The Foundry, the advertising agency that skankified the classic character, said they "challenged the consumer's notion of what this beer was," and we couldn't agree with them more. Allegedly, the dwarves (dwarfs?) represent seven types of drunks, but they could just as easily represent the seven types of post-coital emotions. It must be some damn good beer.

If Disney were smart, they'd put all this bad blood aside and cast Megan Fox in the Ho White full-length feature (she kinda looks like Megan Fox, doesn't she?). All this press is just going to sell more raspberry ale and cartoon porn, and Disney isn't doing anything to capitalize on that. Keep your pimp hand strong, Disney.

· AdFreak.com (adweek.com)
· AdelaideNow (news.com.au)

Apparently, a 60-year-old man was arrested, brought to trial and found guilty of goosing Minnie Mouse at Disney World. Yes, with his grandkids watching, he grabbed Minnie's titties right before someone snapped a photo and then, just for good measure, squeezed her ass. If the defendant, Mr. John Moyer, is a furry, does that mean he's being persecuted on basis of sexual orientation? If Minnie cannot speak, does that mean her right to say "no" is considered null and void? Or is it considered null and void because she's a mouse?

We concede, he was very wrong. We wouldn't want someone's grandpa coming to our job and feeling us up either.

*****

· Man Sentenced For Groping Minnie Mouse! (thefrisky.com)
· Thumbnail via Best Week Ever | VH1 Official Site (bestweekever.tv)

· Disney stops looking for breasts after a decade of trying (gadling.com)
· Thumbnail via Flash Mountain (flashmountain.net)

Aside from the possibility that the kind of up she is talking about getting fucked might not be legal at any age, I have to question the wisdom of putting up a picture of yourself and announcing the day you will be both fucked up and at Disneyland. It seems like a prime way to make sure the Moustapo has its eye peeled for you.

Maybe it is just that I am old and no longer understand the thrills to be had by thumbing one's nose at the Man. Still, happy birthday, Mackenzee—I hope your "small world" doesn't turn out to be a holding cell beneath the Haunted Mansion.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Mackenzee Pierce at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Mackenzee Pierce's movies (gamelink.com)

· Cartoon Pussy (cartoon-pussy.com)

Previously: This Week In Japanese Porn Titles: "Cartoon Character Costume Rape", Hot 'Toon Babes By Alessandro Scacchia, Cartoon Porn by Alex Hiro, Catt House Studios, More Hardcore 'Toons

· She might have barely cracked the top 60 in this hemisphere, but Keeley Hazell is at least still the sexiest woman in the world according to FHM's Austalian readers. Which proves that Australia is even more sensible than we may have given them credit for. (brisbanetimes.com.au, via hollywoodtuna.com)

· New (and very, very depressing) research suggests that oral sex may cause throat cancer. And we thought lockjaw was the only thing you had to worry about. (newscientist.com - thanks [?] Mike)

· Want to enter the exciting and lucrative world of Nerve Personals blogging? These handy templates make it easy—and you won't even have to go on any lousy dates to do it! (datehole.com)

· Nightclubs are installing more stripper poles so that the regular customers can get in on the action. Remember when it used to be called "Amateur Night"? (wcbstv.com)

· This letter to the editor writer is really proud of Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood. Probably not proud enough to score a date with her, but it's a nice effort. (gazettetimes.com)

· Poor Donald Duck. He's always getting himself into crazy situations like stumbling upon a sexy babe in the jungle and forgetting to bring his condoms. (Boing Boing)

· This video about internet porn statistics is so informative, you'll want to watch it again and again. And again. So much learning! (YouTube, via goodmagazine.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Of the dozens of special features that have helped make Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" DVD one of the best selling titles of the past year, footage of a hardcore threeway starring Keira Knightley getting DP'd by Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom isn't one of them. Which may be why opportunistic online comic porn outfit Sinful Comics is creating such a splash with a series of panels depicting all the yo-ho-'ho action you didn't get to see—and why The Sun is claiming that an "outraged" Disney is considering legal action against the company, though it's not clear whether that's because the strip shows the "Pirates" cast demonstrating the real way to plunder hidden treasure or whether it's because the crudely drawn art isn't quite up to Disney's CG standards. (Then again, it's also unclear whether The Mouse even knows they exist or could be bothered to shut them down.) Still, if you want to see a rather generous "re-interpretation" of Keira's chest while she indulges in some good old-fashion tentacle porn (it always comes back to that, doesn't it?), this is about as close as you're going to get.

