
· Lara Bingle's nude photo (todaysapatheticyouth.blogspot.com)

Previously: Catching Up With Emily Scott: "Australia's Sexiest Woman", Australia's Never-Ending Bikini Season

Sorry for the overly legalistic post, but you're probably seeing headlines all over the web today like, "Porn Law Declared Unconstitutional" and "Judge Blocks Online Porn Law" and we thought you might like a little clarification. (Plus, it's a slow sex news week otherwise.) The law they're referring to is the (in)famous Child Online Protection Act, which was passed in 1998 and made it a crime for any website to allow access to material deemed "harmful to minors," without requiring some sort of proof that the viewer was at least 17 years old. Because of legal challenges that law has never been enforced, but if it were, this site and pretty much everyone we link to would be put behind a wall that you could only break through with a valid credit card. Or we'd have to do our business from some secret offshore island (which doesn't sound so bad, actually.) Anyway, despite the lofty goal of protecting our childrens, this is the second time COPA has been declared unconstitutional and barring one final (and unlikely) reversal by the Supreme Court, today's ruling may finally put an end to this nearly decade-long affair. Now that we've got that straightened out and our legality is established once again ... FREE BOOBIES!!! Enjoy.

· 1998 pornography law kicked to the curb once again (arstechnica.com)
· Net porn ban faces another legal setback (news.com.com)
· U.S. judge blocks 1998 online porn law (yahoo.com)
· Thumbnail: Noted legal expert Gina Lynn; see more search results for " lawyer", "law" and "judge" (via AskJolene.com)

· In a move that surprises no one, Kim Kardashian is helping to promote planning to sue Vivid over the sex tape she totally had nothing to do with and says she's "disappointed" and "confused" about the whole thing—unlike everyone else who saw this coming from the get-go. (avn.com; see also "Buy the Clothes off Kim Kardashian's Rack" @ Gridskipper)

· Playboy is planning to sell digital copies of all its back issues on DVD, which will make it a lot easier to hide them under your mattress. (money.cnn.com)

· Six people are arrested in Florida after a wet t-shirt contest becomes a no t-shirt contest. Police say their alibi just doesn't hold water. (local6.com)

· An Australian professor is having a hard time proving that a painting at her university belongs to her, even though it's her bare ass in the picture. Somebody better get to the bottom of this! (OK, we'll stop with the bad puns for the day.) (guardian.co.uk)

· A man in Idaho is arrested with 244 pairs of underwear he stole from local female college students, and contain enough fabric to completely cover three entire asses. (kpvi.com)

· So China has a centralized economy and restrictions on the press, but they don't have a ratings system for movies? How are kids supposed to know which films to sneak into? (onelocalnews.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives