Fleshbot: Contest

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? U-Turn to "Tunnel Butts"

Gram Ponante — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:00:00 EST

The melon-scented squishings and sloshings of "Tunnel Butts" raised as many eyebrows as they did the front panels of our Toughskins recently, so we're asking you, as simply as we possibly can, to come up with a better title for this movie featuring women with asses through which we'd like to drive our banana trucks. Could we find Busytown's Bananas Gorilla for a quick graphical reference? No we could not. But that doesn't mean you can't spend the next week returning "tunnel" to Messrs. Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Hoosac.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Tunel Butts" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Promoting from Within Edition

Gram Ponante — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:30:00 EST

"Like the semen that gets devoured – 'Need for Seed 3' is – HOT!" stammers the boxcover copy of this gem that features Internal Popshots, the kind of xuppage that doesn't get all over the place until after you've gone and she needs to move from atop the record player (no doubt moved by a sign from God, as per last week's winner). But aside from the fact that the site of Mya Nichole triggers an almost immediate breakdown of higher cortical functioning, there is nothing about her picture that suggests she wants hers on the inside. Your mission this week is to find an Internet picture of any stripe that screams "Keep it in-house." You know, like how managers are chosen at UPS.

· Diabolic (diabolic.com)
· Buy "Need for Seed 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Being For The Benefit Of Gina Lynn's Ass

Gram Ponante — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:48:04 EDT

First off, we were so impressed with last week's efforts that we are moving to Philadelphia to fondle the left ball of Duncan Doughnut and perform an Ass Meld on our sneeze reflex. But it's a new week in a litigious world, and Zero Tolerance has clearly forgotten about a certain lawsuit-happy Cupertino company in naming its latest "Apple Bottomz." After all, one look at Gina Lynn and it's an easy jump to "How many USB devices can I daisy chain from her ass? Like, 128?" Your job this week, then, is to rename this movie as if it were either a Beatles lyric or a computer product. Having trouble? Your mother should know.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Apple Bottomz" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Getting A Handle on Kristie Creame

Gram Ponante — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:55:22 EDT

As you consider what's happening to Kristie Creame, be thankful that the title of this movie has nothing to do with the fact that a black man is doing it. But see, also, that he has his left hand on her right cheek, as if trying to reconcile the sides of his brain that deal with the maths and the ass.

If you are successful like last week's winner, you will tell us (one entry per person, please) what this dude is doing with his right hand.

· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Brownout Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:25:44 EDT

We're an enlightened group of people here, right? Remember when your wife sat on my lap at the dinner party and you were uncomfortable but we all got over it? That's what I mean. But now and then there is a porn title even we First Amendment Patriots quail at.

This week's WWFRD entry is such a title. Your job today is to view the actual title and creatively soften it (the first step is to remove the too-easy "#2") for consumption by people who think the original might have gone too far. And you are further challenged to do it with one entry, much as we were wowed by last week's winner.(Though feel free to tell your friends about it.)

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· See the Real Title (if you dare) (gamelink.com)

The election's just around the corner—have ...

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:55:30 EDT

The election's just around the corner—have you picked your candidate yet? Wait, Obama who? No, we're talking about the Sun's Bikini Babes 2008 competition. It's already down to a mere 30 finalists! You'd better make your decision wisely... we're pretty sure the fate of the free world depends on this one. (page3.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Value-Added Knockoffs Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:10:44 EDT

Sometimes the porn version can only be better. It happened with "The Da Vinci Load" and, we will probably admit, "Pirates II". So it is reasonable to expect that a TV show that is already so popular with transsexuals—and which features an actual transgender contestant in its current cycle—would be as good if not better for the people who love transsexuals in a pornified offering.

As you know, all trannies like the top, so this title is redundant. But your job this week is to provide the ultimate porn ripoff of an existing title. Can you do it? Will you do it? This isn't just watercooler conversation, as last week's winner MalzyWheels knows: this is for realz.

• Goodfellas Productions (virtualtranny.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Grinders, Gyros, And Hoagies Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:15:57 EDT

"I would like to grind your cock into a fine paste," Brea Bennett did not say at a news conference announcing her "Cock Grinder" movie. "Or maybe a meal from which I can make my family's tortillas." As head-scratchingly bad a title something implying that, should your penis pass through Bennett's folds, it will be ground is, I'm sure you can imagine a much, much more horrifying title.

Go, as they say, nuts because, like the subject of last week's winner josereyes, you're "smart! Not like everybody says!"

· Club Jenna (clubjenna.com)
· Buy "Brea Bennett: Cock Grinder" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Catatonia Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:15:49 EDT

Submitted for your approval: There is something not quite sentient about the woman on the left, being disrobed for your delectation in this Earl Miller movie. Now I get glazed looks like this all day, running as I do the Dunkin' Donuts concession inside Bogue Chitto High. But I don't know if these ladies are inviting me in or asking me to step outside while the formaldehyde tops off.

Two lines of dialogue from these women is all we ask you to provide if you want to join Zipper in the winners' circle.

· Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)
· Buy "Earl Miller's Naughty Girls" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Gold Medal Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:40:23 EDT

This publication seems to be in love with the word "fap" as much as the nation is in love with Michael Phelps. So why not combine them? At least for the duration of this post, substitute "Phelps" for "fap" and consider the onomatopoetic implications (I imagine the L sound coming from a punch to the throat when it's done).

Anyway, if you were running the Beijing Olympics, what sexy sport—and we're talking medal sports, not demonstration sports—would you like to see your country's porn performers competing in? Be like last week's winners and don't keep switching between the Olympics and a pledge drive version of "Celtic Thunder."

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "Private Gold #100 - Pornolympics The Anal Games" (gamelink.com)

Match The Peen: Can You Identify The Hottest Men In Porn?

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:00:04 EDT

When we assembled our round up of hot straight men in porn, we ran into a bit of a problem. See, we needed photos that would showcase their bodies and faces without the distractions of, you know, boobs and stuff—and photos like that are a bit rare in straight porn, where male talent isn't exactly chosen for their pretty blue eyes.

So we've decided to test your knowledge of male porn performers. Below the jump, we've assembled some action shots of the seven men who made the cut for our roundup; your task is to match the man to the cock shot by placing your guesses in the comments section. Get them all right and you could win your very own copy of the Cosmo Kama Sutra. Or bragging rights. Whichever makes you happier.

. . .

Pornstar #1:

Pornstar #2:

Pornstar #3:

Pornstar #4:

Pornstar #5:

Pornstar #6:

Pornstar #7:

The fine print: You must be over 18 to enter the contest, and you may submit only one entry per commenter account. Standard contest rules apply.

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? MILF Accessories Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 23:35:45 EDT

What kind of woman forgets to take out her curlers before allowing herself to be reamed by the local blind, distractingly hairy-legged newsboy? Well, a MILF, apparently. In some circles a MILF is a mom, in others a cougar, and in this someone who just doesn't care. Why not a housecoat, too? Two weeks ago we asked for the optimal teen porn accessory—and you, bless your heart, said a big wheel. Now, if you can suggest the best porn accessory for a MILF, you will join last week's laureate in the winner's circle.

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· Buy "Ramonator 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Tender Discoveries Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 20:05:49 EDT

Let's do the math: an average of five scenes per movie times seven movies. That means that at least 35 people have not had black cock before. In this day and age. I remember when we graduated we all went out and got one, and that's hard to do in Middlebury. So what people are watching in "My First Black Cock #7" is a tender right of passage rather than the bumpy journey mainstream media would have you believe it is. So be like last week's winner, fleshbotpdh, and come up with the next Best First Thing for porn—with extra points granted for something that can be done on a big wheel.

· Devils Film (devilsfilm.com)
· Buy "My First Black Cock 7" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Jenna Haze: Telegrapher Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:00:04 EDT

We are not showing you the title of this movie, but Jenna Haze is providing a pretty good visual clue on the cover. A skillful actor trained in Greek theatre, Haze knows that sometimes the audience is so far from the proscenium that IT needs a little help to follow the story. In this case, the story will be written all over her ... well, you get the idea. Can you be like last week's winner and come up with a better title than the one Theos provided? And will Jenna of Troy be able to launch a thousand ships once the deed is done?

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Penal Reform Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 22:45:12 EDT

We know. "We're evolved enough as porn consumers to not expect a literal interpretation of the title on the boxcover, hence why these harlots are outside and not actually in detention," you might say. But that wasn't the point we were going to make. Instead, dazzle us like last week's winner did and come up with a Motown girl group name for the flashing harlots on the bench.

· Gazzman (gazzman.com)
· Buy "Young Harlots - In Detention" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? It's Not A Tumor Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:10:04 EDT

You might as well face it: Rocco Siffredi is—and rightfully so—the world's most popular male porn star. But that does not mean his "Puppet Master" DVD doesn't look terrifying, what with the head of that Robert Palmer video girl growing like an abscess out of that crawly girl. And what does that picture have to do with puppets?

