. . .

· "the nutcracker" (PornHub)

Start your countdowns with Always Aroused Girl after the jump.

* * * * *

Sex Blog Roundup
by Always Aroused Girl

- - -

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I uncrossed my legs and leaned back to enjoy the feel of his hand on me. He indicated the gun and asked if he could use it. I was a bit nervous and excited about the idea which is always a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Even though I knew it wasn't loaded, it was still a very dangerous feeling knowing there was a weapon being used to arouse me. He began to move the long barrel of the gun against my pussy. The hard metal caressed my skin and soon I began to gasp with pleasure. I bent my knees and opened my legs even more and he worked the gun back and forth against my clitoris. I tensed and trembled as I came. He was pleased that he was able to "pop a few of my cherries." I was sliding off the sofa by then.

- - -

The Shocker

I was so wet by that point that a slightly oily finger slid right into my ass without any hesitation. I lay there with one of his fingers bumping my clit, two in my pussy, one in my ass. For some reason, it was unbelievably relaxing. But the relaxation soon turned into urgency and I needed more that just his fingers inside me. "I need you to fuck me now." Removing all but his index finger from my ass, he slipped his cock into my dripping pussy, but only long enough to get it wet. It wasn't long before he took he disengaged completely, aimed a little higher, and slowly pushed against my tight little hole.

- - -

Happy Finish

Candice and Tom rolled on the sofa. His hard cock pressed into her leg through his jeans. She was wet, her pussy yearning to be filled by someone, something, anything. His strong hands pushed up her pink lycra top to expose her boobs and erect nipples. His mouth descended on them, sucking and nibbling like a starving man. She rubbed herself on his leg, clitoris tingling from the sensation of wet silk on denim. She pushed him away and reached down to release the cock that she needed so badly. The sounds of Ian and Dawn cavorting on the carpet made her want it even more, now, hard and fast.

- - -

Christmas Gifts

So that's how I found myself in a 69, getting him ready to enter her while her lips worked on my cock. He moved up close to us and I spread her lips open for him with one hand and rubbed his cock head against her swollen slit with the other. After a few strokes I let go, and he pierced his wife's cunt with his mushroom head. I pursed my lips on her clit and sucked gently while he immediately began steady full-length strokes in and out. She dropped her head, her hair falling over my cock as she moaned against my thigh and the mattress. I reached around behind him and began to tease his ass and moved my mouth to under his balls. I stretched my tongue up and began teasing his heavy nuts with my tongue, twirling around and slathering them with my saliva.

- - -

Saturday Night Bondage and Spoon Spanking

He had laid out the handcuffs and leg cuffs and also my leash. I love being on the leash. It makes me feel owned and I feel his control over everything that I am doing. I can't even go to the bathroom without his permission. He put me right on the leash and removed my panties for me. He wanted a naked ass for spanking. He put me over the pillow and then put on the handcuffs and leg cuffs.

- - -

Christmas

"Hey, cuz," he would say, pointedly, even as I envisioned ripping his clothes off his body and making him my love slave. He is not my cousin. He is not a relative of mine at all. There is no blood between us. Body fluids would be fine, but no familial blood. So I spent several days fantasizing about his hard, naked body. This all just before my period, the horniest time in my month. I was finally unable to resist any longer and found myself masturbating furiously, envisioning his fingers and mouth and all the wonderful things I'd make him do with them.

* * * * *

See also: Sugasm #111: The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them (sugasm.com)

Thumbnail via Melissa Midwest (TGP gallery @ melissamidwest.com, via Ask Jolene)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive

Read our review of "Barely Legal Christmas" after the gap.

. . .

Barely Legal Christmas
Studio: Hustler
Director: Jerome Tanner
Cast: Alexa Jordan, Aarielle Alexis, Nautica Thorn, Ashley Blue, Sasha Grey, Paulina James, Penny Flame

Review by Gram Ponante

The elfmaidens (Aarielle Alexis and Alex Jordan) feel that Santa is too traditional.

"Don't be gay," one says. "Girls don't want dolls, they want dongs. And boys don't want trains, they want to run trains - on girls like us."

This repackaging of five previously-released scenes with a Christmas wraparound dovetails nicely with the "Barely Legal" theme of letters to its eponymous magazine, but in this case the letters are repurposed for Santa.

Sasha Grey is deemed "naughty" for breaking and entering to what she thinks is her teacher's house in search of test answers. Instead she must deal with the homeowner and, in exchange for him not calling the police, must perform sexual acts upon his person. Personally, I think this is a nice gesture that cancels out the naughty one, but Hey, I'm a Buddhist and we don't believe in Santa.

