Fleshbot: gayish

"Crash Pad 5": Now With Actual Padding

Gram Ponante — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Feel a little creepy watching porn? Guess what: lesbians think you're creepy, too. In this latest episode of "The Crash Pad," an unblinking techie monitors for your benefit the Sapphic (and bepenised) goings-on at a sex drop-in center for Ladies.

The Crash Pad 5: Revolving Door

Studio: Blowfish
Director: Shine Louise Houston
Cast: August, Stacy Staxxx, Rex, Scarlett Chaos, Red, Cyd Loverboy, Kuma, Julie Warren, Shawn, Mickey Mod

Review by: Gram Ponante

Not that the whole creepy/proxy thing is spelled out. Indeed, little is explained in the "Crash Pad," other than the format for this episode is similar to that of its predecessors: there's someone watching, but she has no bearing on the antics of those she watches.

So if she has no bearing, if no one discovers her, if her watching has no effect on the watched, why do we even see her? No reason, really, other than just the slightest whiff of context always makes porn more exciting. It is like "Wide World of Animals" if Marlon Perkins had just stayed out of the beasties' way.

Well, not really. But we like to watch regardless.

And this episode has a lot to watch, such as the very first scene, in which transsexual Stacey Staxxx offers herself as a birthday present for (at first) dubious girlfriend August.

"It really made me feel pretty," August said.

"So," a no-nonsense bespectacled woman rocking Joanna Angel hair says to a plaid-shirted pickup, "when I saw you at the club you were flagging orange. That means Anything Goes. You ready to put your money where your mouth is?"

Another couple trusses, tussles, and straps each other, the top pummeling her partner's chest in a rain of blows you would not see in straight porn. There is caning, spitting, and an aggressiveness that the viewer feels is just fine with the submissive.

"You want me inside you?" says a bald top wielding a whip.

"Yes Sir," her partner says, flouting the patriarchy it took ages to get Just So.

In straight porn there really isn't such a thing as politics. There is only "When will she do anal?" But in "The Crash Pad 5," the final scene is one that has people talking, has people angry, has people blushing.

The final scene is between sunny-faced dyke Shawn (aka Syd Blakovich) and a man named Mickey Mod. In the world of the scene, he is sitting on the bed of the Crash Pad and Shawn walks in, thinking she found the wrong place.

It doesn't take her long to reconsider. As she says in the BTS interview, "Gender doesn't matter if you find someone attractive." And the scene they do together, featuring mutual masturbation and what I imagine is the first cumshot in this series, is a lot of fun. I hope no one burns down the Crash Pad for it.

"The Revolving Door" is a just a little darker than the other episodes of the "Crash Pad" series, but director Shine Louise Houston shines an expert light on a portion of the citizenry we don't see enough of.

· Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
· Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)

Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)
Crash Pad Series (crashpadseries.com)
Buy "Crash Pad 5" (blowfish.com)

Leave The Closet Door Open For "Seven Minutes in Heaven"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

There is something Unitarian Universalist about Courtney Trouble's charming all-girl (and trans) spin-the-bottle romp "Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out," but instead of free coffee and homemade lemon squares, newcomers get strapped.

Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out

Studio: Reel Queer Productions
Director: Courtney Trouble
Cast: Joline Parton, Sarah Lee Sinful, Carson, Sophia, Puck Goodfellow, Tina Horn, Jae

Review by: Gram Ponante

In a brightly-lit room in San Francisco, seven women, most of whom have never appeared naked on camera before, and a few of that number that have never been with women before, assemble for a spin-the-bottle party.

There's the absolutely adorable Joline Carson and Sophia, newcomer Sarah Lee Sinful, the dashing Puck Goodfellow, sunny Jae with the "48" ass," down-to-business Carson, and my personal favorite, "sleazy rock and roll faggot" Tina Horn.

And what follows is a testament to how good porn can be if the participants simply like each other.

Director Trouble makes sure to light the rooms so we can see, mic the stars so we can hear, and then she simply backs up and lets them flirt with each other.

Frankly, aside from the extra strap-on action and a lack of fake boobs, there is little difference between "Seven Minutes in Heaven" and a (Courtney) trouble-free "Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party," in that each of the participants knows she is there for the day so she might as well enjoy it.

Doubtful if the director was too (Courtney) troubled about whether this movie would be accessible to a straight audience, but I appreciated that I as a viewer was not made to feel excluded, as I often do when porn aimed outside my demographic shuts me out with manners, rules, and jargon. I felt like I could have been sitting slightly out of frame reading "Tropic of Cancer" while the cast got to know each other, and I would not have been asked to leave.

· Good Releasing (goodreleasing.com)
· Buy "Seven Minutes in Heaven" (gamelink.com)

"Little Asian Transsexuals 16": We're As Surprised As You Are

Gram Ponante — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:00:00 EDT

What has porn taught us about life? I know that if the petite Asian with Michelle Obama's arms isn't actually Michelle Obama, then she's probably a katoey. Other than that, porn hasn't added anything to my excellent Catholic School education.

These rangy and wiry trannies cavort and bewitch against a teal wall in transsexualest Thailand. Some look a little bit like a less-fecund Katsuni, others are unmistakeably male.

Fleshbot readers, I remember the first time I encountered fake breasts. Perhaps because they were so obvious, it took me a long time to appreciate fake breasts in general. Now, because I am a sophisticate, I think of them with the same fondness as legs (yes, I like real breasts best, but like fake breasts as much as I like legs, which I also like quite a bit).

Anyway, for the tranny lovers out there, do you prefer your trannies mannish or more feminine? Discuss.

Who's Ready For The Undie Run?

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:30:01 EDT

School's out for summer—and you know what that means. Time to strip down to your underwear and run around campus... like we did last winter, and the spring break before that... and really, whenever the opportunity arises.

· UCLA Undie Run: Who are you wearing? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)

Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Creams Rising to the Top

Gram Ponante — Sat, 16 May 2009 16:00:00 EDT

You live life to the fullest, Fleshbot Readers. You fuck anything that moves until it doesn't move. You're lusty and vulnerable (sometimes you cry). Why, then, would you want your cock to be desensitized?

When I deal with Ladies, I consider it a tribute to my working class roots (I am now deliriously wealthy) to delay ejaculation without the aid of unguents, jellies, scented oils, fripperies, dwarves, novenas, or the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. Naturally I was skeptical, then, upon receiving two desensitizing gels, one from Colt and one from Kama Sutra.

Both work the same way (and both, believe me, work): one applies liberal dollops to one's junk when the latter has that Westward Ho look about it (i.e. when erect). As both creams contain benzocaine, a local anaesthetic that is often used as a topical pain reliever, the sensation on that sensitive area is one of vague otherworldliness.

The idea is that the friction keeps one hard while delaying the turbine response of ejaculation. In many ways, using a desensitizing cream is like your foot fell asleep but became your erect penis.

Q. But Grams, you know me: I want to feel. Why does everyone try to keep me from feeling?
A. I understand your point, Senator, but this isn't about you; this is about pleasing a partner who might have grown used to your 45-second strivings and subsequent collapses.

Where the Colt differs from the Kama Sutra product is that the first is a cream and the second is a gel. Colt's "Sta-Hard" Cream seems more like a tool for one's tool: a no-nonsense and odorless cream for the serious raver for whom fucking is a way of life.

The Kama Sutra gel seems more like a couples' product and actually tingles when it is applied (bring a friend) and tastes (I'm told) like "you're getting face-fucked by a dental hygienist." It is minty, and I felt like I was attached to the lamb we ate at Fleshbot's Easter dinner.

It's interesting how both of these products do the same thing but one is advertised as adding something (stay hard!) while the other touts the fact that it takes something away (sensation).

Anyway, since it is not about you, remember that your partner gets the business end of these products, which both contain alcohol. The manufacturers suggest that partners wash out the product after intercourse.

Those concerns aside, if your partner is willing, each of these treatments work as advertised and can be invaluable aids to stalling while you wait for the check to clear.

· Colt Sta-Hard Cream (erosboutique.com)
· Kama Sutra Desensitizing Gel (erosboutique.com)

The Bad Boy P-Vibe

Gram Ponante — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:30:01 EDT

I'm glad that the Bad Boy P(rostate) Vibrator I received was bright red, because the black version, shaped the way this thing is, would have summoned uncomfortable memories from the city pool.

I think of that humorless howl of protest the other day when Dylan Ryan said she liked bacon and was a sex worker. I think of that because I'm about to tell you that the moment something comes close to my prostate, my reaction is the opposite of pleasure. Cocaine also doesn't work for me. Could it be related?

