Unfair and also inaccurate, partly because Missy Monroe didn't even get into porn until 2003, and Missy Monroe is therefore the Missy Monroe of the new millennium, but also because Claudia Downs is delightfully and emphatically her own person and does not have to be the anybody else of the anytime.

Sure, they both have that short blonde haircut that I love so much, and they both have perfect natural tits, and they both weigh exactly the same. But it would be a disservice to Claudia to love her for anything other than her own personal charms, which are considerable. Happy birthday, Claudia!

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (iafd.com)
· Claudia Downs at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Claudia Downs' movies (gamelink.com)

You see, the kind of dirty girl that can handle six or seven guys all working over her hot and willing holes at the same time is not your average, garden variety slut. Far from it. These girls are next level super freaks who expect a certain level of performance from the lucky stiffs drilling their sweet, honeylicious pinkness. And it's all because they know that once their engines get cranked up, they'll devolve into ravenous cock fiends unable to control their desires to fuck and suck everything in sight. If they intuit fear or hesitation, even for a second, it can throw off the fantastic illusion of decadence and filth they have worked so diligently to weave around their experience.

Which is exactly why Pink Visual has gathered a rare guild of cocksmen who know how to work over greedy bitches properly, swarming in ready to pry sticky skins the fuck wide open, pound balls deep into tight cunt and ass, then swap out with a buddy while letting their princess slurp her own tasty juices off their throbbing fuck sticks. These guys don't skip a beat or miss the chance to get in, get out, and—last but oh so not least—to get off. And the lusty ladies lucky enough to be their costars get basted in baby batter as the salty reward to all their aerobatics.

It's truly a carefully choreographed sexual dance, and one that Nina, Starla, Claudia Downs, Mia Knight, and the alluring sweet Allura Sweet appreciate on every level. You will too, after checking out our sneak peak gallery.

"Gangbang Squad 14" releases this week from Pink Visual.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)

"You caught my eye as you walked down the street/I was drawn to your middle meat" declares the "Muffin Tops" theme song. In the fashion typical of director Jim Powers, stars Brooke Scott and Marlie True begin the movie by doing a ho-stroll down a crowded street in broad daylight until they are won over by a man offering them jumbo ice cream cones Claudia Downs and Rucca Paige were also encouraged to buy jeans a couple sizes too small.

Powers in his boredom and despair (we approve of both) lets people like Otto Bauer, in his scene with True, improvise a Dada scene about avocadoes

"Juicy fucking fruit from a juicy fucking fat-leafed tree, Baby," he says. Then he returns to the script: "Reach back here and open your fucking butt."

Muffin Tops are so in demand in the world of this film that Claudia Downs (it is amazing she came back) is forbidden from going to the gym.

"That's so sweet," she says.

In the final scene, veteran porner Dave Hardman consoles Rucca Paige that Muffin Tops beat "90-lb. tweakers" all the time.

"Do you love my Muffin Top?" she sobs with joy.

If we didn't know the work of Jim Powers better, we would say this movie is a celebration of femininity and empowering of the proudly voluptuous. But that was almost certainly not the intention. Still, these women are some tasty pastries.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Muffin Top" (gamelink.com)

Movies like this achieve on purpose the sordidness that many higher-budget and couples-aimed projects get to by accident. Parents need do nothing more than leave a copy of the Behind the Scenes footage around to dissuade their children from entering the adult industry. (Just make sure your children are 18 years old when you do this.)

See more snaps after the gap.

The trouble begins when Claudia's dad (Dirty Harry) worries that she will never land a nice boy if she keeps running with the wrong crowd ("like your mother").

Walking barefoot through a cave, she spies an unattended 40.

Not a good idea.

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
· Buy "Claudia Downs Is A White Trash Whore 39" (jerkoffzone.com)

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Previously: Photoplay Archive