. . .

• Diesel XXX Amsterdam (illegaladvertising.com)

With wellness incentives like these, we might have to get ourselves to Amsterdam for their next event instead of pestering our HMO to address our chronic carpel tunnel issues; if this job is going to make our wrists hurt anyway, we might as well get some sexy bondage nurses to help us take care of them.

· Amsterdam Clinic Weekend 2007 + Clinic 2007 Gallery (erosartist.com)
· Amsterdam Clinic Weekend (clinicweekend.com)
· Fetish and Erotic Wear by Absolute Danny (absolutedanny.com)

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Previously: Human Furniture That You Can't Get At IKEA, NYC Cooch Party Report: Freak Out For A Cause, Meet ShinyAline (And Friends): Freaks Inside, Fetish Sphere Encircles You With Smut, Martin Parr: Sex In Amsterdam, Preview: "O: The Power of Submission", Fetish Nation, Submission Sisters

· Is Brooke Burke supposed to look like this just a few weeks after having had a baby? She must have had her skin replaced by spandex. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· Spencer Tunick shot yet another series of mass nude portraits in Amsterdam this weekend just a few weeks after his gigantic spectacle in Mexico. Give the naked people a rest, will ya? (cbc.ca + tv3.co.nz)

· Speaking of nude photos, portraits of Kate Moss in the buff were auctioned off for £185,000, which is roughly 184,950 pounds more than her body weight. (femalefirst.co.uk)

· Larry Flynt wants the dirt on your local Congressman ... again. Has anyone noticed that this guy is kind of obsessed with sex? (tvguide.com)

· Are you or someone you know suffering from that most horrible of afflictions: sleep sex? How are you supposed to brag about all the nookie you're getting if you can't even remember it? (foxnews.com + usnews.com)

· Man, Google really is trying to take over the world. Even Ceiling Cat has been assimilated. (erosblog.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Here's a fun fact for your next cocktail party: The word "pornography" is literally Greek for "whore story." And those stories seem to be everywhere these days. Amsterdam is erecting a statue to the humble whore, hookers are getting their art together and taking it on the road, and we here at Fleshbot want to celebrate those people who put the "work" in "sex work" too—we can't build a statue, but we can bring you a taste of some of the finest sex worker blogs on the interweb. Whether they're taking on multiple clients, pondering the mystery of the orgasm, or playing possum, these working girls and boys never lose thier heads ... even when they're giving it.

Take a walk on the wild side with your virtual madam Chelsea Girl after the jump.

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Sex Blog Roundup
by Chelsea Girl

- - -

Two Client Day

When we step in the door, he puts on the chain lock, shuts the drapes, drops the money in front of me as I'm putting on music and is all over me. DFK apparently means "shove your tongue down her throat" and all I can really do is keep my mouth open and go with it. I feel like I am a lousy kisser, since anything I attempt ends up being contrary to his thrusting pattern. But I like him and he's smart and nice, and I've driven all the way over here, and we've had good conversations.

- - -

Shopping for a Girlfriend

Last night I was lying in a john's arms after sex when he said for about the ninth time, "We have good chemistry, don't you think?...Yeah, we do. Why do you think that is, hmm?"

Because you just paid me $500, I thought. And if I had an extra dollar for every time you say, "We have good chemistry," I'd be walking out of here with a pretty generous tip, besides.

- - -

Dis-Ease

several months ago, i remember i had a particularly fucked-up day. i had three appointments set up for the day. the first client was a guy i had previously seen. time comes for him to come, yet he doesn't appear. no calls, nothing. i worry, for a minute... could he be dead?

- - -

When We Don't Orgasm

I love my orgasms, I celebrate them and my body, have on this blog and will write more about them. And there have been times in my life when I don't have/do/be them as often, or my body experiences them in different ways. If I am stressed or depressed then my sexual self shuts down. Although I tried not to talk about it too much on here, and even stopped writing for awhile, the Fall was a very difficult period for me. When all of life is topsy turvy and pain is takes over about every brain cell I have, I tend to go internal, into my cave and lick my wounds like a she-lion will. Sex is the last thing on my mind.

- - -

Long Time

Slowing stretching straining pausing my endurance all the way up her: All my weight poised on her ample cheeks, borne down through her loadbearing thighs, knees: There may come that confident moment when I sense, looming, the cheekrippling titswaying foamsighing slamgrunting cockclenching loving my yaw petite vessel as much as I can ...

- - -

Glass Houses

Part of a curious subset that has developed in my clientele, namely little Asian men interested in topping me, we had been getting along fine; actually, better than fine, as he had all sorts of fun little scenarios he wanted to play out. My favourite was the young boy, prone, quietly sleeping and unsuspecting of the prowling older man. In he creeps to find me, outstretched on my belly, asleep. Ah, the old molestation trick.

"No, no. Don't move yet. Just lie there."

Happily. It'd had been a long day.

* * * * *

Previously: 2007 Sex Workers' Art SHow Tour, Sex Blog Roundup Archive
 

· Nuts Magazine unveils the "Hottest New Breasts of 2007," whatever that means. They're only new to you if you've fallen behind on your Best of Babelogs reading over the past six months. (latenightpictures.blogspot.com)

· Is the HD-DVD vs. Blue-Ray debate really about censorship, and not the quality of the competing technologies? Look, all we want to know is when can we see the hi-res boobies? (Gizmodo + highdefdigest.com)

· Ivanka Trump celebrates her Golden Globes. Does her father have anything to do with this latest high rise development? (savemanny.blogspot.com)

· Forget Spanktrovision. The new wave of hotel room entertainment is live sex shows broadcast right to your TV. How will we ever get any sleep? (nytimes.com)

· Chinese officials are getting more complaints about online crime and fewer complaints about online "porns." Which can only mean that the good stuff is finally getting through. (people.com.cn)

· Amsterdam is reportedly putting up a statue honoring the world's prostitutes. You can look all you want, but if you want to touch it, it's going to cost you. (breitbart.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Why the hell is Mary Kate Olsen biting the calf of a stripper? Someone make that girl a sandwich already! (wwtdd.com)

· A hard working sex toy inventor and his colorful, dolphin-shaped dildos are apparently taking Germany by storm. They are the friendliest of the marine mammals, you know. (spiegel.de)

· We have no sex predictions for 2007 other than this one: lots of people everywhere are going to get laid. We do feel pretty confident about that one, though. (drpetra.co.uk)

· Brothel owners in Amsterdam fight for their red lights as the city threatens to shut down one-third of its legal sex businesses,—which also equals one-fifth of the reasons people actually visit Amsterdam. (bbc.co.uk)

· At some colleges men and women aren't just living in the same dorm building, they're living in the same dorm room, proving once again that we were idiots to ever leave school. (csmonitor.com)

· Finally, here's a video of naked bouncing boobs. Do you really need another reason to watch it? (laxtime.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We don't know anyone who really uses the Microsoft-sponsored Ms. Dewey search engine to find anything online. But we do know that plenty of people will now be able to see her naked without actually having to ask her. (msdewey.com + toxicmagazine.com)

· The always reliable Mary Carey pulls a Britney while getting into her car at a club—which would've been bigger news had she been elected governor of California and/or hadn't built an entire career out of flashing her crotch in public. (video @ tmz.com)

· We're also not above posting a photo of a hot model trying to adjust her thong—especially since we also know that you're not above clicking on that link. (tmz.com)

· We think this would be a great update for the Mozilla Firefox logo. In fact, we've already upgraded our extensions, if you know what we mean. (2spare.com)

· Dutch women are growing and 32 percent of them now have a D-cup or bigger. It's official: We're heading to Amsterdam for Spring Break. (expatica.com)

· Seattlest has an interesting question for the cops who busted 14 dancers at a local strip club: if they're all prostitutes, where are the johns? Or do the cops think they acted alone? (seattlest.com)

· Finally, because it's Friday and why the hell not, here's some vintage Bettie Page. The classics never go out of style. (YouTube)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· This eBay auction is the closest you will ever get to Jessica Alba's bra. And you still have to pay for shipping and handling. (ebay.com)

· The CEO of Seagate does not mince words about his company. "Let's face it, we're not changing the world. We're building a product that helps people buy more crap - and watch porn." It's like we were separated at birth or something. (money.cnn.com)

· Amsterdam is cracking down on their famous "red light" windows, because people are using them for other crimes. Why do money-launderers always have to cheapen something innocent like prostitution? (msnbc.msn.com)

· Speaking of sex work, meet the Washington, DC, madam who kept her "employees" up-to-date with regular newsletters. Why don't more pimps show this kind of initiative? (thesmokinggun.com)

· Twenty million British people have had an orgasm in last 24 hours. By the way, could you guys keep the noise down over there? (thesun.co.uk)

· Despite having all that sex, those Britons don't seem to know that much about it. They do love their sex surveys, don't they? (reuters.co.uk)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

If you've spent any time at all in a sex shop on either side of the Atlantic, most of the photos in Martin Parr's photoessay on Amsterdam sex culture on Slate this week won't look too surprising; you'll see the same assortment of DVDs and dildos and poppers and inflatable sex dolls and spiked head restraints that crowd the shelves in adult novelty stores everywhere (or at least the shelves on stores where we live). So instead of feeling like we're missing out on something strange or exotic, we feel a cozy sense of oneness with our wacky Dutch kin across the pond—it really is a small world after all! (We'll still visit for all those yummy hash brownies, though.)

· Today's Pictures: Sex In Amsterdam by Martin Parr (todayspictures.slate.com - thanks Rico)

Previously: Japanese Fetish Club Tour, Fetish Guide to Berlin, World's Sexiest Cities