Then we read a letter from Ashley Blue sent in the ancient days of "Barely Legal 27". She, as Santa says, is a "filthy lying whore" for duping realtors into believing she wants to rent houses when what she really wants is to use them for sex.

Penny Flame courts a security guard for backstage passes and he is the same guy who owned the house Sasha Grey broke into. That was a nice house, too; how much are security guards making?

Paulina James relates a tale of a three-way with Steven St. Croix and Marco Banderas. I found it utterly implausible. Something about mail theft.

Finally, the elves convince Santa not to cancel Christmas by the only means at their disposal.

No one will confuse this movie for an instant classic, but the individual scenes are good enough, though some voiceovers are by the performers and others are by sometime-"Barely Legal" directrix Erica Mclean. It would be better if the series chose one or the other, because it is jarring to hear 19-year-old Sasha Grey read her letter but 50-ish Mclean read another. Mclean, of course, gives the series a touch of wistful remembrance a la Jeanne Moreau in "The Lover".

Alexis and Jordan are at a disadvantage in their scene because, aside from it being tacked on, it seems to have been hastily shot "just in time for Christmas" back in September. Oh well. Jizz the season.

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal Christmas" (gamelink.com)

Still, we were so impressed with Darkewne's Dada-meets-outsourced-call-center naming skillz from last time (with a near- Jezebel-load of reader interaction, we might add) that we have taken heart. Can you top the name that G-d presented this week's entry? Would you?

· See the real title (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD Archive

· Abril (pmates.com)
· Anna Nikova (bigboobsalert.com)
· Antea & Danae (bodsforthemods.com)
· April Ireland (coolios.net)
· Ashlynn Brooke (glam0ur.com)
· Celeste Star (dailypoa.com)
· Charlie Laine (thesexblog.com)
· Demi (eroticbeauties.net)

· Diddylicious (forum.phun.org)
· Evelyn Lory (foxhq.com)
· Jula (kindgirls.com)
· Kloe (artinude.com)
· Lexi Belle (badgirlsblog.com)
· Loretta & Serilla (labatidora.net)

· Natalie Sparks (hottystop.com)
· Nicolette (fresonmagic.com)
· Patty Gower (z0d.com)
· Paula Aguiar (babe-envy.com)

· Santa's Little Helper (babesweblog.eu)
· Santa's Other Little Helper (usualgirls.com)
· Secret (theteenblog.com)
· Tereza (lettherebeporn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Best of Babelogs Archives

Close your eyes and reach inside with Always Aroused Girl and Jefferson after the jump.

Sex Blog Roundup
by Always Aroused Girl and Jefferson

- - -

Do I Pack Daily?

Multiple people have asked me how often I pack, lately.

The short answer is: no, I don't pack daily.

The longer answer is . . . I seem to be packing more and more often. Since I got my hands on that fabulous packing cock, it's been easier to pack discreetly and comfortably, so I've done it increasingly.

I used to pack only when I had a hot date and having sex was a possibility; that began changing six or so months ago, when I began packing occasionally when going out, just for the boost of cock confidence.

- - -

Lights Out

So last night I wanted to re-live a little of the plain old make-out session time. I hadn't specifically planned anything vis-à-vis the lighting scheme. I had only resolved to leave the rope, the duct tape, the belt, and the kink put away, and just kiss, for as long as I could without leading anywhere else. I wasn't going to resist any advances she might be inspired to make, but I would be chaste, I resolved. Out of the shower, teeth brushed, I killed the distraction of the TV and when I flipped off the bathroom light the whole room was plunged into darkness. Interestingly that seemed to add to setting a new tone. I don't think the lighting level matters in this experiment for a couple, just try something different than you usually do, whatever that is. Unless you are blind in which case maybe write bright or dim slogans on each other in Braille.

- - -

Lines in the Sand

Tossing the brush onto the counter I pulled the shower door open, letting a warm billow of steam out into the room, fogging the mirrors. Nothing like a hot shower to set my mood. I slowly washed my hair while the soap bubbles trailed down my body, over my breasts, down my belly, one catching in my navel, another sliding across my exposed clit, over my thighs. Like sensual fingers tracing across my body. Good behavior, Liz, this one needs some easy handling.

- - -

Words Fail

I peeled the lacy black knickers off her, and enjoyed the revelation of the pink of her labia peering out from in between the dark brown of her pubic hair, which is strangely straight and soft in contrast to the thick curls on her head.

Immediately when I touched her pussy with the tip of my tongue, Fifi took my head in her hands, pulled me up and with a great urgency said, "uh-uh, fuck . . . " It was like a sudden realization that the thing she wanted most in the world had to happen right away and could only be described by grunts and one-word requests.

