Maybe 2010 will be the year of economic recovery, or maybe we'll all plunge further down the whole into an even worse and more unimaginable financialocalypse...but as long as these boobs are here to light the way, we know it'll be a good year. A very good year indeed.

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(Trust us, we'd have an equally hard time tearing ourselves away from the sight of a small cock getting a delightful handjob in front of a pair of small boobs. It's the combination of cock/handjob/boobs that does it for us more than anything.)

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Though really, isn't that what we all want out of life? Oh, if only we could all have the opportunity to bury our faces in her pussy and jump at the sound of her commands...now that would be the life.

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*****

Previously: Penny Flame Roughs Us Up With Her "Expert Guide To Rough Sex"

We can only imagine how thoroughly and completely he rocked her world, because he probably had to earn the pleasure of saturating her forehead with jizz. Facials aren't usually something worth noting, but the precision and quantity of this gentleman's load dropping is undoubtedly special. Also, the title is just charming.

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As odd as this may sound, we applaud those gals who affix strap-on dildos to the thigh. It's easier for the receiver to straddle, the wearer's own genitals are still open for business, and no one has to throw out her back trying to wield an uncooperative fake cock. If God ever gets a chance to redesign our bodies, we'll throw in a vote for a penis relocation project.

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* * * * *

Previously: "Mandy Candy" Is Dandy, But Kimberly Kane Is Insane(ly Talented)

Taking a bath or a shower with a loved one has its pros and cons. Pro: Your partner can wash your body with increased care and dexterity. Con: Only certain bodyparts get attention from your partner (ever seen a booty shine like this one?). Also, something about hot water and clean towels always creates a situation where one person gets jizzed on. We don't know why, but it always happens.

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Maybe Screech is a goofball, and maybe he'll never make the football team, but he has a sizable penis and that's the next best thing. Er, maybe the penis is the first best thing. After all, this is (Not) Lisa Turtle (XXX) we're talking about here.

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Sure, the handjob may seem a little worn out, but it's a timeless present! People have been giving each other (and themselves) these things for years, and not even Hallmark can step to that kind of tradition. If you really want to make it special: get naked! It's the little, personal touches that give a handmade gift meaning.

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Truth be told, this isn't the first time we've seen this kind of sensual suction in vintage porn, but it's one of the best. It makes us think that people in the olden days were much more intimate with their cleaning appliances. The next time you need to relieve some tension or feather your hair, look no further than the good ol' WetDry vacuum.

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Of course, given that we have eyes and all, we can tell for ourselves that Melrose is worthy of fixation, period. And believe you us...we are definitely fixated.

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It'd certainly make mowing the lawn vastly more interesting.

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Although if her head starts spinning around, definitely let us know. A cock-crazed girl with 360 degree head spin? Just imagine the possibilities...

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For one thing, this is an amateur fuck flick that actually gives credit to a director: Hughey Love, a Spanish Harlem-based amateur porn auteur. For another, this isn't just one couple going at it: in the span of a few minutes, we're introduced to three separate (and equally sexy) scenarios, a delicious buffet of amateur action.

We're not sure if this film is a complete work, or if it's meant to simply showcase Mr. Love's range as a director...but we're definitely feeling compelled to dig up a bit more of his oeuvre.

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It's not that Santa has a problem with masturbation, or feels threatened by a large, fake phallus, he's just very strict about only having elf-made toys in his home. As much as Mrs. Claus sympathizes, those tiny hands are better suited to making wooden trains than they are to satisfying a woman's needs.

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True, it looks like most of Amy's New York sojourn took place in the comfort of a hotel room...but it was a hotel room in Times Square. And that's enough for us. (Though if she could shoot her next scene at The Standard, that would be even better.)

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Even though this is only her second scene ever, she shows real potential (at least Tom Byron thinks so). Sure, she gets fatigued and a little dizzy at times, but she keeps going! We think she needs to control her chi better. She resists the penis too much; she needs to remain fluid, use the penis' energy against itself. This is the essence of fuck-jitsu.

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* * * * *

Previously: Rice, Toast, and "Unseasoned Players" Are Good For Digestion

Lucky for us (and Mr. Rosano), touching Bree doesn't cause you to explode in flames, there's only a slight melting sensation. You may also experience sweating, dizziness, weak knees, euphoria, and a sudden affinity for footjobs. We recommend not using heavy machinery during exposure to Bree. Unless you're using your computer to watch her, then you kind of can't help it.

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* * * * *

Previously: Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From "Bree Exposed"

You can tell there's a great deal of trust between these two. Ass play isn't something you just casually pick up one day: it's a journey, an exploration you take with yourself, a friend, or maybe a group of friends. It's like Beyonce says, "If you like it then you should put a finger in it."

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