Fleshbot: Great Moments In Marketing

"The Best Hand Job In Town"

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 10:30:36 EDT

An Elgin, Illinois, car wash recently caused a bit of a kerfuffle by advertising their machine-free towel dry service as "the best hand job in town." Even more amusing than the hysterical reaction of the townsfolk—or that the local paper can't bring themselves to say the offending phrase—is the owner's defense that this is standard industry "lingo" and if you don't believe her then you morons should just Google it. Well, we didn't, so we did and you know what? She's right! So does that mean "hand job" is just a part of boring everyday business jargon ... or do all car wash owners simply have the same sick sense of humor? Check out our rogue's advertising gallery below and decide for yourself.

. . .

* * * * *

· Google Image Search for "best hand job in town" (google.com)
· Car wash promises best ' hand job ' in town (upi.com)
· Elgin car wash sign: Lewd or just lingo?
· Related: Car Wash Promises Best Hand Job

"Chitty Chitty Gang Bang": Chuck Palahniuk Goes Deeper Into Cassie Wright

Violet Blue — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:50:15 EDT

With the imminent release of "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk's book "Snuff" it's never been more clear to us that (a) his marketeers have some really excellent drug connections, and (b) Palahniuk's obsession with fictional aging porn star Cassie Wright is as surreal as his novels. After the awesome fake retro "Wizard Of Ass" trailer comes "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang", another wacky sendup of classic porn tropes complete with bad dialogue, scary sound effects and ridiculous scenarios. Which is nothing like real porn, of course. (Maybe it's better?)

Still, to get the full effect of the Palahniuk's book (whose title may or may not give away the ending), one only need look at the author's bizarre "interviews" with present-day Cassie Wright to realize that being in a Palahniuk novel might just be like being inside his actual brain. Watch the faux "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang" trailer below, plus a video where Palahniuk himself interviews a Divine-inspired Cassie Wright as she reveals how "Chitty Chitty" was her "chance to do real acting". (Ed note: So why hasn't anyone made a real porn movie called "World Whore 3: The Whore To End All Whores" anyway?)

. . .

Fake trailer: "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang"

. . .

Chuck Palahniuk Interviews Cassie Wright, part 1:

· Cassie Wright (myspace.com)
· Chuck Palahniuk (chuckpalahniuk.net)
· "Snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk (Amazon)

Chuck Palahniuk's "Snuff" And The Legend Of Cassie Wright

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:54:06 EDT

Reading a book by Chuck Palahniuk—author of cult classics like "Fight Club" and "Lullaby"—has occasionally been described as a mindfuck. Time-bending stories of vividly bizarre characters in surreal situations is kind of his specialty. For his latest novel, however, he's moved on from mind fucking to just, well ... fucking. "Snuff" is the story of veteran pornstar Cassie Wright, who hopes to end her career with a big bang. A 600-person gangbang to be specific. How and why she accomplishes this, you'll have to read the book to discover, but we are amused by the online efforts to imagine what Cassie's career might have looked like in the real world. We don't know where she would have ended up in the firmament of today's pornstars, but we do know that we would like to have seen her interpretation of Dorothy in "The Wizard of Ass." (See the "trailer" below.) Who says that literature is dead?

...

· Cassie Wright (myspace.com)
· Chuck Palahniuk (chuckpalahniuk.net)
· "Snuff" by Chuck Palahniuk (Amazon)

Coming soon (maybe) from the same company ...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:31:30 EDT

Coming soon (maybe) from the same company who bought you Carmen Electra-branded stripper poles and that erotic claymation kit we told you about yesterday: Wii Pole Dancing. It's cheaper (and easier) than installing a pole in your home—though maybe not quite as sexy. And we're pretty sure those crazy upside down moves are out of the question. (peekaboopoledancing.com + dbtechno.com)