Apparently the rules about these things in Germany are different than they are here, but I think the German rules are better. I don't even know where the pricing schedule would begin for an Annette Schwarz, but I can tell you I would be willing to go quite a way up it to purchase the Annette Schwarz that I have seen in movies and on the web.

I admit that I am not all that familiar with the market for 25-year old girls who can do absolutely anything and still look like someone you would introduce to your mom once you toweled her off, but I am going to do some research right now and see what kind of green this is going to set me back.

I just hope someone hasn't purchased her already…

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Annette Schwarz (annetteschwarz.com)
· Annette's blog (blog.totallyannette.com)
· Annette Schwarz thinks I am oblivious (gramponante.com)
· Annette Schwarz at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Annette Schwarz's movies (gamelink.com)

She was blonde, glamorous, and had enormous hair, and since I was young and callow, I thought that those qualities (not to mention her fingernails, which were like beautifully maintained talons) were among the unmistakable marks of class.

I have grown since then. I have found out that real lesbians never have fingernails like that. I have learned some things about class. I have discovered things about elegance that I did not suspect back then. But I still like looking at Angela Baron, to whom it is my pleasure to wish a happy birthday.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Angela Baron at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Angela Baron’s movies (gamelink.com)

1: Marshal Tito’s space robot stewardess class gets underway.

2: Smurf maid training.

3: While the teacher is out of the room, whale condom deployment class gets out of hand.

4: Lunch!

5: Rubber Bunny Bumpy Groper!

6: The Death Star cannon girl takes time to watch some anal porn.

7: Das Gummi-Referee checks the VaginaCam Instant Replay booth.

· Marquis (www.Marquis.de)
· Buy "Fetish Academy 3" (gamelink.com)

. . .

Blonde gets fisted

Playing with the fist

German gangbang porno

Jenna Haze double fists

Clarissa goes to work and gets fisted and fucked

Hardcore fetish ass fisting

Alsscan Brea and Nella fisting

Fisting Catwoman

Fisting a milk filled cunt

Private Amateurs Germany

. . .

· "Delivery boy fucks German MILF" (PornHub)

. . .

· "Natural big breasts in a barn" (PornHub)

· Jörg Oestreich's Photos (gallery + audio slideshow @ ipernity.com)
· Jorg Oestreich (joergoestreich.de)

. . .

· Cillit Gang Bang (YouTube, via sexisthenewblog.com)
· Switch Reloaded (prosieben.de)

* * * * *

Previously: Star Trek O-Faces: Where Lots Of Men (And Women) Have Come Before

. . .

· "German Police officers fucking in van" (RedTube)

* * * * *

Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

· Volker Lang Fine Art Nudes (vl.org, via sexoteric.com)

Previously: Erotic Photography From Bauer Nudes, Black & White Hotness By Ron Tetteroo, Ukrainian Photo Hotness From QwertyCrimea

While we're always happy to see any music artist selling their product via a promo video featuring naked body parts and hot S&M fetish action, we have to admit that no one quite does it like those wacky Germans—especially when there are things like full latex catsuits, assless chaps, naked babes with cat masks and guns, and rubber-clad geishas concerned. Of course, whether or not you decide to put this clip by German techno outfit SMatka in the "sexy music video" category will depend on whether you find things like full latex catsuits, assless chaps, naked babes with cat masks and guns, and rubber-clad geishas sexy in the first place. But really, who doesn't?

· NEW RELEASE: SMatka "Wrong Love" (videostatic.com)
· Costumes by Fetish Universe (fetishuniverse.de)

Is it just us, or does Germany seem to be an endless font of artistic nude photographers—and lithe Eurobabe models who populate their images? Lutz Kellerman is just our latest find in a long line of erotic shooters and he's built a nice assortment of art nude portraits that capture human bodies in interesting light. While not quite as kinky as the stereotypical German artist (a stereotype we enjoy perpetuating, by the way), his bodypainting gallery shows that he has a fun side too. Actually, all his photos demonstrate that ... and who wouldn't have fun photographing naked babes for a living? It must be nearly as exciting to do it as it is to blog about it. (Almost.)

· Lutz Kellermann Photography (lutz-kellermann.de, via sexoteric.com)

Previously: Richard ChauDavis' "No-Tell Motel": Wish You Were Here!, Erotic Nudes From Barney Cokeliss, Fine Art Nudes By Stan Trampe, Photography By Steven Lyon, Sexkicks Photography: The Couple That Shoots Naked Babes Together Stays Together, (Even More) Hot Eurobabes From Ulrich W., Thomas Schweizer's Eurobabe Parade

· Giulia Siegel did not make Maxim's Hot 100 list, but that's because she's German and already on the cover of that country's edition. So much for that whole "global village" thing. (gorillamask.net)

· Vivid will reportedly stop selling the Kim Kardashian sex tape—at least when they get around to taking it off their own website, which means you still have time to remember that it wasn't worth buying in the first place. (nypost.com + complex.com)

· Capitol police responded to reports of a naked man in the Senate Office Building, only to determine that he was simply wandering the halls in a flesh-colored bodysuit and has obviously watched too many Seinfeld reruns. (washingtonpost.com)

· Nudist resorts try to figure how to get the young folks interested in living without clothes. Maybe they should start them off with flesh-colored bodysuits, just to see how they like it. (newsday.com)

· Baristas in Portland, Oregon, get hip to the bikini coffee craze and start raking in the dough. Or raking in the beans ... or whatever. You get the idea. (wftv.com)

· The Ohio legislature works on a compromise for their controversial strip-club bill, which some taxpayers have discovered might not be the best use of their time. But all those other issues aren't nearly as fun to talk about. (columbusdispatch.com + news-herald.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

German photographer Ulrich W. (we hope the W. stands for Wilbur) comes from that school of thought that says a snapshot of a girl flashing her boobs can be just as classy and stylish as any formal studio portrait. While remaining firmly on this side of "tasteful", his pictures still give off all the hotness that you would expect from anything involving a sweaty, naked model. There's nothing fancy or elaborate in his galleries, just beautiful women, nicely lit and presented ... oh, and did we mention the sweaty and naked part? Because most of them are either one or the other and often both. You can't argue with a strategy that works.

· Photorotic (photorotic.de; click on the 'Models' tab on the right for the good stuff - via Gallery-of-Nudes)
Thumbnail star: the inimitable Nella; see more of Fleshbot's Nella sightings here

Previously: Thomas Schweizer's Eurobabe Parade, Photos by Olaf Martens, Photos by Ralf Zenker, Klaus Harmony: "The Mozart of Porn", Photography by Manfred Baumann

A lot of Thomas Schweizer's photography has that 1940's "night at the cabaret" sensibility that we've come to associate with those kinky Germans. And his portfolio is populated with those kinds of icy hot Eurobabes who are in to turning you on, but who are so very, very serious about it. These aren't relics from the past, however, as many of his images resemble something closer to modern art than your typical studio portraits. Plus, like any good modern artist he's got a Flash-y website and a blog—of course—to prove he's not stuck in the 20th century. Nothing against the old days, but we like our brave new world the way it is.

· Thomas Schweizer - Nude Portfolio (Flash with [lots and lots of] sound @ thomas-schweizer.eu)
· New Nudes (new-nudes.blogspot.com)

Previously: Nude Figures by Sita Mae Edwards, German Saez: Fotos Privadas, Kinky Gerlinky: Celebs In Fetishwear, Tasteful (And Tasty!) Nudes by Martin Kovalik, FotonovaNYC: Bikini And Lingerie Photos By Alex

We may not be as well-versed in the languages of the world as we'd like to be, but it still took us only a click or two to figure out that that Wild At Heart features the photographic work of a sexy German fetish model-slash-photographer both in front of and behind the camera ("hinter" and "vor", that is—see, we're not as dumb as we thought we were!) And things get even easier to figure out after the splash page, because no matter which side of her portfolio you click on you'll find a link to a page marked "Erotique", which we're pretty sure means "tasteful, intriguingly-lit shots of naked boobs and latex-clad asses" no matter what language you speak. Now all we have to do is figure out how we should refer to the model herself—can we just call her Wild, or does she prefer Ms. Heart? - AR/JD

· Wild At Heart (wildatheart-photo.de)
· Thumbnail by Marcus Ewers (marcus-ewers.de)

Any time you find yourself watching a vintage porn classic from the '70s or '80s and think "Where do they get this music?" (which means pretty much every time you're watching a porn classic), you probably have Klaus Harmony to thank. A musician-composer who flourished during the heyday of 1970s German "erotik" films, Harmony was a master of the boom-chicka-wow-wow genre and developed a cult following for his funky, sexy grooves. Although he died in 1984 in a mysterious record store explosion (huh?), his legacy lives on and you can still buy collections of his music—like the albums "Rumpenmeister" and "Wundercrotchen," which include such memorable song titles as "Get Off Marta, I Don't Dig You," "Cloakroom 1 - Hey, You Should Learn To Knock," "Herbie's Cock (Theme)," "Don't Cry Helmut/Wow What's Your Name?" and the always popular, "Gay Showers Punch Up Montage." Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to annoy the neighbors for the rest of the day by turning up the speakers and gettin' down to these nasty beats. We think Klaus would have wanted it that way.

· Klaus Harmony: "The Mozart of Porn" (samples + downloads @ klausharmony.com)
· "The Mozart of Porn carries on online" (latimes.com)
· More Vintage Porno Soundtracks (moviegrooves.com, via Boing Boing)

Previously: Still More Sexy Music Videos, More Sexy Music Videos, "Let My People Come": The Sex Musical, France Gall: "Les Sucettes", Bad XXX Album Covers, "Deep Throat" Soundtracks

We've always thought spiders were creepy, but when they look like two naked models splayed out seductively on the floor like this ... well, it's still a little bit creepy, but somehow we like it. Photographer Thomas Döring enjoys twisting his models into these interesting shapes and when he adds some creative shadow work to it, he creates odd, yet pretty results. No matter how many babes you take artsy pictures of, however, we're still not changing our mind on the spiders.

· TD-Fotodesign by Thomas Döring (td-fotodesign.de)

Previously: Black Book Art, Fetish Fotos By Peter Felix Kurtz, Toonen-Wientjens Photography, Bustyful, SuicideGirls vs. Lithium Picnic, Alex Krivtsov Photography, Naked Girls In Our Bed