"Pure"

Studio: Evil Angel
Director: David Aaron Clark
Cast: Asa Akira, Keni Styles, Jessica Bangkok, Lana Violet, Destiny, Mr. Marcus, Jake Malone, Valentino

Review by: Gram Ponante

David Aaron Clark's first movie for Evil Angel is an exquisite piece of pornography. Based on the true story of Sada Abe, "Pure" updates the subject matter of 1976's "In the Realm of the Senses" to contemporary Los Angeles where, instead of working as a maid in a 1930's Tokyo hotel, Sada is the receptionist at Asian-run BDSM dungeon Realm.

Sada and Kichi soon grow fond of one another and have the sort of sex-filled honeymoon one might want performers in a porn movie to have. But Sada is a little obsessive and Kichi is a little fickle; there is potential poverty involved if he doesn't go back to his wife, and Sada believes her and Kichi's relationship is finite.

Back at the Realm we meet the dommes, played by Lana Violet, Jessica Bangkok, and Destiny. Each to her credit has her own thing going on, and we are able to view them as separate characters. Still, they seem to have Mr. Marcus caged 24/7, playing a rapper who is guilty about his success.

Styles is an up and coming British Asian porn star, which is doubly rare. Added to this exclusivity is the fact that he is an excellent actor. His presence—despite what happens—might make "Pure" Clark's first ever couples'-friendly movie.

But Clark never bogarts the creeps. In "Pure" there are two old-tymey porn staples in the persons of the reptilian businessman Pasquale (Valentino) and Sada's former professor, played by Jake Malone. Malone, in exchange for Sada's services, provides a cash infusion so that Sada and Kicki can continue playing house.

"Pure" is a very slow burn, and seems to get more compelling, sexy, and visually beautiful toward the end, with earlier scenes seeming ponderous. That said, in addition to just about everything in the movie being a niche or a fetish (leather nuns, asphyxiation, interracial sex, blowjobs while smoking, British Asian guys), "Pure" is the rare porn movie that makes us empathize with the characters.

Equal billing in "Pure" should go to the city of Los Angeles, particularly the corridor from downtown and Chinatown to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. There is not a pool or palm tree in sight in this movie, as if the city got its junk cut off, too.

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"'Pure' is based on a real-life incident that has fascinated me for many years," Clark, who rarely works outside his beloved Asian palette, said. "Sada Abe (played by Asa Akira), an ex-hooker and failed geisha takes a maid's position at a tea house owned by a husband and wife. She starts an affair with Kichi, the husband (Keni Styles), known to be something of a rogue. They run away together and carry on a mad affair, drinking and fucking and experimenting with progressively more kinky sex. The affair starts to go sour as they run out of money."

"I hope you pay me for the rights to my life story," I said.

"One night, Sada takes the strangling game she has initiated with Kichi too far," Clark said. "A large kitchen knife becomes involved, post-mortem."

If this story sounds familiar, you might be thinking of one of at least four movies (including "In the Realm of the Senses") made about this sensational story.

Evil Angel hired Clark to write and direct his version, which features a subtle switch to L.A. fetish dungeons from the original setting of pre-World War II teahouses. Not only that, but Fleshbot favorites Asa Akira, Keni Styles, Jessica Bangkok, and Lana Violet lead a cast of dozens for this movie aimed straight at AVN awards consideration.

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Asia Noir 6: Evil Sex Trap!

Trent (Mr. Marcus) wakes up in his own body, uncertain of who he is. He sees only the slick suit, the police badge, and the sidearm. He's in a bad part of Los Angeles, the kind where dreams don't come true, and he's getting drunk-dialed by a mostly incoherent Oriental Black Widow (Ange Venus), who beckons the amnesiac into her evil sex trap warehouse.

Her evil sex trap warehouse, I add, where things aren't as they seem. Sex is happening there. Black men on Asian women sex (Dick James and Lana Violet). And does Mr. Marcus start having flashbacks? Does he know, now, why he's here?

Asia Noir 6, like the best low-budget porn movies, succeeds because it follows certain rules and does not stray from its own economy. For example, most of the important dialogue is in voiceover, which Marcus delivers convincingly, a late-night DJ mixed with a dude you don't want to mess with.

The noir aspect is also not overwhelming. Director David Aaron Clark realizes that the audience has to see (please tell this to Wicked Pictures), so the noir is more in the mood and the skin tone of the performers than in the lighting.

In the evil sex trap warehouse, Marcus stumbles on a sexual encounter. His LAPD instincts returning, he mostly watches. But when it looks as if things will get ugly for the Destiny, he acts. But the girl disappears, and now Marcus has murdered Dick James.

Meanwhile, Ange Venus continues her cryptic phone calls. Myself, I would have fled, but Marcus is dogged and patient. He continues patrolling the evil sex trap warehouse until he finds Coco Velvett, who is a secretary "down the hall." Spookily, Velvett's hair is down on one floor and up on the next. Ange Venus' dialogue coach must have been handling the continuity.

Velvett fills Marcus in on what goes on in the building. There's an Import/Export business on this floor and a porn studio, Velvett whispers, in the basement. Marcus gets himself down there fast, where he meets Myla Montez, who doesn't have to try too hard to seduce him.

I am not making excuses here, but the awkward readings of heightened dialogue by some of the actresses gently nudges the overall creepiness of the movie. It is rare that bad line readings in a serious porn movie actually work. But here they serve to increase Marcus' -pardon the pun- disorientation. When working with a limited budget, any tool in the shed is helpful.

Upstairs, a frightened Velvett has dreams about Marcus, even as he works on Montez below (so "below" is Marcus' work on Montez that she doesn't take her shirt off). But girls keep disappearing after they've been serviced by black men in this movie, and Montez vanishes.

Marcus gets dressed and finds Velvett being throttled by Destiny, a strap-on succubus. He's not a very good cop. Must call William Bratton and tell him that there's a homicide detective in L.A. letting nice girls get strapped by ghosts.

Destiny, Montez, and Venus are, you see, an evil ghostly trinity bent on vengeance for a crime Trent committed in the conscious world.

When Trent finally figures it out, things have gone irretrievably creepy, and it is too late. He discovers the part he has played, and why he is at least partly responsible for the events. Of course, the vindictive spirits might have forgiven him, but vengeance is a bitch.

Studio: Metro
Director: David Aaron Clark
Cast: Ange Venus, Mr. Marcus, Coco Velvett, Destiny, Lana Violet, Myla Montez, Dick James

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy "Asia Noir 6: Evil Sex Trap!" (filthyadultdvd.com)

Read our review of "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" after the gap.

Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's how much money went into "Pirates 2." When I opened the 4-disc box, three crisp hundred-dollar bills slid out. There was a code on Disc 1 that allowed me half off a 2008 Saturn Vue at the Porn Valley Galpins. There were free helicopter rides to the Van Nuys airport, and either Stoya or Riley Steele is contractually obligated to deliver your "Pirates 2" personally, wearing nothing but your family coat of arms or company logo bodypainted across her eager frame.

But I only speak from personal experience. Your mileage may vary.

A movie of excesses, "Pirates 2" is also an earnest attempt to be a family comedy – much like the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies were, except with rimjobs in it. There are portions of the script devoted to loyalty, believing in oneself, and sticking up for friends that would not be out of place on "Hannah Montana." That these elements appear discretely between scenes of guys coming on each other (just from a porn angle, "Pirates 2" is dirtier and riskier than your average mainstream adult movie) was an uncomfortable marriage of childish themes with very adult ones, as if Digital Playground were trying to let the Sarah Palin demographic know that fisting was "super."

The first joke told by anyone who writes about porn (and a joke he is under the mistaken impression of thinking he has invented) is the one about the sequels. It goes like this: "Whoriental Sex Academy 4 addresses the vital questions left unanswered by Whoriental Sex Academies 1 through 3."

"Pirates 2," on the other hand, really does pick up where its predecessor left off, cannily depending on familiarity with (and perhaps ownership of) 2005's "Pirates" to figure out who "Serena" was and why Captain Evan Stone and First Mate Jesse Jane are searching the Caribbean for her. (Just so you know, Serena is Janine Lindemulder's character from the original. She doesn't appear, Jo-rel or Ben Kenobi-like, in "Pirates 2," however).

An adventure that leads from Jamaica to the (Armenian owned and operated) slave markets to the high seas to the netherworld, where Katsuni's magical Blue Pearl reanimates Tommy Gunn's Stagnetti, "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" really is all over the place, and anyone who expects the story to make sense is, I guess, expecting too much. Ditto for the CGI. The pirate hunters' animated ship moves through animated water, leaving no shadow and displacing none of it. The massive worm slain by Belladonna is about as realistic as Jesse Jane's boobs.

But if the big effects are not even to the standards of late-night Sci Fi Channel fare, the sex and the scope of "Pirates 2" are far beyond what you expect and deserve as average porn consumers. You expect an awful porn script? Here you get one that actually expected something of the actors. You expect scenery chewing from the men? Evan Stone and Steven St. Croix ably comply. You want Jesse Jane and Belladonna to fuck the living daylights out of each other? Check.

Not only that, but the strenuous sex scenes we saw in the theatrical (yes, "Pirates 2," like its predecessor, debuted in a theatre) release are extended in the DVD set. So the thrill you got to see added footage of Minas Tirith when the "Return of the King" Extended Edition came out you can now feel when you see even more of Belladonna's colon.

But in other areas the sheer quantifiables of the movie are distractions. The Stagnetti of the title is, despite Tommy Gunn's performance, useless. He appears toward the end and, as it turns out, anticlimactically. Katsuni's incoherent black widow character was both evil and had boobs. Stagnetti wasn't necessary. The same goes for Sasha Grey. Sure it makes sense for Sasha Grey to be in the biggest porn movie of the year, but her presence and character are as tacked on as when everybody in class has to be in the school play, so suddenly Snow White has 40 dwarves.

And why was Shay Jordan not listed on the box? Her performance was wonderful. And why was Stoya only in a group scene? Both are criminal acts. Further inexplicability is achieved in non-speaking, non-fucking roles for Ange Venus and Adrianna Nicole ("I fell asleep on set," Nicole said.)

Regardless, we persevere. We remember that "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" is a porn movie – and an excellent porn movie - with all the usual limitations even if, as shouted from the boxcover, it is "The Biggest Adult Production in History." We still have four DVDs worth of delightful, turgid nudity.

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Ali Joone
Cast: Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Evan Stone, Jenna Haze, Katsuni, Steven St.Croix, Tommy Gunn, Belladonna, Stoya, Riley Steele, Ben English, James Deen, Sasha Grey, Gabriella Fox, David Aaron Clark, your mom, Shyla Stylez, Shawna Lenee, Abbey Brooks, Brianna Love, Brea Lynn, Rhylee Richards, Charles Dera, Mick Blue, Manuel Ferrara, Marco Banderas

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Pirates 2" (gamelink.com)

The biggest American adult industry event prior to January's AVN Expo, the "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" premiere attracted most of the movie's stars including Jesse Jane, Katsuni, Stoya, the sylphlike Riley Steele, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Steven St. Croix, and David Aaron Clark, seen here with Jandi Lin, whose process in his pivotal whore-negotiating scene involved eating two turkey legs.

"I was there for two days of shooting," he said.

The premiere marks the midpoint of "Pirates"-related marketing and publicity, coming more than three years after the debut of its predecessor's first press release and three years before the collected weight of all its publicity efforts will sink the Pacific Rim (which, considering the analingus involved in this movie, would have made a good subtitle).

The only porn stars to arrive dressed like pirates were the swashbuckling Nicki Hunter and Tommy Gunn, the Stagnetti of the title, who wore his evil glass eye.

"I wasn't in the movie much," he said. "But I'm hoping for a Supporting Actor nomination," Gunn said.

"But you were the title character," we observed. Hollywood is so unfair.

Former Digital Playground contract performer Teagan prowled the red carpet for XBiz which, like rival AVN, now features video interviews. If only Sophia Santi and Janine had been there, it would have been a "Pirates" reunion.

Other porn luminaries in attendance were publicity magnet Kayden Kross, Aiden Starr, Bobbi Starr (no relation), Ringo Starr (not actually there), Satine Phoenix, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey, who came dressed as Sasha Grey.

As usual, Ange Venus, who plays the inscrutable Katsuni's henchwoman in the movie, attracted most of the attention on the red carpet, wearing almost nothing but her hair. Katsuni by comparison dressed very elegantly. It was as if Venus was going to the MTV Awards and Katsuni to the Golden Globes.

This reporter spent so much time outside that he did not get in on the free bar in the lobby, but by then the movie was starting. The crowd cheered as the first popshot broke over Shay Jordan's prow. We'll give you a review of the movie, that may or may not include the blurb Belladonna is salad tosseriffic!, soon.

