Fleshbot: funny

All Flush Faced And Dow-y Eyed

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:45:01 EDT

For those of you who missed it last night: Stephen Colbert gets sexy with the Dow Jones. Oh baby. (hulu.com)

Everything's Better With Babes (Including Classic Films)

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Did Hot Chicks Picking Up Dog Shit just have a little too much dog shit for your tastes? Try Hot Chicks In Black And White Flicks: a video series featuring girls in bikinis recreating the movie classics.

Above, a segment from the bikini babe version of "12 Angry Men." All that flesh really brings new life to the work, are we right?

· 12 Angry Men with HOT CHICKS (youtube.com)

Displayus Mammarium! Teen Wizards In Love

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Now that we've (allegedly) seen Neville Longbottom playing with his, ahem, magic wand, this Hermione/Neville erotic fan fiction makes a whole lot more sense. Or, well, at least a little more sense, anyway. (youtube.com, via thesspot.org)

Belladonna Returns To "PG Porn" For "Genital Hospital"

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:30:01 EDT

At long last, the episode of "PG Porn" we've been most hotly anticipating: Belladonna in "Genital Hospital." We laughed, we cried, we got turned on—definitely one of our favorite episodes of this series.

(And, for those keeping track: in keeping with our theory, "Genital Hospital" is an odd numbered "PG Porn" episode that's actually funny...and actually PG porn, as it were. We're so smart sometimes!)

· PG PORN: Genital Hospital (spike.com)

Aziz Ansari ♥ Pornstars

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:45:00 EDT

First Evan Stone, now Jenna Haze. Aziz Ansari really loves the pornstars. (funnyordie.com)

Orgasm.com Lets You Call The Shots

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:00:00 EDT

We've all dreamed of finding a porn clip perfectly tailored to our exact needs and desires. Now Orgasm.com is hoping to make that dream a reality with their new Porn Director feature.

The idea is simple—a choose your own adventure porn, if you will. The program gives you a whole host of options (choice of girl, choice of prop, choice of action, choice of setting, choice of music), then compiles your selections into your very own porn clip. Naturally, we had to come up with one all our own. You can see the results of our experiment, above.

· Orgasm.com's Porn Director (orgasm.com)

Burning Angel Discovers A Breastastic Cure For Swine Flu

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:30:01 EDT

Over the past few weeks we've been unable to escape news of the dreaded A(H1N1) virus (more commonly known as swine flu). And now it seems that one of the Burning Angel crew has been tragically struck down by this porcine influenza.

Luckily, a cure may be at hand: Misti Dawn, swine flu specialist, seems to have some extra special assets that might just hold the key to stopping A(H1N1) once and for all. Hmm... do you think her boobs can cure other things, too? Cause we've got this wicked case of insomnia we've been fighting for weeks...

· Big Boobs Are Cool (bigboobsarecool.com, via babysinead.com)

This Is The Greatest And Best Porn In The World.... Tribute

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 01 May 2009 16:30:01 EDT

We're not going to lie to you: there's a lot of bad amateur porn out there. But there's also a lot of amazing, inspired amateur porn out there. This clip falls in the latter category.

Sure, it starts out all normal like, with a close up shot of a girl's face as she blows her boyfriend. But just wait until two minutes in: that, friends, is when the magic happens. And by magic, we mean Tenacious D's "Explosivo," which has the power to transform any ordinary video in the work of a divine being.

We'd say more, but we don't want to go and spoil the ending for you. (Although if you think really hard, you can probably figure it out for yourself.)

· Explosivo! (xtube.com)

PG Porn Heads Out West With Belladonna And Roxy DeVille

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 10:30:00 EDT

As promised, the latest episode of "PG Porn" debuts today, with Roxy and Belladonna taking James Gunn's brand of sexless porn to an Old West saloon. (Okay, Roxy just dances during the credits, but whatever.)

This is the sixth episode of "PG Porn" that we've seen, and we think we've finally figured something out: every other episode of the series is good. As far as we're concerned, "Roadside Ass-istance" and "Helpful Bus" were the times when Gunn really hit his mark... while, uh, "Squeal Happy Whores" was a little... off.

Alas, "High Poon" comes on the heels of the stellar "Helpful Bus," and—in keeping with the pattern—doesn't quite live up to its predecessor. And what's funny is that the problem is a pretty simple one: "High Poon" doesn't actually fulfill the promise of "PG Porn." It's not a super porny setup that takes an unexpected turn for the nonsexual; in this case, it's the tale of a super controlling director who can't stop interrupting the taping of his cowboy porn.

Do you see the distinction we're making here?

James Gunn, if you happen to be reading this: we really love the exposure you're giving all these girls, and we do love "PG Porn"—when it's actually PG porn. If you could just stick with that premise... well, we'd be even bigger fans than we currently are.

· "High Poon" (spike.com)

Heavy Petting: Pets In Porn

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:30:01 EDT

Amateur porn can be all the more erotic because it's, well, real. But sometimes things get a little too real—like when the action's interrupted by a ringing phone, or a pet walks into the picture.