Please rename this porn movie in a fashion that fits with the box photo and you shall be praised on high next week in the same way that last week's winner was: in these five hyperlinked words.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy "Puppet Master" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:30:08 EDT

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

"Workin' Hard", Or Hardly Working?

Richard X. — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:15:49 EDT

When a friend drops by Fleshbot Central unexpectedly and we find ourselves having to tell them that that we're unable to take a break to go grab a Frappuccino because we're hard at work, we usually get one of four responses:

1. "I thought that was just a wrench in your pocket! Har!"
2. "I thought you were just happy to see me! Har!"
3. A quick grope, followed by "Doesn't seem that hard! Har!"
4. A breathy "Well, let me see what I can do to ease your workload ..." as they drop to their knees behind our sleek mahogany desks.

(We're just kidding about #4. We don't have desks.)

Well, we have had it with all that innuendo and people turning our innocent, Calvinist work ethic into something dirty. But mostly we've had it with porn studios using the same sorts of titles over and over again. The last straw came in this morning's mail: a copy of Mustang's "Workin' Hard". Just look at that cover, people: he's not even working. In fact, the only thing on that box cover exerting any effort at all is that anemic title—and it's on its last, feeble legs.

So, if some crazy Greeks can sue to stop the entire freakin' world from using the term "lesbian" to mean anything other than an inhabitant of Lesbos, then surely we can sue to get pornographers to stop using the word "hard" except when it's a synonym for "diligently". Right?

In case that litigation fails, however, maybe we could suggest some other puntastic work-themed porn titles to use instead. We think "Teenage Spreadsheets" would be kinda hot; you may have other ideas. To that end, the Fleshbot reader who submits the best office/workplace-related porn title in the comments below will win free minutes to use in our new Video On Demand theatre, where you can watch "Workin' Hard" (which is actually a pretty decent film) or any of the other twenty bazillion similarly-named titles in the AEBN inventory. So, um ... get to work!

UPDATE: Ilsa the She-Wolf (aka Our Boss) says the contest will drag on for a few more days. So take Will's advice below: belly up to the bar and send in those titles! There's a sizable chunk of minutes at stake!

• "Working Hard" (falconstudios.com)
• See also: "She Works Hard for the Money" (YouTube)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Unsightly Spills Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:25:20 EDT

Not that Fleshbot readers aren't anything but swinging bachelors and (maybe two, at most three) bachelorettes, but they are also well-read. So they should know, at least anecdotally, that the word "blowout" strikes fear in anyone who has ever changed a diaper.

For this reason, as well as an equally legitimate need to not compare something that happens to Lorena Sanchez with a weekly sale at a mattress store, the word "blowout" needs to be excised from this title. So friends, be like last week's winner Tits McGee and find a more suitable title for this movie. And because we are benevolent, you can keep the "Creampie."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cream Pie Blowout 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Galaga Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 30 May 2008 19:30:06 EDT

Where else but in porn would a reference to a 30-year-old video game get any traction as a movie title? This blowjob vehicle (directed by the ready-for-anything Courtney Cummz) has the perfect title. But we have a problem with the boxcover: what does this picture have to do with the title?

Last week's winner saw an opportunity. Your job this week is to create a new boxcover for this movie; you can post a link to your creation in the comments below, or email entries to gram (etc) fleshbot.com.

· Zero Tolerance (ztvideo.com)
· Buy "Face Invaders 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Outrageous Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 24 May 2008 09:30:17 EDT

Maybe it's because we've mellowed in our senescence (we're 23), but we can't remember the last time we thought anything was outrageous. Nutrageous, maybe, but never outrageous. Especially asses. Can you imagine saying, "Your ass offends me"? I couldn't. And I especially wouldn't say it to Kelly Starr.

Think of a better name for these asses, won't you? Something that fills us with joy, like last week's winner.

· Michael Stefano (wikipedia.org)
· Buy "Michael Stefano's Outrageous Asses" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

Gram Ponante — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:30:33 EDT

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

Masturbation Or Sex: The Difference Is Clear

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:30:44 EDT

Many of you fancied yourselves experts when it came to telling the difference, but only one of you could win our Masturbation or Sex? contest. So congratulations to kmbear, who scored an astonishing ten out of ten on our little quiz; we'll be contacting you via your Fleshbot commenter page to let you know how to claim your fabulous prize. Everyone else can click through to see the answers, which may come in handy the next time you're asked to distinguish between hitting it and, uh, wacking it. (Hey, you never know.)

. . .

1. Sex

2. Masturbation

3. Sex

4. Masturbation

5. Sex

6. Sex

7. Masturbation

8. Sex

9. Masturbation

10. Masturbation

(Oh, and in case you were wishing this contest had a little more peen ... stay tuned for the Masturbation or Sex: Gay Edition, coming soon!)

We'll Ask You One Last Time: Sex Or Masturbation?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 08 May 2008 12:35:25 EDT

If you (a) like masturbating and/or (b) want to win a sex toy to make your masturbating even better, better act fast: there's only one more day to enter our Sex or Masturbation? contest. The deadline to enter is Friday, May 9, at 5pm ET—get in on the action while you still can!

Masturbation Or Sex: Can You Tell The Difference (And Win A Sex Toy)?

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:40:37 EDT

Sure, you've been masturbating for most of your life ... but do you really know what masturbation looks like? As part of our monthlong celebration of masturbation, we're offering our readers a chance to show off their fapping smarts ... and win a pretty fabulous prize in the process.

Below are ten photos of different models' faces. Some of these women are masturbating, and some of them are having sex. Can you tell the difference? Get all of them right and you'll be entered in a random drawing to win a (brand new, we promise) Delight vibrator, guaranteed to make your National Masturbation Month a lot more fun.

How To Enter: Make a list from 1 to 10 and tell us your best guesses in a comment to this post. (Don't have a Fleshbot/Gawker Media commenter account? Get one—it's easy.) Next week, we'll choose a winner based on whoever has the most number of correct guesses—or will randomly choose from entries in the case of a tie. We'll let you know via your commenter profile page what you'll need to do to claim your prize.

10.

· Images via Ask Jolene

The fine print: You must be over 18 to enter the contest, and you may submit only one entry per commenter account. Standard contest rules apply.

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Rest Your Bones Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:10:49 EDT

Poor Majority-Challenged Blackzilla: the load he carries is so onerous that he often has to lay it down on your hot wife. Problem is, sometimes she is frightened and/or partially blinded and can't provide the weary traveler with any hospitality. It must be his opening line.

Can you be like last time's winner, hebear mcghee, and think of a worthwhile alternative to Blackzilla's plaintive request of "May I drape my cock over your right eye?"? We can't bring ourselves to type (or even copy and paste) the title again, but there's a copy of the DVD for s/he who comes up with the best one.

· Shane's World (shanesworld.com)
· Buy "My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 13" (gamelink.com)

Not to be outdone by her esteem'd colleague ...

Jonnobot — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:10:54 EDT

Not to be outdone by her esteem'd colleague in the Digital Playground contract stable, the time-traveling Stoya is also giving away a collection of her (autographed!) DVDs; the lucky winner will be able to "have their own private Stoya Film Fest". Of course, we here at Fleshbot already have our own private Stoya Film Fest every night before we go to bed, but we guess those autographed copies would be nice to have too. (xcritic.com; see "Stoya: Video Nasty" preview here)

We Haz Ur LOLpr0n Fucking Machines Contest Winnrz!!!1!

Violet Blue — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:00:45 EDT

O hai! Last week we asked you to send us your best LOLporn captions for a selection of photos from FuckingMachines.com ... and you splooged us with entries so hilarious that a half-chewed gummi boob actually shot out of an intern's nose while we were going through them. (We swear!) And because we received so many good ones, the LOL voices in our heads made us give away a grand total of five one month Fucking Machines memberships.

That's sledd's co-winning entry for Photo #1 above; see the rest after the jump.

. . .

Teh Winnrz!!!1!

Photo #1 (Co-Winner):

- by Otiose

Photo #2:

- by QuinnM32

Photo #3:

-by Nobilis

Honorable Mention:

- by Xniphobe

. . .

Winners: To claim your one month FuckingMachines.com membership leave us a message on our commenter profile page, which you'll find here; include your date of birth and a valid email address that we can use to set up your account. (Be sure to check the "Make this message private" box when you leave your info!) We'll send you your login info at the email address you provide.

Everyone else: Look for another Fleshbot LOLprOn contest, coming soon ... kthxbaai!!!1!

U Can Haz Free Robopr0n: Fucking Machines Contest Giveaway!