Anyway, when I let my aggressively "sex positive" friends know this, they become militant. Some in a sexy way. And determine that it is their duty to rid me of this "fear."

But it never works. They give up, these porn stars and sex educators. We are reduced to fucking the old dead-white-male patriarchal vaginal way. The "My Ass Says 'Exit Only' way. The horror.

But I've tried.

So this solidly made, powerfully vibrating doodad, which seems thoughtfully crafted to deal with the odd highways and byways of the poop chute is supposed to stimulate your prostate on one end and deliciously agitate your perineum along the ridged edge of the other. I have a feeling it would work for other people, but it didn't work for me. I think it's because I'm a mutant.

· Buy the Bad Boy P-Vibe (blowfish.com.com)

Naked People Reveals What Lies Beneath (Your Neighbors' Clothes)

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EST

If you've ever wondered what your neighbors look like naked (and come on, if you're reading this website, you probably have), Naked People may be just the website to sate your curiosity.

Created by German artist Sebastian Kempa, Naked People allows you to scroll through a selection of ordinary citizens, and—with a single click of the mouse—magically disrobe them to see what lies beneath. It's just like those X-Ray specs we wanted in sixth grade—or at least, it's what we imagine those things would have been like, if our mom had actually let us buy them.

· Naked People (naked-people.de, via Buzzfeed)

Diesel Exposes Its Models In Hot New "Intimates" Campaign

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:30:01 EST

Much as we enjoyed Diesel's "SFW Porn" video, we're pleased to see them moving in a decidedly less SFW direction with their new "Intimates" campaign. True, there's no nudity—but that's clearly the next logical step, right?

· Intimates and Underwear - Diesel (diesel.com, via Violet Blue)

Bring Me The Mouth Of Allanah Starr

Gram Ponante — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:30:01 EST

"Look for the Adam's Apple!" one is told as one plans a Thailand vacation. But what if the Cyberskin mouth masturbator one mail-ordered doesn't have one? Has one still stuck one's cock in a tranny?

Allanah Starr is truly America's Transsexual and fully deserving of this massive Cyberskin fauxjob mouth. But what, other than the fact that this is no dainty little mouth on a stalk, identifies it as a transsexual mouth?

I think the traditional tranny story, passed down through the ages, goes something like this: Man meets hot prospect at a bar, they go back to his place, date asks for anal, Man happily complies, dawn reveals date has morning wood. Yes, it is a delightful bit of Americana, first revealed in an early draft of Lincoln's second inaugural speech. But can the same thing happen to someone like me, rifling through his cabinets looking for Bree Olson's mouth and then - but only after - realizing the shocking tranny truth?

And you thought you knew all there was to know about the crying game.

Allanah Starr's Cyberskin Deep Throat Stroker is a substantial piece of work, proud, and impossible to conceal in a little Hello Kitty backpack. The package comes with lube and a delicious sense of foreboding.

· Buy Allanah Starr's Cyberskin Deep Throat Stroker (69adulttoys.com)
· Allanah Starr will try anything once (gramponante.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

Time Out New York Wants To Hook You Up With Ellen Stagg

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:30:01 EST

Have you ever dreamed that one day you—yes, you—might wind up on a date with someone as smart, funny, talented, and smoking hot as erotic photographer Ellen Stagg? Well, today could be your lucky day.

The one and only Stagg is on the cover of this week's Time Out New York, which just so happens to be the singles issue (yes, we are also amazed to learn that she's single.). Play your cards right, and who knows? You could wind up having breakfast with the girl who took all these photos.

And Stagg's not the only one who's up for grabs: Fleshbot friend Audacia Ray, Lucas Entertainment director mr. Pam, and gay pornstar J. are among the single sex luminaries you could be hooking up with.

So, uh, what are you waiting for?

· Date Ellen Stagg (timeout.com)

It's A Super-Funpacked Double Edition Of Faithmouse This Week!

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:30:01 EST

Censorship may have forced our friend Dan Lacey to remove his last cartoon from eBay, but he's back this week with two, count em, two erotic artworks.

· Missile Defense Original Art (ebay.com)

·Erect Penis With A Pancake On Its Head (ebay.com)
· Dan Lacey (faithmouse.com)

In Love... And In Bed

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:30:01 EST

Just in time for Valentine's Day, the New York Times has a profile of "Pillow Talk," James Tribble and Tracey Mancenido's series of photos of couples together in bed.

