It's true!

Like most Wicked Pictures contract directors, Clousot divides his time fairly equally between the world of mainstream Hollywood and its bastard cousin in the Valley, making well crafted story-driven movies that generally pack a powerful punch through their provocative use of imagery, symbolism, and exquisite naked women almost too beautiful to be seen performing lewd acts.

"Lies" is no exception.

Starring ravenous beauties Kirsten Price (with luscious lengths of long red hair) pitted against her bestie, Alektra Blue, Closout's latest effort covers familiar ground for the extremely talented auteur. We the viewer know going in that what starts out as a little white lie will have to end with one of these drop dead gorgeous starlets, um, dropping dead. Clousot leaves it up to the police (and us the viewer) to expose the terribly tangled web of lies and ultimately uncover the dark secrets that lead to (wait for it—dun dun dun!) murder most foul.

Luckily, it's also packed with hot sex (!!!)—and not just with Alektra and Kirsten. The movie also features scenes with stunning contract darling jessica drake as well as Rayveness, who is honestly one of our most favorite performers of all time. The heat that women generates in a scene, the raw, unfiltered lust, melts out hearts wins over our genitals each and every time we are lucky enough to watch her screw.

"Lies" releases from Wicked Pictures this week. Don't bothering lying about not being interested in checking out the free pictures they sent us to promote it. We already know the truth. We already know.

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Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Alektra Blue, Randy Spears, jessica drake, Kaylani Lei, Mikayla Mendez, Kirsten Price, Marcus London, Brad Armstrong, Jayden Jaymes, Kayla Carrera, Barrett Blade, Tommy Gunn, Eric Masterson, Alexis Texas, Rocco Reed, Tory Lane, Janet Mason, Mick Blue, Jerry, TJ Cummings, Bill Bailey

Review by: Gram Ponante

The screenwriter goes uncredited, but the story of "2040" has bits of everything from "Pinocchio" to "The Velveteen Rabbit" to "Blade Runner": Love something enough and it can become human.

We meet Ryan Spears (Randy Spears), who is a porn performer, just like his dad, the porn actor Randy Spears. Ryan's job is similar to his father's, but he must perform it clandestinely because of (as the voiceover tells us) the porn tax of 2015, the porn police, and because porn companies are now "corporate entities traded on the open market."

(Like in the original "Blade Runner," we can do without the voiceover.)

Not only that, but Spears must also fuck robots.

Spears and company deliver a lot of inside references and product placement to the benefit of the Real Doll company, Wicked Pictures, and AVN, whose 55th annual awards show is presented complete with bad band and fucking in the bathrooms.

The first scene, as carried off by Spears and the faulty robot Alexis Texas, is very funny and more than reminiscent of certain porn sets I've attended.

The Alexis Texas robot blows a fuse, you see, and the crew and Spears have to wrestle her to a squatting position so that Spears can aim a load into her R.O.C., or removable oral cavity. The sight of Texas kneeling there, mouth open, eyes glazed over, and bolt-ons perpendicular, is both chilling and familiar (Texas is acting, of course, like she just came off a Max Hardcore shoot).

With the Texas "doll" or "mecha" out of commission, the production enlists a robot that looks just like Alektra Blue. Her name is Mira.

But Spears is dismissive.

"She's a toaster," says Spears. "You fuck one mecha, you've fucked them all. And they all taste like toast."

But Mira is not your ordinary frakking Cylon. She sweats! Her skin reddens with whipping! And her vagina is adjustable!

Spears is amazed. Could he be falling for a toaster? And, since he is Mira's "first," she imprints his data in her "memory banks."

What follows is a lot of exposition, some corporate intrigue and skulduggery, sex for no reason (but we're happy it happened, don't get us wrong), the conspicuous absence of Stormy Daniels and, sprinkled throughout, some poignant moments in which Mira comes to terms with her blossoming personhood.

