Fleshbot: WWFRD

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Taco Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:30:01 EDT

The Motels ("Take the L out of 'lover' and it's 'over'") is my choice for Awfulest Band of the 80's, but it had a canon. Taco's lone hit was a cover.

I remember this very clearly: I was at the home of someone who is now a Facebook friend and we were bored, and both of us knew it. Suddenly he turned on the radio, muttering "Wonder if Taco has a new song. 'Puttin' on the Ritz' is awesome."

I hate Taco's version of "Puttin' on the Ritz" so much, and Taco for doing it, that I can't help thinking about it every time I encounter a similar metrical construction, such as this week's title. And, Dear Fleshbot Readers, this happens a lot more than you'd think. "For a wonderful time" it is not.

To refresh (shudder) your memory or create nightmares:

So your task this week is to banish my demons with your own parody version (text only, don't wear yourself out) of "Puttin' on the Ritz" using this week's gapetastic title. (And, parenthetically, big props to last week's winner.)

· Vouyer Media (vouyermedia.com)
· Buy "Diggin in the Gapes 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? No F'ing Kidding

Gram Ponante — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:30:01 EST

Just last week a reader traveled back to the "Diver Down" era to rename a porn movie "People Fucking." And yet this week we get the most obvious title in the world, 25 years late.

Of course anything with Cassandra Calogera in it is "Jerkoff Material." If she were riding the bus, the destination window would say Jerkoff Ahead. Where most people say "Bye" when hanging up the phone, Cassandra Calogera's friends sign off with "Jerking Off Now!"

I hear she even greets people at holiday barbecues with specific areas in the yard where people can jerk off to her. It's like she's a cyborg crafted from space age alloys and jerkoff material.

So your job this week is to come up with a title that is less obvious but still takes into account there are fleshy minxes lolling about on the cover demanding to be jerked off to.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Jerkoff Material 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Retronyms Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:30:01 EST

What do Hairy Pussies and Coca Cola Classic have in common? They're both retronyms: names created when the original word was no longer descriptive enough. Forgive me, Dr. Lederer.

There was a time when all pussies were hairy. Who would think of shaving them? And once upon a time Coca Cola was just that, until the famous Formula changed, the public bawked, and the original version had to be brought back and renamed Coca Cola Classic.

But now that even your mom shaves her parts, we need titles like "Hairy Pussy P.O.V." to let us know that we are about to witness some kind of freakshow.

Fleshbot readers, be like unto last week's happy few and tell us what this movie might have been called had it been released in 1984.

· Richard Lederer (verbivore.com)
· Buy "Hairy Pussy POV" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? I See A Darkness Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:30:01 EST

"We have looked into the anus, and it is us," someone once said. While the font of Evil Angel's "Deep Anal Abyss 2" doesn't impart the despair Adrianna Nicole must be feeling, I'd Camus her.

Fleshbot Readers, your answers to last week's contest were so thoughtful that we thought we'd resurrect another chestnut from sophomore year in high school that re-emerged meaning something totally different freshman year in college: "The Stranger."

While all porn (aside from "Naked Happy Girls") reveals a darkness, please create for this week a porn title that would make a Galois-smoking, coffee-rank, beturtlenecked and Algiers-lounging existentialist proud.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy "Deep Anal Abyss 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? That Is Not What I Meant At All Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 12:00:00 EST

Lisa Ann looks so tempting and accessible on this boxcover that it makes us sad that she's crazy. Poor thing. What? She's not crazy? But the title of the - I don't get it.

All right, so "Head Case" is a movie about blowjobs, I guess, according to the copy we received from the studio's PR firm:

Not one ounce of liquid love is wasted as these girls suck and tug their way to your happiness.

...but you can forgive me for thinking from the title that the flick is about the Insane. It's a common mistake. I am especially sensitive to this because I went to see "Titicut Follies" because I thought it was a porn movie.

So maybe that's not what producers meant, at all.

In the room the women come and go
Talking about Fellatio

Your job this week is to mine porn titles from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" and, if you're especially skilled, you will be like last week's winner and smooth us with long fingers.

· 3rd Degree Films (thirddegreefilms.com)
· Buy "Head Case 5" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Put The Needle On The Record Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:30:01 EST

While prefixing anything with the word "cyber-" makes us giggle like when our granddad warned about "smoking drugs," this movie inspires nostalgia for the days when we would suffix fortune cookie aphorisms with ".com."

"Cyber Sluts," you see, are sluts who have an Internet presence.

Hasn't an Internet presence been one of the three defining qualities of a slut since at least 2001, along with a bar tab and a pubococcygeal tattoo?

Regardless, your task this week is to strain every last sinew like last week's winner by coming up with a title that might have seemed hip in 1996 but which now makes viewers think you're offering something delightfully retro but aren't, actually. Maybe Lenny Kravitz will finally win one this week!

· Wicked Pictures (wicked.com)
· Buy "Cyber Sluts 6" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Erectile Wardrobe Malfunction Edition

Gram Ponante — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:13:33 EST

In this weekend's glut of conspicuously consumptive footballery, remember the simple furtive pleasures of grabbing glimpses of panties beneath those Cardinals snowbird muumuus or Steelers blast furnace aprons.

Dear Readers, it is true that I couldn't care less who wins this weekend, but what I do care about, like getting a handjob from Tinkerbell, is if my neighbor's wayward and frank sister in-law will be at the SuperBowl party. Why? Because last year she wore no panties. The choice between Cardinals and Steelers and Ranch and Onion Dip pales in comparison to that of Angie in the Basement v. A Punch in the Face.

So the appearance of this week's movie is not arbitrary at all. What do you do about the pantieless SuperBowl guest?

· DVSX Pictures (dvsx.com)
· Buy "Panty Peek Freaks" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Jerked By An Angel Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 15:00:00 EST

Unless performed on oneself, the handjob is the toughest of the marital arts. Therefore the notion of a "Fantasy" handjob made me think of Cthulhu (the tentacles!), Grimace, the Archangel Gabriel, or a unicorn.

Hookers do this thing - they learn it at hooker camp - where they can successfully execute a handjob in, like, 30 seconds. But in real life, as in porn, the handjob must be magical.

Notice I didn't say "singular." I said "magical."

That is why I'm asking you to come up with a fantasy character you'd most like a handjob from, and why. The Hamburglar? Sure. But why? Radagast the Brown? Sure. But why? Tracy Scoggins? You get the idea.

· Hundies (hundies.com)
· Buy "Fantasy Handjobs 7" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Sleight of Ass Edition

Gram Ponante — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:30:01 EST

We meet at a quickie trade paperback celebrity book-signing ("Dana Plato's Posthumous Carb Diary"), you ask if I'd like to give you a creampie, then you show me your ass. I think: Amateur.

Everybody—even Conrad Bain—knows that a creampie is vaginal by default unless it is specifically labeled an anal creampie. Why Jenavieve Jolie invites all comers to deposit a creampie by showing her (all right, it's adorable) ass is a mystery.

Fleshbot readers, your job this week is to Bend It like Bento by giving us a true story of being offered one thing but shown another in a case of sexual three-card-monte.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Internal Combustion Cream Pies 14" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ass-perger's Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:00:00 EST

This movie dutifully answers the question "How many nurses take it up the ass?" But my question for you, Dear Readers, is "Must we go through that forward ass to get to the remaining five?"

Actually that isn't my question, but I do like the idea of what Brahe called "the portal ass."

No, my question has to do with the admirable specificity of the title, an autistoid need to make clear that there are six of them, this is how they're dressed, and this is what happens to them.

So your task is to rise to the occasion like the final winner of 2008 and supply a fourth element to the formula: what happens after they take it up the ass? Be ridiculously specific.

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "6 Nurses Take It Up the Ass" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? 69 Days of Christmas Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:00:00 EST

"We're stuffing more things than stockings this Christmas," crows the pitch for this release featuring the biteable Tyla Wynn. All right. We'll take that. But you can do better.

Can you come up with a better tag line for a Christmas porn than that? Do what you must: sexualize the Virgin Mary, give Santa a prodigious wang, plague Rudolph with an unseemly discharge, refer to a 69 that never happens, but take back Christmas from the captains of industry and return it to the carnal ice orgy it once was.

(And "Spirit of Christmas Assed" is taken.)

Since you are already bowed under the weight of familial pressure this time of year, we won't ask you to measure up to the Brobdingnagian efforts of last week's winner, but we'd like to see something by St. Stephen's Day. Something, Kevin, OK? We pay all that money for college and you come back looking like this? Oh wait. We're doing it again.

· Anarchy Films (anarchyfilmsdvd.com)
· Buy "Very Creamy Christmas" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Negative Space Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:30:01 EST

We don't always love Wicked's movies, but we do love their boxcovers. Probably because, like porn itself, they leave room for our wild imaginations to wander.

Here is Mikayla Mendez on the cover of "Sexy Bitch." It's like someone—maybe it was you?—called her a Sexy Bitch from the laundry room and she's turning to say, "Who, me?" But now imagine that the blank white wall she's not looking at instead had a directive that would change her life, like "Eat more ham," "Jesus saves," or "No fat chicks."

What would you write? And what would you write it with?

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Sexy Bitch" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? BBW Revisited

Gram Ponante — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:30:00 EST

Look at the juicy and delicious April Flores on the cover of "Waist Watchers 4." LOOK AT HER. That's right: you're not just looking at her waist; you're looking at handfuls of other parts that, laid atop each other on a scale, would create an exuberant feeling in you greater than their weight. The Germans say it best when they call such women "zaftig." But now you, like last week's winner, must come up with a better term than the porn-standard BBW. Why? Because April Flores will cry if you don't, and because Lufthansa is bankrupt.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 4" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? U-Turn to "Tunnel Butts"

Gram Ponante — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:00:00 EST

The melon-scented squishings and sloshings of "Tunnel Butts" raised as many eyebrows as they did the front panels of our Toughskins recently, so we're asking you, as simply as we possibly can, to come up with a better title for this movie featuring women with asses through which we'd like to drive our banana trucks. Could we find Busytown's Bananas Gorilla for a quick graphical reference? No we could not. But that doesn't mean you can't spend the next week returning "tunnel" to Messrs. Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Hoosac.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Tunel Butts" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Promoting from Within Edition

Gram Ponante — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:30:00 EST

"Like the semen that gets devoured – 'Need for Seed 3' is – HOT!" stammers the boxcover copy of this gem that features Internal Popshots, the kind of xuppage that doesn't get all over the place until after you've gone and she needs to move from atop the record player (no doubt moved by a sign from God, as per last week's winner). But aside from the fact that the site of Mya Nichole triggers an almost immediate breakdown of higher cortical functioning, there is nothing about her picture that suggests she wants hers on the inside. Your mission this week is to find an Internet picture of any stripe that screams "Keep it in-house." You know, like how managers are chosen at UPS.

· Diabolic (diabolic.com)
· Buy "Need for Seed 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mama Said Turn You Out Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:30:05 EST

Milves turning their adult daughters into prostitutes, and then getting the process filmed. Is there anything we cannot accomplish with our positive outlook and entrepreneurial zeal? No. There is nothing. Thanks, GawkerMedia-sponsored Anthony Robbins seminar! But now the question is: What would you not want to see in your porn? Fleshbot readers like last week's winner worked overtime. Now you must tell us what would get you the opposite of off.

· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)
· Buy "Mama Turned Me Out 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? The Gapes of Wrath Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 19:00:00 EST

Dirty, dirty, dirty. Nice girls don't do it, and their partners daren't ask. That is why anal access is the highest (or lowest) rung on porn's ladder. In fact, even the word "rung" sounds dirty in this context. And there is no greater anal acrobat than Belladonna, who sports a big black eye a few feet above her brown one, emphasizing the fact that the bum is the final frontier for sexual thrill seekers. So your job this week is to rename this title according to a favorite book from your K-12 reading list (and we'll close out the Steinbeck category by removing "Cannery Row" from contention).

