2. PornHub describes the porn here as "Brunette teases her neighbor." Huh? Ain't that a blonde?

3. Apparently that naughty little blonde has no problems with visitors from the Thorazine Clinic wandering into her house. Isn't that the guy who plays the Angel of Death in every movie ever made?

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...

Or something.

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those were such good times.

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Step 1: Make sure you get a good I.D. of the person. While you might be distracted by the view down below, it's very important to actually look at the person's face to see who they are before diving in. [This is to make sure you don't end up with a family member, unless that's what you're going for (shudder)].

Step 2: Once the exposed female is I.D.'ed, silently decide if it's safe to pursue. If the lady is your best friend's girlfriend, you might want to hand of the ball for a safety. [However, you get triple the man points if you do decide to go for the steal]. Either way, the fact that the lady "forget" her knickers should be a sign she wants to party. [Or it may be an early symptom of Alzheimer's. You make the call.]

Step 3: If you decide to pursue, you need to map out your plan of attack, John Madden style. If Madden is at your party, feel free to get him to assist you with this. From what I've heard, the Madd-dog is always down to help a player score out in the field. [He may even draw up a game plan for you].

Step 4: As you are the host of this shindig, don't forget to attend to you own duties. It may be difficult to pull your eyes away from the exposed vag, but it's important to make sure everyone's glass is full, especially that of the target. [Bonus: if you have purple drank readily available and mixed, offer this as well. But ask if she would like some first].

Step 5: HALF-TIME - Use this over-hyped break in the game to make your move. If you're struggling with the pickup, you might start doubting yourself. In this case, throw a lateral back to John and let him take the pressure out of the situation. Get some Gatorade, towel off, and reassess the situation. If you have to pull-out and try again later, so be it.

Step 6: Tie game, 4th down, at the 10 yard line, with 10 secs on the clock -

While everybody else is fixated on the screen, this is your chance to sneak away with the lady without anyone noticing. Get to the bedroom, lock the door, and go at it. Hopefully, your spiriting away went unnoticed. But even if it didn't, it won't matter, because after all this build up you probably won't last more than ten seconds in there, and will probably be back in time for the end of the game.

Step 7: Celebrate. You did good. Just make sure you clean up the mess afterward. [From the party.]

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"Pantieless SuperBowl guests are gathering round my door

Ask them in and invite some more"

But, then again, we're talking about pantieless sister-in-laws. These are whole different creatures altogether.

Since Emily Post never broached this subject, here's my take: If the Superbowl party is being hosted by a mutual acquaintance outside the family, do not panic; just keep a safe distance from sister-in-law. If said party is being hosted by a family member, or, worst of all, you, then be afraid, be very afraid. The best thing to do in this situation is to light your hair on fire so you can be sure that you'll be taken away by the authorities. This might land you on an episode of COPS, but it's better than the alternative. To avoid further conflicts, I suggest that you volunteer at the Superbowl party at the Leper Colony.

SISTER-IN-LAW COOCHIE: NOT WORTH IT

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[www.intotemptation.net]

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