And so it is that we welcome you to the second edition of International House of Porn Tapes. Learn just why it is that Mexico is hot, hot, hot—and see if anyone's going down way down south of the equator. Find out if the Germans live up to their reputation for efficiency, and discover whether or not Israel's actually populated by Assraelis. It's a big, wide world out there, people—you might as well take the opportunity to learn how the rest of it fucks.

Beautiful horny wet hit sexmachine (Japan)

vivianita 18 (Mexico)

Elle aime se faire filmer et sucer (France)

Garterbelt Wife (United States)

great sex (Israel)

Oral in the afternoon (United Kingdom)

Envied friends wife (India)

wander biggi 1 (Germany)

la venezolana (Chile)

La mujer del Policia (Venezuela)

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Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Filmmaker Ari Libsker drew from his own exposure to these works for a new documentary film that examines this "distinctly Israeli genre" of porn: "I realized that the first Holocaust pictures I saw, as one who grew up here, were of naked women ... We were in elementary school. I remember how embarrassed we were." While they were ostensibly based on actual first-person accounts by survivors of concentration camps, Libsker contends that the stalags were a "popular extension" of works by the writer who gave the first account of the Holocaust in Hebrew—and who allegedly embellished the historical record with tales of sexual slavery and prosititution in the Nazi's notorious Pleasure Block in Auschwitz. Whatever their provenance, stalags faded from the Israeli publishing scene only a few years after they first appeared, although their legacy lives on in any number of BDSM and sexploitation works produced since then. Midnight movie classic "Ilsa: She-Wolf Of The SS" didn't exactly come from nowhere, you know.

· "Israel's Unexpected Spinoff From a Holocaust Trial" (NY Times)
· "Fictitious memory" (haaretz.com)
· Above: Ari Libsker's "Stalags - Sex & Holocaust - opening sequence" (YouTube; see more excerpts here)
· Ari Libsker (Wikipedia)
· See also: "Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS" (Don Edmonds 1975) (film stills @ livejournal.com, via bedazzled.blogs.com)

· Megan Fox will dominate the new Transformers movie, even though her co-stars are killer robots the size of 18-wheelers. She's got some pretty powerful weapons of her own. (maximonline.com)

· MSNBC discovers phthalates, and only about 10 months after the rest of the sex toy-loving world. Yay, mainstream media! (msnbc.com)

· The founder of Agent Provocateur turns down membership in the Order of the British Empire because he thinks Tony Blair is "morally corrupt." Funny ... we always thought that was the chief selling point of their knickers. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Michelle Pfeiffer will not do any more nude scenes without first approving them with her kids. Wait, is Michelle Pfeiffer even considering doing nude scenes? Because we should really be kept up to date on these things. (thesun.co.uk)

· Former Miss Israel Gal Gadot defends the whole "Women of the IDF" promotion. If your army's got it, flaunt it. (upi.com, related party photos @ Gawker)

· "One in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy." Hey, UK ... so there's these birds and these bees ... (news.com.au)

· Hermosa Beach, California, denies a business permit to a store called Condom Revolution. That's exactly how the British ended up where they are. (dailybreeze.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

More controversy today from that hotbed of sexual scandal—the Israeli consulate in New York. It seems the ambassadors from the Holy Land are quite proud of the spread in the new issue of Maxim starring the Women of the Israeli Defense Forces. So proud, in fact, that they're throwing a party tonight at the consulate to celebrate, hosted by one of the stars of the bikini laden pictorial, Miss Israel 2004 Gal Gadot. Believe it or not, there's a few people back in Israel that aren't thrilled about it.

Never mind the fact that this isn't the first time Israeli has gone for the, uh ... gut to promote it's sandy shores. Never mind that Maxim is about a year late to the "army women are hot" meme. (By the way, since military service is compulsory over there aren't all Israeli women "Women of the IDF"?) This is the same consulate that as little as two months ago had a gay pornstar on the payroll, so it's obvious these guys know how to have fun. Yet, some spoilsports in the Knesset feel this isn't an appropriate use of the government's time or money, or the best way to sell their nation to the rest of the world. We disagree completely. Beautiful women are the greatest advertisement there is, and a little swimsuit salesmanship never hurt anyone. No, what bother us is that our Gawker brothers and sisters asked readers to submit the best pun-filled headline to attach to this story and not one contributor thought to add a variation on "Assraelis." And they're supposed to be the literary ones?

· Women of the Israeli Defense Forces (maximonline.com)
· BABES IN OY LAND SCUFFLE (nypost.com)
· Rewriting The Post: Hatikva Hotties (Gawker)
· "I'd like to invade her Gaza Strip" (radosh.net)

Previously: Breaking (No, Really): Roman Ragazzi Resigns, DVD Review: "Assraelis", Flesh Flicks: Invasion of Privacy, Wet Spots: Israeli Tourism Video, Israeli Army Girls, Isragirls: Israeli Escort Agency, Israeli Thong Hotness

· Who knew that Tee Corrine's classic 1973 Cunt Coloring Book was available on Amazon? We're so excited about ordering copies for everyone we know that we're going to have even more trouble staying inside the lines! (random-good-stuff.com)

· Parents, please remember "the birds and the bees" is supposed to be a lecture to your kids, not a live presentation in front of them. The goal is teach them about sex, not scare them away from it forever.

· A day after teasing everyone with a glimpse of sideboob, Lindsay Lohan continues to work her way back into the spotlight by serving up a pantyhose-sheathed upskirt shot. One day at a time, Lindsay, one day at a time! (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Orbitz' advertising is not very subtle. They are talking about cocks, right? (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· A Montreal YMCA tries to figure out how to keep wandering eyes from ogling spandex-clad exercisers, but isn't that the whole point of working out? (canada.com)

· Hooters are on their way to Israel—the restaurant, we mean, not the other kind. They've had those forever. (reuters.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The young ones have finally learned that maybe posting your naughty spring break pictures on the interwebs isn't such a hot idea. We know you swore all your MySpace friends to secrecy, but that's not quite how it works. (abcnews.go.com)

· Snobby Westchester, NY residents are peeved at their neighbor who turned a $3 million mansion into a BDSM dungeon; for that cost it must be the nicest dungeon anyone has ever been whipped in, so they're probably just jealous. (nypost.com)

· Britain is in crisis mode over the shortage of its most precious natural resource: sperm. They're still making it; it just turns out that most guys would rather keep it to themselves. (scotsman.com)

· Local librarians in Illinois find two amorous teens "researching" each other in the stacks. What's the Dewey Decimal Number for "getting freaky"? (cbs2chicago.com)

· The life of a recovering porn addict is a rough one. Delivering all those "scared straight" lectures takes a lot out of you. (royalpurplenews.com)

· Israel's Knesset tries to clamp down on internet porn. Isn't the Middle East chaotic enough? (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

We quiver like a little rabbit's nostril lately when we feel that the hype surrounding an event or product is more substantive than the product itself, so we were pleasantly surprised to view, at long last, "Assraelis", a movie fraught with tasty Mediterranean types. Join us after the gap to see why no holy war is necessary, but also why parts of Rony Pornstar could launch a thousand ships.

(Yes, we know that was Troy, but that's how impressed with Rony Pornstar we were.) - GP

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Assraelis

Studio: Tightfit Productions
Director: Ilay Kimchi
Cast: Rony Pornstar, Ehud Sa'ado, Alma Fauck, Shotty G, Shelly Mimon, Amos Menoy, Ron Dankner, May Buskila

Review by Gram Ponante

Assraelis is an added-value porn movie. In addition to being a travelogue for those of us who have not visited Israel it is also a marketing hook that includes angry outcries from clergy, just by virtue of the movie having been shot in Tel Aviv. I'll try to keep the porn movie separate from the other bells and whistles as much as possible.

Filmed mostly in public spaces in Israel's capital, Assraelis is a standard gonzo that might have been shot in front of a bluescreen in Porn Valley (aside from the fact that Porn Valley doesn't use bluescreens). The sex always starts with fondling and a blowjob and always ends with a facial popshot. See? We're not that different.

There are other similarities. In group scenes, as in America, the guys are like a roving pack. The opening vignette features two cabbies cruising the outskirts of Tel Aviv for chicks. They pick up two and ostensibly kidnap them. The girls escape but are quickly lured back to fuck their captors, exhibiting a full-blown Stockholm Syndrome despite the brevity of the taxi ride.

After the cabtop deed is finished, the dudes speed away, leaving the ladies half naked in the street. "Fuck your mother's cunt!" someone says (I'm assuming one of the girls, but if it was one of the guys, what a nerve).

Not only is this similar to what Prince did to Apollonia in Purple Rain, but that casual misogyny is American Porn Standard.

That said, the women in Assraelis are all-natural and sassy, particularly the brunettes May Buskila and Rony Pornstar. Though the motions are often the same, absent is the regrettable stateside device of having anyone look directly at the camera to pose and bite her fingers. I hate that.

Rony Pornstar in particular seems to be enjoying her job. In both a beach scene by the Mediterranean and an unlikely-but-who-cares? group grope in a park (the gang finds her asleep on a bench and, counter to Mosaic law, proceed to grab her clothes off), she wears a big smile.

Forgivable problems with the movie include some blatant ADR gaffes (we hear people moaning in an echo-y studio when on screen their mouths are closed and they're in a park), as well as brief looped sequences reminiscent of 80's porn. But the performances. Obviously the filmmakers grew up watching a lot of porn because they have the beats down, but the performances are not rote, and that is refreshing.

In the same way that the Chinese call Chinese food "food", Assraelis was a title created by the movie's distributor, Tightfit Productions. The marketing of this movie with its Hebraic font and the subsequent solicitations of a hue and cry from rabbis had nothing to do with the way the movie was filmed.