· Sinful Comics: "Pirates of the Carribbean" Porn Comics 1, 2, 3, 4 (freeadultarchives2.com)
· "Keira Knightley is getting banged at trasures (sic) island." (freesinfulcomics.net)
· "Keira's Comic Porn Shocker" (thesun.co.uk)

· The paparazzi catch another thong-wearing starlet letting it all hang out. Wait ... that's Jodie Foster? Wow, we actually feel a little bit dirty now. (taxidrivermovie.com)

· Congrats to Elizabeth Hurley, who married Indian businessman Arun Nayar this weekend in a private ceremony. Based on this collection of not-so-private topless photos of the blushing bride taken over the years, it looks like Mr. Nayar is in for a lot of fun on the honeymoon this week. (toxicmagazine.com)

· Most "babies" in adult daycare claim that wearing diapers and being coddled by women isn't a fetish, but let's be honest ... a spanking is a spanking, are we right? (macleans.ca)

· Disney is forced to change its new theme park slogan, because it's already been trademarked by a porn company. No word yet on the status of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. (metro.co.uk)

· Seniors need to protect themselves during sex to ensure a long, healthy life. No, not high school seniors ... senior citizens. Those crazy kids are out of control these days. (prweb.com)

· Sex workers in India push for the right to ply their trade legally. Wouldn't that make everybody happy? (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

· How can a library offer internet access without allowing porn? An internet without porn is like an Oreo cookie without its delicious creamy center. (boston.com + washingtontimes.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Lusting after the animated babes in Disney's feature films is one thing, but for some folks simply admiring their well-drawn lines in the theater isn't enough. For if the internet has taught us anything, it's that if someone creates a popular fantasy character, someone else is definitely going to incorporate him/her into some hardcore naked fan art. Who among us has not imagined what it would be like for Belle and the Beast to actually get it on? But we hadn't anticipated how a DP from a talking candle might go down. There's some serious imagineering going on out there.

· "Toons!!!" (xxxmofo.com)

Previously: Morning Wood: Vagina-Free Edition, Disneyland Paris Orgy Video, Final Fantasy Hentai, Animated Hardcore Manga, Pinup Art by Dean Yeagle, X-Rated Disney on eBay

· Vida Guerra has an early Christkwaanzukkah present for fans of her ass—an FHM cover shoot. You didn't even have to unwrap it. (fhmus.com)

· Congratulations to Britney Spears for going an entire day without letting anyone photograph her cooch. (Maybe. The day isn't over yet.) (chicagotribune.com)

· Meanwhile, you can compare the poetry of Britney and Kendra Jade, her (possible) rival for the Drakkar-lovin' Kevin Federline. Leave it to the Gawker nerds to make this story all literary and shit. (Gawker)

· Don't worry; you're not a freak for admiring the Top 10 hottest Disney women—but if you think Belle is only No. 7 then you're obviously sick in the head. (fanpop.com)

· A former strip club waitress who was "tired of being mistreated by men" is sentenced for mailing people condoms that were filled with a potentially explosive mixture ... and it wasn't the stuff you're thinking of. (abcnews.go.com)

· "The Boob Lady" is writing a owner's manual for those who own a pair of breasts. What about those of us who just like rent? (seattlepi.nwsource.com + booksonboobs.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We are fairly certain that this shot of a boob-baring Christina Aguilera being groped by someone in a Donald Duck costume making the rounds this week is a Photoshop job. Then again, considering what goes on at Disney theme parks these days, we suppose anything's possible. (break.com - thanks Paul)

· If you've got a camera (or even just something that looks like a camera), you've got a great Halloween costume and a license to see lots of boobies tonight. Just add a couple dozen really drunk girls and a good lawyer and you're all set! (clubplanet.com)

· Halloween apparently makes people in Washington very, very horny. Sort of like the way we feel the other 364 days of the year. (Wonkette)

· Apparently, millions of Americans are addicted to sex and it's all our the internet's fault. You're welcome. (Then again, porn still prevents rape, so maybe everything works out even in the end.) (eastbayexpress.com)

· Alessandra Ambrosio will see you now. We don't know her that well, but she seems like such a nice girl. (doubleviking.com)

· New Yorkers can now buy feather ticklers, vibrators, and flavored condoms at their local Duane Reade drug stores. Now do you see why it's called the best city in the world? (nypost.com)

· Online success story Danni.com gets bought by Penthouse, but will (hopefully) continue to provide bare breasts to the world. It's a heartwarming story, isn't it? (avn.com)

· Finally, you have a couple more hours to email your friends these sexy Halloween e-cards from Hegre—provided you aren't as sick of Halloween smut as we are right now. Or just save 'em and wait 'til next year, by which point your appetite for hot naked chicks wearing pointed witch hats will be renewed. (hegre-art.com, via Tiny Nibbles)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Since this already notorious video disappeared from YouTube earlier today almost as quickly as we discovered it, we'll start by saying that if you want your chance to catch Minnie, Mickey, Goofy and the rest of the gang in some hot-and-heavy cosplay orgy action at Disneyland Paris, you'd better click that link below as soon as you can before it gets yanked again. And if it's already disappeared by the time you read this ... well, we have a feeling that it'll be turning up pretty much everywhere before too long. Things like videos of simulated group sex involving a bunch of bored theme park workers in costumes have a way of wanting to be free. No matter what Disney's lawyers have to say about it.

· "Do you fancy a Donald Duck?" (vidcaps and video link @ thesun.co.uk)

Bonus! Burt, Ernie and Cookie Monster Orgy. Yes, we told you we were trying to ruin your childhood today. (metacafe.com)

Previously: X-Rated Disney on eBay