· Speaking of ... we were just thinking today that what Macau really needs is a Playboy Mansion. Now our timeshare there won't go to waste! (abcnews.go.com)

· Brooke Burke and Brooke Burns are not the same person. Trust us—we checked very closely. (gorillamask.net)

· Hookers will no longer be called prostitutes in Britain, although if you still want to call your girlfriend a "dirty whore" in bed then take your chances. (yahoo.com)

· Because we've gone almost an entire week without an adult awards show, you better get your nominations in for the next one. Seriously, when is it our turn to win? (bestadultawards.com, via xbiz.com)

· Some dude in Denver wants to put a stop to Ladies' Nights, because they discriminate against men. Word is that he will also be the chairperson of the city's next Sausage Festival. (westword.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· American "pornstar" Courtney Coventry is questioned in the investigation for some sort of British bribing scandal that we don't really understand. But hey, free trip to London, right? (thesun.co.uk)

· The FBI agent in charge of 2257 inspections says the adult companies aren't doing so hot when it comes to record keeping. Maybe the owners should talk to that Courtney chick. (thesun.co.uk)

· Remember Daniella Cicarelli and her sex on the beach escapade? Turns out she now owes YouTube money because she complained. The lesson? Do not fuck with Google. Ever. (Boing Boing)

· Australia would like you to know that if you speed in your car, it's because you have a small dick. Sorry you had to find out this way. (upi.com)

· So a Polish magazine runs a picture of their President and Prime Minister sucking on the tits of German Chancellor Angela Merkel (on the cover!) and somehow people are upset by that? Those Europeans are so touchy. (yahoo.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's a few months old (at least), but we couldn't resist sharing this photo reposted from BME on a blog called Horrible Tattoos—which apparently is the place for anyone who has a problem with two penises coming out of someone's ass. And butterflies. Why do you hate butterflies? (horribletattoos.blogspot.com)

· Hey, we're big fans of public sex, but maybe a public pool is not the best choice of venue for it. Although "I was just showing off my new breast implants" is a pretty good alibi. (wesh.com)

· A golf course, on the other hand, is perfect for strippers, lap dances, and sex acts. That would certainly help the TV ratings for most PGA events. (with video! @ poconorecord.com)

· Life is sweet at Florida's only (legal) clothing-optional beach. Maybe not as fun as the golf course or the pool, but still sweet. (beaconnewspaper.com)

· Yeah ... why should public nudity be illegal? Look at all the fun we're having with it. (americanchronicle.com)

· The first two people to be charged under the CAN-SPAM act are found guilty of sending unsolicited porn emails. The good news is they can quit their job and earn thousands a week working from prison! (infoworld.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You will never find another group of spokespeople anywhere who are this excited to talk about clean bums. Plus, bare ass in Times Square! (cleanishappy.com, via adage.com via Gawker)

· Superproducer Brian Grazer and sort-of-okay director Brett Ratner are bringing Hugh Hefner's life story to the big screen. We wonder if there will be any nudity. (variety.com + Defamer)

· What the hottest new fashion trend for young brides? See-through wedding dresses. Is it bad luck for the groom to see the bride's boobs before the wedding? (ekstrabladet.dk)

· Another American tourist ruins it for the rest of us by taking a nude bath in Rome's historic Barcaccia fountain. You can't take us anywhere. (reuters.com)

· Would you give up sex before giving up your cellphone? If you're that attached to your handheld friend, you probably weren't getting laid anytime soon anyway. (tech.blorge.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how that's rehab program going? Which one of the 12 steps is "ride around on a giant tricycle while wearing a bikini? (egotastic.com)

· Finally, someone is rewarding Marisa Miller for her obvious talents. If you don't think looking this hot is a talent, you must not get out very much. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Remember Dutch hottie Katja Schuurman? Maybe these photos will jog your memory. (glizzy.nl)

· What the hell is going on with this giant inflatable monkey and his crotch? We don't think your kids should be playing in there. (giantmonster.com, via random-good-stuff.com, more @ Boing Boing)

