If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

In case merely looking at sexy furniture pics was leaving you a bit frustrated, you might be interested in this interview starring Fleshbot Gal Friday Violet Blue (we're not sure which version), who went booty-to-booty with Slashdong's qDot at SXSW in Austin last week to unveil his latest teledildonic invention: the Twitterdildonic sofa, which uses a text feed from the already buzzworthy Twitter miniblogging service in conjunction with a software-engineered Rez Trance Vibrator to create the world's "first augmented reality couch". Even though he modestly calls his new tech mashup "completely useless", qDot has supplied the source code for anyone who wants to rig up one of these to replace that old Barcalounger in the living room—though all it takes is one look at Violet's face while she's sitting on the prototype during the interview to convince us that IKEA needs to start mass production on these things immediately. Who knows—it might even make sitting there looking at boring celebrity sex tapes all evening something to actually look forward to!

· "new getv episode: twitterdildonics and qdot" and "Twitterdildonic Stimulation" (QuickTime video @ tinynibbles.com + GETV)
· "Twitterdildonics" (slashdong.org)
· Twitter (twitter.com)
· "Mini-blog is the talk of Silicon Valley" (msnbc.msn.com)

Previously: The Ooh!, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Delldo, The Wiibrator, Sexy Furniture by Mario Philippona, Sonny Black Dungeon Furniture, Italian Sex Chair, Furniture Porn Movie, More Furniture Porn

We're always excited about gawking new sex toys and tend get a little drooly about any type of shiny new interactive technology, but sometimes this shit is just plain weird. Segment, Inc's still-in-development (and woefully named) Virtual Hole and Virtual Stick—his and hers, for the loving long-distance couple—fall into this technolust/puzzling category.

At their AEE booth this week, the techy innards of the Virtual Hole were on display in this translucent bowling pin, which you can hook up to the visual masturbatory device of your choosing (aka your computer) and synchronize to the movements of a distant friend. Or foe, if you're both down with that.

So why is the male toy manufactured in the shape of a shiny silver bowling pin? "It is very discreet," we were told by a company representative. Maybe in Las Vegas. But will it play in Brooklyn? - AR

· Segment Inc.: Virtual Hole and Virtual Stick (girlsr.tv)
· Fleshbot's 2007 AVN Expo Coverage

We admit that we're a little behind on our Canadian television documentaries (we blame TiVo) which is why we missed out on the airings of "A Perfect Fake," the story of man's attempts to find companionship and orgasms through artificial means. Fortunately, the fine users of YouTube (of course) share with us some of the highlights of this mesmerizing (and occasionally spooky) tale. We go to Japan after the jump for a look at men and their dolls and then introduce you to the Cadillac of "wanking devices."

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For some guys, one love doll just isn't enough. They collect them like action figures, but treat them like members of the family. Parts One and Two deal with a fellow whose relationship to his dolls looks more like a schoolboy crush than erotic lust.

Part 3 gets a little more kinky. This guy has to keep a separate apartment for all of his ladies, and he has some thoughts about the sexual logistics of plastic.

Part Four moves beyond dolls to the more hardcore world of electronic sex. Behold the PenisTron!

· Doll Collector, Parts One, Two, Three and Four (YouTube; Part Four via wfmu.org)
· "A Perfect Fake" (primitive.net)

* * * * *
Previously: Teddy Babes, Love Doll's Pantyhose, "My Ladies": Sex Doll Album, Purity Doll/Japanese Love Doll Videos, Milky Lovers: Japanese Sex Doll Brothel, Realdoll Threeways, Japanese Sex Doll Watch, Sex Toy of the Week: The Body Doll, Make Your Own Sex Doll, The RealDoll Museum, German Sex Dolls, Love Dolls by 1st-PC Realdoll Threeways

Of the ten submissions chosen as finalists last week in Babeland's Project Sex Toy 2006 competition, we're especially intrigued by the Octopussey: an "eight-armed silicone sex toy that can become whatever you want it to be" that tickles us as much for the endless pervy permutations it promises as for the fact that it reminds us of one of our favorite "Drawn Together" episodes. (Then again, that Duette vibrating pleasure ring looks pretty snazzy as well. Sure beats trying to retrofit one of those old fashioned joy buzzers when we're feeling a little lonely.)

