· Dirty video rental outfit SugarDVD bids $500,000 for the alleged Lauren Conrad sex tape that supposedly doesn't actually exist. Either way, somebody's getting screwed. (avn.com + laurenconrad.com)

· Joe Francis realizes he is not, in fact, above the law and may turn himself in to U.S. Marshals. Take your time, Joe. It's not like a judge can punish you or anything. (emeraldcoast.com)

· Rocío Guirao Díaz reminds us once again why we like Argentina so much. We've never been there, of course, but we're convinced it's as hot as she is. (latenightpictures.com)

· The Autism Society of Florida does not want to be associated with porn,—but hey, if porn still wants to throw a few thousand dollars their way, no problem! (tampabays10.com)

· This ad reminds us of our subway ride this morning, only the subway probably smells much worse. (adsoftheworld.com, via Boing Boing)

· Even though most businesses in New Zealand are forced to close, brothels are allowed to be open on Easter Sunday. A lot of good that does us now. (stuff.co.nz)

· A former strip club sounds like a really great place to attend church, until you find out about the two communion minimum. (newschannel5.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives