For all you Amyphiles (we know you're out there), next Monday marks the debut of "Amy Fisher: Totally Nude And Exposed," which hopefully involves Amy getting literally naked, and not just baring her soul or something (sorry, we hate false advertising). And if even that's not enough, don't forget Amy's XXX website, AmyFisher.com—it's totally launching this month! For reals!

· Amy Fisher (amyfisher.com)

We're just wondering when (if?) they're going to make a male version of the bag. You know, for equal opportunity simulated groping.

· This Sexy Shopping Bag might put you in Jail (random-good-stuff.com)

Frankly, we think they've reached a new high with this ad for socks—but then again, we always had a soft spot for naked girls in hosiery. (Ad spotted at The Reverse Cowgirl (reversecowgirlblog.blogspot.com))

We may have to take a week off when this movie comes out. We're going to need some time to recover from the hotness.

· "Girls Girls Girls 2" Trailer (youtube.com)

This week, we finally had a chance to find out. On Monday, several prominent blogs (including Fleshbot's distant cousins Gawker and Deadspin) received the following news tip:

As of Sunday Dec. 14, 2008, there were rumors of a sex tape featuring both sexy ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews and the New York Mets' David Wright. The video was thought to have been taken after a Rutgers football game which both attended in October 2007 at a hotel in New Jersey. Both the camera and video were apparently later stolen from Wright's Mercedes soon thereafter, while it was parked in a garage near his home in New York City. Since then the thieves or their surrogates have shipped clips of the escapade to Hollywood porn producers, including Red Light District, the porn production company behind the "One Night In Paris" Paris Hilton video. David Joseph, Red Light's CEO, only offered, "We have seen the tape and we have yet to make any conclusions upon its veracity or whether we are interested in buying it."

When reached late Monday, spokespersons for Andrews, Wright and ESPN have no comment.

For those of you who don't know, Erin Andrews is a minor celebrity in the sports world—an attractive sports reporter with a somewhat rabid fanbase. In other words, the perfect candidate for a sex tape scandal: famous enough to generate interest, but not so big that a rumor could be easily dismissed. It's not too hard to see how someone on deadline (or desperate for a story) might have chosen to ignore some of the fishier aspects of the email (no sources cited, no hard proof of the tape), and run with it, setting the internet ablaze with scandalous whispers about Ms. Andrews.

Prudence won out in this case, however—and a short few minutes after the first email was sent, our journalist friends received a second one:

Just dropping a line to let you know that the folks over at [4chan] are making up a fake story about Erin Andrews having a sex tape with David Wright. Naturally, I do not wish to see my Princess' name defamed like that. ... Anyhow, they are making a fake torrent, rapidshare vid, yahoo questions, google analytics or some such nerdy brouhaha... the whole shabang

Yes indeed, the angry internerds had struck again, leaving a trail of clues around the web, hoping to ensnare eager searchers trying to break a story (or at least catch a glimpse of Erin Andrews getting her sex on). This is the most important part about sex tape hoaxes: we want to believe, and so we grab on to the barest shred of evidence—that picture that looks kind of like Kristen Davis naked, the girl who is maybe Ashley Dupre—and run with it.

In this case, however, there were a few loose threads that made the the whole mess all too easy to unravel. That David Joseph quote? A nice touch, given that Red Light District is known for marketing celebrity sex tapes—but a quick phone call to his office revealed that the whole thing was little more than smoke and mirrors. As he told former Fleshbot editor Dashiell Bennett:

I have absolutely no idea what that is about. I don't even know who those people are. I suppose it's flattering that they would use my name, since we're know for celebrity stuff, but I don't like people using my name in a lie.

Nice try, scammers—and better luck next time. And to all of you out there, hoping for a honest to goodness celebrity sex tape? Just remember—when those actually happen, you'll find the clip on Fleshbot.

· The Anatomy Of An Internet Rumor (deadspin.com)

If only more student groups were like Italy's Unione Universitari, whose campaign argued for more student housing (and, by extension, more student sex). Now why can't American college students fight for things like that? Or at least have more posters with gratuitous nudity?

· Sex sells as far right wins Uni election (austriantimes.at, via buzzfeed.com)

Uh, probably not. Given that the movie in question is "He's Just Not that Into You," and the trailer—which certainly implies toplessness—shows Scarlett tastefully submerged in water, we have a hard time imagining that this'll be the movie that makes our dreams come true. But take a look at the trailer and judge for yourself—if this is the great reveal, it will totally be worth those hours and hours of chickflick.

. . .

· "He's Just Not That Into You" Trailer (youtube.com, via on205th.com)

· Sturdy Wings (sturdywings.com, via avn.com; sound warning!)
· Thumbnail from Twistys (twistys.net, via KellyFind)

. . .

· Director's Cut - GHWT Risky Business Heidi Klum (youtube.com)

. . .

· Obama Is Nailin' Palin! (husterworld.com)

· The Mammary Game (rolemodelsmovie.com, via nerve.com. Sound warning!)

· Hustler (hustler.com)

Okay, so it turns out this isn't actually a real personals site, but instead a brilliant ruse developed by Girlfriend Films to help market their upcoming porno flick "Mother Daughter Exchange Club." (We believe this is what's known as "viral marketing.") We're sorta disappointed that we won't get the chance to go on a big ol' lesbian double date with our mom — but hey, at least we can always watch a porn about it!

