Fleshbot: 90s

Don't Toss Us Away, Valeria

Gram Ponante — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

The cover of "Big Titted First Timers 7" looks like a Lone Justice sex tape. Who is that woman with the 90's hair and tan lines? Turns out it's Valeria and this compilation is a trip to the 2257-exempt past.

You may have heard of the 2257 recordkeeping requirements that keep all legitimate porn studios on their toes with the mandate of maintaining scrupulous age verification and identification records. When they went into effect in 1995, it signaled, among other things, the dawn of a time when a fan could find all the movies his crush object had been in no matter what alias she used.

Unfortunately, this compilation features scenes from the early 90's, as evidenced by the fashions, technology, and videotape haze of the proceedings. Not only that, but there is also no way of finding out whatever happened to this natural-breasted and clearly-over-18 beauty seen flopping around in the jacuzzzi with a dude who probably would not get too much work were he to be getting into the business today (only Eva Angelina is allowed to wear glasses).

NB: We are also treated to a scene with Dawn, who delicately takes out her false teeth whilst blowing a guy.

We hope you're doing well, Valeria. You are now, at the very least, 32 years old. Mightn't it be time for a cougar comeback?

· JM Productions (jerkoffzone.com)
· Buy "Big Titted First Timers 7" (gamelink.com)

Spend Your December With Centerfolds

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:30:10 EST

Is your December passing ever so slowly? Are you dying to wake up on Christmas morn—or to party your way into 2009? Well, we can't make time pass any faster, but we can make the wait more enjoyable: sail through December in the arms of centerfolds. Specifically, Playboy's 31 Centerfolds of December. Every day, a new Miss December... it's almost enough to make us wish December would never end. (playboy.com)

The Porn Parody Machine Marches On

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:30:10 EST

Fueled by the success of such films as "Not The Bradys XXX" (one and two!), "Not Bewitched XXX," "This Ain't The Munsters XXX," and all the rest of of them, the porn parody machine continues to march on. In addition to the recently announced "Dirty Facts of Life" and "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," we'll also be seeing "Not Married With Children XXX" and "Not The Cosby Show XXX," which at least has the redeeming factor of giving work to black porn actors who aren't Jada Fire and Mr. Marcus.

Blast From The Past

Evelyn Leigh — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:30:00 EST

Anyone remember the 90's? We don't know about you, but for us, it seems like it was just yesterday that we were at home watching "Melrose Place" and "90210." Now those shows are being remade, and it seems like it might be time to bring out the old porn files as well—like this gem from the archives. The styles have changed over the years (chokers? Those hair styles? That make-up?), but the sex is still comfortingly similar. It's good to know some things never change—and that pool side sex never goes out of style.

. . .

· 90's Poolside sex kitten with two big cocks (Pornhub.com)

Very Little Ass, Even Fewer Vampires: It's "Vampirass"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:00:00 EDT

The woman on the box isn't in the movie. The breasts are mostly real and the pubes are abundant. Pale flesh slaps against even more pale flesh, and we can count the little creases as well as smell the mounds of cocaine in the next room. Today's horror porn takes us back to 1993 and that year's "Vampirass."

Vampirass

With a title like Vampirass, I was surprised Suspiriass didn't show up a week later. But what do I know?

I decided to transcribe Rick Blaine's script:

Darkness

SFX: Single wolf HOWL over RAINDROPS

CUT TO:

INT. RICHMAN REAL ESTATE OFFICE

NIKKI RICHMAN is on the phone.

NIKKI
I don't care. I want that listing. Got it?

NIKKI hangs up and immediately begins masturbating. When she is done, the phone rings

SFX: Phone RINGS

NIKKI
Yes, I am the agent for the Delmonico Estate. What a coincidence. I was just thinking about the former owners.

CUT TO:

INT. Delmonico Estate

This video (shot in 1993, it's actually a video on DVD) is filled with pleasant associations. Bright VHS-style lighting, pubic hair, the type of dialogue and editing that will forever be associated with porn movies, and - something I haven't seen before - a sequence where the camera cuts to a guy's face as he says "Ahhh! Lick it off your lips!" and then cuts to the woman's face and holds for two seconds before he comes. It was as if his dialogue actually came later but was inserted before the cumshot by mistake. Fun!