The photos—which feature couples of varying ethnicities and sexual orientations—offer a sweet, intimate look into the lives (and bedrooms) of New York City couples; along with an alluring sensuality that's almost enough to make us forget that everyone's fully clothed. (Almost.)

· In The Bedrooms (nytimes.com, via nerve.com)
· TribbleMancenido (tribblemancenido.com)

Transsexuals: Little. Asian. Uncircumcised.

Gram Ponante — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:00:00 EST

This much is true about tranny movies: however much fun the katoeys don't seem to be having, you can be assured the orgasms are real.

Little Asian Transsexuals 13

Studio: Third World Media
Director: Ed Hunter
Cast: Nong ("and her uncut dong"), Gam, Jess, Anna

Review by: Gram Ponante

When I started reviewing porn, I thought that transsexuals only had an appeal for men or woman who had fucked everything else and needed bigger and bigger thrills. That is why it made sense to me that Nacho Vidal had graduated to trannies. But the first few transsexual movies I watched made me think differently: while the thrill element might be true for people like Nacho, the trannies themselves seemed uniformly indifferent to what was happening to them.

Then I watched Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass! Watching Darling's spirited performance brought me to the conclusion that, since most trannies in porn are also hookers, the hooker attitude takes over. This is where we see the blank eyes and performances full of ennui.

It is with these expectations I viewed "Little Asian Transsexuals 13," and I was not disappointed!

We start with the uncircumcized Nong. Director Ed Hunter provides several interesting shots involving staring down both barrels, as it were. Nong's scene partner looks like he might be an Immortal on the way to a Quickening; he has an 18th century look with a 21st century cockstrap.

Nong reaches her own climax but the camera pans away before we see issue. Instead we see the Immortal's beloved, then a long interlude with Nong in the shower, during which she seems weirded out that there's a camera there. There's a lot going on in this movie. All of it capitalizing on a certain awkwardness.

Important details: the men used condoms, the katoeys spoke little English other than the word "come," everyone bathed afterward and, of the four ladyboys featured, 50 percent threw peace signs, 25 percent blew a kiss, and 25 percent looked like she was having a good time. But 100 percent really came.

The Butcher The Better: Butch Girl Roundup

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:00:00 EST

Who says being girly is the only way to be sexy? We know more than a few women who know how to work their masculine side—and give us a proper working over in the process.

Maybe it's the thrill of genderfucking, or the hotness of the strength they convey, or the fact that they're just so damn hot... or hey, maybe it's all three (and then some!). We'll let the scientists figure out the secret to butch hotness—and we'll be, ahem, enjoying it until they do.

Say hello to a few of our favorite butch girls (and feel free to introduce us to your favorites, too—we always like to make new friends!).

Michelle Aston (michelle-aston.com)

Jiz Lee (jizlee.com)

Syd Blakovich (sydblakovich.com)

Dallas (crashpadseries.com)

Johnny Love (crashpadseries.com)

*****

· Fleshbot Requests Archive

College Students Continue Grand Tradition Of Public Nudity

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 13:30:01 EST

Hey UCLA: UC-Berkeley will see your "undie run" and raise you some full frontal nudity. (Again.) Man, we love college rivalries.

· Naked UC-Berkeley Streakers Jiggle, Flap Throughout Library (sfist.com)

UCLA Undie Run: Caught On Tape!

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:00:00 EST

Oh, these college students are so cute—running around in their underwear, blowing off stress... it's enough to make us wish we were still in college.

Well, except for the fact that we can run around in our underwear any time we want, and we never, ever have to take finals (ever).

· UCLA Undie Run caught on video, at last (latimesblogs.latimes.com)

Hello "Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls" In The Sand

Gram Ponante — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:00:30 EST

These arid extra-lesbians are not your gateway drug "Are They Or Aren't They?" Thelma And Louise saddlepals, so take heed, pardner of the patriarchy, next you're piloting your American Motors Corporation vehicle down the 8 through Yuma and you see a gal with her thumb out.

Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls

Studio: Bleu Productions
Director: Maria Beatty
Cast: Surgeon Scofflaw, London, the 1973 AMC Spirit

Review by: Gram Ponante

On the saguaro-speckled byways of Arizona, a woman named Surgeon Scofflaw hitches rides from likely motorists. But one thing about Surgeon - she never seems grateful. Picked up by London, Surgeon immediately demands to drive and then forces London to gobble her strap-on. At least it's got a condom on it.

This is Maria Beatty's "Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls." I learned from the movie's site that WWIII and Global Warming have turned the world into southwest Arizona. As the girls were already in southwest Arizona, at least they didn't have to run out to Mervyn's and get new wardrobes.

Then - and without even ponying up gas money - Surgeon both pisses and lactates on London in a junkyard. The clinical shots of this unusual desert precipitation were fascinating.

The photography by Nate Liquor bounces between road images of passing flora and the cramped interludes - most of which take place in or around the car - between Surgeon and London. With all of the American Southwest to play in, we wonder what it is that makes the two want to stay cooped up by London's AMC Spirit hatchback.

This is not a Porn Valley lesbian movie. This is a dirty, grabby, aspy, dusty series of interludes from November 2007 shot in the rain and the desert chill. There are none of the reveals that tend to delight the straight viewer of faux-lesbian sex. Indeed, Surgeon's and London's clothes stay mostly on, possibly due to the temperature.

With this in mind, and knowing that Surgeon is the one in charge throughout the movie, it is no surprise to see the manner in which London makes her exit from the film. We get the impression that Surgeon and London didn't bump into each other by happenstance.

Beatty directs with assurance and a keen eye for her target audience. That audience is not necessarily me, but I could tell there wasn't a missed step in the movie, which plays like a Chamber of Commerce ad for southwest Arizona (when there aren't hardcore lesbians fisting each other in it).

Bonus points to the soundtrack, provided by Lydia Lunch ("we go way back" says Beatty) Yann Jaffiol, and Bunny Rabbit. In a time when any MySpace band can be convinced - at least once - that it may help their career to be on a porn soundtrack in lieu of actual money, a recent porn trend consists of movies awash in incongruous, bad music that only benefits the producer in having been secured for free.

The "Cowgirls" soundtrack is a simple, spare mix of surf and Lunch's art-noise, which is perfect for the inside/outside smirky violence of the movie.

I think Beatty's next effort should feature Surgeon and Rutger Hauer in a hitchhiker fistoff.

· Buy "Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls" (bleuproductions.com)

Gimme A T! Smokin' Hot T Girl Action

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:00:00 EST

Kimber James may have been the first trans model signed to LA Direct, but she's hardly the only t-girl on the market. We don't care if you call them tgirls, trannies, shemales, or ladyboys: we love the looks of these girls with extra endowments, and we're not ashamed to say it. Feeling similarly inspired to take a walk on the trans side? Some of the most beautiful tgirls we know are waiting for you, just below the jump.

. . .

Benz (smcrevenue.com)

Kalena Rios (worldsfinestass.com)

May Bangkok (maybangkokxxx.com)

Allanah Starr (grooby.com)

Jessica Host (shemalesexstar.com)

Alexia (grooby.com)

Sexxxy Jade (grooby.com)

Fabiane Spears (onlytgirls.com)

Kimber James (smcrevenue.com)

Yasmin Lee (grooby.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Picnic On Hanging Cock

pweasels — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:30:00 EST

Confronted by an enormous boner, this adorable blonde seems to be trying to express something beyond words, perhaps beyond her capacity for expression.

Is she surprised? Really? So late in the game? You’d think surprise would have come earlier. Wistful? Why, when the good times appear to be ahead? Fearful? Then why is she still wrapped around him? He appears to be the one pulling away – his upper body says “You’re crazy, Lolita,” but his hands say “Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.” Is it that his heart knows she will hurt him, but his hands still want a piece of that sweet, sweet teen flesh?

Or is it that she is a well-hung amateur too, and she is sad that he is better-hung?

· Homegrown Video (www.homegrownvideo.com)
· Buy "Well Hung Amateurs #3" (gamelink.com)

So You've Decided To Have An MMF...

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:30:00 EST

So you're thinking about having an MMF threeway, and you're just not sure where to turn. You could ask the experts, or you could study at the knee of porn's finest instructors, or you could read the blog of some guy who seems to really like boy-boy-girl threeways (and thoughtfully includes links to MMF porn!). Sure, some of his advice is questionable at best, but he has more than a few entertaining one liners. And, to be honest, we have soft spot for anyone out there who's trying to increase the visibility of male bisexuality (and threeways!) so we're going to let this one slide.

· First Bi Threesome (firstbithreesome.com, via indienudes.com)