Thanks to a partnership between scotchmaker Macallan and British photographer Rankin, that exquisite pleasure is now available to anyone with a fireplace (and a few grand to drop on whiskey). The Masters of Photography collection pairs a rare bottle of whiskey with a limited edition collection of Rankin's photos—many of which feature his wife, Tuuli Shipster in various states of undress. Now that's what we call a pinnacle of achievement.

· The Masters of Photography (en-gb.themastersofphotography.com, via nudography.com)

Enter the Hiney Can. Literally. From either end!.

This ingenious product features a "Fanta Flesh" vagina on one end and an anus on the other, stuffed into a tube that resembles a Heineken can. Until now, I don't think a mere marital aid has ever trumped the experience of making the sex with a real human, but you have to admit that the Hiney Can eliminates the middle woman, until the expression "too drunk to fuck" loses all meaning and disappears up itself; you are fucking Drunk Incarnate.

Get me a fuckable Jagermeister bottle and Heidi Fleiss a fuckable meth lab and we are never leaving Nevada again.

· Hiney Can (tengashop.com)

American Gokkun 9

Studio: JM Productions
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Amy Starz, Kylee Lovit

Review by: Gram Ponante

What can you say about a movie about twenty men jerking off and trying to bounce their semen off a woman's face and into a cup, from which she then drinks, that "Terms of Endearment," "Cocoon," and "Ordinary People" haven't already said?

As opposed to a gangbang or that other Japanese export, the bukkake, gokkun involves the oral ingestion of the fruits of the objects attractiveness.

This movie isn't as horrifying as you might think. Like most of Jim Powers' films involving lots of dudes and one woman (or even lots of women), the behind the scenes footage is vastly superior to the stated intent of the movie, and features just as much nudity and chaos.

For example, 19-year-old Amy Starz is so drunk on semen (and God knows what else she ingested), that Powers chooses to follow her as she totters from the spermodome to the production managers' office, where she asks for and is refused her car keys. Lives were saved in Porn Valley that night. The tracking shot is as iconic as any in "Goodfellas" or any Clinton campaign stop.

And when a masturbating mope actually topples over onto Kylee Luvit, the one thing we hear Powers shouting off camera is "Save the cup!"

I'd say "good times" here but my soul is crying.

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
· Buy "American Gokkun" (gamelink.com)

Witchy Chicago fetish hottie Morgana Moon gets all sweaty in what appears to be a rec room Dad never got around to finishing, probably because he discovered Internet porn like this.

Moon is driddled with Bacardi prior to being fucked (depriving us of an easy Captain Morgana joke) to the song stylings of the band Serpent Libertine

I cannot escape it
I am under your spell
And a day without you
IS MY PERSONAL HELL!
I stare at this tombstone
And I wonder why
How come everyone that i love
HAS TO DIE!

(Crybaby. Now I need a drink...)

But what about two-time pirate Evan Stone? Will his drink be a Captain and Coke?

"I like frozen margaritas," the dreamboat said, here seen explaining to Tommy Gunn that he, too, likes tequila - he just doesn't want to shoot it.

Salt?

"No salt," he said significantly.

As meaningful as this was, it was Alektra Blue and jessica drake - neither of whom is a redhead - who turned us on to Red-headed Sluts, which is Jagermeister and pomegranate juice on the rocks.

I would do anything drake suggested, so I tried one immediately. It knocked the capital letters out of me.

Jenny Hendrix is an excellent mixologist. Her signature drink is called a Liquid Panty Remover and consists of a can of Fuze Slenderizer and vodka.

Stoya is a big fan of Lychee liquor mixed with Sprite. She didn't have a name for it so we're going to call it a Triumph of the Will in honor of her recent exploits.

Wicked contract star and all-around down-to-earth person Kirsten Price nevertheless is partial to anything with Grey Goose in it.

"I like the Greyhound, which is Grey Goose with grapefruit juice in it," she said. "Plus the grapefruit speeds up your metabolism."

Kayden Kross drinks maybe once a month, but it's still hard to distrust the clean-living, horse-riding dollop of sunshine. "When and if I drink," she says, "I drink cosmopolitans."

Have you ever invented a drink?

"No," she said, "I really don't drink much."

If a reader were to send you a drink recipe and name it after you, might you drink it?

"Yes," she said. "Now leave me alone."

(She didn't actually ask to be left alone.)

New Jersey's own Tommy Gunn, now that he lives in California, can't tell one season from another, which makes his drink of choice an evergreen one, whether he is servicing women or hunting them with his crossbow.

"Shots of Patron," he said.

I met Ms. Waters on the set of Cosuin Stevie's "Pussy Party." Those are always fun because there are eight naked women running about for 12 hours, which amounts to 40 separate parts of the female anatomy that are of personal interest at an exposure level that is 400 percent above the norm.

Waters was working with a woman named Nadia Brown who was not quite up to Waters' level of intensity. Waters dismantled her utterly, then reflected over the fleshy carnage with a beer and a cigarette.

"I started the morning off right," she said.

We hope the weekend goes just as well.

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Amile Waters at the Internet Adult Film Database (iafd.com)
· On the set with Amile Waters (gramponante.com)
· Watch Amile Waters on Gamelink (gamelink.com)

There are two things in life we can't do with out: porn and top-shelf booze. (Or bottom shelf. We're not that picky, actually.) So when we hear about something like Darryl's Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival, obviously it's going to get our attention. The yearly festival is a double gathering in both Montreal and Toronto that gives aspiring filmmakers a chance to tackle their favorite subject and (we assume) do a lot of drinking. The festival itself isn't until later this year, but they are currently taking submissions for short films under four minutes length. They movies don't actually have to be porn (though we're sure a little T&A wouldn't hurt), they're just looking for funny or interesting takes on sex that hopefully rise above the unintentional comedy you find on PornoTube every day. So if you've got an idea in your brain and a video camera, start working on that script. You might want to stock up on ice, too—someone had to keep all those drinks cold.

· Darryl's Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival (rules + entry form @ hardliquorandporn.com)
· Hard Liquor and Porn on MySpace (myspace.com)

Previously: 2007 XFANZ Erotica Film Festival, 2007 Seattle Erotic Art Festival, CineKink Kickoff Party, HUMP! 2: Call for Indie Porn Submissions, Barcelona Erotic Film Festival 2006, Berlin Porn Film Festival

Colossal Pictures, which specializes in classy fare from international porn capitals in Brazil and Europe, proudly released "Cum Drink My Vintage Wine" this week. "These are sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, wine-bottle drinking, classy European ladies," no one associated with the production said. "One of whom's pet gibbon designed the cover."

There is an easter egg on the boxcover that is sure to consume conspiracy theorists for years. If you look under the word "wine", there is a penis sticking out of that man's head. - GP

· Colossal Entertainment (colossalent.com)