The problem with "2040" is that, in trying to be Wicked's epic for the year, a movie that would have worked better small became instead top-heavy. There were plotlines and actors who didn't need to be there, like a community theatre production in which everyone who auditioned got a part. At the heart of the bloat that is "2040" is a really good porn movie that no one believed in enough to let stand on its own.

That said, the people the movie is about, Spears and Blue, are fantastic. While he can ham it up with the best of today's porn dudes, Spears also has a gravitas that no one in the porn world can touch. And Alektra Blue does great work as a living doll; I wish she'd been allowed to do more. (If RealDoll.com has an Alektra Blue model, I bet it's awesome.)

"2040" has a happy ending and I bet you can guess what it is. There is an uplifting message for couples that almost sounds like Stay Monogamous. (The underlying message, though, is that Mira has the intellect of a child but a vagina like a 320-hp engine, therefore it's easy to stay monogamous...the outlook is dire for human women.)

People must be buying these feel-good, trying-too-hard slogs, because Wicked keeps making them.

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A nihilistic shiver blossoms inside of us, like initial rush after snorting hillbilly heroin, as these angelic ingenues disrobe, both their lascivious costumes as well as any residual inhibition, and transform into uncomplicated engines of desire, ready to provide unspeakable pleasures to anyone bold enough to cross paths with these possessed dolls.

In our minds, the lyrics to a timeless Gun's n' Roses song morph once again into a familiar refrain. You know where you are? You're in a porno, baby. You're gonna fuck—hard.

Whales take chances in high stakes poker games for the rush, the thrill of losing. Mobsters grow addicted to the sound of the gun busting. They grow to need the edge of danger like a hit of adrenaline on the tip of their tongues to feel real and alive. The women that risk their lives and hearts loving these outlaws live for the thrill too. Armstrong exploits these fantasies in a gangsta party turned porno paradise, with each scene topographically reflecting different aspects of known gangster iconography.

Smoky casinos, retro-gothic police stations, and shadowy crime scenes pay homage to the romanticized Hollywood image of the uncompromising gun toting ghosts of legend and the molls that spun fear and chaos into the forbidden meat of a decadent reality even the hardest pornographer will in all likelihood never know.

"Mobster's Ball 2" releases this month from Brad Armstrong and Wicked Pictures. Check out the exclusive gallery we snatched for you.

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Jenny Hendrix is an excellent mixologist. Her signature drink is called a Liquid Panty Remover and consists of a can of Fuze Slenderizer and vodka.

Stoya is a big fan of Lychee liquor mixed with Sprite. She didn't have a name for it so we're going to call it a Triumph of the Will in honor of her recent exploits.

Wicked contract star and all-around down-to-earth person Kirsten Price nevertheless is partial to anything with Grey Goose in it.

"I like the Greyhound, which is Grey Goose with grapefruit juice in it," she said. "Plus the grapefruit speeds up your metabolism."

Kayden Kross drinks maybe once a month, but it's still hard to distrust the clean-living, horse-riding dollop of sunshine. "When and if I drink," she says, "I drink cosmopolitans."

Have you ever invented a drink?

"No," she said, "I really don't drink much."

If a reader were to send you a drink recipe and name it after you, might you drink it?

"Yes," she said. "Now leave me alone."

(She didn't actually ask to be left alone.)

New Jersey's own Tommy Gunn, now that he lives in California, can't tell one season from another, which makes his drink of choice an evergreen one, whether he is servicing women or hunting them with his crossbow.

"Shots of Patron," he said.

House of Wicked

Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: jessica drake, Stormy Daniels, Alektra Blue, Mikayla Mendez, Kirsten Price, Kaylani Lei, Johnny Castle, Tommy Gunn, Barrett Blade, Marcus London, Danny Mountain, Derrick Pierce, Rocco Reed, Kris Slater, Alan Stafford, Deep Threat, Brad Armstrong

Review by: Gram Ponante

What's more, each of the vignettes features the performer in what we are led to assume is her own element - therefore no naughty nurses, babysitters, cheerleaders, or - God forbid - pirates. Instead director Brad Armstrong puts Wicked's moneymakers in a much more European setting befitting the company's porn chicks with gravitas image (except for Stormy; the darkest Wiucked performer of them all here plays a cowgirl. Go figure).

"House of Wicked" is known in porn parlance as a high-end gonzo, or wall-to-wall. That means the movie is all sex with limited setup and no dialogue. But that doesn't mean we don't get to know the stars' personalities.

Kirsten Price, for example, is a saucy student. She takes on a couple of dudes in what appears to be the classroom of her Rhodes fellowship. Then jessica drake has a foursome in a fetish den, Kaylani Lei plays to type (she takes one for the team here) as a tough Asian with a taste for motorcyclists, Alektra Blue plays a skatepunk girl, and then Mikayla Mendez shows up as a club vixen.

In each of these scenes there is no angle from which each precious Wicked performer looks less than stunning. In fact, the whole movie seems branded with Wicked iconography. Furthermore, if anyone is made to look a little like a prop in this movie it is the guys, who outnumber their female counterparts by almost two to one, and whose costumes look less believable (Tommy Gunn and Barrett Blade as sk8r dudes with sideways hats, etc., seems a little Chippendales to me).

Which makes me think that "House of Wicked" is a fantastic couples' movie. Each of the women is far more mature and glamorous than bubbleheaded and accessible, each appears to have the reins tightly in hand of who gets to take a poke at her, and that it is the girls who have the pick of the eye candy should make female fans reluctantly agree that there is twice as much for them to gawk at than their boyfriends.

The final scene features every woman (but Stormy, who was probably campaigning) in a civilized and elegant Sapphic hoedown, proving that, at the end of the day, they just wanted to be together.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "House of Wicked" (gamelink.com)

Director Francois Clousot takes us inside the world of infidelity and lies in this Wicked thriller. Like we've never heard that one before. What are these people playing at anyway? Don't they understand that there's a recession going on in the world? Are they going "green" by recycling the same plot line for the umpteenth time? Seriously, what is the deal over there?

But wait, we're being too hard on them, because the story twists at the end, like a true redemption tale, as Randy finally gets it and tries to be good to his hot wife. Yeah, we're still not impressed.

No wait! The real redemption plot involves skipping the plot, and transforming "Making Amends" into a film that's just about really hot, nasty, dirty, guiltless sex between consenting adults who love screwing each other. That's way better if you ask us, which you unknowingly did by virtue of clicking this page. Unless you just skipped ahead to the awesome gallery of preview pix, which would be way smart.

"Making Amends" comes out this week from Wicked Pictures. It stars Alektra Blue, Kirsten Price, Mikayla Mendez, Tori Black and (bitchy) Brooke Banner, who did an amazing guest spot on our favorite show "Californication" last season.

· "Making Amends" (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Making Amends" (gamelink.com)

Keener minds than ours may choose to watch the film with a more critical eye attunded to its potential antifeminist nuances. Then again, with Kristin's coevals Ann Marie Rios, Nicole Sheridan, and Samantha Sin rounding out the cast and sex this hot—not to mention the sight of Randy Spears in the most ridiculous looking fright wig we have ever seen—we’re not entirely sure anyone will be paying much attention to the finer points of story line anyway.

• "Wedding Bell Blues" (DVD info @ wickedpictures.com)

We told you recently that Tommy Gunn, who directed this movie, likes building things. Here Naudia Nyce is serviced by a woman named Sophia with some Gunn-modified pneumatic tools.

What happened to Sophia? No idea. But lost in current pornography is the scene where women take off their jumpsuits and have nothing on underneath. Jumpsuits. No one wears jumpsuits anymore.

That's Rita Faltoyano working on Shy Love. And Shy Love has indeed had some work done since 2005. No judgment implied - we like all building projects.

· Assassin Pictures (assassinpictures.com)
· Buy "Strapon-Toyz" (gamelink.com)

Stanley's imagination is as impressive it is perverse: with Price's character's career as its jumping-off point, "Once Upon A Crime" turns into a sexy version of Willy Wonka's moral chocolate factory (sans Oompa Loompas but complete with an army of love drones). Featuring admirable sexual performances (and yes, acting) from Kirsten Price, August, Lindsey Meadows, Nautica Thorn, Ryder Skye, Barrett Blade, Eric Masterson, and Randy Spears, it left us wondering whether Stanley is a fucking genius, totally nuts, or both ... and anxiously awaiting to see what he comes up with next.

· "Once Upon A Crime" Trailer
· Order: "Once Upon A Crime" (Adult DVD Empire)

While it might seem like typecasting to place the 420-friendly Steele in a show about marijuana, the multiple AVN Performer of the Year winner did work his acting chops by visualizing a world in which there was catering on a porn set..

Though it is true that Steele, Jaymes, and Price often perform in the rarefied world of Playboy/Skinemax cable porn, it is unlikely that the three would ever perform in the same movie together.

While we love "Weeds", it is always interesting, and sometimes irritating, to see the way the porn industry is depicted in other media. For example, the scholar will note that Steele was allowed to eat the catering, and he had much more hanging around at table level than the women did. Why? Well it wouldn't have served the joke.

And come on: no one goes to the craft services table naked.

Because of his "Over Five" on "Weeds" (which included another appearance in this past Sunday's episode, below) , Steele now has his SAG card, and will be appearing on an episode of "Nip/Tuck" this fall.

· Lexington Steele (lexsteele.com)
· "Weeds" Official Site (sho.com)

Read the review after the gap.

- - -

Coming Home

Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Kirsten Price, Shyla Styles, Barrett Blade, Scott Lyons, Vanessa Lane, Savannah Stern, Gianna Lynn, Chris Cannon, Christian, Tyler Knight, Brooke Banner, Jada Firte, Kayla Carrera, Mikayla, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London

Review by Gram Ponante

Poor Brian Parsons (Brad Armstrong) is called to serve his country in Iraq, lamenting the U.S. Army's lack of 18-year-olds. Luckily, porn has 18-year-olds in spades, so Brian's girlfriend (Kirsten Price) makes his last week stateside one to remember.

Brian asks his buddy Jimmy (Barrett Blade) to take care of his girl while he's away. I feared the worst.

"If that was me," Jimmy's girlfriend says, "I'd keep you to myself for a week."

The two couples get together at the same bar from Porn Valley. There are a thousand stories there.

As his departure grows nearer, Brian receives a creepy farewell from Charlie, his boss at the garage. "I always felt you were the son I never had," Charlie says. This has to be in the top ten, at least, of Quotes Inappropriate for a Porn Movie.

I wondered how the movie would squeeze sex into the boot camp and Iraq scenes, but with the help of dream sequences and the presence of female soldiers (like Hawkeye and Lt. Dish), that problem was taken care of easily.

Unfortunately, Brian doesn't make it. His small town thinks the worst of Jimmy drying the widow's tears. Brian's brother accuses Blade and Price of not mourning long enough when he finds them at a drive-in together.

"Stop stirring the pot, you little shit!" Jimmy cries.

For the hundredth time I wondered if Wicked's Real Movies But With Sex m.o. was an effective strategy, but the drive-in scene was pretty cool.

Meanwhile, Brooke is getting suspicious of Jimmy and Kirsten. And for good reason!

Brooke retaliates. She calls Jimmy a "fucking dummy" in a monologue that I think prospective porn talent should memorize for auditions.

"Coming Home" is a movie that drops its cliches as it goes, so by the end it really forgets it's a porn film and becomes something else, something heartfelt. Could that be good? I don't know. It is difficult for a porn movie to sell tragedy, though plenty of them attempt it. This is a porn movie that ends sadly, and there is logic in the sadness. But "Coming Home" is not the movie to watch if one is already guilty about jerking off to porn.

