Fleshbot: jenna haze

Elegant Angel Announced 2010's "Performers Of The Year"

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:30:01 EST

True, we've all got our own opinions on which adult stars should be crowned as the performers of the year—but Elegant Angel's "Performers of the Year 2010" makes a pretty compelling case for its choices.

With Tori Black, Kristina Rose, Jenna Haze, Julia Ann, Kagney Linn Karter, Bobbi Starr, and Alexis Texas, Elegant Angel's put together a formidable team of all-stars to carry them into the new year. Sure, there are a few names we'd love to see added to the list...but we wouldn't dream of saying no to a single one of these names. Especially when sex is on the table.

· Performers of the Year 2010 (elegantangel.com)

Porn's Hot 100: Genesis Picks The Hundred Hottest Pornstars

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:00:00 EDT

There are countless women making a living in Porn Valley—and while many can succeed as porn performers, only a handful will ever be crowned stars. And a mere fraction of those stars will be in the top 100.

Yes, Genesis has released their annual list of the best of the best: and whether you love it or hate it, it's interesting to see who they deem worthy of the top 100 title. We've taken a closer look at their pick for the top ten, with a look at where these ladies were listed last year—and our thoughts on their current position.

As always, your thoughts for who should have made the cut are welcome in the comments.

2009 Porn's Hot 100 (genesisonline.com)

Previously: The 100 Hottest Women In Porn (According To Genesis, Anyway) (fleshbot.com)

10. Gianna Michaels

Last Year's Rank: 21

Fleshbot's Thoughts: If anything, we're just shocked it's taken so long to get the wondrous Gianna into the top ten. She's a strong performer with a resume that's as expansive as her T&A. Heck, she made our top ten all the way back in 2007.

· Photo via Reality Kings (realitykings.com)

9. Joanna Angel

Last Year's Rank: 18

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Again, it's good to see a long time favorite (and, ahem, Supreme Commandress) recognized in the top ten. We'd love to know what boosted her rank this year—was it "LA Pink"? Cause "LA Pink" does look pretty awesome....

· Photo via Burning Angel (burningangel.com)

8. Belladonna

Last Year's Rank: 5

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Any top ten that doesn't include Belladonna is just kidding itself.

7. Briana Banks

Last Year's Rank: 22

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Another hardworking performer who should have been in the top ten ages ago.

· Photo via Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)

6. Bree Olson

Last Year's Rank: 10

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Bree got a slight boost in the rankings this year—and with releases like "The Five", it's not hard to see why.

· Photo via Twistys (twistys.com)

5. Stormy Daniels

Last Year's Rank: 1

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Stormy's stayed strong this year—but she's also shifted her focus from making porn to pursuing a career in politics. You can't stay on top if you're not fully in the game.

· Photo via Wicked Pictures (freewicked.com)

4. Tera Patrick

Last Year's Rank: 2

Fleshbot's Thoughts: We're a bit surprised to see that Tera's still in the top ten. Not that we don't find her enthralling—but she barely performs anymore. Shouldn't that be a knock against her?

3. Jesse Jane

Last Year's Rank: 3

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Digital Playground's resident superstar holds steady. No surprises here: with her talent and enthusiasm for her work, Jesse's not going anywhere for a while.

· Photo of Jesse Jane courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

2. Jenna Haze

Last Year's Rank: 4

Fleshbot's Thoughts: There's a very good reason why Jenna bagged Female Performer of the Year—and it's the same reason why she scored the number two slot on the Genesis list: this girl is fucking hot.

· Photo via Big Wet Asses (freepornofreeporn.com)

1. Sasha Grey

Last Year's Rank: 6

Fleshbot's Thoughts: 2009 is the Year of Sasha Grey. If she hadn't been crowned with the number one slot, we might have had to organize a protest (Million Fleshbot Reader March, anyone?).

· Photo via Twistys (twistys.com)

"PG Porn" is dead, but "Humanzee!" (featuring...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:15:00 EDT

"PG Porn" is dead, but "Humanzee!" (featuring Jenna Haze) is just getting started.

Pump My Ass Full of Cum Again - Once More With Pearly White Feeling

DCypher — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:00:00 EDT

Every now and then a gonzo title bursts onto the scene that raises the bar, leaving us dazzled and amazed in the process. Jules Jordan's latest release may very well be that movie. See for yourselves.

Without in any way downplaying the inherent safety concerns regarding anal cream pies, and the personal choices and risk evaluations performers consider before taking on these types of scenes, we'd like to tip our hats to Jules for this extraordinary movie and it's cream filled goodness.

Fact of the matter is that we can't help but rave about this volume, which features Jenna Haze, Hillary Scott, Aubrey Addams, Andi Anderson, and sexy Missy Stone all taking huge loads up their asses after being fucked hard and deep by a massive cock or three and then letting the silky proof dribble out of them.

We have to ask; is there any better way to start the week out? Not in our humble opinion!

"Pump My Ass Full of Cum #2" releases this week from Jules Jordan Video. You will love it! We promise. Now check out this free gallery of drooling goodness.

Jenna Haze Demolishes The Color Line With "Sexual Blacktivity"

DCypher — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:00:00 EDT

We haven't seen such a scintillating tale of smoldering adventure, illicit desires, and sexy zebra action since the drive-in theater played "The Queen of Spades" and "Action Jackson" on a double feature adults-only Friday.

Jenna Haze's new company, Jennaration X, releases their first interracial title next week, "Sexual Blacktivity," which means that the pint sized princess of porn is preparing to once again blow our minds (as well as other amazingly large objects).

Never one to preach what she can just as easily practice for your viewing pleasure; performer, director, and company owner Jenna Haze jumps right into the thick of the action—which in this case is considerable—demonstrating how she has managed to remain one of our favorite starlets over the years.

First, she takes a powerful fucking from Prince, hard and deep up in her tiny lubricious hole, all the while attempting to make him cum too fast with some of the filthiest trash talk you've ever heard. (We don't know how he made it through the scene as long as he did. We certainly didn't.) Next, she takes on two huge ebony flavored cocks at once, a first time for the award winning sex machine; and follows that up by dressing up as a "little white slut" and letting Rico plow her rubber cunt as hard and deep as he can. To finish it all off, she invites her girlfriend Andy San Dimas over, and hooks the girl up with Sean Michaels (after tasting his legendary tool for herself, of course).

And if that weren't enough, she throws in hot interracial sex scenes with her friends Gianna Michaels, Tori Black, and a reverse scene with sexy ass Misty Stone that had us drooling from start to finish.

"Sexual Blacktivity" comes out next week from Jenna Haze, Jennaration X Studios, and Jules Jordan Video. We were thinking that if you liked hot interracial sex scenes or seeing Jenna Haze get fucked hard by huge black dicks, you know, stuff like that, that you might want to check out the exclusive gallery we got a hold of below. Otherwise just skip it and go back to Better Homes & Gardens. We love you, Jenna!

Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Tori Black
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Tori Black
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Tori Black
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze and Andy San Dimas
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze and Andy San Dimas
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Jenna Haze and Andy San Dimas
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Jenna Haze and Andy San Dimas
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Misty Stone
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Misty Stone
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Misty Stone
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Gianna Michaels
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Gianna Michaels
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Gianna Michaels
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Gianna Michaels
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Gianna Michaels
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Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

Equal Rights For Pornstars! "Crank 2"'s Porn Strike

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:30:01 EDT

A few months ago, we learned that "Crank 2" had a scene featuring a porn actors' strike...starrng real porn actors! By the grace of the good people at Lionsgate, we've managed to get a hold of that very clip.

Take a peek at the hot and heavy strike action above—and if you'd like to see Jenna Haze shaking her tits in higher definition, well, we hear the movie is now available on DVD. (It also has other cool things aside from Jenna Haze & co., btw.)

· Buy "Crank 2" (amazon.com)
· Lionsgate (lionsgate.com)

Digital Playground Provides The Ultimate Back To School With "Teachers"

DCypher — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:00:00 EDT

At long last the wait is over...almost...sort of. In less than a week, Digital Playground will release the long awaited Robby D title "Teachers" and nothing will ever be the same again...we promise you.

It seems like the girls of Filmore Bush Academy have their hands full this year...full of hard cock! Yeah, we know, pretty cheesy stuff. With clear nods to our other favorite porn movie, "Mean Girls," mixed in with knee slapping bits performed by Tommy Gunn and Evan Stone, "Teachers" may seem at first glance to be just another porn movie. "Au contraire," shouts the lovely Katsuni's shaved pucker!

For it's not really the dialogue, acting, or story line that compel us to watch this masterpiece over and over again. They do their job, however, which is to adequately set the stage for what really lures us to run "Teachers" repetitively in our DVD players until our eyes bleed and out crotches throb with a dull, persistent ache—the unbelievable cast!

You see, when you factor in all the sexy action Digital Playground has packed into this movie, along with that unprecedented all star line up, then put legendary director Robby D behind the camera, what comes out isn't cheesy at all...nay, it's pure magic...like a unicorn having sex with a mermaid!

Digital contract stars (past and present) Jesse Jane, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, and Riley Steele go crazy in a school bus orgy that is still simply blowing our minds. We didn't think anywhere East of Eden or South of Hades would ever have such lovely visions of erotic splendor laid out in plain sight to behold.

Joining them are all-stars Jenna Haze, Lisa Ann, Mason Moore, and Angelina Valentine, who, respectively, turn in some of the strongest performances of their dirty little lives. We can honestly say there is not a single down moment in this movie, not a single scene worth fast forwarding through, and that by itself is extraordinary.

"Teachers" comes out next week from Digital Playground and Robby D. Witness a sampling of its glory in the picture below. All images are courtesy of Digital Playground and cannot be used without their permission.

Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Evan Stone
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Katsuni, Riley Steele, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

"Teagan Vs Jenna" Makes For Ultimate Monday Morning Showdown

DCypher — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Only the mind of a diabolical evil genius would make us choose between luscious Teagan Presley and mouth watering Jenna Haze. Damn you Robby D, for putting is in just that position!

He's gone and taken the five hottest scenes he's ever shot of these girls and put them in one volume of his Handheld Pictures for Digital Playground, pitting them against each other in a head on collision of sticky goodness—winner fucks all style.

An epic battle of these proportions is too much for a single human mind to comprehend. It's bigger than Godzilla versus King Kong, bigger than Bear versus Shark, bigger than AVN versus XBIZ.

How can we be expected to choose between two of our favorite pint sized starlets when we just about lose our minds every time we see either of them hard at work? Both girls easily win our hearts over the minute they slink out of their clothes and onto a throbbing prick. Teagan is a dream with a juicy cock in her tiny mouth and pixie porn princess Jenna Haze leaves us with a longing ache bent over and crammed full of a cock meat. If anything the girls are like two sides of a sexy coin, both equally sexy, both equally capable of blowing our minds.

Luckily for us (and you) we don't have to pick one.

"Teagan vs Jenna" comes out next week from Handheld Pictures and Digital Playground. Consider us your pornographic Switzerland.

All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Sneak Preview Of 'Teachers'

auryn — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:30:01 EDT

From the people who brought you 'Babysitters,' 'Cheerleaders,' and 'Nurses' comes 'TEACHERS,' an amazingly hot and hysterical new dvd. The cast contains all our favorite Digital Playground stars, so this one looks like it'll be awesome.

Remember the "slambooks" you kept in high school? The trailer for this film kinda reads like one, but with way more fucking. Really, nothing we say can do justice to how cool this release looks. You'll have to watch the trailer for yourself.

p.s. Is it just us, or does Evan Stone always look like he's about to start laughing when he's not pounding the bejeezus out of one of someone's holes? Aw, he's so cool.

p.p.s. Can we have this dvd, like, now?

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Aziz Ansari ♥ Pornstars

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:45:00 EDT

First Evan Stone, now Jenna Haze. Aziz Ansari really loves the pornstars. (funnyordie.com)

A Warning Label On "Naughty Nanny #2" Would Be Nice

DCypher — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Smash Pictures explores what is unquestionably one of the strongest sexual archetypes known to mankind in the second volume of their "Naughty Nanny" series, directed by Kevin Moore.

Coming in only behind Cheerleaders, Nurses, Psychiatrists, Lunch Ladies, Flight Attendants, Bikini Models, Strippers, Escorts, Used Car Saleswomen, Postal Service Workers, News Reporters, Waitresses, Sword Swallowers, Circus Performers and Rap Music Video Vixens, Nannies represent a seriously prurient vocation ripe with sexual innuendo and possibility. In one sense, they remind us of legal teen babysitters, but better, since they live with you and constantly seem to be wandering around with their breasts hanging out of their tiny little tops, their skin tight panties clinging seductively to their round, bubbled asses. Who could blame us for wanting to dip into the cookie jar?

Andi Anderson, Britteny O'Connell, Jenna Haze, Kiara Diane, and Nicole Ray seem like they have what it takes to watch over the kids while their parents are away. That is, until closer inspection reveals them for what they really are: ravenous cock sluts intent on demolishing marriages in the pursuit of cheap (but oh so satisfying) thrills. Truth be told, these ladies seem to have little to no desire to watch after kids—and all the desire in the world to practice making them. There's less vetting involved in this hiring process than the GOP put into find a running mate for McCain last year.

Now that we think of it, there really ought to be a better way to select candidates to watch your children, or at the least a grading system from one to ten on the potential home wrecker scale. Seeing as how they put labels on everything from hot coffee to ladders these days, it only stands to reason that they give these girls some kind of rating. Jenna Haze definitely needs a warning label. Just looking at her posing naked with her sweet ass up in the air—it's enough to cause increased heart rate, sweating, chills, raging erections, and irrational behavior (and that's before the little minx starts taking miles of pipe up her every tiny pliable hole).

And don't get us started on Kiara Diane, who literally is one of the best looking women we have ever seen in porn—at least since Stoya. The haunting beauty possesses an equally supernatural ability to take cock in her tight pink juicy hole that leaves us at rigid attention. We keep telling you all to expect great things from Kiara. So far she has yet to disappoint us.

"Naughty Nanny #2" releases from Kevin Moore and Smash Pictures this week. Use at your own risk. Oh, and seriously, don't even think of trying to hire Andi Anderson to watch your kids.

Buy "Naughty Nanny #2" (gamelink.com)
Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Buy "Naughty Nanny #2" (gamelink.com)
Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Buy "Naughty Nanny #2" (gamelink.com)
Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
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Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)

"Pornstar POV" Takes You One Step Further Inside Ultimate Fantasy

DCypher — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:00:00 EDT

What man doesn't fantasize about having sex with the world's most beautiful pornstars...and getting paid for it? Boring men. Men with no imagination. Not us: real men love porn stars and POV.

Point of view. It's brilliant. You simply hire the girls you have always wanted to fuck, hold the camera while you nail them, and capture the whole thing for future generations to witness.

That's exactly what Kevin Moore has done. He shoots himself fucking hot chicks like Jenna Haze, Lexi Belle, Brianna Love, Mariah Milano, and Priva, drilling them deep in every position he can think up before unloading down their young pink throats, then passes the bill along to you. Can you believe the nerve of this guy? It's enough to drive us insane!

Luckily, he gets really good footage, allowing us to seamlessly transitions in our minds into the role he is actually playing, and pretend for just one moment that it is indeed us getting the love and not some guy we don't know.

Watching the succulent little Jenna Haze and Lexi Belle worship our throbbing cock is pure poetry. The only thing better or more real would be the actual thing, which is saying a lot if you think about it statistically. We could pseudoscrew these tight little delights in our minds all day long—we should know, because we already do. Kevin just provided us with new angles we hadn't thought of yet.

"Pornstar POV" releases this month from Doghouse. Check out the Monday morning gallery we hooked up for you. There's just one question left: why did it take so long for people to come up with this concept?

Brianna Love
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Jenna Haze
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Jenna Haze
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Jenna Haze
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Jenna Haze
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Brianna Love
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Brianna Love
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Brianna Love
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Brianna Love
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Priva
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Priva
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Priva
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Lexi Belle
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Lexi Belle
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Doghouse Digital (doghousedigital.com)
Lexi Belle
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"The Five" Has At Least Eight More Boobs Than "The 300"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Other than Sasha Grey, no one in "The Five" looks even remotely Mediterranean or homoerotic. The voluptuous Bree Olson doesn't resemble a chiseled Spartan warrior princess at all. And Alexis Texas? Doesn't encourage me to hang around with oiled men.

The Five

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Alexis Texas, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Johnny Sins, Mr. Pete, James Deen, Scott Nails, Danny Mountain

Review by: Gram Ponante

It is then that you realize that "The Five" is not supposed to be a porn version of "The 300."

"The Five" is ALSO not about some elite crimefighting team, unless the crime is not having an opportunity to watch Bree Olson and four other women fuck other guys.

Instead (and depending on the household) "The Five" features five of porn's household names in overlapping scenes shot in a pleasant and sunlit modern country home. Nothing special, unless you like those people a lot. Which I do.

For example, Bree opens the movie (and her stems) with a couch-based tease sequence. I hope this is not taken the wrong way, but Olson is a little heavier than the last time I saw her, and the extra weight looks great on her. People can be sensitive about weight, I've heard. When she is done tossing her lingerie at the camera, she and the camera crawl over to Johnny Sins, who happens to have been sitting on the couch all along, just like the Footprints in the famous inspirational poster.

He fucks her. What would you do if Bree Olson crawled over to your side of the couch naked? At least I hope you would fuck her. I'd block you from this URL if you didn't do your best to take advantage of all opportunities.

"Oh my goodness!" Olson yells, adorably.

Then Mr. Pete fucks Sasha Grey in the kitchen.

A few words about Sasha Grey and Mr. Pete: I am prepared to say that their onscreen personae (ice princess, hillbilly) do not accurately represent them. For example, Sasha Grey is delightful to talk with and she laughs a lot, and Mr. Pete is the nicest guy you'd want to meet. When they fuck in the kitchen you can imagine they had lunch afterward (after they'd squeegeed the surfaces).

Later, James Deen encounters Jenna Haze at the bottom of some concrete-and-stainless-steel stairwell at which someone has thoughtfully placed a couch to fuck her on.

I often wonder: What's the big deal about Jenna Haze? But in "The Five" it became clear. She makes excellent eye contact, and that can't be faked.

While the rest of the movie doesn't fizzle (a threesome with Shyla Stylez, Olson, and Digital Playground mainstay Scott Nails, a scene between Alexis Texas and Danny Mountain), I began to wonder about the viability of a title like "The Five." As there was no throughline - other than the house - the "five" only refers to the number of women in it, which is about as useful as renaming a "Reverse Bukkake" "The 17 Who Showed Up."

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"Star Trek XXX": The Fleshbot Review

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:30:01 EDT

Over the past few years, we've seen porn parodies of everything from "The Brady Bunch" to "The Office"—and now, courtesy of Hustler and Axel Braun, we have "This Ain't Star Trek XXX," a parody unlike any other.

For one, this marks the first time a "Not the"-style parody has pornified a show that wasn't a sitcom—for another, never before have modern porn parodists attempted to venture into sci-fi. But does it work? Does "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" go boldly into this new territory—or does it meekly fall flat, unable to complete the journey?

We'd have to say that—for the most part—the venture is a success. It certainly helps that "Star Trek" was a rather campy endeavor, full of cheesy special effects and plot twists that didn't always add up (just like porn!). In terms of plot, set, and feel, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly keeps the pace with its inspiration (we guess all those hours Axel Braun spent studying old "Star Trek" footage paid off!). "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly satisfied our desire for a porntastic retro future where multicultural crews explore the depths of space (and all the women wear crotchless pantyhose sans underwear).

Not surprisingly, Evan Stone's Kirk is the highlight of the film (we're pretty sure that Evan Stone will steal the show in any porn comedy); but his co-stars do turn in admirable performances (especially during their sex scenes, which take up about 5/6 of the two hour feature). We were particularly taken with the sexed up Jenna Haze and blood fever stricken Sasha Grey (but, of course, you knew we were going to say that).

For the curious, the plot (which can be watched, sans sex, on the bonus disc) amounts to this: while tooling around space, the Enterprise happens across a stranded ship, the Botany Bay. Upon boarding, they discover three bodies in suspended animation (and one skeleton). One of these bodies turns out to be Khan—who, upon being revived, seduces ship historian Marla MacGuyver (Aurora Snow), and then plots to take over the Enterprise by poisoning everyone with PSI 2000.

And what's the antidote to PSI 2000, you ask? Why, a sudden release of endorphins—like, say, an orgasm. Cue shipwide orgy!

Hot as the sex was, though, we occasionally found ourselves wishing (to echo one of our commenters) that there was less of it. Not that we minded seeing Jenna, Aurora, Sasha, Codi, and Jada heaving and sighing in various states of undress—but with so much time devoted to the fucking, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" is more a standard porn with "Star Trek"-themed interludes, and less, well, a "Star Trek"-movie with sex in it.

Perhaps future porn parodies could take a page out of the "Pirates" handbook, and treat the sex scenes the way mainstream movies treat fight scenes: edit the shit out of them so that they fit into the flow of the movie, while still giving us our hedonistic burst of naughty pleasure (and then, of course, include the full sex scenes on the bonus disc, for the times when we don't care about plot).

But even so, this still winds up on our recommended list. Any movie that manages to keep Nick Manning from shouting, "Dropping loads!" gets automatic points (and hey, if it happens to replace that catchphrase with "Cum Khan, eat it, eat it"... well, so much the better).

· Buy "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" (gamelink.com)

*****

Previously: First Look: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" Goes (And Comes) Boldly

Solamente Jenna Haze

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:00:00 EDT

There's a very good reason why Jenna Haze was crowned 2009's AVN Female Performer of the Year—and it has everything to do with her electrifying ability to light up any scene she's in.

Jenna doesn't even need a costar to have onscreen chemistry—even by herself, she knows how to make the magic happen. And we, her loyal fans, are left solely to melt at her feet, babbling in overstimulated, erotic confusion.

· Buy "Nymphetamine: Solamente 2" (adultdvdtalk.com)

The Sun Shines Bright On Jenna Haze

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:00:00 EDT

What is there to say about porn powerhouse Jenna Haze that hasn't already been said? She's a beautiful girl with enough sheer, raw talent to power an entire release. But of course you already know that about the AVN Female Performer of the Year.

You also probably know that she's a joy to watch, and an anal princess, and...well, since you know all of this anyway, why not just watch her do what she does best?

· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com

*****

Previously: Bree Olson and Sasha Grey Lead an Impressive Pack of "Five" All-Stars

First Look: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" Goes (And Comes) Boldly

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:30:01 EDT

This past weekend, we went to check out the new "Star Trek" movie (the non-porn film). In between the explosions, we kept thinking the same thing: "Man, if only this were a porno."

Well, we may not get the chance to see that impossibly beautiful "Star Trek" cast getting it on, but at least Hustler has assembled another, equally sexy Enterprise crew to strip down and get sexed up. Yes, kids: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" comes out tomorrow—and we've got a sneak peek at the action, right here, right now.

It may not be the first "Star Trek" porn out there, but we're pretty sure it's easily the best. With Jada Fire as Uhura taking on Kirk and Spock at the same time, crew member Aurora Snow taming the wrathful Khan with her talented ladyparts, Codi Carmichael jumping Bones's bones, Jenna Haze giving Spock the what for, and—last but certainly not least—Vulcan Sasha Grey getting logical with Captain Kirk...well, really, could it possibly get any better than this? We're not even sure what the plot is, but with a cast like this, we're not sure we care.

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX" streets tomorrow, May 12. Go boldly where no one else has gone, right here in this exclusive gallery.

· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)

Bree Olson And Sasha Grey Lead An Impressive Pack Of "Five" All-Stars

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 05 May 2009 15:00:00 EDT

Forget what "Schoolhouse Rock" might have taught you: in the age of supersizing and upsizing and embiggening, three is no longer the magic number. Five is where it's at.

Earlier this year, we saw Andrew Blake's "5 Stars", now Adam & Eve have taken up the pentaphilic torch with "The Five," a celebration of five of the porn world's most impressive stars.

The feature is headlined by Bree Olson, who brings her adorable (and dirty) charms to both her scenes (the opener, in which she opens up all her orifices to Johnny Sins, and the fourth scene, in which Bree joins Shyla Stylez and Scott Nails for a delicious threesome). But Bree is hardly the only star in this show: Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, and Alexis Texas round out the release, with ample dirty talk and hard fucking.

There is no plot—or even a half-hearted attempt at a plot—to "The Five": instead, each performer is introduced with a little striptease, and then immediately cuts to the ~~fuck~~, er, chase. But it's for the best, really. With a cast of this caliber, there's no need to waste time dressing up the action or providing a backstory: these performers are strong enough to carry the film on their sexual skills alone.

In keeping with its numeric theme, "The Five" releases today—5/5/09. For the sake of numeric consistency, we almost wish it had come out four years ago—but, alas, if it had, we wouldn't have been able to compile this stellar cast.

· "The Five" (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX": The Long Awaited Trailer

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:30:01 EDT

At long last, and after a whole month of anticipation, Hustler has released the official trailer for "This Ain't Star Trek XXX." The good news is that the movie looks awesome.

The bad news? We still have to wait a whole two weeks to see the finished product. What gives? We want to see it now! We need to know why, exactly, everyone's eyes are going weird, and what evil plot Khan unleashes... oh, and also we want to see Vulcan Sasha Grey gettin' logical (if you know what we mean).

· This Ain't Star Trek XXX - First Look (hustlerworld.com)

Pornstars Round Out Cast Of "Crank 2"

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:30:01 EDT

We had no desire to see "Crank 2"—but since it features Jenna Haze, Monique Alexander, Nick Manning, Lexington Steele, Ed Powers, and (of course) Ron Jeremy... well, maybe we'll catch it on DVD.

On the chance that any of you are actually inclined to see the movie while it's still on the big screen, do us a favor and let us know if Nick Manning manages to make use of his catchphrase—that might actually be worth paying to see. Well, maybe.

· "Crank 2" Credits (imdb.com, thanks E!)
· Thumbnail: Jenna Haze, not in "Crank 2" (premiumpass.com, via Ask Jolene)