Vampirass is really, really bad. But you know how things have devolved to the point that people say, "It's not 'so bad it's good' bad but actually bad"? Well, this movie fits into that Can't Stop the Music category of So Bad It's Good. I have a feeling that everyone who made the movie (and everyone who subsequently watched it lo these past 15 years) was high.

Especially a woman named Madison, who plays a witch in one of the few flashbacks that actually pertains to the plot (the rest are just excuses for sex). Madison can't seem to get the ants off herself. It shouldn't be funny. It is probably tragic. But everything was funny if it happened a decade and a half ago. Remember the L.A. riots? ROFL!

Turns out the woman who once owned the house was Vanessa (Teddi Austin), who abandoned the home under mysterious circumstances (we see in a flashback what those were). Now her old friend Nikki (Gail Force) has the home listing ("It's the least I could do for Vanessa" she says - ?) and is showing it to a third old friend (Ashley Dunn), who explains that she got $30 million in a divorce, as well as a mulleted bodyguard.

After touring the home, which includes a visit to a room where "Vanessa did rituals" ("This place gives me the creep," Dunn says) Nikki and Dunn go to work on the bodyguard, as the same wolf sound effect repeats in the background. Always be closing, Nikki!

The girls figure out a way to bring back Vanessa from limbo, but crazy Madison has ripped out a page from the spellbook and Vanessa comes back bearing bad news. Since the ritual wasn't followed to the letter, everyone is a vampire!!!!!!!LOL!

SFX: Wolf howls

INT. BASEMENT DUNGEON

The women look up at the camera and they now have vampire teeth.

FREEZE FRAME

CAPTION: We'll be back

Of course they never were. Vampirass is a fantastically awful movie.

Studio: VCA
Director: Michael Black
Cast: Madison, Gail Force, Ashley Dunn, Teddi Austin, Brandi Blaxxx, Tom Chapman, Ted Wilson, Don Fernando, Cameo

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Vampirassto" (gamelink.com)

Hustler Humor Hustles For Laughs

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Hustler magazine has always been known for subtlety and intellectual rigor, but there are times when even when a stuffy porn mag wants to let its hair down a little. That's how you end up with a paper spinoff like "Hustler Humor," which is sort of the like Playboy Jokes page turned up to 11 in color. Sadly, we don't have copies of the actual magazine, but if this gallery of historical covers is any indication, it retained the dry wit and tasteful sensibility of the parent magazine—with a steady diet of vibrator jokes, angry middle fingers, and overt racism. Fun for the whole family!

We don't believe that this magazine is published anymore—which is too bad, because fart jokes that involve actual farts and Ronald Reagan zingers never really get old. Plus, we haven't seen a good "flasher" joke since our Mad magazine subscription ran out years ago.

· Hustler Humor Covers 1980 to 1998 (xpozio.com)

"Zazel" Has Still Got The Scent Of Love (But Her Name Is Not Rio)

Gram Ponante — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:45:07 EDT

"You've got the scent, you've got the scent ... the scent of love." - Not ABC

Like you, I was intrigued by the recent reissue of Philip Mond's classic 1990's porn "Zazel - The Scent of Love" because I wanted to see what vaginas looked like the year my cat was born. And when I saw the scene with the tiger I felt singularly validated in my curiosity.

Fragrance designer Zazel (the gorgeous Sasha Vinni) sits sketching by her koi pond when she gets The Call: She has been approved to create her own eponymous perfume! Awesome!

We soon see why Zazel is right for the job. "The scent of love?" she thinks. "What can it be? Where can it be found?"

The rest of the movie follows Zazel through her own journey of discovery in the realms of sex and scent. Painted nymphs appear as her muses. She realizes her perfume must have "the breath of heaven; the taste of sin."

Don't get me wrong: "Zazel" shares with today's tolerated trophy porn auteurs the tendency to talk out its ass:

"Does the scent of love come from the heavens? The Earth? The wild orchid? The water lilly?"

"Angels from heaven descend into Pluto's realm and divulge their secrets with intoxicating rapture."