- - -

Dee's With Dan Right Now

I know she sucks his cock on and off throughout an evening together and is happy to be able to fit most of it inside her mouth, but I don't know what particular positions she uses or what combinations of licking, sucking, and stroking she uses with him. I know they have intercourse in a variety of ways, but I don't know in what order, for how long, and how fast or deep he moves inside her each time.

- - -

Toyland

In the bedroom he undressed me slowly, kissing me harder each time, until we were both naked. He licked my neck and his hand went to between my legs, and I sighed as I felt him stroke my clit, the familiar feeling building and me burying my head against his chest asking him to please make me cum. He smiled and withdrew his hand, saying, "Not yet. We need to see the toys."

- - -

Unethical

Perhaps the taxi driver sees women with their nakedness covered by fur coats every day of the week in his cab. Perhaps he meets their eye in the mirror, as he met mine, all the time. It's possible that even if he thought he saw such a woman, he would dismiss it as a trick played by hackneyed fantasy. It's conceivable he knew what he saw, and smiled. He could have done more than smile. I smile now, but with a different pleasure, as I'm rolled onto my back. He could have asked to see, the taxi driver.

From Afar

I must confess, I'm hoping to have you in my mouth and be able to feel my cunt pulsate and tingle at the memory of a recent cataclysmic orgasm.

Your fingers will have opened me to your probing lips and tongue, and joined them to explore the depths of the inner parts of me that I only show to those deserving. Could you feel how hot I felt? How wet I was? How aroused? Didn't you want to slide your whole hand inside me and mercilessly beat a tattoo on my g-spot until I was the one who gushed forth like an overflowing mountain brook?

* * * * *

See also: Sugasm #110: The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them (sugasm.com)

Thumbnail via galaporn.com (TGP gallery via Ask Jolene)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive

· Photos courtesy Bella Vendetta
· Photography by Planet 313 Photography
· See also: Bella Vendetta Interview (eros-ny.com)

· Furry Girl (furrygirl.com)

And yet, we're not entirely as Scroogelike as all that might sound — after all, we here at Fleshbot fully support everyone's right to fap to whatever (legal) material they so choose to fap to, and that includes naked chicks in Santa hats and cheap tinsel. So once again, we're directing you to the relatively classy XXXMas Blog that our friends at Your Dirty Mind have been trotting out every year (think of it as a pornish version of the Charlie Brown special), along with a few of our other favorite Yuletide-themed smut moments from elsewhere on the interweb. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a ... uh, you know the rest.

· The XXXMas Blog (xxxmas.yourdirtymind.com)

. . .

See also:

· Hegre's Xmas Babes (hegre-art.com)

· Japanese Girl Spanking On Christmas (sexbib.com)

· Sapphic Erotica Christmas (sapphic-erotica.com)

· Christmas Gloryhole Blowjob (1000adultvideos.com)

· Liz Vicious and her Christmas Dildo (meatforcash.com)

· Tara Radovic, Kyla Cole, Tatiana - Xmas Meets Halloween (askjolene.com)

· Ass Parade Christmas Cuties

· Deadly Females Face Sitting Christmas (facesittingheaven.com)

- TGP/preview galleries via Ask Jolene

Because if you're tired of looking at hot naked babes in Santa hats by this point, imagine how we must feel ...

· Anna Marie Goddard (babeskickass.com)
· Bettie in the Snow (bigboobsalert.com)
· Cayos Christmas Special (cayos.com)
· Cherry (sensualarousalblog.com)
· Christmas Babes (phun.org)
· Christmas is Coming (nakedneighbour.com)
· Crissy Moran (whoababes.com)
· Erica Campbell (babe-envy.com)
· Evita (babeunion.com)
· Faith & Juliet (xxxmas.yourdirtymind.com)

· Idoia (eros-and-grace.net)
· Jana (babesdiary.com)
· Kaley Kennedy (bigdshotbabes.com)
· Katerina (pmates.com)

· Lesbian XXXmas (budsandbabes.net)
· Melissa Midwest (fuckingmotherfucker.com)
· Merry Christmas Lesbians (exgirlfriendmarket.com)
· Nicole Graves (thousandbabes.com)

· Sofia & Jana (dailyhotties.net)
· Stripy Socks (babesmachine.com)
· Summer (bodsforthemods.com)
· Xmas Mood (hq69.com)

- Merrily curated by Zini, who is glad Christmas only comes once a year.

