Advance tickets are on sale now for the Arse Elektronika conference in San Francisco later this month. You know—the one where nerds and geeks gather to build their own kooky DIY machines and then fuck them? (monochrom.at)

If Twitter's not doing enough to keep track of your sex life, consider switching to Bedposted. Currently in beta, the site promises to help you keep track of how often you get busy, and eventually give you some insight into your sex life. The only catch? You have to sign into Bedposted after every time you have sex. If you haven't fallen asleep first, that is. (bedposted.com, thumb via Gizmodo)

Still More iPhone Perv News

Did you know that every time you snap a picture on the Japanese version of the iPhone 3G it will make an audible "shutter click" noise that you can't turn off, even when the phone is on silent mode? Why? So upskirt fiends can't do their dirty work undetected! (Actually, almost all new phones in Japan are supposed to do this, but now that it's an iPhone story ... ZOMG! Apple porn!!%!#@$!!!!1!) (Gizmodo)

iRoticNet.com is an on-demand paysite designed only for—you guessed it—iPhones. If you only get turned on by porn that is 3 inches wide and has to be shared with everyone else on your subway car, then we suppose you're getting a pretty good deal. (iroticnet.com + Gizmodo)

Flesh Flicks: Revenge Of The Nerd

Nerds! They never know how to say the right thing around women. Take this guy in the glasses—the specs clearly indicate that he is "complete nurd," of course—who simply tries to say something instructive (i.e., nerdy) to this young woman, but of course he says it in the wrong language and offends her. Her only recourse is to fuck his brains out, because nerds are afraid of sex, so that's really the only way to teach them a lesson. It's true! The next time a nerd says something awkward to your face, give him (or her) some head and you'll find they change their tune pretty darn quick. More »

Hide Your Porn DVDs In Mysterious Magic Box

Porn collectors who want to build a library of filthy, filthy smut inevitably run into two problems—a lack of space and a lack of shame. Because you've spent all your money on DVDs, you probably don't have a house big enough to hold them all, and even though your friends and loved ones are cool with your obsession, maybe you would still prefer that they not know that you own the entire "Rim My Gape" series. Once again, technology saves the day! The Disc Manager 100 holds 100 DVDs in a small white box that is compact, stylish and—most important of all—does not have the word "Cum" or "Whores" written anywhere on it. More »

Scribd is apparently some sort of Web 2.0 (note the missing vowel) document sharing website that has built up quite a following despite the fact that we've never heard of it. How did they do it? Porn, of course! So naturally, now that the site is popular (and investors are likely getting nervous) they've decided to ban adult content. (That would be upsetting if it wasn't so typical.) Hey, porn bloggers probably need whatever service it is that they provide too! (centernetworks.com + techcrunch.com)

Teledildonics And You: How One Company Could Control The Future Of Sex

Have you had a orgasm recently? Good for you! Were you helped along with some technical assistance, specifically from a little buzzing friend? Then you probably owe someone money. You see, there's a big little company called Immersion and while we're not sure exactly what they make or build, they do hold pretty much every patent imaginable in the field of haptics or "force feedback" technology (i.e., things that vibrate when you play with them.) That market mostly consists of shaky videogame controllers and teledildonics devices. For example, Immersion has filed and won a lawsuit against Sony that would prevent them from selling their Playstation controllers in the U.S.; it's currently under appeal. Of course, even a company like Immersion doesn't want to get down and dirty with people who make sex toys, so they've licensed their patents that might apply to sexual devices to the mysteriously named Internet Services, LLC—and then let those guys sue sex companies that violate them. If you thought that was confusing, pay attention, because it get weirder ... More »

The Teeny Weeny USB drive would the perfect place to hide your porn if your porn collection didn't require more hard drive space than the Library of Congress. And you can save the jokes about "pulling out early," because they made that one already. (teenyweenydrive.com)

Are you a Twitterhead? So are we (apparently!) Yes, Fleshbot now has its very own Twitter feed for you to subscribe to that will deliver the headlines from all our top stories directly into your brain! At least, that's our understanding of the technology. We honestly don't follow half of what those IT guys are saying to us. (twitter.com)

Always on the cutting edge of science and nerdery, the fantasy roleplayers at io9 point us to this story of the latest attempt at a real-life Orgasmatron—a metal box that you attach to your spine (ouch!) and triggers your best, most powerful o-face on command. Only $12,000 (ouch again!), but if it works it's totally worth its weight in lube. (latimes.com, via io9.com)

Well, it looks like the HD format war is over, so we can stop hearing about how porn was going to decide it all. Now you can throw that HD DVD player you didn't buy (no one actually owns one of those things right?) in the back of your closet with your Betamax tapes. (reuters.com)

Scientists discover that most technological advances develop because somebody, somewhere just wanted to get off. One doc says: "Nothing shocks me now, although I'm frequently surprised at how ingenious people are in order to obtain sexual satisfaction." To which we say ... um, duh. (vnunet.com)