· Mother Daughter Exchange Club (motherdaughterexchangeclub.net, via avn.com)
· Buy Mother Daughter Exchange Club (girlfriendsfilms.com)

· SexiestParty (sexiestparty.com)
· See also: "Site Sparks Political Sexiness War" (10zenmonkeys.com)

By this point, of course, the original "Pirates" needs no introduction (unless you happen to be a curiously dismissive blog tipster): aside from being the best selling porn movie of all time, it's still selling like crazy and has even had the distinction of being edited down from its adult version and made available for rental at the formerly Mormon-owned Blockbuster, which means that even Mit Romney and his extended family have probably seen it.

While it has a tall order to follow, "Stagnetti’s Revenge" continues in its predecessor's fine tradition with an absolutely stellar cast including Digital Playground contract stars Stoya™, Riley Steele™, Jesse Jane™, Gabriella Fox™, and Shay Jordan™ along with the non-trademarked Katsuni, Sasha Gray, Belladonna, Rhylee Richards, Jenna Haze, Abbey Brookes, Brea Lynn, Brianna Love, Veronica Rayne, and Shyla Stylez. (Wow, just typing that cast list made our hands tired. Imagine how they'll feel once we get our screener copy!)

Director-slash-seafaring visionary Joone literally spared no expense for the sequel—as in, he actually built a fucking pirate ship from scratch for the production, hired mainstream fight choreographers and stunt coordinators, added over 600 special effects, and catered each shoot with Beluga caviar and gold leaf-encrusted foie gras sliders (OK, maybe that last part is just a rumor). Meanwhile, many of his pornic competitors have been busy trying to make ends meet by rereleasing compilations discs and cutting their feature budgets down to practically nothing. Take that, one-camera gonzo auteurs!

But will the final product live up to the hoopla? We'll just have to wait until the premiere to find out. Until then, enjoy the preview pics below while we find something clean to wear for tomorrow night.

• "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" (official site @ piratesthemovie.com)
• Order: "Pirates II" (Adult DVD Empire)

* * * * *

• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

. . .

· 'Pirates II' Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)
• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

· XOXO Joanna Angel Trailer (youtube.com)

. . .

· Arianna Armani (MySpace)

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· Not Bewitched XXX Trailer 2 (YouTube)
· Official Site (notbewitchedxxx.com)

The manufacturer of the SaSi makes two main claims about it: that it learns what you like and that it stimulates the body in a way completely unlike any other sex toy. So let's take these one at a time.

The first time I heard that the SaSi could learn how to get me off, I got a little freaked out, thinking that this toy was powered by some kind of A.I. voodoo that would sense when and how often and how hard the toy made me came. Not so much, though: turns out "learns what you like" is actually just code for "fancy system of programmable stimulation settings."

In other words, the SaSi has two different modes: "learning mode" and "favorites mode". (You select which mode you'd like to enter after you turn the toy on.) In learning mode, the SaSi works its way through every stimulation setting and pauses for twenty seconds at each movement pattern. If you like the way a pattern feels, you can hit the "don't stop" button. When you shut the toy off, favorites mode updates with your last five "don't stop" settings, turning the mode mode into your own customized orgasm session. It may not be as impressive as some A.I. voodoo, but it's still pretty cool.

As for the completely unique stimulation method, though ... well, this is where the SaSi really, really shines. Most vibrators function as a blunt object of erotic stimulation. You turn them on, they vibrate. Sure, you can alter the speed or pattern of vibration, and some of them have parts that swivel, but there's not a lot of subtlety involved.

But with the SaSi, things are different. From the top side, the SaSi looks a bit like a sleek, wireless mouse. Flip it over, however, and its true nature is revealed. You'll see a small bump, and it's this bump that makes all the difference. It kicks into action when you turn the SaSi on, moving along the clit as fast or as slow as you wish: it moves sideways, it moves in circles, it moves up and down. Most importantly, it places pressure (not vibration, but pressure) directly on or around the clit. As you may have guessed, it pretty closely simulates getting head. Try getting a Hitachi Magic Wand to do that.

But that's not all: in addition to the movements of its magic bump, the SaSi is also capable of vibrating in a traditional style. With the push of a different button, the body of the SaSi starts rocking and rolling. Vibration can be increased or decreased, or set to a variety of pulse patterns. If you can imagine a small tongue moving just the way you like that's connected to a flat, vibrating head ... well, that's pretty much what the SaSi is like. In other words, it's awesome.

I had just two issues with the SaSi. The first issue was relatively minor: after extended periods of use, the SaSi tends to get a bit hot. I wasn't particularly bothered by the sensation—I actually kinda liked it—but a part of me did worry a bit about the motor overheating, or possibly catching on fire. (It never happened. I just worry.)

The second issue was a bit more bothersome, and certainly something to keep in mind if you're planning on spending $185 to buy one. The SaSi is strictly a clitoral toy, which means it's not designed to penetrate the vagina. So if you need penetration to get off, or if clitoral stimulation makes you want to get fucked, you might find yourself a bit unsatisfied if you're not using it in combination with another toy.

On the other hand, if clitoral stimulation is all you need to get your world rocking, this may just be the best thing that's ever happened to your ladyparts. It's been a long, frustrating wait for the SaSi. But now that it's finally available, I can definitely say that wait was worth it.

You might also appreciate the fact that the SaSi is a rechargeable vibrator with a sterilizable silicone coating. So if you're diligent about cleaning it, you can share it with your loved ones. But with a toy this good, you might not want to.

• The SaSi (jejoue.com)
• Buy the SaSi (@ babeland.com)