* * * * *

Previously: Best of Babelogs: All Jingle Babe Edition, Best of Babelogs Archives

· Fine ... here's one last set of* naughty Santa photos, courtesy of Ana Beatriz Barros. Merry Frickin' Christmas. *(Ed. note: Sorry, we couldn't resist.) (bastardly.com)

· See former Miss Nevada Katie Rees in all her uncensored glory. When can we go back to not caring about the Miss USA pageant again? (splashnewsonline.blogspot.com)

· Bill O'Reilly claims that women who like fake Christmas trees also like fake breasts. We think we know who the real boob is in this story. (mediamatters.org)

· Nude calendar ... blah blah ... charity ... blah blah blah ... female rally car drivers. Hey, that's new one. (channel4.com)

· Need something to help get you in the mood for the Global Orgasm For World Peace today? This helpful guide to Czech orgies should put you in the right spirit. (sturtle.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Christmas Eve is Sunday and that means only a few more hours to get your fill of XXXmas-themed porn—naughty elves, funny looking hats, girls in red silk, etc. However, we do have to say that if this is the best the web could do for holiday video cheer, we're a little disappointed. Even the World Cup turned out better smut than this, but since it's a charitable time of year, we'll be forgiving. As you'll see after the jump, when you consider how some of the other holidays fared, it could have been much worse.

- - -

· Sexy Christmas Girls (PornoTube)

- - -

· CamWithHer.com Christmas (PornoTube)

- - -

· Merry Christmas Nights (PornoTube)

- - -

· Jingle Bells (PornoTube)

- - -

As for our Jewish friends and our long-held dream of some genuine Hanukkah smut? Sorry ...

* * * * *
Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

Because you didn't think we could avoid the whole Santa hat-and-naked boob thing forever, did you?

· Allie & Julie Unwrap a Dildo (dayom.com)
· Anita Dawn Christmas Babe (lettherebeporn.com)
· Ariel Rebel Winter Fun (cayos.com)
· Bettie Ballhaus Snow Ho Ho (theadultsection.com)
· Christmas IncrediBabes (ovya.com)
· Christmas Party Girls (dailyhotties.net)
· Darci and Yvette (doctorteen.com)
· Dreaming of a Nude Christmas (attuworld.com)
· Gianna's Busty Christmas (bustyandsexy.net)
· Jana's Festive Thong (thongbattle.com)

· Karen's Christmas Wishes (hq69.com)
· Kari Sweet & Friend's Christmas Candy Canes
· Karla's Spicy Christmas (budsandbabes.net)
· Mindy Vega Holiday Nude (itsababe.com)

· Naughty Seasonal Sandy (teenslutbattle.com)
· Perfect Christmas Present (evilchix.com)
· Princess Blueyez Christmas Candy Socks (hottystop.com)
· Raven Riley's Very Merry Christmas (sexyfunpics.com)

· Santa's Little Helpers Part 1 and Part 2 (babes-thegoose2.blogspot.com)
· Santa's Extra Little Helper Maria (naughtylog.com)
· Sexy Santa Stripper (xxxmas.yourdirtymind.com)
· Stocking Filler Alison Angel (likethesex.com)

· Sorority Santa Party (nellablog.com)
· Susanna Spears Festive French Maid (gyrls.com)
· Two Turtle Doves (dvsbabes.com)
· Ying (sensualarousalblog.com)

- Festively curated by Zini

* * * * *

Previously: Best of Babelogs Archives

· A concert promoter is using photos of Britney, Paris, and Lindsay's exposed hoo-has to gain attention for their event. Are they trying to convince people to not show up? (adage.com)

· Meanwhile, we'd much rather see Britney helping to spread a little holiday cheer via Christmas cards like this. God knows she's helped make our December a little merrier as far as web traffic is concerned. (prettyontheoutside.typepad.com, via Pink Is The New Blog)

· Massive multi-player online role playing games are pretty geeky, unless the role you're playing is a strip club manager. Then it's just kinda sad. (hittintheclubs.com)

· Speaking of geeks, you should get the special one in your life a solar powered USB bikini. If the girl who is wearing it isn't hot enough, maybe you can plug in a toaster or something. (Gizmodo)

· The always plucky Kelly Brook enjoys the power of latex, though she might want to look into trying a bit of talcum powder or corn starch next time to help with any further potential chafing issues. Trust us—we know whereof we speak. (mannysbabes.blogspot.com)

· We all know about Jell-O and mud wrestling, but mashed potato wrestling? Where do they find enough gravy? (stltoday.com)

· Here's a handy guide for businessmen looking for some grown up fun in Chicago ... in 1959. If you ever find yourself at a time travelers' convention, this will be perfect. (iowahawk.typepad.com, via Boing Boing)

* * * * *
Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan continues to embarass herself (and everyone else) via yet another email meltdown in which she reveals her new respect for pole dancers via playing a stripper in her latest movie role: "I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the cunts now ... I'm not gonna lie to ya." Somehow the irony isn't lost on us either. (Page Six)

· Although we've been trying to avoid it as much as possible, we couldn't resist these photos of Aria Giovanni trying out the whole Sexy Santa shtick. We think it works on her. (hornyoyster.com)

· Meanwhile, our friends The Wet Spots share the secret of the holiday gift that keeps on giving. Funny, Christmas means fisting to us too! (goodiebag.tv)

· Will the recent murders of prostitutes in England change people's attitudes about sex work? (Or the laws, for that matter?) Sorry if we don't hold our breath on that one. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Speaking of which, we sorta dropped the ball on the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers this past Sunday. We think our readers already know how to behave themselves anyway. (insidebayarea.com)

· You say "a nude man was taking a shower using a fire hose on the roof of a parking garage, in full of view a nearby apartment building" as if it were a bad thing. Is this considered unusual where you come from? (asia1.com.sg)

· Since you probably already bought David LaChapelle's book for everyone on your gift list (right?), you should take them to the Taschen store in Beverly Hills to get them signed by the author on Wednesday night. See, we know that things sometimes happen on the West Coast too. (taschen.com)

· Saturday Night Live offered up the best gift idea we've seen this year. Inexpensive, thoughtful, and fun to play with. Give it to someone you love. (YouTube)

* * * * *
Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Remember: fuzzy red hat equals Christmas porn, even though we doubt you'll find anything like this under your tree this year. Still waiting on the naked Hanukkah babes, by the way. (americandrumslinger.com)

· A Pamela Anderson nip slip might be besides the point, but we're posting this so someone can help us figure out exactly what we're seeing. Either she has some sort of flesh colored GPS device attached to her boob or her nipples are exceptionally long and pliable. (taxidrivermovie.com)

· Durex wants to hire you (if you live New Zealand, that is) to be a condom tester. Sounds like a great part-time job ... as long neither one of you fails the test. (yahoo.com)

· Wired names its 10 finalists for 2006's Sexiest Geek. Sorry, you're not on the list. (But we still think you're sexy.) (blog.wired.com)

· How you sleep at night says a lot about you. Or it says a lot about how your date went. (collegehumor.com)

· A social networking site for models only? Fine, we didn't want to be in your stupid club anyway. Maybe if we could just peek inside, though? (modelshotel.com)

· The long, sordid tale of Sex.com gets even more sordid as the man who stole the domain is released from jail, and his lawyer is nearly murdered the very next day. See, this is why we never leave the house. (redherring.com; more @ Tiny Nibbles)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Because it's never too early to start unwrapping those presents ...

· Ada & Daniya (kindgirls.com)
· Alison Angel & Lia (sensualarousalblog.com)
· B Movie Bimbos (babes-thegoose2.blogspot.com)
· Charlie & Jenna (crazyhoneys.com)
· Courtney Rachel Culkin (lettherebeporn.com)
· Dani Freitas (wild-hot-girls.com)
· Dasha (hq69.com)
· Evita (babeunion.com)

· Jenni (babes.coolios.net)
· Joey Hart & Paris Dahl (cayos.com)
· Kaila Yu (babesnavigator.net)
· Katerina (pmates.com)

· Long Socks (exgirlfriendmarket.com)
· Louise (sensuallib.com)
· Luba (dailyhotties.net)
· Mindy Vega & Shay Laren (glamdolls.com)

· Natasha Bernasek (dailyniner.com)
· Naughty Allie & Friend (dayom.com)
· PattyCake (xxxmas.yourdirtymind.com)
· Raina & Nanette (labatidora.net)

· Regina (babeskickass.com)
· Sailing Girls (lesbian.hu)
· Shannon Sunderlin (asredas.com)
· Roxanne Galla (dailybabes.info)

- Generously curated by Zini

* * * * *

Previously: Best of Babelogs Archives

· Are Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh supposed to be Santa's elves or little devils? The holidays get more confusing every year. (dailypoa.blogspot.com)

· This "regular joes in nude calendars" phenomenon keeps getting more and more odd: Nude Australian Vietnam Veterans? Even the headline doesn't make sense. (menatwarandpeace.com.au + abc.net.au)

· The students' classic "draw a penis on the roof of your school" gag went off without a hitch, until Google Earth ratted them out. We hope the aliens who are spying on us got a good laugh out of it. (thesun.co.uk)

· A private citizen fed up with bad drivers, hires swimsuit models to stand by the side of the road and remind them how to behave. Yeah, that will clear up your traffic problems real quick. (news.com.au)

· People who work more than 70 hours a week are ruining their sex lives, but at least they earn enough money to pay for the high-priced hookers. (hindustantimes.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You know the War on Christmas has gotten out of hand when a man has to take down his 10-foot tall penis-shaped tree. Is nothing sacred? (mirror.co.uk)

· Not to be confused with the Top 10 sex scenes, The Alliance of Women Film Journalists have their own thoughts on the "best depiction of nudity or sexuality" in the movies this year. It's all so good, how can you choose? (chud.com)

· One movie that wasn't nominated was that Winona Ryder film you didn't see this summer. At least you can save $4 on a rental and still get screencaps of her animated boobies. (dontlinkthis.net)

· Australians fight over who can take what off on which beach. Some "explicit sexual acts and gay cruising" are a small price to pay for some nude sunbathing. (villagevoice.com.au)

· A reporter for NY1 news station is suing over sexual harassment from her coworkers, although she's got to be happy about winning the "who has bigger boobs?" contest. (pic of some pretty damning evidence @ gothamist.com)

· The lame-duck Congress tries to sneak in a law that would put warning labels on adult websites. We'd like to request a extra-X on our rating, if that's at all possible. (nj.com + techweb.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Maxim's Belgium edition gets a jump on 2007 with models Joyce Kokkinakis and Sylvie De Caluw . Try and say those names three times fast. (toxicmagazine.com)

· Time marches on as Jenna Jameson officially pulls out of her marriage with Justin Sterling. We think all those news items about her new boyfriend might have been a sign there was trouble. (tmz.com)

· Did you know that just 30 minutes of sex burns more than 200 calories? As if anyone could ever last that long. (thesun.co.uk)

· A UK department store claims men are more comfortable buying lingerie from male employees, but the "You're about the same size as girlfriend, can you try it on for me?" routine is a lot less effective. (news.sky.com)

· Pantyhose sales have hit rock bottom as the ladies just don't seem to enjoy them anymore. Fortunately, some folks don't agree. (businessweek.com)

· Forget the gift guides, here's some tips to help your sex life survive the holidays. Rule No.1: If you're planning on doing it in your parents' house, make sure you're not dating a screamer. (sexuality.about.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Sexy gift guides are as much a feature of the seasonal landscape every year as awkward drunken passes at office holiday parties and naked chicks in Santa hats—but instead of making your shopping more efficient, their sheer profusion means you're likely to spend more time picking out the right guide to consult than your presents themselves. So rather than come up with our own list of suggestions for holiday giving this season (most of which you can check out in our archives anyway), we thought we'd be even more helpful and present you with an annotated list of some of the more notable sexy gift guides out there. If you give up and end up wrapping up one of those packaged cheese and sausage boxes for Aunt Eunice again this year, you'll have only yourself to blame.

* * * * *

Fleshbot's Sexy Holiday Gift Guide Guide

· Top 10 Luxury Sex Toy Christmas Gifts for the Holidays (about.com)

Pro: Rightfully pegs The Cone as "this year's Christmas sex toy 'it' gift."
Con: Drab About.com layout has all the luxuriously sexy consumer appeal of a medical supply parts catalogue—without the pictures.

See also: "Top 10 Sexy Stocking Stuffers"

- - -

· Eros Zine Holiday Gift Guide (eros-zine.com)

Pro: Lots of interesting items you won't see on everyone else's list—i.e., not an OhMiBod or Je Joue in sight!
Con: We're already bummed enough as it is that Santa still hasn't bought us that collection of miniature Japanese bondage sculptures like we've been asking for all these years.

- - -

· Babeland's Gift Guide by Price: The Perfect Toy for Any Budget (babeland.com)

Pro: Helpfully presents gift suggestions by price, making it easy to shop for both Secret Santas with low spending caps and cheapskates alike.
Con: $14 is still a lot to spend on Chocolate Body Sauce when a bottle of Bosco does the job just as well for under five bucks.

- - -

· 1TrackMind's: Top 10 Holiday Sex Gifts (video @ blip.tv)

Pros: Cohostess Danielle Stewart is sorta cute; lack of compelling video content means you can play this in the background and listen while doing the rest of your holiday shopping elsewhere online.
Cons: No links to buying options; items selected more for dubious humor appeal instead of actual gift giving. (Your mom probably received that candy g-string at her office bachelorette party years ago anyway.)

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· Violet Blue's Sexy Holiday Shopping Guide (sfgate.com)

Pro: The inimitable Violet Blue is considerate enough to remind us that menorahs make less than ideal insertable objects. (Wish we'd read that last year.)
Con: San Francisco-centrist focus means that if you think a pair of "lift and separate" men's underwear would make the perfect present for a sagging friend this season, they'll end up costing you 20 dollars or so plus roundtrip airfare to Castro Street to pick them up.

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· Tristan Taormino's Sexy Gift Guide and Rachel Kramer Bussel's Sexy Gift Guide (villagevoice.com)

Pro: Two sex columnists at the Village Voice means twice the sexy holiday shopping fun.
Con: Two sex columnists at the Village Voice means twice as many lists to peruse, twice as many links to click on, and twice as much confusion trying to decide what to buy for whom (and who recommended it to begin with.) Weren't guides like these supposed to make life easier?

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See also:
· Fleshbot Shopping Archives
· Fleshbot Sex Toy Archives
· Fleshbot Books Archives
· Fleshbot Calendars Archive

Remember those Christmas countdown chains you used to make out of construction paper when you were in elementary school? For those who don't celebrate Christmas—or went to a school with a decent art program—the chain starts with 25 rings on December 1 and each day you remove one ring to remind you how much longer you have to wait for Santa to show up, sort of like an artsy-craftsy version of a standard Advent calendar. Pretty boring, right? Well, what if instead of a piece of colored paper you got rewarded with something good ... like a picture of a naked lady? That's the thinking behind Julekalender, a festive little holiday website that reveals one new boobie picture each day this month. OK, it's not the most exciting use of holiday porn, but it should help make all caroling and egg nog a little more bearable. After all, tomorrow is another babe!

· Julekalender 2006 (julekalender2006.leithoff.dk)

Previously: Christmas Babes Gallery: And So It Begins, Flesh Flicks: Miss Santa Claus' Christmas Blowjob, Morning Wood: Putting Up the Decorations

We warned you about this, didn't we? December isn't even a week old and Phun.org has already broken out the first—and what we're pretty sure will not be the last—collection of hot, scantily-clad, Christmas babes. You can recognize them, of course, by the familiar red and white hats on their heads and the "unwrap me" looks on their faces, and while we appreciate the sentiment, there's still one thing that bothers us about this. How is anyone supposed to stay "nice" when all these naughty girls keep popping up everywhere? (And for that matter, why doesn't anyone try to come up with a Hanukkah gallery for a change?) At this rate, no one is going to get any presents.

· XMas Babes (phun.org)

Previously: Flesh Flicks: Miss Santa Claus' Christmas Blowjob, Morning Wood: Putting Up the Decorations

· Thanks, Fleshbot readers, for letting us know that Keeley Hazell is always welcome around here—which is great news because we probably would have kept bringing her back anyway. (Fleshbot)

· We are aware, by the way, that there are hot girls out there not named Keeley. Diora Baird, for instance—who amazingly, is not even British. See? We're not as obsessive as you think. (bastardly.com)

· This beautiful chandelier is actually made from, ahem ... onanism cups. You might want to avoid standing directly underneath it. (janchipchase.com + tenga.co.jp, via Boing Boing)

· Then again, we suppose if you were wearing this wedding gown made of 12,500 condoms you could stand pretty much anywhere you wanted to, though prolonged periods in direct sunlight might get a little uncomfortable.. (spluch.blogspot.com)

· The world owes so much to Los Angeles. Well, Porn Valley, anyway. The rest of the city we could take or leave. (But we're New Yorkers, so we're supposed to say that.) (latimes.com)

· So you're dating a gorgeous, out-of-your-league girl, who gives you great sex and she loves porn? Are you writing for advice or to rub it in? (people.co.uk)

· Just so you know, firemen can legally be fired for having sex in a fire station, but if you're going to end your career that's not a bad way to go. (nydailynews.com)

· This season, beware of the Christmas tree "pornaments." On the other hand, they are great way to keep the relatives from staying too long. (local6.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Now that Thanksgiving is over, you know what that means ... it's time for Christmas porn! If past years are any indication, the next several weeks will see plenty of naughty Santas, naughty elves, naughty carols, naughty presents, and just a whole lot of naughty wrapped in tinsel and red and white fuzzy hats. The soundtrack for this early entry featuring the ever-talented Heather from IDeepThroat.com is predictably grating—we could really, really do without the novelty blowjob song, not to mention the Mariah Carry intro—but it should help to prepare you for the onslaught of seasonal smut that lies ahead. Is it almost January yet?

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· Miss Santa Claus (pornotube.com)
· IDeepThroat.com (paysite preview @ ideepthroat.com)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

It's too late to order any of them to stuff your favorite stockings with this year, but if you're lucky your local video store will be able to rent you copies of "The Tits That Saved XXX-mas", "I Saw Mommy Eating Santa Claus", and other titles on the San Francisco Bay Guardian's list of Chistmas-themed porn films ... all of which will help make sure that some turkey and some mistletoe aren't the only things making your season bright this weekend. Sure beats staying in and watching the Yule Log. (Insert requisite "Ho Ho Ho" joke here.)

· Christmas Porn Video Guide (sfbg.com)

More XXXmas video cheer after the jump.

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See also:

· "Here Cumz Santa" (Vertigo Inc., 2005)
· "Horny Holiday" (Defiance, 2005)
· "Gina's Very Merry Christmas Orgy" (Pleasure, 2001)

· "Teen Tryouts: Audition 44 (Christmas Edition)" (Devil's FIlms, 2004)
· "Santa's Helpers: Itty Bitty Titties" (Filmco, 2005)
· "On the Road with Luke: Christmas Edition" (Luke Films, 2001)

· "Very Very Bad Santa" (Metro, 2004)
· "Seymore Butts' A Christmas Orgy" and "Seymore Butts' Merry Fucking Christmas" (Seymore Butts, 1998)

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Previously: Holiday Gift Guide Group Grope, Stupid Sexy Santas, WInter Pornpalooza!, XXXmasblog, Porn Star Christmas
 

Of course you didn't think we'd be able to break for the holiday weekend without sending a little extra bit of Christmas cheer your way, did you? Since we've pretty much done the whole sexy-chick-in-Santa-hat thing to death already, we thought this tender tableau involving Ms. Claus' visit to one lucky (if somewhat girly-looking) lad would be just the thing to make your sleighbells jingle. (Hey, it was either this or posting some hot XXX reindeer porn instead. Take your pick.)

· "Me and Ms. Claus" (rakurakutei.com; see also "'Tis The Season" - via WFMU)

Previously: Holiday Gift Guide Group Grope, Stupid Sexy Santas, WInter Pornpalooza!, XXXmasblog, Porn Star Christmas

Because hey, Christmas only comes once a year ...

· Crissy Moran (whoababes.com)
· Hegre Christmas Special (babes.creamlog.org, pictured)
· Jana (babeskickass.com)
· Jenna's Wish (nude.hu)
· Kaleina Kruz (badgirlsblog.com)
· Karen McDougal (sexypixcollection.blogspot.com)

· Kate's Christmas (babeshorny4u.com)
· Kristina Wood (thcclubhouse.com)
· Luba (dailyhotties.net)

· Melissa Midwest (attu-hates-xmas.blogspot.com)
· Nastya (coolios.net)
· Pattycake: Messy Fun (yourdirtymind.com)
· Santa's Sexy Helper (babesmachine.com)

· Stephi (softcandies.com)
· Terri Summers
· Xmas Sluts (sxxxy.blogspot.com)

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Previously: Best of Babelogs Archives
 

Sure, plenty of sites offer holiday gift guide suggestions this time of year—but only at Fleshbot* will you find a roundup of everyone else's sexy holiday gift guides, listed and annotated for your shopping convenience. From exhaustive porn recommendations with just a right amount of of attitude to inexpensive sex toys perfect for cruel experiments on unsuspecting interns to the most outrageous, money-is-no-object sex toy gifts ever ... you'll find these and all sorts of other ideas for greasing up your chimney (or someone else's) after the jump.V. Blue

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Eros Zine

Hands-down, the most entertaining (and mind-bogglingly thorough) porn DVD gift guide this year comes from Eros Zine editor Thomas Roche. Quoth Thomas: "The porn industry is like a giant Lovecraftian diety, with more tentacles than an otaku she-male's favorite dinner date. But 200 adult DVDs crossed my desk this year, from 'Anal Princess Diaries' to 'Ass Wide Open' to 'Butt Pirates of the Caribbean'. I can't say I'm an expert, but I'll help you find the tentacle that'll properly tickle that certain special someone."

· Eros Zine Holiday Gift Guide and Holiday Buying Guide Part 2 (eros-zine.com)

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JT's Stockroom

If I blindfolded a Fleshbot intern, stuck a snake bite kit somewhere on his or her person, crammed ostrich feather ticklers somewhere else, and did as much damage as I can with chrome mini-clothespins and Astroglide, what would I get? (Besides a lawsuit or applications for more interns, that is.) Lots of hot gifts under $10 from JT's Stockroom, that's what! These thoughtful pervy punk elves have compiled the most thoughtful price-tiered gift guide of all the online retailers; we're hoping our Secret Santa leaves us a few sets of these exclusive fetish postcards by Steve Diet Goedde at the office holiday party this year.

· Stockroom Gift Guide (stockroom.com)

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Village Voice

Leave it to über-sexpot/sex nerd Tristan Taormino to come up with the dreamiest holiday sex toy gift guides year after year: her 2005 edition features a decadent assortment of high-end items like custom-made bondage beds, haute couture sex toys, and exquisite sex furniture. Her inspiration? "I saw the [Neiman Marcus] Christmas Book, and all was put into perspective: I'll dedicate my list to pure fantasy, the most luxurious, outrageous, decadent sexy gifts." Works for us.

· Pucker Up: Sexy Gift Guide 2005 (villagevoice.com)

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Nerve

Oh, Nerve. We want to love you, really ... but why must your gift guide tease us so? Sure, it's a feast