Thankfully, no one was talking about it at any of the AVN Expo afterparties we went to, but a lot of big decisions were apparently being made last week by porn studios and mainstream studios regarding HD DVD and Blu Ray (which may finally be winning the high-definition format war.) When you watch all your porn on a 13-inch laptop monitor, those kinds of considerations rarely come into play. (Kotaku + digitaljournal.com)

AVN Tips & Tricks: CES Badges Not Valid At Porn Convention

More »

Of course, we had to learn from our Level 60 orc brothers over at Kotaku that World of Whorecraft has changed its name yet again and is now known as Whorelore (Trademark? What trademark?), plus the new "season" of their magically delicious porn is now available. See, never leaving your game room does have its advantages. (Kotaku + whorelore.com)

Our nerdy Gizmodo brothers forgot to tell us about their contest to find the most inappropriate place to be reading a tech blog. We would have held our own competition here, but we just assumed that every single entry would look like this (and would be completely appropriate, of course.) (Gizmodo)

The Nerdcore calendar has become such a big deal that it even has its own launch party—in the back of a comic book store, of course. No offense, but we're guessing that place doesn't see a lot of naked babes very often. (destructoid.com)

Looking for some hot girl-on-blue alien girl action? Kotaku has a look at the new "Mass Effect" lesbians in space adventure and well ... let's just say it ain't exactly "Titanic." (Kotaku)

All those Mac users out there who think they're somehow impervious to malware better watch out. Even the most diehard Apple fanboy can be lured into a trap by the siren call of free porn. Where's your Steve Jobs now? (news.com)

Electric Bondageland: Building The Better BDSM Gear

One of our favorite things about this job is seeing the incredible ingenuity that people will employ in the neverending struggle to get themselves off. It's seems like a pretty straightforward task, but that has never stopped nerds, geeks, tinkerers, crafters, and OCD sufferers from adding as many bells and whistles to the process as they can—usually after designing and building the bells and whistles themselves. More »

We don't really understand the how or why or what of this naughty French maid (made in Japan, natch) computer case, but we are told that she's not wearing panties, which we think is something that everyone can easily grasp. (akibablog.net, via Kotaku)

Would you think of less of us if we told you we can't decide which of these video game developments is more awesome—the new "Mass Effect" game featuring a potential female-on-female humanoid alien action or ... a Star Wars game that lets you swing the Wiimote like an actual lightsaber? We'd hate to lose our street cred among ... Jedis? Pervs? Argh! (Kotaku)

Stumble Porn: Fall Into Smut

Some of you nerds tech-savvy individuals may be familiar with the StumbleUpon toolbar that you install in your web browser to help you find cooking recipes or vlogs or whatever it is the kids are into these days. It works on the theory of the wisdom of crowds, as everyone using the toolbar combines internet forces to direct each other to the best, most interesting links. However, like every other Web 2.0 sensation looking for VC funding, it frowns upon pornography and so (like every other web sensation) someone co-opted the idea to create a porn-centric equivalent. (It's the circle of life!) More »

We never actually considered this particular application for the iPhone's touch screen, but it really does make perfect sense. And considering that 80% of our IT department owns one, we guess we believe at least one of them has done something "hands on" with it. (iphonematters.com)

Do you have a sex fetish ... from the future? (Cue eerie music.) And can premature ejaculation still happen if you're banging someone at the speed of light? (wired.com)

Stormtroopers In Love

If you were married to a Star Wars fan, and maybe at some point the two of you acquired a pair of matching stormtrooper helmets, which of your favorite "scenes" would you choose to act out? The blaster fight in the halls of the Death Star? Or maybe a naughty game of "These aren't the droids we're looking for?" How about the scene where the one cloned soldier frolics down by the lake in her bikini? (Check the DVD extras. It's there.) Red and Jonny are one particular fun-loving couple that chose to do exactly that with their toys and were nice enough to share their personal deleted scenes on Flickr. They like to wear their helmets a lot of other places too (like the galactic grocery store), but obviously we prefer to remember the sexier moments of the saga. Best of all ... no Jar-Jar. More »

Olivia Munn's Hot Beef Injection

Olivia Munn holds a strange power over the geeks of the world. As co-host of G4's "Attack of the Show!" she comes into their homes to tease them with informed talk of video games, sci-fi movies, and comic books and just generally frustrates them with her nerdy hotness. The upside (or maybe downside for her) is that any time she does anything remotely sexy—like say, dress up as Wonder Woman or Princess Leia—fanboys everywhere go into spasm of joy and start flooding teh internets (and our inbox) with tributes. Not that we're complaining about having to watch slow motion remixes of Miss Olivia swallowing an airborne hot dog slathered in mustard. There just aren't a lot of girls out there who could wear the crown of "wiener champion" so effortlessly. More »

We missed out on ComicCon in San Diego this year—our codpiece was at the cleaners—but lots of crazy, hot ladies did show up dressed like who knows what. What's a nerd to do? (Besides bend over and let a sexy nurse shove a rifle up your butt, we mean.) (complex.com)

Meet another poor sap who has to spend his entire workday looking at porn. Hey buddy, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on just give us a call. (pcworld.com)