Heavy Petting chronicles images of pets in (sadly censored) porn. Some are easy to spot, some are a little more hidden, but they all leave us feeling, well, slightly comforted and vaguely confused. (Hey, at least we know we're not the only one with a cat who likes to watch.)
· Heavy Petting (heavypetting.tumblr.com, via BuzzFeed)

Lingerie-Clad Light Saber Duellers Finally Get Their Due

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:30:01 EDT

You know how it is: you're at a bar, with two gorgeous women vying for your attention. Before you know it, they're fighting over you—then the light sabers come out...and the clothes come off.

Well, maybe you don't know how it is, but we certainly do, and we're glad to see that someone's finally making ads that reflect real life. Now if only this Saber product were actually real.

· SABER sexy lightsaber underwear fight (youtube.com, via AdRants)

How Belladonna Eats A Popsicle

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EDT

When she's not busy making popsicles out of thin air, Belladonna enjoys eating popsicles (and also making porn). As a special treat, she'd like to show us her special, porntastic popsicle eating style.

We're not sure if Belladonna is planning a special series of popsicle-related videos, or if these two in a row are just a fluke, but we gotta said, if she ever wanted to, like, make a two hour special about how to eat a popsicle, we would totally watch it (heck, we'd probably even buy the Blu-Ray!).

· How to eat a popsicle like a pornstar. (youtube.com)

Porn For Women... It Does Exist, Right?

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:30:01 EDT

On the whole, we tend to think that the selection of "porn for women" is slightly less dire than this comic would suggest... but we know where she's coming from. (daniellecorsetto.com, via Violet Blue)

Bang Bus Gets The PG Porn Treatment

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Okay, we admit it: we had our doubts about PG Porn's Bang Bus spoof, "Helpful Bus"—in fact, we really only watched it for Bree Olson. But after a slow start, it won us over.

Not that we were really that surprised—the series has slowly but surely been getting funnier, and Craig Robinson and Sean Gunn are pretty funny (and, for that matter, Bang Bus is ripe for spoofing). If anything, we just wish that there'd been a little bit more Bree Olson. Okay, maybe a lot more Bree Olson (maybe she and Marie Luv could make out?).

What can we say? We love Bree!

· PG Porn: Helpful Bus (spike.com)

You Come To This Kitchen Often?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:30:01 EDT

You know you sometimes eye that piece fruit, or that naughty vegetable, wondering what it would feel like right there. And we've got news for you: that vegetable is thinking about you too.

Forbidden Fruit

· Forbidden Fruit (atom.com)

Pop Rocks: They Get Your Rocks Off

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EST

We all know about the Altoids trick, but were you aware that Pop Rocks help you get your rocks off? Perhaps inspired by Raven Riley, a hardcore fan decided to spread the word.

Now aside from the obvious (like, uh, does that really work?), we have a few questions about this little video. Firstly: who made it? Barring the possibility that it was put together in liberal Europe, there's pretty much no way that this is officially endorsed by Pop Rocks—and if it's not a real commercial, who would put the time and effort into producing that? And what did they shoot into that poor girl's eye?

And, more importantly: in an age of such rampant YouTube takedowns, how is this video still up? (Oh, and don't worry—on the chance that our post causes it to get taken down, we've totally got a copy saved.)

· Pop Rocks, That Really Rock!!! (youtube.com, thanks slimhope!)

The Base System: Finally Explained!

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:00:00 EST

Okay, we admit it: we have never, ever been able to keep those "bases" straight. Is third base a blowjob or a handjob? What, exactly, happens on second? And where does anal fit in?

So a big, big thank you to XKCD for finally explaining it all, in an easy, organized manner—now we won't have to get all embarrassed and befuddled the next time someone asks us to steal second.

· Base System (xkcd.com)

"This Ain't The Stimulus Package XXX" Debuts On Limited Screens

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 13:30:01 EST

Mr. Flynt may not have secured a porn bailout—but that won't stop the pornographers from giving the rest of us the stimulus package we so desperately need.

Well, at least the imaginary pornographers in this Landline TV video, which envisions what would happen if the Obama Administration hired the nation's top grossing production company to make an educational film about the stimulus package... and that production company turned out to be a porno-making one.

As you may imagine, hijinks ensue... and as for us, well, we're just waiting for Hustler to release "This Ain't The Stimulus Package XXX." Any day now, right?

· Lucid Films Presents: "The Stimulus Package" (landlinetv.com)
· Thumbnail: patriot Michelle (juicybucks.com)

Belladonna, Kimberly Kane, And Joanna Angel Have A Pants Off Dance Off

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:00:00 EST

We all know how well they fuck (um, very), but how well do our favorite pornstars dance? Well, thanks to this special clip from Belladonna's "Girl Train," the truth can now be revealed.

You know, we'd always wondered why there was so little dancing in porn... but hey, we won't hold it against them. They're just too cute!

· The Dance Off (blog.kanearmy.com)

"PG Porn" Finds Its Stride (And Sasha Grey Helps!)

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:30:01 EST

After some trial and error, it seems that James Gunn's "PG Porn" has finally hit its stride. The latest installment, "Roadside Ass-istance" (featuring Sasha Grey), actually made us laugh. Out loud, in fact!

Rather than confusing us with violence, or just plain confusing us, "Roadside Ass-istance" goes for the funny in a more straightforward way, taking on the double entendres and playing on the sheer ridiculousness of porno "plots." Thumbs up on this one, kids... even if the use of the word "fuck" makes a PG rating seem rather unlikely.

· PG Porn (pgporn.tv)