When you took your SATs last year, doubtless you encountered the analogy "Love is to porn as sports is to X." And if for X you chose "professional wrestling" you will be delighted with today's feature film spotlight, which combines porn and wrestling in the same way couchbound people yearned for Alien and Predator to get it on.

My personal belief is that no man is ever truly surprised when the woman he's with reveals herself to be a transsexual, a dominatrix, or a Mormon. So Mistress Berlin's question of Julian at the beginning of "Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass!" is part of the elegant dance between domme and sub, like French Court face-saving protocol. Of course he knows he's about to get beaten, pegged, and "forced" to fellate a transsexual, but the savvy domme also knows to pretend he just fell into her clutches. See that question after the gap.

It’s hard not to think of any porn movie that bills itself as “dark, squalid, and ominous” as missing another adjective: pretentious. But even after struggling our way through the copy that adorns the (rather gorgeous) box cover of "Hospital" along with assorted surgical implements and bloody smears, the only word that describes how director Benny Profane’s new Vivid Alt release makes us feel is excited. Then again, Mandy Morbid always makes us feel that way anyway.

To know jessica drake—or at least to bump into her semi-regularly—is to be infatuated with jessica drake. That is why hopes are high when Wicked gets around to jessica drake in its contract performer marquee movie rotation. And that drake gets around to Dana DeArmond turns out to be a pleasant surprise in "Kissing Girls."

So you've watched your fair share of bondage porn, and you're starting to think that maybe you'd like to explore some bondage in the bedroom. But where to start? Though the pros may make it look easy, serious bondage isn't for beginners—and even with some practice, it's still advanced sex play. The last thing you want to do is get some rope and see how it goes. If you're going to go bound, you'll need some good guidelines and some easy to follow instructions.

Thankfully, Nina Hartley is here to offer her assistance, in the form of "Nina Hartley's Guide To Bondage Sex." With the help of bondage model and expert Claire Adams, Nina walks bondage beginners through all the basics of getting down and dirty while bound ... and throws in some super hot sex scenes by way of illustration.

Viewers who watch this feature all the way through will be rewarded with a twist ending uncharacteristic of porn movies. I say this as a favor to this movie's producers, because I can't say that everything leading up to the twist is the best a talented group of people can do. Still, you can watch this in a double feature with "Kiss Attack" and not regret the evening.

After watching a few of her new Vivid-Ed releases, we're more convinced than ever that Tristan Taormino produces some of the best eduporn out there. The videos she's done for the line have been consistently smart and sexy, and do a great job of educating us and turning us on at the same time. But how much of that is due to Tristan's considerable charisma, and how much is the Vivid-Ed format itself? We had a chance to investigate that mystery this week with the latest Vivid-Ed release, "The Expert Guide to Positions": though it features Tristan as an onscreen educator, "Positions" was directed by Geoff Bean.

So how did it stack up? Our thoughts (and a preview clip) after the jump.

Whether you want to donate to the Evil Angel legal defense fund or spend 10 glorious, disturbing, jaw-dropping, delightful, and carnivorous hours with the likes of Belladonna, Sasha Grey, Sandra Romain, Eva Angelina, and Tricia Devereaux (or, I imagine, both), you will love "Defend Our Porn."

As the fourth installment in an award-winning series, "Chemistry 4" has a lot to live up to. Tristan Taormino's strategy of putting a group of porn stars in a house for a long weekend, arming them with cameras, and letting them have at each other has been a winning formula so far— but after three hot sessions of "Real World"-style porn, even the best-laid plans can start to wear thin. How do you keep the chemistry alive?

Well, for starters, declaring it to be "The Orgy Edition" certainly doesn't hurt. Nor does kicking off the action with some poolside lovin'. Long before Tristan's even had a chance to explain the house rules, Penny Flame and Evan Stone are already getting to know each other better. In our book, that's a pretty promising beginning ...

Kaylani Lei Increases Her Mileage In Wicked's "Carpool"

Less than one month after the Eliot Spitzer "Client 9" scandal broke, Hustler made a porn parody of it. So you can say this about porn: even if it no longer drives technology, you can be sure that the turnaround time between event and attendant testicular reaction to event is still very quick. Should this movie be reviewed on its own merits, as a story of a public official who can't keep his pants on, or should we think of it as a porn adaptation of real, though tawdry, events?

Red-haired Madison Young tells white lies in purple rooms. Why? Because she loves too much; she is too eager to please. Always going the extra mile in her stripper duties, Young fibs to favorite customer (Daniel) when he asks her to go to an SM party with him after her shift.

"I'm also a professional dominatrix," she lies.

This is the cloud that hangs over "Undone"; will Young's fib be found out?

In our private correspondence, you have often told me that squirting has a certain "majesty." "It seems like they're giving back," you said. In performer/director John E. Depth's "I Make It Rain," in which he plays a sex therapist to Charley Chase, the countertransference begins almost immediately—but one must look very closely to find the squirting.

Flying High With "The Beast In Space"

Casey Parker's Golden State travelogue "California Dreamin'" follows the plucky Shane's World star up and down the coast where she finds love and learns a little about the state that allows if not condones her way of life. Try not to think about what her gas budget must have been like and join us for a review after the jump.

We watch a lot of porn movies here, and when one shows up called "The Whore Within Me" we know it will belong to the Deadly Earnest School of Pornography. And that's O.K., just as long as the consumer is not compelled to slit his/her wrist prior to unvelcro-ing his/her hospital gown.

We are happy to say that this movie appeals to our own inner whore, even if we're concerned about the anecdote Lorelei Lee tells. Full review after the jump.

"Despite the circumstances you found yourself in," says the detective, "you still found pleasure in this vibrating machine?"

"Yes," Roxy Deville says.

"So some good came of it."

Medical Curiosities: "Dr. Probe's Lab Of Perversion"

Audrey Hollander is surprised when her yearly gyno checkup gets too familiar: "Any tenderness? Pressure?" The doctor asks about a hundred times. If I were Hollander, I would have had my HMO authorize anyone other than someone named "Dr. Probe."

While the cover of "Dr. Probe's Lab of Perversion: The Demon Gynecologist of the San Fernando Valley" promises a sardonic porn right up the alley of writer/director Jim Powers, Hollander's scene is so awash with dark editing program background music that it's hard to figure out if Powers intends us to laugh or just be creeped out; the cover suggests one, the movie suggests another.