· Here's a list of the only video games in the history of the Entertainment Software Rating Board to ever receive an Adults Only rating. You say "Strong Sexual Content" like it's a bad thing. (Kotaku)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Megan Fox will dominate the new Transformers movie, even though her co-stars are killer robots the size of 18-wheelers. She's got some pretty powerful weapons of her own. (maximonline.com)

· MSNBC discovers phthalates, and only about 10 months after the rest of the sex toy-loving world. Yay, mainstream media! (msnbc.com)

· The founder of Agent Provocateur turns down membership in the Order of the British Empire because he thinks Tony Blair is "morally corrupt." Funny ... we always thought that was the chief selling point of their knickers. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Michelle Pfeiffer will not do any more nude scenes without first approving them with her kids. Wait, is Michelle Pfeiffer even considering doing nude scenes? Because we should really be kept up to date on these things. (thesun.co.uk)

· Former Miss Israel Gal Gadot defends the whole "Women of the IDF" promotion. If your army's got it, flaunt it. (upi.com, related party photos @ Gawker)

· "One in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy." Hey, UK ... so there's these birds and these bees ... (news.com.au)

· Hermosa Beach, California, denies a business permit to a store called Condom Revolution. That's exactly how the British ended up where they are. (dailybreeze.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Babelog regular Anna Michalik is very skillful with power tools. We wonder if she could use a hand on that back porch? (dailyniner.com)

· Make your reservations now for the newest Hooters franchise ... in Dubai. When they say "wings hotter than the Arabian desert," they mean it. (gulfnews.com)

· To shave or not to shave? Your balls that is. The manscaping debate rages on (with way too many references to "musky odors" for our tastes.) (observer.com, via Gawker)

· Worcester County, Maryland, passes an emergency zoning bill to restrict the growth of adult business, because there's no greater emergency than a zoning emergency. (delmarvanow.com)

· We won't be at the naked summer solstice run in Latvia this weekend, but to show our support we might jog around the living room in our underwear. (yahoo.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You might be shocked to learn this, but "Obama Girl" Amber Lee Ettinger once posed for Maxim magazine. That doesn't sound like her style, does it? (maximonline.com)

· Ugandan police claim that 90% of 911 emergency calls are just lonely women looking for sex. We think about 100% of Ugandan police officers must think pretty highly of themselves. (monitor.co.ug)

· Just a reminder, "Put it on my tab" doesn't work when it comes to ordering lap dances. Especially when you don't pay the tab after eight of them. (gazetteonline.com)

· You may think you're anonymous on the internet, but the law may say differently, so watch your mouths, you dirty sonsabitches. (xbiz.com)

· Circumcision rates in the U.S. are dropping, which means you might be seeing even more skin than you're used to in the next generation of pornstars. If you can stop looking at the chicks for more than five seconds that is. (ap.org + Gawker)

· Sexy roadside ads are major traffic hazards in Greece and one man is out to put a stop to them. But then how will they recognize the most popular underwear models when they meet them? (sky.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It's not a Mary Carey birthday party until a pornstar (aka Jessica Jaymes) pulls her tits out. Tell us again why she isn't the governor? (drunkenstepfather.com)

· If we're reading this correctly—and we're pretty sure that we're not—Mitt Romney has made a fortune selling hardcore pornography to bored business travelers. Somehow he's not a governor anymore either? (huffingtonpost.com)

· The girls from a Utah escort service were actually thinking about the children when they threw this bikini car wash over the weekend. Being wet and soapy is a good cause all by itself. (kutv.com)

· Getting naked and hugging trees is a swell idea for an environmental protest, but watch out for the bark. That stuff itches! (orovillemr.com)

· Just a reminder that in New York women have just as much as right as men to walk down the street topless and get a nice settlement when the cops try to rough you up for it. Sounds fair to us. (cnn.com)

· "Everyone who thumbed through the "Iowa Nights" magazines at various interstate rest areas had the same reaction. "It's nudity and suggestive things that young children shouldn't see." We've met a lot of truck drivers and we're pretty sure that not everyone had the same reaction. (whotv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You can't not escape Danielle Lloyd's watchful gaze, but really, why would you want to? (americanidol2006blog.blogspot.com)

· Maxim, Stuff and Blender walk into a bar and get sold to a private equity firm, which proves that firm privates are still worth a lot of equity. (cnn.com)

· Prostitution may be legalized in Mexico City, so American gringos just might have an excuse to leave Tijuana. (time.com)

· A big lawsuit is asking who is really responsible for what happens to you on MySpace? We don't know why, but for some reason it feels like it's all President Nixon's fault. (xbiz.com)

· A former NFL player and his girlfriend go down for running a prostitution ring in Pittsburgh. We guess athletic cups just aren't as exciting as pimp cups. (thepittsburghchannel.com)

· Hugh Jackman and Jessica Alba have been voted the sexiest superheroes of all time. Whew! Now that that's settled we can finally get some sleep this weekend. (skynews.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· When Cameron Diaz goes surfing, she goes surfing in a bikini. It's starting again already! (egotastic.com)

· Welcome to Gatwick Airport. Do you have any strippers you would like to declare? (timesonline.co.uk)

· Is Flickr (ie. Yahoo) blocking content for users in Germany and Southeast Asia? Does a bear ... you know? (Boing Boing)

· An alleged "spam king" will remain in jail after being denied bail, which is too bad because he could have easily earned that money in just a few hours a day while working from home! (chron.com)

· A couple in Punta Gorda, Florida, joined the Several Stories High Club, but got caught while having sex high above the city. Did we mention they were on a crane? (sun-herald.com)

· A Minnesota county gets serious about strip clubs by thinking about preparing an interim ordinance that will then maybe allow for them to consider possibly adopting new regulations after giving the issue some serious study. Government in action, folks. (avn.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Iran declares that porn producers and "their main elements" are "corruptors of the world" and can now be sentenced to death. Hey, we don't make the stuff ... we were just holding on to it for a friend! (cnn.com)

· At eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, Katie Price is almost as big in her stomach as she is in her chest. To be fair, it is two lumps to one. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

· A woman in England is going to jail after ripping an ex-boyfriend's testicle off with her bare hands and then trying to eat it. Wow, she makes those guys in Iran seem almost reasonable. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· The fembots are coming! The fembots are coming! Better stock up on the oil. (inventorspot.com)

· After drawing a successful comic book and a successful fake band, it's only natural for an artist to turn to designing luxury vibrators. (pitchforkmedia.com)

· Free speech advocates have been calling on Yahoo to declare a sensible anti-censorship policy and protect human rights on the web. Yahoo shareholders? Not so much. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Brit babe Emily Scott looks good even in Dutch German. We think that's required by the European Union. (dailyniner.com)

· Larry Flynt's offer of $1 million for any evidence of "illicit sexual or intimate relations with a Congressperson, Senator or other prominent officeholder" has already received about 200 responses ... and that's just from the Clinton family. (xbiz.com)

· R&B "star" Ray J "directed" the worst celebrity sex tape of all time and now he's ready to unleash the magic once again! How hard can it be to top the original? (entertainmentwise.com)

· We don't care how stupid it looks, we would totally buy one of these cars. The girl comes with it, right? (Gizmodo)

· Korean pop star Lee Hyo Lee wants to take over the whole Pacific Rim using some sort of sexiness "weapon." Surrender now and you'll be spared. (asia1.com.sg)

· Officials say Wisconsin's nude beaches attract crime, drugs, and lewd behavior, but beachgoers say it's the same as any other beach. Except, you know, with more boobs. (channel3000.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Wait a second ... a local TV station hired a bikini model with no journalistic experience to be its new anchor, and it's all just a reality show stunt? Could our TV be lying to us? (news-journal.com)

· UFC show host-with-the-most Rachelle Leah is Sicilian, manages to maintain her dignity while wearing a belt as a bikini top, and doesn't mind too much when guys she's dating fart around her. We think we may be in love. (fhmonline.com)

· Make a note: You cannot trademark the name "Fucking Machines" because the government doesn't like naughty words. What will this mean for our newest venture, "Cock Contraptions, Inc."? (Boing Boing)

· It looks like we missed the World Naked Bike Ride ... again. It's because we're always getting something caught in our spokes. (canada.com + worldnakedbikeride.org)

· Meanwhile, a new year means another group of senior citizens taking their clothes off for charity. Be sure to thank the producers of that "Calendar Girls" movie when you see them. (wtkr.com)

