Fleshbot: found

Hustler Humor Hustles For Laughs

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Hustler magazine has always been known for subtlety and intellectual rigor, but there are times when even when a stuffy porn mag wants to let its hair down a little. That's how you end up with a paper spinoff like "Hustler Humor," which is sort of the like Playboy Jokes page turned up to 11 in color. Sadly, we don't have copies of the actual magazine, but if this gallery of historical covers is any indication, it retained the dry wit and tasteful sensibility of the parent magazine—with a steady diet of vibrator jokes, angry middle fingers, and overt racism. Fun for the whole family!

We don't believe that this magazine is published anymore—which is too bad, because fart jokes that involve actual farts and Ronald Reagan zingers never really get old. Plus, we haven't seen a good "flasher" joke since our Mad magazine subscription ran out years ago.

· Hustler Humor Covers 1980 to 1998 (xpozio.com)

Diesel Makes Porn Safe For After Work Too

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:20:14 EDT

Sure, we've seen that paint-by-numbers SFW porn gimmick many times before—but never in video form! So we couldn't help laughing at this advertisement for an international party Diesel is throwing for its 30th anniversary next month. Sometimes the easy jokes are easy for a reason. Video after the jump.

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• Diesel SFW XXX (break.com)
• Diesel Dirty Thirty (diesel.com)
• Make Porn Work-Safe: THE MOVIE! (forums.somethingawful.com)

Today's tabloids have become so dirty and...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:40:43 EDT

Today's tabloids have become so dirty and exploitative—not like the good old days of responsible celebrity journalism. It's a little something called "class," people. Look it up! (more sex and weirdness @ Flickr, via sex-and-blogs.com)

We don't understand why everyone in Brooklyn...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:55:48 EDT

We don't understand why everyone in Brooklyn was so concerned about Babeland opening a new store in the notoriously family-friendly neighboorhood of Park Slope. It looks like this kid is having a great time there! (brownstoner.com)

New Book Does Not Make Us Think About Breasts At All

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 10:45:00 EDT

A new photo book called "One-Track Mind" claims to offer "a revealing insight into the obsessed minds of men," but frankly ... we don't get it. How can you learn anything about men just by looking at pictures of nice round objects that maybe have little protuberances on the end of them? What the heck are they trying to say? Just because the world is filled with round heaving bumps that cleave together in pairs and tantalizingly glisten as they rise and fall with each passionate breath, that doesn't have anything to us. It sounds like a pretty silly idea for a boob ... er, book.

· One-Track Mind (creativereview.co.uk)
· One Track Mind by Tony Davidson (Amazon.co.uk)

Vintage (And Not-So-Vintage) Catfight Girls On YouTube

Jonnobot — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:50:11 EDT

You kids today, you think you invented everything. The rusty trombones! The dirt pipe smoothies and the ass milkshakes, or whatever you're drinking in those hipster cocktail lounges these days! And what about hot girl-on-girl catfights? You think that no one ever filmed a crisp slap to the cheek or some down-and-dirty apartment wrestling before those newfangled camcorder thingamajiggies came along? Well, YouTube user girlfitewiz is here to set you straight: you'll find dozens of vintage and brand spanking new female wrestling and catfight clips via his (?) profile page, and thousands more on the free Ultimate Female Fighting Links groups that several of the clips will point you to. Sure, those early Hollywood and stag reel-type clips might seem a little tame by today's standards. But hey, even all that modern dirt pipe milkshake action had to start somewhere.

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• girlfitewiz's YouTube profile (youtube.com)
• See also: Ultimate Female Fighting Links (Yahoo! groups; free registation required)

Mygazines: Why Buy The Book When You Get The Boobs For Free?

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:20:32 EDT

Mygazines is a new website from the folks who brought you The Pirate Bay where anyone can upload magazine scans to share and trade, and it also has a neato interface that makes it easy to read magazines online. But because it's a completely free site, they probably don't allow you to upload dirty spank mags into their squeaky-clean database—right? Wrong! Not only do they have lad mags like Maxim, you'll also find titles like Playboy, Penthouse, and even the positively filthy stuff like Club and High Society. (And you can even read those super fun phone sex ads on the back page—apparently, everything is fair game in world of illegal offshore copyright infringement!)

Oh, one more thing ... did we also mention that magazine publishers will stop at nothing to shut them down? So enjoy the free smut while you can, because once Condé Nast and Time Warner call up the National Guard to invade Sweden, this could all be a happy memory.

· "New magazine-sharing site escapes copyright laws abroad" (yahoo.com, via High on Sex)
· Mygazines (mygazines.com)

Not content with LOLcats—or LOLporn,...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:35:10 EDT

Not content with LOLcats—or LOLporn, for that matter—the folks at "I Can Has Cheezburger" have launched a funny Engrish site and what do you know ... pretty much all Japanese-to-English translations end up sounding hilariously filthy. Yes, that sign is offering cunt examinations. And yes, we are easily amused. (engrishfunny.com)

There appear to be some irregularities with...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:29:49 EDT

There appear to be some irregularities with this wet t-shirt contest due to the fact that most of the contestants are no longer wearing t-shirts. We'll go ahead and say it—all this cheating in the Olympics has really gotten out of hand. (hornybin.com, via blography)

So yeah, that article in the New York Times...

Jonnobot — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:25:44 EDT

So yeah, that article in the New York Times today about hot Olympic bodies? In addition to all the eye candy, it turns out it's the first time the Grey Lady has printed the word "XTube" as well (and no, that online mention in a Freakonomics column a few months ago doesn't count). We're still waiting for them to use the terms "bulgewatch", "ass smoothie", and "dirt pipe milkshake" ... but for now we'll take what we can get. Baby steps, y'all! (erikmaza.tumblr.com)

Japanese Porn Covers Reveal The Fetishes That Cannot Be Spoken

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 11:30:30 EDT

A big part of what gives Japanese porn its WTF factor is that most native English speakers can't even being to translate the language. It's a thin line between a simple schoolgirl fantasy and an unintelligible cosplay orgy, and a few hours at your local karaoke bar won't be enough education to clue you in. So while this blog we've stumbled across seems to be a simple catalog of DVD releases complete with front and back cover art and screenshots, it won't take you long to feel like you're in over your head at some insane Tokyo fetish club. Then again, something like this would be confusing in pretty much any dialect.

· Japanese Porn DVDs (obscenely.blog121.fc2.com, via Otomano)

"The Best Hand Job In Town"

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 10:30:36 EDT

An Elgin, Illinois, car wash recently caused a bit of a kerfuffle by advertising their machine-free towel dry service as "the best hand job in town." Even more amusing than the hysterical reaction of the townsfolk—or that the local paper can't bring themselves to say the offending phrase—is the owner's defense that this is standard industry "lingo" and if you don't believe her then you morons should just Google it. Well, we didn't, so we did and you know what? She's right! So does that mean "hand job" is just a part of boring everyday business jargon ... or do all car wash owners simply have the same sick sense of humor? Check out our rogue's advertising gallery below and decide for yourself.

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* * * * *

· Google Image Search for "best hand job in town" (google.com)
· Car wash promises best ' hand job ' in town (upi.com)
· Elgin car wash sign: Lewd or just lingo?
· Related: Car Wash Promises Best Hand Job

Behold the "bullet-proof" police bra! OK,...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:00:58 EDT

Behold the "bullet-proof" police bra! OK, so it's not really bulletproof—just specially designed to be worn with bulletproof vests. Still, we can't wait for our next strip search. (Those do work both ways, right?) (bbc.co.uk)

Brandi Belle Will Not Be Ignored

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:55:21 EDT

Hey, buddy! We're sure that your World of Warcraft game is going really well back there, but sometimes it pays to stop and smell the roses once awhile. You know, turn off the computer, put down the joystick, go outside and get some fresh air. Or even better ... turn around for five seconds and pay attention to the pornstar getting fucked right ... behind ... you! Maybe Brandi Belle has sex on your couch every day, but for most of us that's a pretty rare occurrence. Don't let your porn life pass you by!

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· Couple fuck in the same room as oblivious roommate (PornHub.com)
· Brandi Belle (brandibelle.com)

Whipspider Brings Tentacle Sex To Your Bedroom

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:30:09 EDT

While you're trying to figure out that whole tentacle sex thing, you might consider doing a little at home research with the Tentacle dildo from Whipspider Rubberworks. It's not quite the same things as experiencing ... you know, real tentacles, but sometimes it's better to start off slow and work your way up where certain things are concerned. (whipspiderrubberworks.com, via notcot.org)

Dear Costco: Thanks so much for sending...

Jonnobot — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 11:50:08 EDT

Dear Costco: Thanks so much for sending us that promotional email this weekend letting us know that the Cummins Onan® P1700i Inverter is on sale. We'll try to pick one up for a future installment of our Marital Aid Test Kitchen as soon as we can. (Wait, it's not an industrial strength sex toy? We figured with that name and its general resemblance to one of these that it ... OK, never mind then.) (costco.ca - thanks Cory)

Most people go into porn hoping their parents...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:15:00 EDT

Most people go into porn hoping their parents never find out, but Sindee Jennings' mom sure did ... her birth mom, that is, who gave her up for adoption 20 years ago and hasn't seen her since. But they're reunited now, thanks to her high-profile job. And they should have plenty to talk about at Thanksgiving this year. (thenaughtyamerican.com)

Revenge Of The Sexy Magazine Covers

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:40:03 EDT

Since we studied history at our liberal elitist college, we always enjoy looking through dusty archives for relics of bygone eras. We also learned where to find all the dirty Victorian picture books at the research library. Maybe that's where the folks at Xpozio went to find all those sexy old magazine covers they keep posting? We've linked to a couple of their galleries in the past, but the collection has exploded to include pretty much every Playboy cover in every international edition ever as well as most of the covers from the illustrious history of Penthouse, Hustler, High Society, Juggs (yes, Juggs) and other classic spank mags. So in how many different languages can you say "Pamela Anderson Naked"?

· Men's Magazine Covers (xpozio.com)

Flickr Foto Of The Day

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:15:01 EDT

Their advertising strategy might have changed over the years, but it's nice to know that you can still alwayshave it your way at Burger King. If you don't see it on the menu, just ask. (Flickr, via ponyxpress.wordpress.com)

Sandy Kane: The World's Worst Singing Stripper

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:47:14 EDT

People like to do crazy things to get attention—like competitive eating or growing a handlebar mustache or, ahem ... blogging. Or they can take their clothes off while singing their own made up novelty songs about hookers and blowjobs. Sandy Kane is sort of like a cross between Belle Starr, "Weird Al" Yankovic and that "Chocolate Rain" guy on YouTube. She's old (not that there's anything wrong with that), she has an awful voice, and she's possibly a racist ... but try watching this video of her version of "Gloria" without finding yourself mesmerized. We can't really judge her stripping abilities based on this, but the singing is definitely not going to help with the tips.

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· "The World's Worst Stripper" (break.com)
· Sandy Kane on MySpace (myspace.com)
· Sandy Kane on the street (Flickr)