· Project Sex Toy Finalists (babeland.com)
· "One Ring to Rule Them All" (seattlest.com)

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archives, Sex Toy of the Week: The DilStick, Sex Toy of the Week: The JackHammer, Alien Dildos, Talking Head Vibrators

Although it won't be released until next month, you can take a sneak peak at the next generation of the sex simulation game "Virtual Hottie" via a selection of screencaps and a trailer on its newly launched website. Apparently the new version will include the capability to interact with a mechanical "Virtual Sex Machine" masturbatory device that pleasures you (assuming you have the right anatomical equipment) while playing the game. (Didn't that used to be called "the hand"?) No word yet on any of the customization features we hoped to see when the first iteration of the game was released a while back; guess we'll have to wait until the developers release a trial version before we can hope to see our long-held fantasy of pleasuring a virtual Linda Hunt on a tropical beach become a reality.

· "Virtual Hottie 2" (screencaps, trailer, and press info @ virtualhottie2.com, via SugarJoy)

Previously: "Virtual Hottie", Museum of Sex Goes Virtual, PSP PornWatch: "Jo & the 7 Babes", Sex Maid Game, Virtual Erotica Blog, "Running Scared": The (Sex) Game, GTA Sex Scene Video, MILF Warrior, "Sex In Games" on G4, "3D Striptease" Game, Pornstars and Video Games

While the rest of Team Gawker was busy explaining web technology and looking for techie gossip at SxSW in Austin last week, we here at Fleshbot spent our time trying to scare up some tail ... er, of the digital variety, that is. Thanks to the friendly folks at the "Sex in Video Games" panel moderated by Clickable Culture's Tony Walsh, we came away with more interactive sex tips and resources than you can shake a joystick at. After the jump, read our summary of the past and future of in-game sex as discussed by some of the experts in the field, and get sticky via a selection of links to sexy games you can play today.- J. West

Thumbnail: The Making of a Post Six Grrrl (dragonscoveherald.com)

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For you kids (and parents) who think it all started with Grand Theft Auto's Hot Coffee mod, maybe you haven't been paying much attention to sexy gaming over the years. As Kyle Machulis of Slashdong and MMOrgy pointed out, sexy games have been around since the first Commodore 64. Text-based classics like Infocom's Leather Goddesses of Phobos and graphical adventures Sierra's Leisure Suit Larry (later remade into a console version) did their fair share of titillation before 3D rendering was even possible on a home computer.

But better graphics and online play aren't the only trend driving the recent explosion in sexy titles. As Julianne Greer of game culture mag The Escapist (which will be devoting their May issue to the topic) pointed out, "The industry is growing up, [and] the people who are making the games are growing up." Republik's Spend the Night (above) is an example of a title that's looking to be more mature in its treatment of sexuality, especially since its goal, according to developer Glennis McClellan, is to cater to a market underserved by games in general: women (or, more precisely, those women who are turned off by some of the harder-edged sexuality in games like Second Life). By putting relationships before sex, it's a smart strategy in luring more women online ...where you can bet the men will be sure to follow.

McClellan comes from an interesting background, having previously worked on titles like "The Princess Diaries" and "Chronicles of Narnia" for Disney. "We're really interested in women and what women want." Many of the games "features" revolve around locking players into their characters so that Spend the Night doesn't end up resembling the gender-bending, fetish fantasy free-for-all that, say, Second Life has become known for. While Spend the Night isn't necessarily meant to be a dating venue, McClellan admits that users will probably find ways to make it happen.

The user ingenuity aspect of Second Life dovetails into another theme in the discussion—what Maschulis calls "emergent sex", or game sexuality not originally intended by the developers. As Greer explained, "It's more been play creation and hacking-in ways to have sex." Hacks to create nude characters for The Sims Online and World of Warcraft (though some don't need the additional stimulation) are good examples. With its open format and encouraging attitude toward community development of new functionality, Second Life has become a dream world of a sexual playground. Mark Wallace's Second Life Herald covers the "cyber love" scene and introduced us to the "Post Six Grrrls," avatar pinups from in-game smut mag Players Magazine. (And let's not forget about Slutster.)

When somebody from the audience asked McClellan if she though prostituion might appear in Spend the Night (as it has in Second Life, among other games), Wallace said that there'd be no way to engineer it out of a virtual world; when McClellan wondered how it might be accomplished without an in-game economy, Wallace quipped, "Via PayPal!" (McClellan shot back, "Maybe that's another business model.") But as Maschulis demonstrated with his many hacked devices, the real problem in terms of bringing the feel of sex home to gamers was the interface. "What sort of interface is going to make someone comfortable enough to fuck their computer?"

And that, friends, is the question Fleshbot will be tirelessly looking to answer. Stay tuned.