· A naked man wearing just "a paper bag over his head with eyeholes poked out" is haunting Brooklyn. Oh, did we forget to mention the masturbating? (metro.us)

· How do you get busted for excessive nudity when you work at a strip club? In that environment, you really can't be naked enough. (kutv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Danielle Lloyd, bless her heart, slips into a diamond-studded bikini for charity, but ends up distracting us so much we forgot where we put our checkbooks. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jenna Jameson wants you to design logos for her clothing lines, and you must obey Jenna. (adultfyi.com)

· Remember the porn addict whose pastor can monitor his internet activity? Apparently, he wasn't making that shit up. That's some serious voyeurism. (stuff.co.nz)

· It's just possible that having sex before marriage will not send you plummeting into a spiral of shame and depression. Sorry if that spoils the surprise for you. (umn.edu, via about.com)

· Ten reasons why that New York Times article might be wrong about the internet and porn. We promise not to mention this again until Monday at the earliest. (wired.com)

· Jezebel finds out more than she probably wanted to know about vaginas. Isn't blogging fun! (Jezebel)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Gisele Bundchen thinks it's ridiculous that the Catholic Church bans sex before marriage. "Show me someone who's a virgin," she says. Why? What will you do to him if we do? (newswatch50.com)

· Now that Paris Hilton is out of jail, let us look at this photoset starring lookalike Christine Alexis and reflect upon what might have been if her stupid skin condition and/or possible nervous breakdown hadn't gotten in the way. (orgasmatrix.com + Defamer)

· As the person who pointed this out to us said, once you see that the London 2012 Olympic logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving head, you can't un-see it. (YouTube)

· News flash: The number of people willing to pay for content on the internet is dwindling. When was it ever rising? (xbiz.com)

· Step 1: Make some "x-rated" art. Step 2: Have it banned by the city for being "inappropriate." Step 3: Profit. (nypress.com)

· Canada is one of the best place to go for nude beaches, but their summer will be over in about two weeks, so make it snappy. (hfxnews.ca)

· Ohio strip clubs continue to fight the state's new "six-foot" law. Why don't they just find strippers with longer arms? (wlwt.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Breaking: After months of legal wrangling, Julie Amero, the substitute teacher convicted by porn pop-ups, has been granted a new trial because the prosecutors are "dumbasses." Okay, that's not the actual quote, but we think we captured the spirit of it. (courant.com)

· Petra Nemcova proves that you can alight from a vehicle wearing a sexy dress and still keep your dignity intact. And still look sexy, for that matter. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Jessica Cutler, the artist formerly known as Washingtonienne, will not be taking Larry Flynt up on his $1 million dollar offer, even though she probably has plenty of dirt to share about our government officials. It's almost like she has sex just for the fun of it. (radaronline.com)

· Keep an eye out for Fleshbot faves Monique Alexander and Roxy Jezel in cameo roles in HBO's "Entourage" tonight. (If you watch "Entourage", that is, which we don't. Tell us how they did, OK?) (avn.com)

· A Singapore radio station raises some hackles with a speed bra removal contest. Well, they wouldn't wear bras at all if the government wasn't so picky about it. (stuff.co.nz)

· An Indonesian tax minister's photo presentation to newspaper editors turned into a full demonstration of his "porns" collection. Good thing we don't pay taxes on our Indonesian Amway business. (Boing Boing)

· Naturists may sincerely believe their lifestyle is not about sexuality, but that doesn't change the fact that naked bodies are hot. (guardian.co.uk)

· Here's some photos and video of Spencer Tunick's recent Amsterdam shoot. Residents of the city's famous red light district were not impressed. (stuff.co.nz)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A federal appeals court tells the FCC to go fuck itself and rules that if the president can say any bullshit thing he wants on TV, then so can any asshole in America. Fuckin' A right we can! (forbes.com)

· Britney Spears' ass devours its thong packaging. At least she's finally getting some decent media coverage. (egotastic.com)

· Jenna Jameson is already on Team Hillary; now Savanna Samson is "in love" with Rudy Giuliani for president. Now that would be a debate we might actually tune in to see. (papermag.com)

· You may or may not get turned on by ladies who are expecting, but ... holy cow, pregnant Salma Hayek boobies! Who knew those things could any better? (wwtdd.com)

· Dita Von Teese will star in her first movie ... as a stripper. It's a bit of a stretch, but we think she can handle it. (metro.co.uk)

· If you're wondering who won those Feminist Porn Awards, the answers are here. Congratulations to all you crazy dames. (goodforher.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Pamela Anderson is kissing a magician. Maybe he knows how those things continue to defy gravity. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The bizarre life (and sad death) of the famous Academy Awards Streaker. His package will live forever. (wfmu.org)

· Auctioneers expect to get £2 million for a nude portrait that King Charles II kept hidden in his bedroom. Wow, even a king has to stuff his girlie pics under the mattress? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· If you want to show a friend how much you care, forget about a Hallmark card. Just screw their brains out. They'll appreciate the gesture, trust us. (indiatimes.com)

· She-porn outfit, For The Girls is holding an erotic fiction contest, so remember to take notes next time you're getting some. (forthegirls.com)

· Internet porn: Wrecking marriages since 1991. Or saving them, we're not sure. Either way, never give your spouse your email password. (wimmera.yourguide.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It seems that the plucky Barbie Cummings was not the first lady that a certain Tennessee state trooper has given "special treatment." (Not that Barbie is complaining.) We guess free blowjobs aren't an official perk of the job. (usatoday.com + newschannel5.com)

· You remember Tea Leoni, right? If not, these bikini pictures probably won't jog your memory, but you should check anyway just to be safe. (theblemish.com)

· Did you know Kelly Hu was once an X-Man? Or X-Woman? Or X-Person? Whatever ... now she's just X-Hot. (dailypoa.com)

· August political rag The New Republic may be struggling to find readers, but more stories about Porno Jim and cum blankets should certainly turn things around. (Gawker)

· How will Ohio's strippers cope when the new adult entertainment law goes into effect this summer? If only there were some sort of "club" where they go to unwind and have some fun ... (ohiou.edu)

· Popular music is apparently dominated by "sexy and edgy" lyrics, which we would know nothing about since we smashed our victrolas in protest when that "Elvis Preseley" character started shaking his hips so scandalously. (reuters.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Holly Valance enjoys her swimming pool almost as much as we enjoy watching her lounge next to it. (dailypoa.com)

· Japanese inventors create futuristic underwear to keep infrared photographers from seeing your naughty bits. And the pervert arms race escalates! (inventorspot.com)

· A sexy wardrobe to make your wife look like a whore? $77. Getting her to fuck you like one? Priceless. (wearemakingporn.com)

· Spice up your sex life with a collagen injection directly into your hoo-ha. If you believe that will work, we've got a penis pump the size of the Brooklyn Bridge we'd like to sell you. (thegshot.com, via wfmu.org)

· "Does Page 3 degrade women?" That depends on your definition of "degrade." If it's the same as everyone else's definition, then we will have to get back to you on that. (dollymix.tv)

· A survey of Adult Friend Finder users reveals that 72% of them would consider performing in porn. Of course, since 100% of them will consider banging strangers they meet on the internet, it's not that surprising. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· You don't think Digital Playground would use the buzz around "Pirates of the Caribbean 3" to promote their own "Pirates" sequel do you? Such crass commercialism has no place in Hollywood! (adweek.blogs.com)

· How do you deal with cleavage when "American breasts are getting bigger while shirts are getting smaller"? Sounds like the problem is taking care of itself. (abcnews.go.com)

· In Germany, on the other hand, devotion to boobs (or addiction to plastic surgery) could cost you your job. Unless your job is like "boob model" or something. (int.iol.co.za)

· She's not a pornstar, but every wants to snog with the Snorg Tees Girl, right? (Jalopnik)

· Australians are worried about the "pornification" of their culture. Hey, it already happened to us Yanks, and look how well that turned out! (xbiz.com)

· Your challenge: Ignore a fabulous pair of boobs hovering over you, or get a pie the face. Welcome to Japanese TV! (YouTube, via tvinjapan.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Want to know what your mom is up to now that you've moved out of the house? Do you now wish you'd minded your own business? (The Today Show)

· Heather Locklear must have put her bikini in the dryer, because it doesn't fit her anymore. She should try that with all her clothes. (the usual suspects)

· Growing up in the Dominican Republic, Julian Tavarez had just two dreams—become a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox or become a porn star. Hey, it's not too late to do both. (aolsportsblog.com, via adultfyi.com)

· What's wrong with creating a gateway of strip clubs leading into Washington, D.C.? It might even keep some of those lobbyists from finding the Capitol. (examiner.com)

· So who really wrote this article about the saga of Sex.com? More importantly, will anyone pay to read the book about it? (kierenmccarthy.co.uk)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· OMFG!!1!#! Jessica Alba's nipples are totally erect! (Give us break, will you? It's the Friday before Memorial Day.) (bastardly.com)

· That's probably why we can't decide what's more appealing in this photo: Beyoncé in a bikini or a lounge chair by the side of a nice pool. What if the pool has a wi-fi connection? (gossipword.com)

· Glow-in-the-dark fur bikinis to wear out to the clubs? Yeah, we can totally see that. (glowfur.com, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

· Remember when girls wearing men's pants was the hottest thing in pornography? Yeah, us neither, but we're not 117 years old. (reason.com)

· Do you have a fetish for collecting dirty underwear? Well, today's your lucky day, because a sporting goods maker is giving them free drawers by stuffing them inside punching bags. So much for putting on a clean fight. (foxnews.com + newsnet5.com)

· Oh ... so this is why they don't want nude car washes in Australia. Their insurance doesn't cover slip and fall accidents. (frikid.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Danielle Lloyd pretends to secretly be a lesbian for the benefit of Zoo Weekly readers. We have no problem with this. (gorillamask.net)

· Kelly Preston is on vacation at the beach, but without her pasty husband. We definitely have no problem with this. (egotastic.com)

· According to a new survey, email spam is a greater problem than ever, but Americans are "less bothered" by it than they used to be. We've believe the phrase you're looking for is "too emotionally shattered to fight back." (xbiz.com)

· PETA is once holding its World's Sexiest Vegetarian contest. Did they just do this a little while ago or have we been working here too long? (peta2.com)

· It seems Australians aren't so happy about their local nude car wash, after all. Perhaps it's because everyone in town suddenly can't keep their car out of the mud. (news.com.au)

· Six strippers in Tampa, Florida, are arrested and charged with "nudity-related" offenses. They might have trouble with their alibi, since, you know ... they work in a damn strip club. (tampabays10.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Don't you hate it when you go to a baseball game and a wet t-shirt contest breaks out? No wonder Dodgers tickets are so popular in L.A. (lioninoil.blogspot.com, via Deadspin)

· Ron Jeremy and Jake Gyllenhaal together at last! OK, so that's completely misleading, but don't you want to see what the Hedgehog looks like when he's asleep? (Defamer)

· When noted sexpert Susie Bright compiles a list of her desert island sex toys, you better pay attention. Let's just hope she remembers to pack a heavy-duty electrical generator too. (susiebright.blogs.com + amazon.com, via Eros Blog)

· Raise your hand if you're surprised that Apple is upset over a sex toy ad that mimics one of theirs. Congratulations, you win a solid-gold iPod! (avn.com)

· An adult website surveys its own customers and finds that, shockingly, they're totally cool with porn. We've haven't seen a vote rigged this badly since the last time Ohio voted for president. (xbiz.com)

· Speaking of Ohio, the governor says the state's new strip club bill is a complete waste of time and he won't sign it. It still becomes a law, of course, but doesn't he sound all principled and leader-like? (columbusdispatch.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The silver lining to all this Britney Spears exposure is that she can finally get some honest advice about how to choose a proper bra. Finally, someone to set this girl straight. (knickersblog.com)

· Eva Longoria's ass is in the eye of the beholder. Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. (egotastic.com+ hollywoodtuna.com)

· Oh noes!!1! Social networking sites may soon over take porn as the most popular places on the web. We hope Gawker Media has a new blog for that too. (thechronicleherald.ca)

· If you took a taxi in San Diego recently and your cabbie was not wearing pants, look on the bright side—unlike some other cities a cabbie not wearing pants is still news in San Diego. (10news.com)

