"Pirates II": Destroy All Monsters!

A mere two years after releasing the teaser, Digital Playground has released the cover art for "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge", leading to widespread speculation that the actual movie might arrive by the Vancouver Winter Olympics in 2010. Featuring a family-friendly, nowhere-near nude septet tableau including Stoya, Katsuni, and Jesse Jane front and center, the cover also features a diverse cast representative of porn's vaunted crossover appeal, including Belinda Carlisle, The Grimace, and Godzilla.

· Digital Playground Releases Cover Art for "Pirates II" (digitalplayground.com)

To celebrate Independence Day, we wanted to showcase the most American porn clip we could find. And what's more American than cheerleaders? Especially cheerleaders who like to suck, fuck, and turn detention into a wild orgy. That sure sounds like freedom to us — and Shay Jordan can help us celebrate it any day of the week.

"Contract Star": Everything Old Is Blu Again

Foot massagers! Motörhead shirts! Wearable bongs! If these don't say "erotic" to you, you probably still need porn stars for stimulation.

All right. Erotica L.A. had those, too, in its three-day consumer fleshly bazaar at the L.A. Convention Center. But for those of us with more refined libidos, there was also a booth selling Egyptian cotton sheets. And if you need to ask how those are erotic, you've never jerked off to Lemmy Kilmister.

Speaking of important developments this election year, another set of results have come in that are guaranteed to stir debate among a feverish electorate: Genesis magazine has released their tenth annual "Porn's Hot 100" list, and while we're pleased to see that more than a few of our most notable Crush Objects have made their way onto it (though we're not surprised—after all, having good taste in pornstars has long been one of the prime requirements for this job), we can't help but be aware that there are some readers out there who will be miffed that their favorite(s) didn't make the cut.

After the jump, our tribute to the deserving superstars who made it to Genesis' Top Ten ... and a space for you tell us who should be among them, but wasn't.

Breaking: Jesse Jane Not Trying Hard Enough to Hide Her Nipples

Jesse Jane appears on the cover of July's Genesis magazine (A Publication For Gentlemen) with such a sorry pair of nipple distractors as to ultimately defeat the purpose of hiding them at all. Is the law so complacent that covering the nipples with something that attracts one's attention to the nipples is better than the nipples not being covered at all, or better yet, propped on my eyelids? Luckily her nipples appear unobscured inside.

Next time I see Jesse Jane, I am going to tastefully place a Dorito on her vulva and declare, "I CAN'T SEE IT."

· Genesis Magazine (genesismagazine.com)
· Jesse Jane (jessejane.com)

"I'm Anal Queen Jenna Haze," stated Jenna Haze the first time we met. "OMG YES YOU ARE!!!!1!!" we replied. Hence our lack of surprise that Haze has garnered the most nominations for the upcoming fan-based F.A.M.E. Awards, to be held as part of Erotica L.A. this June. Also high on the list were perennial favorites Belladonna, Tera Patrick, Stormy Daniels, Jesse Jane, Hillary Scott, and Bree Olson (but not, alas, Malabimba). Voting is open for devotees until June 6, and admission to the awards show is free to Erotica L.A. attendees.

· The F.A.M.E. Awards (thefameawards.com)
· Erotica LA 2008 (erotica-la.com)

It gives us pause to consider that Digital Playground's long-running "Jack's Playground" series is about as old as we are, at least in porn years; despite his advanced age, however, Jack is showing no signs of slowing down. Maybe the secret of his longevity has something to do with spending all that time with ever-youthful stars like Jesse Jane, Jelena Jensen, Valentina Vaughn, Kelsey Michaels, Roxy DeVille, and Sue Diamond? After all, the day we get tired of watching Jesse demonstrate her oral talents is the day we're ready for a trip to the morgue ourselves.

Exxxotica Miami: The Five-Minute Version

Digital Playground's pompom-and-pussy epic "Cheerleaders" first entered our consciousness a mere 72 hours ago and we've been anxiously awaiting our screener copy to arrive here at the Fleshbot South compound ever since: not since Halle Berry starred as Catwoman have so many of our buttons been pushed in one place by anything we've seen flicker across our screens. Sure, a few of you are already looking forward to seeing which wholesome fetish the studio will enshrine next (and we have to admit that Jessie Jane and Stoya starring in "Assistant District Attorneys" sounds pretty appealing) ... but for now, all we have are a bunch of DP's contract girls and assorted guest stars fucking the hell out of each other in a locker room while wearing short short skirts and ankle socks. Can't ask for anything more, can we?

Check out our "Cheerleaders" preview gallery after the jump.

As we wait for the "Pirates" sequel, Digital Playground is slowly adding to its documentation of wholesome fetishes by releasing "Cheerleaders", featuring numerous of the company's past and present contract stars, as well as Memphis Monroe (formerly of Hustler) and freshly minted Fleshbot crush object Priya Rai. And when Digital Playground asked me who should be doing the split on the cover, I came through for you.

"Cheerleaders" will be available on Blu-Ray and snail-disc on April 4. We're hoping "Stewardesses" is next.

· "Cheerleaders" (hardcore trailers @ digitalplayground.com)
· Order: "Cheerleaders" (Blu-Ray) (Adult DVD Empire)

Hey!™ It might be because newest Digital Playground contract lady Gabriella Fox™, like her immediate predecessor Riley Steele™, also looks like she was formed from the hip of Jesse Jane™, that we can't stop thinking of the blissfully public domain Stoya.

Still, we "look forward to working very closely with Gabriella and helping her to grow a prestigious career at Digital Playground. We welcome Gabriella Fox™ as our newest contract star and look forward to presenting her to our phenomenal fans."

· "DIGITAL PLAYGROUND SIGNS EXCLUSIVE DEAL WITH GABRIELLA FOX (TM)" (digitalplayground.com)