Violet Blue — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:30:19 EDT

A giant thrusting robocock might be no laughing matter for the hotties at Fucking Machines, but after all this time we still find plenty of LOL-worthy moments while we're toiling in the porn mines. So we're challenging you, dear reader, to come up with the funniest LOLpr0n (totes [TM]!!!1!!) captions to one of three images from FuckingMachines.com ... and three lucky winners will receive a free one month membership to the site. More details—plus an exclusive bonus gallery!—after the jump.

- - -

Even though we've recently been told that every time someone says "I can haz" god kills a kitten, we still believe in our hearts (and squishy bits) that the full potential for applying LOLspeak to photos of girls having their pussies stuffed by robots until they squirt with orgasmic glee has yet to be tapped. So we're tapping it ... with your help!

All you have to do is make us laugh until we choke on our mouthfuls of gummi boobs ... and you'll win a free membership to the deliriously excellent Fucking Machines.com (which is now viewable in PicLens 3D format for added hotness).

Select one of the three large images below and tell us your LOLcaption in the comments for this post, (Don't forget to tell us which image you're captioning.) Even better, use one of them to create your own LOLporn pic and upload that as your comment. We'll announce the winners next week and will contact you via your Fleshbot comments account page to get you your prize. (First time commenter? Go here to register.)

For inspiration, see where it all began ... or where we made it end up.

- - -

· Image #1:

· Image #2:

· Image #3:

- - -

And for even more inspiration ...

· Fleshbot Exclusive: Fucking Machines Gallery (fleshbot.com)
· FuckingMachines (fuckingmachines.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Taste Of Wet Chocolate

Gram Ponante — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:45:49 EDT

Just so you don't flip out, the "Wet Chocolate" in the title of this post refers to someone in a movie—we don't know who—named Wet Chocolate. We pondered whether the movie title was redundant because it mentions both "Black" and "Inner-City," so your job this week is to choose a better porn, banking, and civic euphemism for "minority" than "inner-city." Can you do it? Be like last week's winner, bmeboy, and dazzle the nut out of our juicy-ass booty.

· WoodburnVOD (woodburnVOD.com)
· Buy "Inner City Black Cheerleader Creampie" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Big Big Love Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 19:07:01 EDT

And this we know: when you've got the word "Gigantic" on a porn boxcover, the consumer believes the adjective modifies body parts. This week's contest might be a little Mad Libs-y, but what is the most incongruous thing you can think of that would follow "Gigantic"? Take your cue from last week's winner, bleeble, who thought to add a multicultural element to our posting worldview (which caters almost exclusively to Latvians).

· (See the Real Title) (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD? Archive

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Xupping Sue Ann

Gram Ponante — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:53:19 EDT

Sue Ann, one of the many fresh-faced, healthily pneumatic, and Dove-Ad-Gone-Nude Abby Winters models from Australia, has something to say. What is it? I think it might have something to do with not having enough hands to cover herself but then deciding "Oh, Fuck it." This movie promises real orgasms, so you know what that means: copious xupping!

Read more about our new favorite term after the gap.

. . .

Last week we asked readers to come up with a substitute for the word (not the activity or substance) "cum." Many readers responded with brilliant ideas like "Queem" (first runner up), "roque" (as in "-fort"), and "tattoo," "approval," and "purchase." But none had the space age scaleability or interpretive challenge of "xup," submitted by Captain Celery.

Somehow xupping seems like something anyone can do: lesbians, frat boys, MILFs, trannies, governors, punny bloggers, feminists, dirty old men, ingenues, and the blind. It belongs to everyone.

Captain Celery, please read the contest instructions in last week's entry and we'll send you some porn for your exertions.

But back to Sue Ann: what is she thinking?

· Abby Winters (abbywinters.com)
· (See the real title) (gamelink.com)

South Of The Border With Jasmine Tame

Gram Ponante — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:26:53 EDT

"Me and one lucky winner will be flown to Cancun for a whole weekend," says young Jasmine Tame of a contest organized by the site PornStarRaffle.com. Tame, 22, might well be your date for the low price of $10 — but fans who demand a personal reenactment of Tame's ice cream truck scene in "The Da Vinci Load" are reminded by the contest rules that "anyone who acts in a disruptive manner, or with the intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass Jasmine Tame will be denied the prize package."

· Porn Star Raffle (pornstarraffle.com)
· Jasmine Tame on MySpace (myspace.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Your Most Important Assignment Ever

Gram Ponante — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:34:29 EST

It has happened to you before: you've long prided yourself on your collection of hip, sex-positive friends and co-workers. Then, around the water-cooler (or what we at Fleshbot West call a dirtpipe), you are shunned by your colleagues for saying something unpredictably foul, like "I could get into that up to my clavicle."

Or maybe there is just one word that turns you prudish. For me that word is "Cum."

Not come, or jizz, or splooge (though I don't like "spunk"), but for whatever reason "cum" — especially used as a verb, as in "Cum on over LOL!!!11! " — drives me up a wall.

So your job this week is to provide an all-purpose substitute for the word Cum, to be employed in every future discussion of this matter (by me, anyway - there's no accounting for the rest of those people). It must be monosyllabic and useful as both a noun and a verb.

Now, on to prizes: for months we have been running this contest with no prizes save for your own individual glory, which should have been enough. But we have partnered with Gamelink to provide winners with copies (or reasonable facsimiles thereof) of the DVDs featured in each week's contest.

So what will happen is this: We will alert you of each week's winner via the comment board, and that winner will then submit his/her name, e-mail address, mailing address, post handle (such as Bento and Cloudcarrier, last week's winners), and written declaration that "I am over the age of 18 and it is legal to be mailed adult material in my community."

To encourage a free market, Cloudcarrier, you can only win once in a month. You think you're Vladimir Putin?

Send that info to gram (ampersand) fleshbot.com. We will compile a monthly list of winners and begin mailing DVDs when the database kinks (and we anticipate plenty) are worked out.

Meanwhile, it sure looks like this young lady's nipples have found a water source for her village.

· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Not Ralph Fiennes Edition

Gram Ponante — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 13:54:35 EST

We're pretty impressed with this DVD cover in that the attention is evenly spread over the main participants. That should be a clue as to what kind of movie this is, and a good idea for some muckraking reportage as well: which gender gets more money in this case?

Be like last week's winner Bento and you will win not just the respect of your fellow WWFRD participants, but an actual copy of this week's title as well. Your task? Write a limerick about this box cover.

· (See the real title) (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Under The Hood Edition

Gram Ponante — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 20:33:52 EST

Red Light District sure does have bright and airy looking box covers despite Their Dark Materials. Take, for example, the real title of this movie. We know it's hardcore porn, but does it have to be so graphic? We'd prefer to think that the little red-haired girl is about to see something wonderful up her friend.

Phrase your new title like a line of dialogue from a 20's silent film and you will be aces with us — much as last week's winner Cloudcarrier was with his Rolling Stones-inspired entry.

· (See the Real Title) (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The Good Eartha Edition

Gram Ponante — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:20:08 EST

In addition to the fact that you're going to hell for watching it and they are for making it, today's porn producers have a tough job naming new titles now that the only sensible one, "Watch This For Four Minutes At A Time," doesn't sound sexy enough.

This Tanya Hyde outing was saddled with a title that just didn't cut it. Can you help us out, like last week's winner (and rule-follower) IMBY did, by providing a better name?

· (See the Real Title) (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The Conversation

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 22:36:13 EST

This cover intrigues us for its simplicity, and because it seems like one person is being left out of the conversation and is presenting us with a theatrical aside.

What is she saying? Can you get back to basics, as did Superking in last week's winning entry (check the comments, by the way, for extra and exciting news) and tell us what's really on her mind?

· (See the Real Title) (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD Archive

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The "-Ing" Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:36:48 EST

Our deluxe version of this film came with a "Lord of the Rings"-style leatherette cover and no jessica drake, but yours will arrive this way, with the miniscule-loving San Antonio native looking all St. Pauli Girl. Like "The Howling", "The Shining", and, well, "The Ring", all movies that start with "The" and end with "-ing" sound like horror films, as did this one. So your job, like last week's perennial winner Cloudcarrier, is to think of something that sounds like a better horror movie.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· See the real title" (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD Archive

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Auld Lang Syne Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:45:22 EST

Max Hardcore and Ange Venus are, as you well know, America's Sweethearts ... and a reason to love again after the tragic events of November 1963. Don't they deserve a better title for their movie than the one the Warren Commission gave them?

Sure they do. And since this is the final WWFRD of the year and because we always listen to a little Dan Fogelberg when watching Max's movies, please rename this film with the Bard of Maine in mind and see what runs through your instrument, just like Cloudcarrier did with last week's jubilant and strenuous winning effort.

· See the real title (jerkoffzoone.com)

Previously: WWFRD Archive