· Mike and Mandy's latest ladyboy gallery caters to all sides our reader demographic ... or at least those into chicks with boy parts. (mikeyandmandy.com)

· How do pornstars sell their houses? Very easily. (upi.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· If you're completely incapable of wearing a shirt properly and your entire boob is just hanging out there for all to see, we guess that technically counts as a nipple slip too. Score one more for Mischa Barton! (toxicmagazine.com + idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

· The paparazzi at the Cannes Film Festival booed Pamela Anderson for not cooperating. Any booing heard at her film is entirely coincidental. (bodogbeat.com)

· If you're a business student and you can't find a way to make a profit on college girl bikini calendars, you should probably just change your major right now. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

· Meet the Rhode Island School of Design's ice hockey team, the Nads and their faithful mascot, Scrotie. They're art students, man. Don't hate. (risd.dailyjolt.com)

· Radar Magazine discovers amateur porn. Next month: Have you heard of these things called "blogs"?(radaronline.com)

· Oh by the way, that place in D.C. where rich people take their limousines to watch live girls dance in the nude? Not a strip club. And these dollar bills in our wallet are not a tip. (washingtoncitypaper.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jenna Loves Hillary ... and you don't even have to go to hell to see it all happen! (justhillary.com)

· Gawker has more from the Cooch Party about how and where New Yorkers like to get busy. Apparently the only boundary is, like, Westchester County. (Gawker)

· Penthouse Pet turned real estate mogul turned high-class madam Lisa Ann Taylor turns featured strip club dancer to keep busy. Hey, a girl's gotta make a living (and pay all those legal bills). (accessatlanta.com)

· A new documentary shows a man contemplating the futility of life ... with a small penis. The world is what you make of it even if you can't make as much of it as you'd like. (smh.com.au)

· This website demands to know which celebrity has the best butt. We await the answer with bated breath. (javno.com)

· Some states in India don't like the way sex education is carried out, so they're just getting rid of it completely. If you don't teach them, they'll never figure out how to do it, right? (msnbc.msn.com)

· This just in: Sex appeal is an important part of success for female singers. The singing? Not so much. (forbes.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· We've been pushing the air sex thing pretty hard around here lately, but maybe we were wrong to do so. If we had any hand in this disaster, consider this our apology. (Gawker)

· Instead of going topless like so many celebrities before her, Sophie Marceau takes her pants off for French Vogue and proves once again that European fashion really is one step ahead of everyone else's. (feminaobscura.blogspot.com, via SugarBank)

· An appeals court vacates the preliminary injunction regarding Google's use of thumbnail-sized photos from a sexually explicit site. We don't know what that means, but hopefully it results in more boobies. (sciam.com)

· Hong Kong residents demand that a popular book be declared indecent due to its sexual and violent content. We believe it's a nifty little tome called "The Bible." (yahoo.com)

· An author is trying to sell a book about having sex for 100 straight days. Here's the hard part: all the sex was with his wife! What a daredevil! (nymag.com, more @ Gawker)

· The teacher caught in the pop-up porn case may finally be sentenced this Friday. No word on when popup creators will be sentenced to a very rough spanking. (Boing Boing)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Giulia Siegel did not make Maxim's Hot 100 list, but that's because she's German and already on the cover of that country's edition. So much for that whole "global village" thing. (gorillamask.net)

· Vivid will reportedly stop selling the Kim Kardashian sex tape—at least when they get around to taking it off their own website, which means you still have time to remember that it wasn't worth buying in the first place. (nypost.com + complex.com)

· Capitol police responded to reports of a naked man in the Senate Office Building, only to determine that he was simply wandering the halls in a flesh-colored bodysuit and has obviously watched too many Seinfeld reruns. (washingtonpost.com)

· Nudist resorts try to figure how to get the young folks interested in living without clothes. Maybe they should start them off with flesh-colored bodysuits, just to see how they like it. (newsday.com)

· Baristas in Portland, Oregon, get hip to the bikini coffee craze and start raking in the dough. Or raking in the beans ... or whatever. You get the idea. (wftv.com)