For example, a squad of Israeli soldiers by chance marching near Rony's tryst is filmed cheering the couple on. There are no mentions of the Intifada or Scud attacks. I guess it would be shocking to see foreskins on the guys, but the only thing one could really point to as "Israeli" in the movie is that everyone is speaking Hebrew. The cast's lack of tattoos is also not enough to guess its nationality.

How is this movie different from any other porn movie? The women are hot as a burning bush. Next year in Jerusalem!

· Tightfit Productions (tightfit.com)
· Buy "Assraelis" (gamelink.com)

· A warning to all our observant Jewish readers out there: TightFit's "Assraelis" is not officially kosher. If we were more on top of things this morning, we could probably work a matzo ball joke in here somewhere too. (assraelis.com + avn.com)

· Our own Gal Friday Violet Blue and a few other lovely clowns of our acquaintance make Forbes' first "Web Celeb" list. As far as we're concerned, though, you're nobody unless some website is trying to sell your homemade sex tape. (forbes.com)

· It looks like Rachel Hunter's bikini wearing days are far from over. She can still show those kids a thing or two. (taxidrivermovie.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· Pierce Brosnan nearly freezes to death filming a nude scene in the snow, in sub-zero temperatures. Kinda makes the new James Bond look like a pussy. (starpulse.com)

· A Korean website owner is fined $10 million for implying that his site was actually owned by a famous actor. To be fair, with a name like Twist Kim, the actor probably should be in the porn business. (hankooki.com)

· Erotic goodies store Boudoir Essentials is holding an online kissing contest, and giving away bedroom toys to the winning couple. Oh, wait ... it's just regular old kissing on the lips? Never mind. (boudoiressentials.com, via avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

We've all been there, perched high upon a rocky cliff overlooking the beautiful seashore and making love to that special someone ... when all of the sudden a platoon of Israeli soldiers wanders by and spoils the moment with their hooting and hollering. This shy young couple does their best to ignore this disturbance of their peace, but it's getting to the point where you can't even have sex outside anymore without some random army ruining all your fun. Why can't some people just mind their own business.

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· Sex at the Sea Cliff (PornoTube)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

· The Emmy nominations came out today and seeing this "assessment" (i.e. nudie shots) of the nominees for Best Actress (and one Best Supporting Actress) makes it hard to pick a winner. It's an honor just to see them naked. (tabloidrabies.blogspot.com, via Defamer)

· Meanwhile, internet Channel 102 introduces us to Dr. Miracles, a dedicated life saver. He's like that guy on House ... if the guy on House cured people with his magical sperm. (www.channel102.net)

· As this new tourism ad shows, the holy sites aren't the only reason to make a pilgrimage to Israel. Unfortunately, it's the nation's dreams of soccer glory that suffer for it. (Google Video, via adrants.com)

· Watchmakers have always had a knack for building beautiful precision instruments. They also know how to make some fine handcrafted smut. They take a lickin', but do they keep on tickin'? (sexculptures.blogspot.com, via Boing Boing)

· PETA has posted a somewhat modest photo gallery of their "Running of the Nudes" protest against the famous Pamplona bull stampede. Show some more skin, guys, so we know you really care. (runningofthenudes.com)

· Finally, get (another) eyeful of Playboy's Miss July Sarah Jean Underwood. Will nude horseback riding ever go out of style? (dailyniner.com)

*****

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We already knew there were a lot of beautiful women in Israel, as well as a bunch of soldiers—but who knew there were so many beautiful women in the Israeli military? Compulsory service never looked so good. (attustest.blogspot.com)

· According to this brief history of the vibrator, the first pocket rocket was created by doctors in 1883 to give their female patients "pelvic massages" (read: orgasms) as a cure for "hysteria." Wait, they're used for other things too? (philly.com)

· If you're more of a Luddite when it comes to playtime tools, how about a nice handcrafted glass dildo? The manufacturers assure us they don't break, but you should still remember to pick up some JetDry to avoid that nasty spotting before throwing them in your dishwasher. (thestar.com)

· With all the serious issues in the news these days, why is the Washington Post featuring hot police double fisting action on its front page? Your guess is as good as ours. (mediabistro.com - thanks P.)

· Whether it's making out with Kristanna Loken or opening a chain of X-rated strip clubs, Pink sure is showing the world what a truly versatile performer she is these days. (savemanny.blogspot.com + femalefirst.co.uk)

· A British study says looking for online smut at work is the number one cause of network security incidents. Is there anything porn doesn't get blamed for these days? (techworld.com)

· We really shouldn't have to point this out to you, but it can't be stressed enough: Be careful before you let Sharon Stone give your kids sex advice. Unless, of course, you want them starring in low-grade sex thrillers and basically creeping everybody out. (avn.com + rottentomates.com + defamer)

· To donkey punch or not donkey punch? That is the question. (Tip: share it with someone you love!) (lukeisback.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives