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what is reality?
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what is reality?
While we're on the subject of cocks and their allure today, maybe you'll have better luck figuring out what this game show cartoon character is doing than the contestant who's too busy cracking up to answer. Hint: we were going to say "Choking the chicken" ourselves before that snake popped up and got us all confused, though we suppose the correct answer ended up being pretty close too. (Click thumbnail for video.)
ask the experts
Best Of Sex Advice: Reach Out And Touch Someone
We know that it's tough to ask for help. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem, and that you need the assistance of others to resolve it. And it can be embarrassing and painful to confess to a shortcoming, but when you do—when you learn to trust and then rely on your fellow man—that's when you make a true human connection. On the other hand, when you seek sexual guidance by joining a site called the "Large Penis Support Group" ... well, then you're just showing off. (Or being delusional. Take your pick.) More »
3:50 PM on Thu Jun 26 2008
By Dashiell Bennett
5,061 views,
1 comment
Messy Meat Makes A Mockery Of Manhandling
We like to think we have pretty good senses of humor here at Fleshbot: we like to play practical jokes on the UPS man, we always laugh during PowerPoint presentations when we're not supposed to, and we spend a lot of time generally goofing off (when we're not jerking off). However, there are some things we take very seriously indeed, like sex and hamburgers. Which is why we find nothing funny at all about this parody ad for Carl's Jr. After all, hot hamburger sex between two hot men is serious business—and if they didn't have enough to share with the rest of the class, they should've left it at home. (Click thumbnail for video.)
Sure, you've got a giant penis—but how are you supposed to let everyone know about it? Just leave a bottle of "Penis Reduction Pills" lying around the house and let the label spread the word for you! Don't worry, though—they're just sugar pills, so your massively unwieldy schlong won't be going anywhere. (penisreductionpills.com, via yesbutnobutyes.com; thumbnail via Pornstars Like It Big)
Sure, getting paid to have sex with a bunch of cute guys in a porn video may look like the best job in the world ... but if these wacky outtakes from DirtyTricks.tv starring the irrepressible (and hung) Crazy James are any indication, the whole process is fraught with more perils than you probably imagined. Remember: it's only fun until someone loses an eye from a giant penis springing up from a pair of tight underwear and poking them in the face! (blog.plushieschwartz.com)
animation
ยท Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure, One of the First Pornographic Cartoons Ever Made (panopticist.com)
"Eveready Harton" And The Birth Of Cartoon Smut
People are always asking if we know where to find the world's first porn movie or the world's first nude model or the name of the caveman who invented jerking off. Obviously, we are much too young and spry to be able to recall such ancient history, but there are folks out there who know where to find such hidden gems. These intrepid internet explorers have tracked down what is believed to be the first pornographic cartoon, "Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure." Made in the 1920s by (allegedly) the same animators who created family favorites for Max Fleischer and Walt Disney, it's the heartwarming tale of a man and his giant penis just looking for a little satisfaction in a harsh and cruel world. Who says cartoons are just childish fun?ยท Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure, One of the First Pornographic Cartoons Ever Made (panopticist.com)
music video
Like you, we find few things more frustrating than those heavy black censorship bars more prudish media outlets than ours utilize to obscure even the merest hint of boob, pube, or peen. And like (most of) you, we find few things more sexually unappetizing than toe jam. Combine the two, however, and you have few things more delightful than this cheeky new video by Brighton Port Authority, a collaboration between Fat Boy Slim, David Byrne and Dizzee Rascal. Funny how these things work out, isn't it? (And if by chance you were bought here via a Google search for "toe jam porn" ... well, we guess we'll do our best to find you some of that too sometime. We aim to please everyone around here.)
More »
The Sexiest "Toe Jam" You Will Ever See
Like you, we find few things more frustrating than those heavy black censorship bars more prudish media outlets than ours utilize to obscure even the merest hint of boob, pube, or peen. And like (most of) you, we find few things more sexually unappetizing than toe jam. Combine the two, however, and you have few things more delightful than this cheeky new video by Brighton Port Authority, a collaboration between Fat Boy Slim, David Byrne and Dizzee Rascal. Funny how these things work out, isn't it? (And if by chance you were bought here via a Google search for "toe jam porn" ... well, we guess we'll do our best to find you some of that too sometime. We aim to please everyone around here.)
More »
ask the experts
Best Of Sex Advice: How Does This Thing Work Again?
So what have you been up to lately? Our Best of Sex Advice roundup took the a couple of months off to visit some kind of swinger's resort in the Caribbean and is now being mysteriously quiet about the details. We've been saving up lots of questions in the meantime, however, and now it's finally ready to answer some of them. As usual, they generally revolve around the one pressing theme that seems to be a mainstay of sex advice columnists everywhere: "How do I get hot people to do filthy things to me?" Of course if anyone ever truly answers that question, we'll all be out of a job. But until that day arrives, we'll take whatever advice we can get. More »
11:30 AM on Wed Jun 11 2008
By Dashiell Bennett
3,739 views,
Comment
Max "Bunny" Sparber is a man on a mission: for the next year, he'll be writing one porn script every week, based on the most popular movie from the previous weekend. With "Iron Dong" and "Sex and the Titty" already under his belt, who knows what literary and artistic heights he'll ascend to next? (Though somehow we're thinking his adaptations of "Hancock", "Gonzo", and "American Teen" this summer are sort of going to write themselves.) (sparberfans.blogspot.com)
it's funny 'cause it's true
While our more geeky siblings may be excited about about the iPhone 3G's GPS capabilities and new applications, there's really only one thing that interests us about it: the faster download speeds, which of course means quicker access to porn. And it seems we're not the only ones who are looking forward to rubbing one out to BigSausagePizza.com with greater convenience during work hours, as you'll see in the video below. Really, what else were you going to use that fancy piece of equipment for anyway? Checking those spreadsheets on your Enterprise server? Please.
More »
iPhone 3G: Best Porn Phone Ever?
While our more geeky siblings may be excited about about the iPhone 3G's GPS capabilities and new applications, there's really only one thing that interests us about it: the faster download speeds, which of course means quicker access to porn. And it seems we're not the only ones who are looking forward to rubbing one out to BigSausagePizza.com with greater convenience during work hours, as you'll see in the video below. Really, what else were you going to use that fancy piece of equipment for anyway? Checking those spreadsheets on your Enterprise server? Please.
More »
movies
· "A Taste Of Hot Lead" (1969) (imdb.com)
· Clip courtesy of Bedazzled Blue (bedazzledblue.com)
Previously: Sexploitation Clip Archive
Sexploitation Clip Of The Week: "A Taste Of Hot Lead"
Now this is how you do sexploitation: Violence! Murder! Co-eds—yes, co-eds—trapped alone with horny thugs! A gingerbread house stuffed with sex! (OK, maybe the gingerbread isn't necessary, but it definitely helps.) "A Taste Of Hot Lead" is like the perfect storm of 1960's cheesy hedonistic excess ... and in color no less! Where else will you find full-frontal lesbian nudity and point-blank gunshots to the head in one film? You have to watch this, so do what you're told ... and like it.· "A Taste Of Hot Lead" (1969) (imdb.com)
· Clip courtesy of Bedazzled Blue (bedazzledblue.com)
Previously: Sexploitation Clip Archive
Coordinating a bukkake scene isn't easy: you try getting five hundred men together to jizz on a girl's face sometime and see how it goes. But with these new proposed bukkake regulations, anyone can put together a bukkake scene with no muss and no fuss! Well, almost no muss. (thenaughtyamerican.com; thumbnail via here)
As if we needed another excuse to nurture our shameful secret crush on Rachael Ray, along comes this long-lost audio clip from her days as a sex educator. (OK, we guess there might be the slight chance it's a fake—but hey, anyone who says things like "It's so big, I can barely get my fingers around it!" totally deserves to have their words taken out of context.) (YouTube - thanks Blakeley)
fun with photoshop
When Porn (Still) Isn't Porn
Porn pictures that have been digitally enhanced into a state of glossy hyperrealistic perfection are nothing new—but what are we to make of porn pictures that are digitally enhanced to the point of not being pornographic anymore? We're not sure if the anonymous author of this blog lifted these creations from a certain thread at Something Awful a while back or created them him/herself, but as far as we're concerned they're still among the best things we've come across since lolpr0n. (And those examples which are not only Photoshopped and Painted beyond recognition but have lolpr0n captions too? Even better!
· ex-porn pictures (exporn.blogspot.com)
Previously: When Porn Isn't Porn, Unporn, Non Porn Zone, Porn Remixes, Porn, Not, SFW Porn
How To (Yet Again) Break Into The Porn Industry
Because we still tend to receive emails from horny guys asking us how to break into the porn business no matter how much we ignore them, from now on we're considering just directing them to this informative video from the team at BushLeagueTV instead (even if we're not entirely sold on the idea that a moustache is necessary for success—this ain't 1978 anymore, you know). Sure, following a few simple steps might not get you a starring role opposite the likes of Alana Evans, Aurora Snow, or Teagan right off the bat ... but everyone has to start somewhere, right?
television
· "30 Rock" (full episode @ hulu.com)
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Previously: "The Uncanny Valley": Why Porn Video Games Suck
World's Greatest Porn Video Game Comes To Life
A couple weeks ago, we brought you the heartwarming tale of fake TV actor Tracey Jordan and his quest to create the ultimate porn video game. (Working title: "Gorgasm: The Legend of Dongslayer") We're happy to tell you that the dream is still alive, and the season finale of "30 Rock" brought us some crucial behind the scenes footage of the making of this animated classic. Like all good porn, convincing actors are the key and this fantasy adventure is relying on the seductive pipes of Jane Krakowski. Are her orgasms authentic enough to fool even the most hardcore gamer? Only the magical sex elves know for sure.· "30 Rock" (full episode @ hulu.com)
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Previously: "The Uncanny Valley": Why Porn Video Games Suck
denials
alibi case to the American people! You see, there has obviously been some sort of mistake here, because who would ever do such a thing as order these tawdry exploitative DVDs? We will get the bottom of this!
· Inside Edition (insideedition.com)
· "Inside Edition Reporter Creates The Most Elaborate Denial Of Late Night Porn-Ordering Ever" (bestweekever.tv)
TV Reporter Clearly Did Not Order These "Girls Gone Wild" Videos
We've all been there before: it's late at night, you're home alone, maybe you've had a few drinks ... and then those commercials start. You know the ones, for those DVDs featuring saucy young girls doing inappropriate things in the back of a bus? So you call the number, give them your credit card info, and then fall asleep and forget about it. But what do you do when the discs actually start showing up at your house? You take your· Inside Edition (insideedition.com)
· "Inside Edition Reporter Creates The Most Elaborate Denial Of Late Night Porn-Ordering Ever" (bestweekever.tv)