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See also:

Sexy Latina Porno Game (erosgames.net, via Sugarjoy)
· 3D Porn Games (3d-porngames.com, via Sex & Games)
· Funny Adult Games

If you picked up a copy of Timothy Archibald's "Sex Machines" book, you may already know a little bit about Ken's Twisted Mind, an online emporium of all sorts of erotic gizmos from the Anaconda to the VersaCock—but do a little digging around what must be the largest selection of sex machines for sale on the web and you'll find a lot more dirty surprises for your perusal. Not that anyone would probably ever need more than one jigsaw-modified fuck toy or drilldo, mind you ... but we can dare to dream. V. Blue

Ken's Twisted Mind (kenstwistedmind.com)

Previously: Fuckingmachines Revisited, Machines and Sex, The Sex Machine Diaries, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, The Robospanker, The JackHammer, Dream Love Chair, Fucking Machines, Sex Pillows

With a price tag of $400, the new Je Joue deluxe programmable vibrating device better deliver on its promise of being "the ultimate in sensual self indulgence" as per the claims of its manufacturer ... and who better to let us know whether it's worth seeting aside the funds from your sex toy budget than the indefatigable qDot of Slashdong, who subjects its accompanying cross-platform "PleasureWare" software suite to close inspection and likes what he sees: "Now that I've actually done a smidge o' homework, I think they may be onto something here. At least, assuming you're female." (Our favorite part? The fact that the phrase "Lazy Sunday" shows up on the display screen in the 3D demo on the website; we assume this refers to the name of one of the "grooves" used to operate the device, but we know there are more than a few potential customers out there with an Andy Samberg fetish for whom that setting will have a particularly special meaning.)

· Je Joue (product info and demos @ jejoue.com)
· "Je Joue Part 2: My God, I Think I Might be Impressed" (slashdong.org)

Previously: Talking Head Vibrators, Sex Toy TechWatch: iBuzz Musical Vibrators, "The Toy", Transports of Delight, PhonePurr, Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, The VibraExciter, Dial-An-Orgasm

We have to admit that we weren't quite sold either when we saw a prototype of The JackHammer at the AVN Expo last month; despite its manufacturers' claims, it didn't seem terribly sturdy to us, and we were having a hard time imagining how comfortable a pogo stick-mounted dildo would actually be. (Like edible underpants, it's the kind of thing that sounds better as a concept.) Now that they've added a (rather explicit) video demo and some photos of the device in action to their website, however, we're starting to get a better idea of its potential—and even if it's not quite "the best SexToy's experience since the SexToy's invention" as claimed, it's something we'd definitely love to get our hands on one of these days. Not to mention other parts.

JackHammerSexToy (product info, photos, and .wmv video @ jackhammersextoy.com, via Sex Drive Daily)

See also: "This Pogo Stick's for Adults Only" (Regina Lynn @ Wired)

Previously: Alien Dildos, Talking Head Vibrators, Fuckingmachines Revisited, Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, Sex Toy of the Week Archives

For anyone who's already experienced the dubious thrills of dildos shaped like animal parts or religous icons and is looking for more frontiers to explore—or if you've simply fantasized about what Sigourney Weaver might've experienced had those extraterrestrial shipmates of hers been hungry for something else besides human flesh—this new line of sex toys might be of particular interest. We're especially intrigued (read: terrified) by the "Brutus" buttplug model; as much as we look forward to making contact with alien civilizations someday, this is one space being we hope we don't make contact with anytime soon.

Alien Dildos (aliendildos.com - thanks L.)

Previously: Talking Head Vibrators, Intergalactic Love, Hot Daleks Porn!, Terrestres Extras, Sexy Trekkies, Jar Jar Porn, "The Toy", "The Spine", Silicone Dildo Art, Divine Interventions

We've got some good news and some bad news this week, but we should be able to keep all you sexy techies happy in the end (so to speak). The bad news: there's a new full frontal assault on browsing porn at work. The good news:the iBuzz, a vibrator for your iPod. All that and more after the jump.

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While we like to think all our readers respect workplace boundaries and save their Fleshbot browsing for home (ahem), we still feel it's worth giving you a heads-up about Irish company PixelArt's new filtering software that blurs porn images beyond recognition and then rats you out to your system administrator. I'm not sure if the Bible says anything about porn, but it certainly has something to say about calumny.

· "Smut-blurring software ruins quality net porn" (theregister.co.uk, via Edifying Spectacle)

- - -

Just in time for Christmas, Love Labs will be delivering a shipment of iBuzz musical vibrators to LoveHoney, an online toy shop in the UK. At 30 quid a pop, they're not terribly expensive ... but what if you don't have an iPod? "Just turn on and enjoy the 7 amazing vibration patterns," or plug it into any headphone jack. Perfect if your only S&M play companion is a PowerBook. (I've certainly wanted to whip mine on occassion).

· iBuzz Music Activated Sex Toy (lovehoney.co.uk, via The Sun)
· "Things I do when Maria left and I am in the middle of Nothingam" (flickr.com, via Slashdong)

- - -

Our gadget geek brother Gizmodo interviews Timothy Archibald, the man behind the "Sex Machines" show at New York's Museum of Sex: a collection of photographs and interviews with the DIY inventors behind sexy bots like the ThrillHammer. While sex toy makers don't have their own magazine (yet), Geek Culture's Joy of Tech thinks Tim O'Reilly should take advantage of this obviously underserved market.

· Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews by Timothy Archibald (museumofsex.com)
· "Gizmodo Gallery: Sex Machine (NSFW)" (gizmodo.com)
· The Joy of Tech (geekculture.com, via MAKE: BLOG)
· "The Sex Machine Next Door" (wired.com, via Boing Boing)

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Previously: Sex Toy TechWatch Archive, Machines and Sex, The Sex Machine Diaries, TechnOrgasmic, Orgasm Alley, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, The Robospanker, The Ijaculater, The Machine Project, DIY Masturbator, Hand Job Machine, Fucking Machines

While it's largely a scholarly work, Sandy Beach's essay on machines and sex has enough illustrations and links to raise your hentai hackles and arouse your inner android-lover. From the earliest tools to the latest in teledildonic technology, she traces the history of machine-induced pleasure from its roots to its possible future. (Personally, I find the use of 1-bit graphics is a huge turn on.)- J. West

MekSex (aloha.com, via WFMU's Beware of Blog)

Previously: The Sex Machine Diaries, TechnOrgasmic, Orgasm Alley, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, The Robospanker, The Ijaculater, The Machine Project, DIY Masturbator, Hand Job Machine, Fucking Machines

When imagining where sex machines come from, I envision Frankenstinian lairs with giant Jacob's Ladders buzzing behind rows of imposing glass beakers, staffed by nearly-naked babe-a-licious lab assistants bearing jars of stiff dildos labeled "Abby Normal". But according to photographer Timothy Archibald's new blog, I'm a bit off; while the babes are there in quantity, the situational reality is more like modified Makita drills and spotty cable service. Either way, do peruse the excerpts and photos from his book and travels around the U.S. seeking out sex machine inventors, and yes, it does include naked babes. V. Blue

· The Sex Machine Diaries (thesexmachinebook.blogspot.com)
· Order Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews (amazon.com)

Previously: TechnOrgasmic, Orgasm Alley, Thrillhammer Teledildonics, The Robospanker, The Ijaculater, The Machine Project, DIY Masturbator, Hand Job Machine, Fucking Machines,

Our friends at Slashdong take a long, hard look at the new Nintendo game controller and decide that the buzz (heh) about its potential use as a sex toy all by itself is sort of, well, silly: "I can't for the life of me understand why a boxy vibrating remote triggered this off. I mean, hell, both the current xbox and PS2 controllers have nice, round grips, ergonomically fit for your hands, which means curvy enough to fit other places. But for some reason, people on the internet like shoving right angles in their hoo-haa." Sometimes, a vaguely phallic-shaped electronic device is just a vaguely phallic-shaped electronic device.

"The (Sexual) Revolution?" (slashdong.org)

Previously: Xbox Vibrator Mod, Sexy Cellphone Watch: PhonePurr, The VibraExciter, Open Dildonics, Orgasm Alley, Alternative Power Vibrators

Our mobile handset-fondling colleagues at Gizmodo are all abuzz about the teledildonic possibilities of PhonePurr, a piece of software that transforms your Nokia or Sony Ericsson phone into a low-rent Highjoy personal massage device: "This little program ... is supposed to 'help you relax by relieving mental and physical stress.' Wrong! It s supposed to allow you to send strange pulsing vibrations to your friends via SMS. (Of course, sending strange pulsing vibrations to your friends via SMS is one of the best ways to relieve mental and physical stress that we can think of, but we're not about to quibble.)

PhonePurr (phonepurr.com, via Gizmodo; also spotted @ Slashdong)
Thumbnail co-credit: Beautiful Agony

Previously: Sexy Cellphone Watch: Samsung SCH-n330, Dial-An-Orgasm, The VibraExciter, Open Dildonics, Orgasm Alley, Alternative Power Vibrators

Fuck machine aficianados looking for a few finely machined pleasure devices will want to point their mice at Orgasm Alley, which boasts one of the more impressive looking collections of sex equipment I've seen in a while. But then, I might be the kind of girl who gets crushed out on well-oiled lathes and CNC machines, so a site dedicated soley to mechanical sex toys might not be your cup of porn. But if it is, cheers! -V. Blue

Orgasm Alley (orgasmalley.com)
Thumnail via: Fucking Machines

Previously: The Robospanker, The Ijaculater, The Machine Project, DIY Masturbator, Hand Job Machine