"Shiva: Goddess of Creation" (Luckily Hindus don't undertake jihads.)

But it is also beautifully shot and staged. No performer involved in realizing Mond's (and Zazel's) vision is anything short of beautiful—most are fleshy and toned Penthouse models of its pre-bankruptcy period—and each set piece is so creatively erotic that calling it porn, by today's standards, seems insufficient.

One example finds Zazel examining the vulva-like qualities of the picture of a flower in a book. Another does for tiger paint what the "Rio" video never could.

It is safe to play this movie with the sound off as long as you keep in mind that "Zazel is doing work-related research." We never see the fruits of her R&D on the shelves, but then again, Hell-derived intoxicating rapture in a bottle is probably wicked expensive.

Review by Gram Ponante

Zazel - The Scent of Love
Director: Philip Mond
Cast: Sasha Vinni, Gina Lamarca, Anna Romero, Grace Harlowe, Brooke Lane, Lene Hefner, Helena, Nikie St. Giles, Antonio Valentino, Kevin James, Drew Reese, Devin, and Jon

· Metro Interactive (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy "Zazel - The Scent of Love" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: Fleshbot PSI: Another Case Closed!

Chloe's Dirty Deeds

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:20:59 EDT

Having sex in a public place is dirty business, which is why it's so much fun. But dirty business doesn't get much dirtier than it does in the backroom of a crummy old pool hall. Seriously, these folks should probably put a blanket down or something, because who knows where that table has been? Chloe is a pro when it comes to these sorts of situations, though, so we'll gladly defer to her on the matter of just how filthy dirty should be. There's a reason why some pornstars are so fondly remembered, you know.

. . .

· "pool table" (RedTube)

Sasa Basta Covers Madonna (But Not Her Songs)

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:20:30 EDT

Hey, do you remember like 50 years ago or something when Madonna (the other one) wrote that hilarious "Sex" book? Well, she didn't "write" it exactly—but she did pose for a bunch of calculatedly controversial, occasionally blasphemous dirty pictures. Anyway, Greek magazine Nitro totally wants to relive those days, so they hired blonde Madonna kindoflookalike Sasa Basta to recreate some of the most memorable poses from that classic pop culture moment. Do you also remember when people used to be shocked and outraged by this stuff? Boy, those were the days!

· Greek Playmate Sasa Basta As Madonna (dailypoa.com)

Revenge Of The Sexy Magazine Covers

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:40:03 EDT

Since we studied history at our liberal elitist college, we always enjoy looking through dusty archives for relics of bygone eras. We also learned where to find all the dirty Victorian picture books at the research library. Maybe that's where the folks at Xpozio went to find all those sexy old magazine covers they keep posting? We've linked to a couple of their galleries in the past, but the collection has exploded to include pretty much every Playboy cover in every international edition ever as well as most of the covers from the illustrious history of Penthouse, Hustler, High Society, Juggs (yes, Juggs) and other classic spank mags. So in how many different languages can you say "Pamela Anderson Naked"?

· Men's Magazine Covers (xpozio.com)

Every so often we think back to those halcyon...

Jonnobot — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:15:25 EDT

Every so often we think back to those halcyon days of 1992 when Madonna was sexy and interesting ... and every so often, someone comes along and posts a bunch of scans from her "Sex" book to remind us just how sexy and interesting she used to be. Suddenly, it's 1992 all over again. (thenipslip.com)

Sometimes we say good-bye to porn stars...

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:20:00 EDT

Sometimes we say good-bye to porn stars ... and sometimes we're lucky enough to welcome them back. Brittany O'Connell has returned to the adult industry after a ten year hiatus, which just goes to show you—sometimes wishes really do come true. (lisaannstalentmanagement.com + avn.com)

When you're done looking through those Lui...

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:30:41 EDT

When you're done looking through those Lui covers, you might want to take a peek at High Society through the ages. You might just learn a thing or two about moving on up in the world — or at least getting something to help you, uh, move up. (xpozio.com)

Flesh Flicks: Janine And Dyanna, A Look Back

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:15:19 EDT

Sorry to get all Vivid Circa 1998 in here today (as if we haven't been retro obsessed enough already), but we're suddenly feeling nostalgic for the hot blonde contract stars of yesteryear. These titanesses of the porn industry were always among our favorites, and it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside to have stumbled across this living tribute of Janine Lindemulder and Dyanna Laure in their prime ... with a brief cameo by Jenteal to boot! The best part about internet porn is that no one ever ages or retires, which is why we will never turn off our computers. Ever.

. . .

· "Janine and Dyanna Lauren" (Megarotic)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archive

At this point, looking at naked Madonna...

Jonnobot — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 11:56:53 EDT

At this point, looking at naked Madonna pictures from the early 90s is like finding a photo album of our old aunt's days as a swingin' nudist before we were born, but if you're not as easily bored and/or creeped out about these things as we are then here you go. Besides, how many opportunities do we have to link to Vanity Fair anyway? (vanityfair.com; see especially 1991 and 1992)

Flesh Flicks: Connect The Dots

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:13:30 EDT

We found several clips today from the early '90s porn artifact "County Line," and even though they all seem to be related to each other a quick glance at the evidence shows a complete lack of coherence or narrative flow. So it's just like watching the actual movie from start to finish! Don't worry that we haven't included them all here or in any particular order, because we're confident that you can still follow along with the action no matter what moment you happen to enter the story. Of course, we had to include the bizarre intro simply for its striptease cameo by a young Chasey Lain. (And the weird guy pretending to speak Italian, though you may not be as amused by that as we are.) But giving away any more of the plot would just take all the fun out of it, although—spoiler alert!—someone will get naked.

. . .

· "County Line Part 1" (Megarotic)

. . .

· Part 2 (Megarotic)

. . .

· Part 3 (Megarotic)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

An upcoming issue of Hustler will feature...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:22:13 EDT

An upcoming issue of Hustler will feature nude shots of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell ... or you can just Google "Geri Halliwell nude" and save six bucks. Plus, playing a game of "spot the fakes!" is always good for an afternoon of fun! (sfgate.com + mostly real results @ exp0sed.com)

Waxing (Or Not Waxing) Nostalgic With Playboy

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:05:01 EDT

We all know that porn's pubic hairstyles have changed over the years — who can forget such classic coifs as the racing stripe and the bacon strip? But unless you have a particular fetish for women in all their unshorn glory, it's sometimes easy to forget what pinups used to look like before depilation became the univeral law of the land. In a special feature, Playboy takes us on a trip down memory lane back to the days when you could tell if a gal was a real blonde. (Because let's face it: looking at her eyebrows doesn't always work.)

· Waxing Nostalgic (playboy.com, via myhotbox.blogspot.com)

Previously: Hairy Girl Central Keeps The Fuzz Front And Center (And Everywhere Else)

Porn Of The (Previous) Moment: "Paging Betty"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:21:03 EDT

Selina St. Clair made all her adult movie appearances in 1994, including "Paging Betty," to be rereleased next week by VCA Pictures. This was a surprisingly charming movie with St. Clair flashing back to the days before she met her husband, "and I don't regret a thing." Appearances by Steven St. Croix, who still performs, and Jonathan Morgan, who now directs, fill out a cast that also includes a spirited woman named Jasper.

That this is how porn looked the year "Pulp Fiction" came out is an odd thing to think about.

· "Paging Betty" (DVD info @ hustlervideo.com)
· See also: Selina St. Clair (videography @ adultfilmdatabase.com)

Full-Frontal Movie Nudity: We've Got Bush

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:10:03 EST

Full frontal is like the Holy Grail of movie nudity—elusive, thrilling and occasionally just a myth. Yet, a simple glimpse of below the belt flesh will also make you feel young again, mostly because Hollywood seemed to do it best in the 80s and 90s when on-screen nudity was a lot more precious. (Or maybe we were just going to the wrong theaters?) Check out the Uber blog's video retrospective of some the best historical examples of this phenomenon and ponder if this classic "Revenge of the Nerds" moment would have as much impact today ... or if the famous punchline would even make sense to today's bare down there generation.

· Top 10 Female Full Frontal Nude Scenes (uber.com)