- Photos by DCypher



• "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" (official site @ piratesthemovie.com)
• Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
• Order: "Pirates II: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

Despite its title, however, "Asia Noir 6" isn't just for Asianophiles only: its racially transcendant cast stars Coco Velvett, Ange Venus, Destiny, Lana Violet, and Myla Montez in a "Memento"-style thriller about a cop suffering from amnesia, a naïve secretary, and a predator driven to the depths of delusion by one of his victim’s ghosts. And it all goes down in a creepy deserted building a la "The Shining". Clearly, this is no "Me Love You Long Time" or "Sushi Munching Lesbos 2".

Given his abilities as a writer (which at least equal any accomplishments he has been recognized for as a director), we’re certain that Clark could have come up with something better for the box copy than the tagline "Vengeance Is A Witch". Still, if the stills below are any indication of what "Asia Noir 6" has in store, we're pretty sure you won't be paying much attention to the box copy anyway.

"Asia Noir 6" hits the shelves this week.

• "Asia Noir 6" (DVD info @ metrointeractive.com)

Join us after the gap for more Popshots, in which we show porn stars not as the world sees them but how they really are.

. . .

Elson and Sascha—America's hardest-working male German porn performer!—discuss an issue common to every couple: Whither creampie?

Across town, tiny Destiny dons a kabuki mask and a strap-on (read my article in September's Atlantic Monthly: Rejected Kiss Army Accessories) for David Aaron Clark's "Asia Noir 6."

The striking Coco Velvett slowly melted into that couch for the next 45 minutes as Destiny turned into a demon.

In posh Bel-Air, bite-sized Teagan modeled her new breasts for photographer Holly Randall. "They actually bunce when I run," said Teagan.

Meanwhile, Roxy DeVille says, "Hello, Fleshbot Readers!"

"People would tell me about your ass, Teagan, " said the towering DeVille, "but I really had to see it to believe it. Oh My Fucking God."

These photos were taken by the estimable Glenn Baren because my glasses kept fogging up in the shower.

The standard Porn Valley pool scene seems so much more classy somehow when no one feels compelled to drink a jug of water and squirt at you. I'm glad it's not going to be that kind of movie.

"No Man's Land Asian Edition #7: Mr. Hentai's Super-Funtime Asian Pool Party" will doubtless be released before the Summer Olympics begin, so laser-topical is the porn marketing machine.

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)

Read our review of "No Man's Land: Asian Edition 6" after the gap.

. . .

Studio: Metro
Director: David Aaron Clark
Cast: Lana Croft, Kina Kai, Kalyssa Kye, Leilani, Ange Venus, Kitty, Jandi Lin

Review by: Gram Ponante

"They say this house is haunted. But I know all the ghosts by name. At least the most important ones. Without them, I might end up lonely."

Poor angelic Lana Croft. The Porn Valley McMansion she rattles around is lousy with memories. Luckily for us, they are sexy, sexy memories.

Porn directors who've been around long enough know there are several ways to coax a narrative out of performers unequal to realizing the non-sexual aspects of their vision. David Aaron Clark chooses the millennial version of the silent film dialogue card to telegraph Lana Croft's thoughts as she clatters around the rented Encino home of a Persian dentist in his latest, which he describes as a "hardcore fever dream filled with broken angels and insatiable demonesses."

Croft is haunted by visions of a dead lover and her own sister, whose relationship with a "Korean bitch" sundered the siblings. The sex scenes in No Man's Land: Asian Edition 6 are both flashbacks and hallucinations, but the result is clear: grief and resentment strips us of our divinity, and not even Red Bull can get our wings back.

Croft stubs out her cigarette on the framed photo of her sister (Kina Kai who, like Croft, is Filipina) and the aforementioned Korean (Kalyssa Kye) who broke up their family, and we know that Croft chose to have the photo framed only so she could stub out her cigarette thusly again and again.

Then we meet Leilani, Croft's true love who, tragically, died in a plane crash, just like Col. Henry Blake.

"I've got no quarrel with Mclean Stevenson," said Clark. "But I accept all interpretations of my work."

In the final sequence, Croft reads a manga illustrated by Michael Manning. The pages come to life in a scene with Ange Venus, Jandi Lin, and Krissy as demonesses who complete Croft's transformation. Well, she had a good run.

More space is needed to adequately describe the thought process that governs the committing to film of a fantasy that must be carried out with a limited budget. There is a lot going on in this movie, which is far weightier than one would expect from a high-numbered porn series. We watch as beautiful tableaux are created but wonder if anyone gets it but the director.

It doesn't matter. It's delicious to watch.

"This is how we make fine cheese," Clark said.

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)
· Buy "No Man's Land: Asian Edition 6" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: David Aaron Clark Returns to "No Man's Land", Popshots of the Week!

. . .

Starring Ange Venus, Jandi Lin, Kina Kai, Kitty, Lana Croft, and Lielani, "NMLA #6" was imagined in collaboration with erotic manga artist Michael Manning ... even though all these ladies are most definitely flesh and blood. If that doesn't give you a touch of yellow fever, we're not sure what will.

· Metro Interactive
· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)
· Michael Manning @ Myspace

· See also: David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)

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Previously: Mika Tan: Go-To Geisha, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

I liked her lack of sexual self-control, but found myself bored by her submissive nature. There's nothing there to tame, or be tamed by. No struggle to mythologize. Still, the fellatio is superb.

An excerpt from director David Aaron Clark's memoir "Bitch Magnet: Diary of a Dirty Bastard", further excerpted in next month's Penthouse Forum. Like you, we also didn't know that Penthouse Forum was a magazine unto itself, or that it had pictures, so we found Tuscan model Liliana a pleasant diversion from the articles we buy men's magazines for.

· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)
· Forum Magazine (cgdata.com)

Regardless of how Clark feels about their station, however, the women are in control in this movie. Read our review after the gap.

- - -

Legend of the Oriental Luv Motel!

Studio: Madness Pictures
Director: David Aaron Clark
Cast: Mae Yung, Lucy Lee, Sin Nye Lang, Kylie Ray

Review by Gram Ponante

Clark describes this work, shot over three years from 2002 to 2004, as "horribly artsy and self-conscious", even "grandiose", but his proactive acceptance of the most likely criticism dovetails nicely with the subject of this film, Clark himself, playing a character named Mr. Hentai who rents prostitutes at a Ventura Blvd. motel whose name he can't reveal due to the "dire consequences for myself and others."

It is my impression that in recent years frat and corporate culture has made the taking of prostitutes cool. Clark does not live in that world. His Mr. Hentai is both imperious and submissive; the only power he has over these ladies is what's in his wallet.

And this makes watching this movie both creepy and intriguing, because it gets to one of the many hearts of the sex-for-cash experience; it's not really about the girl.

He seemed okay down at the bar, so I went to his room when he offered to pay. Then he asked me to put on the dress.

Mae Yung (or Young, depending on which of the credits you put your round-eye faith in), admires herself in a mirror. She is wearing a dress the title card tells us she was directed to put on, and her slack look puts us in the frame of mind of hookers, a canvas mostly finished but who require just our input to make them "perfect".

Clark's love of Asian women, the more off-the-boat-seeming the better, often translates into our love for them, too. This first scene is a point of view (POV) scene, so we know Miss Mae is particularly here for Clark's benefit. It is his challenge to make us like his new girlfriend because it's his show - she, for one, doesn't look at all comfortable in the silk dress and high heels he's got her up in.

It does not seem the exchange goes well. The load delivered is not substantive. Then the title card puts Clark's words in her mouth. "I never saw him again. But he took the dress with him."

A pre-boob job Lucy Lee is next, poring over a querulous volume of forgotten lore and absently touching herself in the process.

Clark actually appears in this scene, and it is a triumph. He looks like a portly Cenobite, and he should be the poster-being for all those who claim to be sex-positive, since the meaning of sex positive has lately morphed into late-nite Cinemax. He does not look Porn at all, just a little dangerous, and of a Los Angeles that probably never existed (and it's sad that it didn't).

Clark is saying things to Lee as he fondles her. He is saying something about her smoking, but the sound is so bad the words get lost. It doesn't matter. Their exchange is as real as it gets, and the reality depicted is the satisfaction of commerce.

Finally, bachelorette number 3, Sin Nye Lang, arrives. "What would you like me to do for you today?" she asks.

"You're such a beautiful young woman," Clark says. "But you probably hear that all the time."

"Yes," she says, "but it's never enough."

"It never is enough for your type, is it?" he replies, and this gets a laugh out of her. This is short-lived, as she later plays at his cock with a straight razor.

A bonus scene features Kylie Ray in her first porn outing. The vignette begins outside, so already it is of a different mood than the others. But it is, again, a hooker scenario and Ray is a little more vivacious and accessible than her predecessors.

This movie is a series of scenes shot over several years, no real flow between them, but they do paint a vivid picture of Clark and what he likes, and who he is. It is fair to say there are people like him who don't have the guts to assert themselves, or at least to wear that leather trenchcoat in the Porn Valley heat.

· David Aaron Clark (davidaaronclark.com)
· Madness Pictures (madnesspictures.com)
· Buy "Legend of the Oriental Luv Motel" (gamelink.com)

When casting "Asian Prostitute #2", as director David Aaron Clark did this week for his upcoming film "Doll Parts", having Gary Glitter's "Do You Wanna Touch?" playing during the photo session was spot-on and unfortunate at the same time. In a playlist full of glam and Johnny Cash, the song was quickly lost, and it never registered with the delightful Ruby Luxe, whose only crime is that she's 24.

Read more about Clark and Luxe after the gap. - GP

***

Not every AVN award means nothing. Clark has won several, including Best Screenplay for 2000's "Euphoria". But Clark is best known in the porn realm (it was declared a realm by the U.N. in 2003) for his work pairing Asian performers with the likes of DAC-movie standbys like Sledge Hammer, Brian Surewood, and Clark himself.

I knew I had seen this library before.

"Doll Parts" will be Clark's highest-budget feature, produced by the same company that cleaned up at AVN with last year's "Corruption". Sasha Grey plays the lead, and relative newcomer Luxe (she has performed in six movies, which in porn terms is like the career of Terrence Malick) was an inspired find.

"I stalked her on MySpace," Clark said.

Luxe is going to school in San Diego and turns 25 soon after graduation. I asked the first-generation American daughter of a Chinese/Vietnamese family if other directors in her experience had prepared her by lending her Wong Kar Wai's "2046".

"No," she said. "But this will be my first big movie. When I did the foot fetish movie, I just had to show up."

· DAC (davidaaronclark.com)
· Ruby Luxe (myspace.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Dreaming of Snow", Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

In our limited experience, marital aids are seldom packaged with porn DVDs. Normally, we wouldn't review something as common as a "stroker", which is the vaguely distasteful name for the tube into which one puts his Billy Squier while thinking about other things, but the DVD which accompanied the Asian Fever Cyberskin Stroker, namely a softcore version of Hustler's "Asian Fever", was to us an interesting choice.

See why after the gap. - GP

- - -

A softcore DVD of demure Asian women like Isis, Teanna Kai, Jade Marcella (pictured with Brian Surewood), Apple, Thai Bunny, and Tashi accompanies this stroker. Most DVDs are edited several ways: there's XXX and various cable versions, showing fewer and fewer parts.

I called up David Aaron Clark, who shot the Marcella segment in 2001.

"This was done at about 8 in the morning at Brick Majors' club in Canoga Park," Clark said. Brick Majors is Brian Surewood's brother, a former performer and current entrepreneur. "Everyone was a little cranky because we had to get the scene shot before the club opened."

I was confused by the marketing of this novelty/DVD combo. The package read: "An Asian Lover's Ultimate Fantasy Package!"

Clark's metier is the Asian Ladies, so I asked Clark if part of the makeup of the Asian fan is an unwillingness to see the hard stuff, or perhaps to not be distracted while jerking off by the sight of an erect penis. Why else ship this device with a softcore DVD?

"You're missing the obvious," Clark said serenely, levitating about four inches off the ground. "Hustler probably had a bunch of those DVDs lying around."

One of the interesting aspects of the softcore process is noticing the Clip-Art wall that was flown in to obscure Marcella getting it in the butt. Yes, the butt.

Notice that the "wall" to the right is of a different color and moulding than the real one on the left.

"If you were to see the hardcore version of that scene," Clark pointed out, "it would be all anal. Jade had an issue with her vagina that day."

Now everything makes sense. The rest of the movie, seen in Fast Forward-o-Vision, seemed pleasant enough, in a Cinemax sort of way. And breaking out the hardware for Cinemax seems like the right way to go, because it takes longer. You don't need a marital aid with a hardcore DVD!

· Asian Fever Cyberskin Stroker (bigsextoystore.com)
· Buy "Asian Fever 1" (hardcore version) (gamelink.com)
· Hustler (hustler.com)

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Previously: Why Grimace Keeps Showing Up, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive