Fleshbot: humor

Learn The Feminine Mystique From "Not The Brady Bunch XXX: Pussy Power"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:00:00 EST

Sure, this episode was good, but Will Ryder should probably move on before Cousin Oliver shows up.

Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of "Not The Bradys," young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows up at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in Jan's bed, which somehow introduces her to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia's success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of "being good at something" lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol' Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B's bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan's violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven't delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; "much more than a hunch" indeed.

Savanna On Sex

auryn — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:30:01 EDT

Seeing as Savanna Samson can do nearly everything — she's a porn goddess, vintner, singer and writer — we'd suggest you take her advice on, well, anything. In her column on xcritic.com, she offers pretty sound (and sexy) sex advice.

So sex advice is sex advice and most of it is pretty sensible and formulaic, but we had to laugh when Savanna (jokingly) suggested that "lots of opiates" are what it will take to convince your wife to join in an orgy with you. Or that the solution to your girlfriend's annoyance with how long it takes for you to come (oh, boo hoo) is to "have her stick her finger up your ass! Kisses!" She also gives a lesson in how to deep throat and explains why women love to take it in the ass. Seriously, this advice column is gold.

· Savanna on Sex (xcritic.com)

10 Hottest Bible Babes Of All Time

auryn — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:30:01 EDT

Thank God there's enough irreverence floating around this holiday season for Manofest to have come up with this little gem.

Replete with Pre-Raphaelite paintings, modern day celebrity interpretations and even movie clips, this little list is not only hysterical, but visually rich. Personally, we would have put Mary Magdelene first, but as every good Christian knows, the world is an imperfect place.

· THE 10 HOTTEST BIBLE BABES OF ALL TIME (manofest.com)

You Come To This Kitchen Often?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:30:01 EDT

You know you sometimes eye that piece fruit, or that naughty vegetable, wondering what it would feel like right there. And we've got news for you: that vegetable is thinking about you too.

Forbidden Fruit

· Forbidden Fruit (atom.com)

"This Ain't The Stimulus Package XXX" Debuts On Limited Screens

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 13:30:01 EST

Mr. Flynt may not have secured a porn bailout—but that won't stop the pornographers from giving the rest of us the stimulus package we so desperately need.

Well, at least the imaginary pornographers in this Landline TV video, which envisions what would happen if the Obama Administration hired the nation's top grossing production company to make an educational film about the stimulus package... and that production company turned out to be a porno-making one.

As you may imagine, hijinks ensue... and as for us, well, we're just waiting for Hustler to release "This Ain't The Stimulus Package XXX." Any day now, right?

· Lucid Films Presents: "The Stimulus Package" (landlinetv.com)
· Thumbnail: patriot Michelle (juicybucks.com)

"PG Porn" Finds Its Stride (And Sasha Grey Helps!)

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:30:01 EST

After some trial and error, it seems that James Gunn's "PG Porn" has finally hit its stride. The latest installment, "Roadside Ass-istance" (featuring Sasha Grey), actually made us laugh. Out loud, in fact!

Rather than confusing us with violence, or just plain confusing us, "Roadside Ass-istance" goes for the funny in a more straightforward way, taking on the double entendres and playing on the sheer ridiculousness of porno "plots." Thumbs up on this one, kids... even if the use of the word "fuck" makes a PG rating seem rather unlikely.

· PG Porn (pgporn.tv)

You Mean Ron Jeremy Doesn't Actually Speak French?

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:30:01 EST

Porn "plots" aren't always realistic, or even particularly well written, but at least they can be good for a few laughs. (regretfulmorning.com, thumbnail)

"PG Porn" Wishes You A Very Belladonna Christmas

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 11:30:01 EST

It's been so long since the first installment of "PG Porn" that we'd thought the project had been entirely abandoned. But no: "PG Porn" is back just in time for Christmas—and with Belladonna in tow!

This time around, it's a two part "Peanus" special, with Charlie Brown & co. all grown up(ish) and ready to get randy. Unlike "Nailing Your Wife," "Peanus" actually slips into sexy territory with some implied sexxin' and such, but the ending... well, you should probably just watch it for yourself.

. . .

· PG Porn (pgporn.tv)

Still Horny After All These Years

pweasels — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:00:00 EST

What does it say about human relations that there are only “32 Ways to Please Your Lover," but 50 ways to leave?

The problem is all inside your head they said to me
The answer is easy if you watch this DVD
We’d like to help you in your struggle sexually
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

They said it’s really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore, we hope our meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But we’ll repeat ourselves - we’re the Sinclair Institute
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You just dive into her puss, Russ; make love to those tits, Fritz
Don’t be a dick, Rick - just get the DVD
Get into her ass, Chas (you’ll need to discuss that)
But learn how to kiss, Chris, and get yourself free

They said it grieves us so to see you in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make you come again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the 32 ways?

They said why don’t you both just get it on tonight
And we believe by morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then they charged me $24.95 – and it turns out they were right
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You work on his ass, Cass; just find his G-spot, Dot
Just spend a little dough, Flo, and buy our DVD
Suck on his toes, Rose (you might need to wash those)
Just learn to fellate, Kate, and get yourself free

· Sinclair Institute (www.bettersex.com)
· Buy "32 Ways to Please Your Lover" (gamelink.com)

Surfer Girls 2: Where Surf Meets Sex

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

"Surfer Girls 2": a porn in which the girlfriends of the Beach Boys fuck sharks, wax their surfboards with semen, and adorn their genitals with kelp. Or, er, maybe not. Look, in all the hustle and bustle and what have you, we may not have actually watched this movie, or even picked it up from the store. But whatever: the good people at PopPorn have put together a review that tells us everything we need to know about this instant classic from "Shane's World." Well, mostly. In any case, we get to see Morgan Mae's boobs... and isn't that what really matters? Video after the jump.

. . .

· New This Week: Surfer Girls 2 (popporn.com)

The Guardian Takes A Long Hard Look At Porno Plots

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:30:05 EST

Of all the strange mysterious mysteries of the porn world, perhaps the oddest of all is the porno plot. Fundamentally, porn exists so that we can watch two (or more!) people doing it—so why do we need some crazy set up to help us get in the mood? We may never have an answer to that question, but at least we can laugh at this this gallery of porno opening shots. Though we have to say, that rollerskating accident porno looks really compelling. (guardian.co.uk, via Violet Blue)

We've seen more than a few bad pornos in...

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:45:00 EDT

We've seen more than a few bad pornos in our day... but none quite so awful as those imagined up by the readers of Cracked. Though, really, you all know you're dying to see "Shins of Sin." (cracked.com)

Having a bachelor party? You might want...

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:45:07 EDT

Having a bachelor party? You might want to leave the kids at home. We know babies like boobs and all, but you want them to have something to look forward to when they grow up. (postyourgirls.com)

T. Rex is totally right: we do need a new...

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 11:05:54 EDT

T. Rex is totally right: we do need a new analogy for sex. At the very least it will give professional sex writers a whole new way to talk about boning, banging, and doing the horizontal polka (though as far as we're concerned people don't talk about doing the horizontal polka enough.) (qwantz.com)

Sex With A Smile: Top Ten Funny Porn Clips

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:25:20 EDT

Some of you have been asking us lately whether porn can be funny. Well, we can at least tell you that it doesn't always have to be serious: whether the action involves cum shots gone wrong, amateur porn bloopers, or good old fashioned porn "acting," the line between sexy and funny is sometimes very thin. Didn't that Freud guy say something about that very subject once? Okay, he probably didn't. But we think you'll at least get a chuckle out of the clips you'll find after the jump ... or at least some other kind of spontaneous ejaculation.

. . .

Clumsy Girl on Webcam (megarotic.com)

(Funny) Kitchen Sex Goes VERY Wrong (megarotic.com)

Overflowing Cum (megarotic.com)

Pussy Shaker (megarotic.com)

funny surprice on sex .... must see ... lol (megarotic.com)

The perfect Wave (redtube.com)

Right in the Eyes! (shufuni.com)

Funny Fucking (megarotic.com)

Porno Blooper very funny (megarotic.com)

Funny Dub Decent Porn (megarotic.com)

When Playboy Shoots Go Wrong

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:30:32 EDT

Though it may seem that Playboy models are born fully formed from the head of Hugh Hefner, clad in lingerie and ready to take perfect shot after perfect shot, the truth is that even Playmates are all too human. And, as evidenced by this collection of Playboy bloopers, they're even capable of taking a bad photo every now and then! But then, who wants a perfect Playmate anyway? At least these gals have a sense of humor. (hotbox.thumblogger.com)

We thought ourselves well acquainted with...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:30:00 EDT

We thought ourselves well acquainted with the wild and crazy world of dickisms, but after briefly browsing Woody's World of Penis Euphemisms, we realize we're mere novices when it comes to conversing about the 21st digit. If you can take a break from wrestling with Beastus Maximus, check out this comprehensive database and learn every term from A to Zamboner. (starma.com, via dailybedpost.com)

Proving that some memes will never die:...

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:10:25 EDT

Proving that some memes will never die: behold what we believe to be the world's first "2 Girls, 1 Cup" birthday cake. Don't worry, that cup is full of chocolate. We think. (flickr.com - thanks Blakeley)

2008's Top Ten Porn Parodies: Life Imitates Art?

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:05:05 EDT

While some porno titles are clearly the products of divine inspiration ("Cum Fart Tsunami," anyone?), others rely on more mundane sources of inspiration. giving us "The Eliot Splitz-her Story" and any number of "Sex and the City" clones. In a tip of the hat to the latter mode of pornspiration, Mike Myers and Dana Carvey teamed up during the MTV Movie Awards to offer us the "Top Ten Porno Names Based On Hit Movies Of 2008." Any idea how long it'll take for the porno studios to actually make these into real stroke flicks? Cause we're dying to see "The Suck-It List."

When Porn (Still) Isn't Porn

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 20 May 2008 11:55:56 EDT

Porn pictures that have been digitally enhanced into a state of glossy hyperrealistic perfection are nothing new—but what are we to make of porn pictures that are digitally enhanced to the point of not being pornographic anymore? We're not sure if the anonymous author of this blog lifted these creations from a certain thread at Something Awful a while back or created them him/herself, but as far as we're concerned they're still among the best things we've come across since lolpr0n. (And those examples which are not only Photoshopped and Painted beyond recognition but have lolpr0n captions too? Even better!

· ex-porn pictures (exporn.blogspot.com)

Previously: When Porn Isn't Porn, Unporn, Non Porn Zone, Porn Remixes, Porn, Not, SFW Porn