Fleshbot: burning questions

Pop Rocks: They Get Your Rocks Off

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EST

We all know about the Altoids trick, but were you aware that Pop Rocks help you get your rocks off? Perhaps inspired by Raven Riley, a hardcore fan decided to spread the word.

Now aside from the obvious (like, uh, does that really work?), we have a few questions about this little video. Firstly: who made it? Barring the possibility that it was put together in liberal Europe, there's pretty much no way that this is officially endorsed by Pop Rocks—and if it's not a real commercial, who would put the time and effort into producing that? And what did they shoot into that poor girl's eye?

And, more importantly: in an age of such rampant YouTube takedowns, how is this video still up? (Oh, and don't worry—on the chance that our post causes it to get taken down, we've totally got a copy saved.)

· Pop Rocks, That Really Rock!!! (youtube.com, thanks slimhope!)

"The Ethicist" Tackles The Great Amateur Porn Dilemma

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 11:30:01 EST

We've all been there: you're surfing the pornotubes, looking for some sweet amateur action, only to find a clip... featuring your best friend/next door neighbor/attorney. What's an ethical porn watcher to do?

Well, lucky for all of us pervs, Randy Cohen—aka the man behind the New York Times Magazine's "Ethicist" column—has the answer. It seems you should call up the amateur pornstar in question, and (kindly, gently) alert him or her to your discovery... just be prepared for the possibility that your friend might actually be both the star and the distributor of the clip.

We can't tell you how great to feels to have that ethical dilemma resolved... now if we could just figure out what to do about that snafu where we "accidentally" cheated on our taxes.

· The Porn Identity (nytimes.com)
· Amateur pornstar via Porn's Greatest (pornsgreatest.com, via Ask Jolene)

If Kanye West Were A Pornstar, What Kind Would He Be?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:00:00 EST

In recent interview, Kanye West discussed the possibility of producing a softcore porno—and mentioned that he's not above performing in porn himself. So we're wondering: if Kanye were a pornstar, what kind would he be?

In the past, Kanye's options would have been limited: as a male pornstar, he would have been expected to fill one very specific role and stick to it (so to speak). But as porn has modernized and professionalized, a broader range of men are being accepted into the porn world, giving Kanye a plethora of role models to emulate (or hey, at least five!).

So let's take a look at some of his choices:

Evan Seinfeld: Evan was a rockstar, Kanye is a rockstar. Evan likes being the center of attention, Kanye likes being the center of attention. The similarities are numerous.

Nick Manning: Come on, you know you can see Kanye shouting "Dropping loads!"

James Deen: At 31, Kanye may be a little too old to compete with 22 year old Male Performer of the Year, but his love of the experimental and alternative culture might leave him with more in common with the alt hottie than the more traditional male pornstars.

Shane Diesel: We're unsure if Kanye could measure up Blackzilla, but we're sure he'd like us to think he can.

POV Pornstar: Could Kanye give up the spotlight to become a nameless cock? It seems unlikely—but so does Kanye doing porn.

· Kanye West Graduates to Porn? (avn.com)

Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?: Pornstar Astrology

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 13:30:01 EST

A reader recently wrote in with an interesting observation: it seems that quite a few porn starlets are Geminis. Was it actually true? Did it mean anything? We decided to do our own investigation.

To start off, we polled the highly scientific sample of the sixteen pornstars included in Extreme Pornstar Showdown, using IAFD to determine their birthday and sign:

Ava Devine: January 22 (Aquarius)
Alexis Texas: January 28 (Aquarius)
Ava Rose: February 9 (Aquarius)

Jenna Haze: February 22 (Pisces)
Penny Flame: February 22 (Pisces)
Sasha Grey: March 14 (Pisces)
Eva Angelina: March 14 (Pisces)

Belladonna: May 21 (Gemini)
Gianna Michaels: June 6 (Gemini)
Stoya: June 15 (Gemini)
Dana DeArmond: June 16 (Gemini)

Jesse Jane: July 16 (Cancer)

Faye "Valentine" Reagan: September 19 (Virgo)

Bree Olson: October 7 (Libra)

Mika Tan: November 27 (Sagittarius)

Joanna Angel: December 25 (Capricorn)

While our sample is certainly Gemini-heavy, but there's also heavy representation from Pisces camp. What could this mean? We checked in with Wikipedia to see what career paths are recommended for these two porntastic signs:

Gemini: "Suitable occupations are where constant variety and/or travel are guaranteed; such as commercial traveller, writer, journalist, clerk, teacher, printing and publishing."

Pisces: "Suitable occupations are where compassionate and intuitive qualities are needed; such as caring for the sick, needy and animals, religious, social workers, hospitals and institutions, poets, writers, actors, psychics, and models."

Well, maybe it really is all in the stars.

Porn Or Art? The Debate Rages On

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:30:10 EST

Mikey and Mandy are wrestling with that age old question: what's the difference between porn and art? We may not come to an answer today—or ever—but at least they've supplied enough material to help us properly ponder the question. (mikeyandmandy.com)

How Do You Organize Your Porn?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:15:46 EDT

We'd like to think that there's no such thing as too much porn. But when you've been collecting it for years, you have to question that assumption. Sure, having room upon room (or hard drive upon hard drive) full of smut seems like the ultimate in decadent living ... but when you feel like rubbing one out in a hurry, you need to be able to quickly separate your dirtpipe milkshakes from your ass smoothies and find exactly what you're looking for as quickly as possible. And sometimes excess comes at the expense of efficiency.

As the digital age has made the piling up of porn all too easy, this is a plight that many of us have come to know all too well. We recently heard from a reader who's swimming in smut and desperate to know what he can do to sort things out ...

I find myself having several gigs of porn on my computer (over 60 gig) and I'm running into an organizational problem. I have been altering the file names with codes to categorize my porn (as in having A for anal, for CP for cream pie) but it's very cumbersome and I have to sort through it manually.

Are there any solutions out there that you know of that organizes porn in a very intuitive way? Do you think any of your reader base would know? If so, please tell me! I would love to hear a possible solution! If not, I plan on looking into writing an application with a sqlite database to easily tag porn and make searches very quick.

Since we're usually too busy looking for porn to actually take the time to organize it, we figured we'd pass his question along to you, our savvy smut-loving readers.

So tell us: how do you organize your porn? Do you have a special system? Is there a program out there that easily and efficiently sorts and separates, keeping the MILFs away from the hot coeds and the messy facials apart from the anal cream pies? Is there a quick and easy solution — or are we all just destined to fight our way through an ever increasing amount of smut, closing our eyes and hoping for the best? Let us know your own personal tips and techniques for navigating your own personal porn archives in the comments.

· Thumbnails via Office Pink and Latin Teen Pass (officepink.com + latinteenpass.com, via Ask Jolene)

Sure, some might think that this debate...

Jonnobot — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:20:28 EDT

Sure, some might think that this debate about having sex with a robot hooker is just a silly thing to laugh over while you're enjoying a pint or two—but as we've told you before, questions like this are going to be very serious ones in the future. So isn't it better you take the time to clarify your own position on the matter now? (asylum.com; thumbnail via Obscene Machines)

What makes someone an "alt" model? Real...

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:50:49 EDT

What makes someone an "alt" model? Real boobs? Tattoos? Piercings? The right combination of real boobs and tattoos and piercings? The folks at Coilhouse examine the idea of alt ... and leave us even more confused than we already were. At least we think we know it when we see it. (coilhouse.net)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

Gram Ponante — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:30:33 EDT

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

The Facial Money Shot: Yes or No?

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 05 May 2008 16:39:39 EDT

The facial cumshot is pretty much standard operating procedure in any porn movie, but what about in your real life? After all, you probably don't have a hired towel boy on standby and do you really want to wash those curtains again? Or ... maybe you just don't think that having a hot load of jizz splattered on your face is all that sexy. It's never quite the same as it is in the movies, but that doesn't mean that folks don't eat it up ... so to speak. Well, sex writing superduo Em and Lo wanted to find out the truth, so they asked people on the street to offer their opinion on the ultimate in your face moment. Watch the video and then tell us what you think. And because we suspect our female readers—we do have those right?—might poll slightly differently than the dudes, we're breaking the answers down along gender lines. So what's it gonna be? Spread the love or keep it to yourself?

. . .

· Impertinent Question: What Do You Think of Facials? (dailybedpost.com, via nerve.com)

. . .

· Thumb by 123cumshotporn.com via askjolene.com

Maxim's Hot 100: Everything's Coming Up Lohan

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 15 May 2007 15:50:58 EDT

Just like in boxing, where any guy wearing pants can throw on a belt and call himself "Champion," just about every famous actress can probably find some website or magazine to declare her the hottest or sexiest or most "do-able." female on the planet. (Maybe all three.) But we suppose a few carry more weight than others, since even legitimate news organizations are reporting on Maxim's Hot 100 list, which finds Lindsay Lohan in this year's top spot. Her nipple-riffic antics not withstanding, it tough to gauge exactly what put her over the top of Jessica Alba (FHM's Sexiest celeb) and Scarlett Johansson (who was Playboy's). Or why foul-mouthed pixie Sarah Silverman made the cover of the Hot 100 issue, complete with a spread inside, even though she's only No. 29. Or why last year's winnder Eva Longoria dropped eight slots to No. 9. Or why Ashley Olsen is number 37, yet her ~~identical~~ twin sister isn't even on the list. There are a lot of uncertainties in life, but the biggest may be why we can't get all these gals together for some kind of battle royale pillow fight to unify all the titles. Our society needs a queen whose legitimacy is unchallenged—otherwise all we have is anarchy.

· Maxim's 2007 Hot 100 (maxim.com, which seems to be buckling under the pressure of all that babery today)
· "Lindsay Lohan tops Maxim's 'Hot 100'" (cnn.com)
· Maxim Hot 100 2007 Girls List (gallery links @ torontopics.com)
· Sarah Silverman: Sexy Maxim Girl (justjared.buzznet.com)
· Maxim Hot 100 '07 on VH1, May 22 (vh1.com)

Previously: FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2007, Top 50 Sexiest Bums (Or Are They?), 100 Sexiest Bodies