· If open source web browsing turns you on, then you have to check out Firefoxies! We think our GreaseMonkey script just downloaded a new extension, if you catch our drift. (firefoxies.com)

· A sex store owner is trying to shame a shoplifter who stole a penis pump by putting his picture up in the store's window. Although, we're talking about a guy who shoplifted a penis pump, so how much shame could he really have left? (stuff.co.nz)

· Being a nudist is a great, but the age-old question remains: where do you keep your keys? These mini towels are the solution ... and they keep your ass dry to boot! (barebunstowels.com)

· Nothing throws a wrench into the perfect caper liking asking your crime partner to give you a blowjob ... while the robbery is in progress. It makes your getaway very messy. (thesmokinggun.com)

· Butts are the new boobs? We thought bigger boobs were the new boobs. Butts are the old asses. (co-edmagazine.com)

· Out of all the CIA's ridiculous government overthrow schemes, trying to frame the president of Indonesia with a fake porn film might be the dumbest (but also the funniest.) And for the CIA, that's really saying something. (opednews.com)

· A prominent Wall Street hedge fund is "willing to pay a premium" for a management buyout of adult company New Frontier Media. We don't really know what that means, but our 401k is throbbing. (marketwatch.com)

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Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.