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy "Belladonna's Butthole Whores 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Who Gets To Be A Prostitute Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:47:38 EDT

Having never met a hooker with a heart of gold (and this is a singular tragedy), I still think prostitutes are swell. Morning, evening, at the Presbyterian barbecue for my Congressman - or anytime! But what conditions have to be met for a porn movie to advertise a prostitute rather than its standby whore, slut, or goo-goblin? I think it's a class thing. Your job this week is to emulate Dirtybacon and come up with something thoughtful: please give us your favorite prostitute story.

· Devil's Film (devilsfilm.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Being For The Benefit Of Gina Lynn's Ass

Gram Ponante — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:48:04 EDT

First off, we were so impressed with last week's efforts that we are moving to Philadelphia to fondle the left ball of Duncan Doughnut and perform an Ass Meld on our sneeze reflex. But it's a new week in a litigious world, and Zero Tolerance has clearly forgotten about a certain lawsuit-happy Cupertino company in naming its latest "Apple Bottomz." After all, one look at Gina Lynn and it's an easy jump to "How many USB devices can I daisy chain from her ass? Like, 128?" Your job this week, then, is to rename this movie as if it were either a Beatles lyric or a computer product. Having trouble? Your mother should know.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Apple Bottomz" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Getting A Handle on Kristie Creame

Gram Ponante — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:55:22 EDT

As you consider what's happening to Kristie Creame, be thankful that the title of this movie has nothing to do with the fact that a black man is doing it. But see, also, that he has his left hand on her right cheek, as if trying to reconcile the sides of his brain that deal with the maths and the ass.

If you are successful like last week's winner, you will tell us (one entry per person, please) what this dude is doing with his right hand.

· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Brownout Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:25:44 EDT

We're an enlightened group of people here, right? Remember when your wife sat on my lap at the dinner party and you were uncomfortable but we all got over it? That's what I mean. But now and then there is a porn title even we First Amendment Patriots quail at.

This week's WWFRD entry is such a title. Your job today is to view the actual title and creatively soften it (the first step is to remove the too-easy "#2") for consumption by people who think the original might have gone too far. And you are further challenged to do it with one entry, much as we were wowed by last week's winner.(Though feel free to tell your friends about it.)

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· See the Real Title (if you dare) (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Value-Added Knockoffs Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:10:44 EDT

Sometimes the porn version can only be better. It happened with "The Da Vinci Load" and, we will probably admit, "Pirates II". So it is reasonable to expect that a TV show that is already so popular with transsexuals—and which features an actual transgender contestant in its current cycle—would be as good if not better for the people who love transsexuals in a pornified offering.

As you know, all trannies like the top, so this title is redundant. But your job this week is to provide the ultimate porn ripoff of an existing title. Can you do it? Will you do it? This isn't just watercooler conversation, as last week's winner MalzyWheels knows: this is for realz.

• Goodfellas Productions (virtualtranny.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Grinders, Gyros, And Hoagies Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:15:57 EDT

"I would like to grind your cock into a fine paste," Brea Bennett did not say at a news conference announcing her "Cock Grinder" movie. "Or maybe a meal from which I can make my family's tortillas." As head-scratchingly bad a title something implying that, should your penis pass through Bennett's folds, it will be ground is, I'm sure you can imagine a much, much more horrifying title.

Go, as they say, nuts because, like the subject of last week's winner josereyes, you're "smart! Not like everybody says!"

· Club Jenna (clubjenna.com)
· Buy "Brea Bennett: Cock Grinder" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Catatonia Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:15:49 EDT

Submitted for your approval: There is something not quite sentient about the woman on the left, being disrobed for your delectation in this Earl Miller movie. Now I get glazed looks like this all day, running as I do the Dunkin' Donuts concession inside Bogue Chitto High. But I don't know if these ladies are inviting me in or asking me to step outside while the formaldehyde tops off.

Two lines of dialogue from these women is all we ask you to provide if you want to join Zipper in the winners' circle.

· Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)
· Buy "Earl Miller's Naughty Girls" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Gold Medal Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:40:23 EDT

This publication seems to be in love with the word "fap" as much as the nation is in love with Michael Phelps. So why not combine them? At least for the duration of this post, substitute "Phelps" for "fap" and consider the onomatopoetic implications (I imagine the L sound coming from a punch to the throat when it's done).

Anyway, if you were running the Beijing Olympics, what sexy sport—and we're talking medal sports, not demonstration sports—would you like to see your country's porn performers competing in? Be like last week's winners and don't keep switching between the Olympics and a pledge drive version of "Celtic Thunder."

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "Private Gold #100 - Pornolympics The Anal Games" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? MILF Accessories Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 23:35:45 EDT

What kind of woman forgets to take out her curlers before allowing herself to be reamed by the local blind, distractingly hairy-legged newsboy? Well, a MILF, apparently. In some circles a MILF is a mom, in others a cougar, and in this someone who just doesn't care. Why not a housecoat, too? Two weeks ago we asked for the optimal teen porn accessory—and you, bless your heart, said a big wheel. Now, if you can suggest the best porn accessory for a MILF, you will join last week's laureate in the winner's circle.

· Hush Hush Entertainment (hush-hushentertainment.com)
· Buy "Ramonator 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Tender Discoveries Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 20:05:49 EDT

Let's do the math: an average of five scenes per movie times seven movies. That means that at least 35 people have not had black cock before. In this day and age. I remember when we graduated we all went out and got one, and that's hard to do in Middlebury. So what people are watching in "My First Black Cock #7" is a tender right of passage rather than the bumpy journey mainstream media would have you believe it is. So be like last week's winner, fleshbotpdh, and come up with the next Best First Thing for porn—with extra points granted for something that can be done on a big wheel.

· Devils Film (devilsfilm.com)
· Buy "My First Black Cock 7" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mother And Lollipop Reunion Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:30:19 EDT

Sadly, none of the pairings in this movie are of actual mothers and daughters; in fact, one participant revealed to me that "even if I had a daughter, I wouldn't have sex near her". But that is why porn is all about fantasy.

We were happy to see that the title was not "Fuck My Mommy and Me," but we wish producers had respected us enough to choose some other prop than a goddamn lollipop to denote youth. Couldn't she be texting, or filling out college applications, or working at McDonald's? If you succeed like last week's winner I.M.B.Y., you will have given us the new porn youth totem that will replace pigtails, lollipops, and plaid skirts. Hop to it! Your nation needs you. And so does Mommy.

· Lethal Hardcore (lethalhardcore.com)
· Buy "Fuck My Mom And Me 4" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Jenna Haze: Telegrapher Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:00:04 EDT

We are not showing you the title of this movie, but Jenna Haze is providing a pretty good visual clue on the cover. A skillful actor trained in Greek theatre, Haze knows that sometimes the audience is so far from the proscenium that IT needs a little help to follow the story. In this case, the story will be written all over her ... well, you get the idea. Can you be like last week's winner and come up with a better title than the one Theos provided? And will Jenna of Troy be able to launch a thousand ships once the deed is done?

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mentor Lesbians Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:40:11 EDT

Back in my day (I am now 23), lesbians didn't look like this—or at least the mainstream media, softball-playing, Melissa Etheridge-listening, workmen's comp-seeking, Seneca Falls enpilgrimaging ones didn't. So seeing this lesbian MILF movie, even after a steady diet of porn lesbians, is still a shock.

What you must needs do to win this week's contest in as spectacular a fashion as last time's winner slyty did is to tell us what you would say to ripe Bree Olson to lure her into your experienced Sapphic boudoir. Not that she looks like she needs much convincing.

· Girlfriends Films (girlfriendsfilms.com)
· Buy "Lesbian Seductions 15: Older/Younger" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Penal Reform Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 22:45:12 EDT

We know. "We're evolved enough as porn consumers to not expect a literal interpretation of the title on the boxcover, hence why these harlots are outside and not actually in detention," you might say. But that wasn't the point we were going to make. Instead, dazzle us like last week's winner did and come up with a Motown girl group name for the flashing harlots on the bench.

· Gazzman (gazzman.com)
· Buy "Young Harlots - In Detention" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? It's Not A Tumor Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:10:04 EDT

You might as well face it: Rocco Siffredi is—and rightfully so—the world's most popular male porn star. But that does not mean his "Puppet Master" DVD doesn't look terrifying, what with the head of that Robert Palmer video girl growing like an abscess out of that crawly girl. And what does that picture have to do with puppets?

Please rename this porn movie in a fashion that fits with the box photo and you shall be praised on high next week in the same way that last week's winner was: in these five hyperlinked words.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Buy "Puppet Master" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:30:08 EDT

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Unsightly Spills Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:25:20 EDT

Not that Fleshbot readers aren't anything but swinging bachelors and (maybe two, at most three) bachelorettes, but they are also well-read. So they should know, at least anecdotally, that the word "blowout" strikes fear in anyone who has ever changed a diaper.

For this reason, as well as an equally legitimate need to not compare something that happens to Lorena Sanchez with a weekly sale at a mattress store, the word "blowout" needs to be excised from this title. So friends, be like last week's winner Tits McGee and find a more suitable title for this movie. And because we are benevolent, you can keep the "Creampie."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cream Pie Blowout 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Galaga Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 30 May 2008 19:30:06 EDT

Where else but in porn would a reference to a 30-year-old video game get any traction as a movie title? This blowjob vehicle (directed by the ready-for-anything Courtney Cummz) has the perfect title. But we have a problem with the boxcover: what does this picture have to do with the title?

Last week's winner saw an opportunity. Your job this week is to create a new boxcover for this movie; you can post a link to your creation in the comments below, or email entries to gram (etc) fleshbot.com.

· Zero Tolerance (ztvideo.com)
· Buy "Face Invaders 3" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Outrageous Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 24 May 2008 09:30:17 EDT

Maybe it's because we've mellowed in our senescence (we're 23), but we can't remember the last time we thought anything was outrageous. Nutrageous, maybe, but never outrageous. Especially asses. Can you imagine saying, "Your ass offends me"? I couldn't. And I especially wouldn't say it to Kelly Starr.

Think of a better name for these asses, won't you? Something that fills us with joy, like last week's winner.

· Michael Stefano (wikipedia.org)
· Buy "Michael Stefano's Outrageous Asses" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

Gram Ponante — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:30:33 EDT

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Giving Mom The Finger

Gram Ponante — Fri, 09 May 2008 22:27:46 EDT

We love candy corn at Halloween, even though the differently-colored parts of the confectionery triangle all taste the same. That is why the multi-hued penis of this Rico dude seemed appropriate for Mother's Day, draped as it was across her face like the sewn-with-love scarf you made for Mom in Home Economics, or her wagging finger when you did something wrong. But all is not well in Pornville, because that isn't my mama on the cover and, last time I checked, it wasn't yours. So can you be like last time's winner, MexicanBeeMan, and try your luck on the second dick-drapery title we've had in as many months?

· Smash Pictures (smahpictures.com)
· Buy "Rico's Bangin' Yo Mama!" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Rest Your Bones Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:10:49 EDT

Poor Majority-Challenged Blackzilla: the load he carries is so onerous that he often has to lay it down on your hot wife. Problem is, sometimes she is frightened and/or partially blinded and can't provide the weary traveler with any hospitality. It must be his opening line.

Can you be like last time's winner, hebear mcghee, and think of a worthwhile alternative to Blackzilla's plaintive request of "May I drape my cock over your right eye?"? We can't bring ourselves to type (or even copy and paste) the title again, but there's a copy of the DVD for s/he who comes up with the best one.

· Shane's World (shanesworld.com)
· Buy "My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 13" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? A Taste Of Wet Chocolate

Gram Ponante — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:45:49 EDT

Just so you don't flip out, the "Wet Chocolate" in the title of this post refers to someone in a movie—we don't know who—named Wet Chocolate. We pondered whether the movie title was redundant because it mentions both "Black" and "Inner-City," so your job this week is to choose a better porn, banking, and civic euphemism for "minority" than "inner-city." Can you do it? Be like last week's winner, bmeboy, and dazzle the nut out of our juicy-ass booty.

· WoodburnVOD (woodburnVOD.com)
· Buy "Inner City Black Cheerleader Creampie" (gamelink.com)