Director/writer/star Brad Armstrong has improved on "Flashpoint", the reissue version of which I reviewed here recently. "Coming Home" features only strong performances (save for the garage manager) and the story is much tighter. It also makes a play for some of the biggest consumers of porn, the U.S. military, and doesn't do soldiers a disservice, even on a porn budget.

· Wicked (wicked.com)
· Buy "Coming Home" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Porn Reviews Archive

"Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party" turned 21 with its latest installment, though we're pretty sure some of the cast is not yet of drinking age. Here the girls get into what 12-step programs call an Ass Eating Spiral, though Sunny Lane can't be working her program if she's looking at us.

Join us after the gap for more pictures of your favorite porn stars not as the world sees them but as they actually are. - GP

***

We don't get out to Allentown much (we heard they're closing all the factories down), but Jesse Jane does, probably in advance of her bid for the 2016 Republican nomination (she will be over 35 by then). Here Jane poses with some likely voters.

Power trio: Porn industry legends William Margold and Jennifer James pose for Luke Ford's camera. James is clutching the cover art for his film "Exxxtra! Exxxtra!" in a parking lot in Inglewood. Jeff Steward, distributor of "Donkey Punch", says, "I thought I would never say this, but I think it's best for all if the feds shut us down, put us in jail, and throw away the keys because these pictures prove that porn is dead."

Speaking of dead, Kirsten Price and "Porn Valley"'s Barrett Blade search for ghosts in the purportedly haunted Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip.

Emily Evermore, on the set of Roy Karch's soon-to-be-released "Insertz", proving incapable of resisting temptation.

Previously: Popshots Archive

There have been notable exceptions, like Jesse Jane and Kirsten Price, but the rule is that Playboy and porn don't mix; one can't get to Hef's Holmby Hills hideaway via a dirt pipe milkshake. That will change this weekend, being for the benefit of Nicki Hunter. And Fleshbot will be there!
Read more after the gap. - GP

- - -

(The above is my favorite Nicki Hunter picture; when she gets on a set she can be delightfully evil.)

As part of the continuing effort to defray the cost of the sweet Nicki Hunter's cancer treatments, she and several Porn Valley friends will be hosting part of this Saturday's Kiss And Tell Party, doubtless providing some eye candy to the retired and current NFL players who will also be in attendance. The annual event will be the first shindig ever at the Playboy Mansion to be open to any adult member of the general public with the cash for a ticket ... even you!

100% of the proceeds raised from their charity DVD and picture autograph signings, photo-ops, and lap dances will go to the Hunter CARE Foundation, as well as Nicki's treatment and family support as she undergoes radical chemotherapy treatments in her battle against lymphoblastic leukemia/lymphoma.

Yes, I said lap dances. The juicy Trina Michaels, Alana Evans, Amber Peach, Jada Fire, Tera Wray, Kylie Worthy, and Veronica Rayne will be on pocket duty, and there will also be a reunion of the cast of "Family Business" on the peacocked grounds, featuring Cousin Stevie, Seymore Butts, and Mari Possa.

· HunterCARE (hunterCARE.com)
· Playboy's Kiss And Tell Party (kissandtellparty.com)
· "HunterCARE at the Playboy Mansion" (prthatroxxx.com)
· Double the Nicki Hunter benefits! (gramponante.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Wicked director Michael Raven last year explored the many logical crossovers between porn and extraterrestrials in "The Visitors", and with "Supernatural" brings the erotica a little closer to home: the spirit world. Rule One of Pornography is Fuck What You Know.

After the death of her husband, Kirsten Price is beset upon by paranormal weirdness. But "when apparitions begin to appear in her bedroom, she decides she's had enough." (We don't know why, because appear is what apparitions do.) We don't know what Price does to battle the ghosts, but we have a feeling she sexes her way out. - GP

· Wicked Pictures (wicked.com)
· Buy "Supernatural" (gamelink.com)
· "Supernatural" Trailer on YouTube (youtube.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment: "Meaty Treats", Porn Valley Dispatch Archive