· The Ohio legislature works on a compromise for their controversial strip-club bill, which some taxpayers have discovered might not be the best use of their time. But all those other issues aren't nearly as fun to talk about. (columbusdispatch.com + news-herald.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Ice-T's wife, Coco, is quite a drink of water. That's a whole lot of thirsty for one family. (dailypoa.com)

· Michelle Rodriguez plays in the surf while you had to go work on a Monday. Does that really seem fair? (celebpixx.blogspot.com)

· The editor of GQ magazine is in hot water over his poorly-executed joke about Asian whores. He really should have re-written it to include whores of all races, colors and creeds. (nypost.com, via Gawker)

· A German sex toy company gets fined for naming its vibrators after two of Germany's greatest soccer stars, although they both probably wish they scored at the same rate as their miniature buzzing friends. (yahoo.com, via Deadspin)

· Apparently, the only industry that gets less love than porn these days is gambling, but they do have a good feeling about Red 23. (eog.com)

· How does searching for science DVDs on Amazon turn up an academic treatise on gay porn? Either it's bad search algorithms or just good luck. (slapupsidethehead.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Kate Bosworth has been showing up in bikini pictures lately, like it's her job. Wait, what is her job again? (egotastic.com)

· David Bowie plans to turn New York City into a giant burlesque house and we welcome our new Martian spider overlords. (observer.com, via Gawker)

· German tax inspectors go after the only sector of the economy that never goes into recession. It's not the world's oldest profession for nothing. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Hiring strippers for a birthday party is usually a can't miss proposition, unless it's for your son's sweet 16th. Maybe a bike would have been a better present. (mg.co.za)

· Palestine, Arkansas, draws up plans to ban the sale of all pornography within city limits. Says the city lawyer: "I'm not sure that it is constitutional, but you must start somewhere." That makes almost as much sense as that completely unrelated picture of a guy building a fence. (thnews.com)

· Remember, guns don't kill people ... .22-calibre dildo rifles kill people. (edmontonsun.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jessica Simpson and Eva Longoria are totally BFFL. We hope the spotlight stays big enough for the both of them or things could get ugly. (egotastic.com)

· A school in Denmark refuses to give up its annual student striptease simply because this year's event turned into a topless lesbian romp that ended up on YouTube. Nope ... nothing inappropriate about that. (metro.co.uk)

· The city of Houston has spent $1.3 million dollars over the last ten years on outside lawyers fees to defend its adult business ordinance in court. Just think how many lap dances those lawyers could buy! (chron.com)

· What's up with Zoo Weekly posting pictures of babes who haven't taken their bras off? Are they not feeling well? (latenightpictures.com)

· Nassau County, Long Island cracks down on the "wall of pornography" at your local convenience store. Where else are you supposed to thumb through dirty magazines without paying for them? (newsday.com)

· It makes sense that lawyers would try to talk people into divorce. With all the boobs (and pecs) in the world, it's a wonder anyone gets married in the first place? (bodogbeat.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Jane Magazine deserves total props for its Guide to Breast Health and accompanying reader boob blog. No faces, but still ... real boobs! (janemag.com)

· Pamela Anderson's kids are embarrassed by her. Er, embarrassed by her naked pictures, we mean. It was an easy mistake. (stuff.co.nz)

· Playboy's stock price jumps after announcing a nice first quarter profit. Take that, everyone who made fun them! Oh, wait ... that's us. (marketwatch.com)

· We can only describe this strip club commercial in one word: classy. (13gb.com)

· The island of Cyprus has banned a vibrating sex toy—not because they're a bunch of prudes, but because the electronic signals could disrupt the army's radio frequencies. How humiliating would it be to be conquered by an invasion of vibrators? (wired.com)

· News flash: Born-again media mogul Rupert Murdoch doesn't care that his company profits from porn. You don't think he's just in it for the money, do you? (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Yes, it's a Natalie Portman side boob! If it wasn't Monday, we'd be prepared to call it a week. (egotastic.com)

· In a related story, here's half of Maggie Gyllenhaal's milk-swollen ta-ta. Unfortunately, there seems to be a small creature attached to it. (Gawker)

· Great, another reason to worry about getting older: "You turn 50 and it's like all the breasts in the world know that you're 50 ... You are invisible to them." ("Naked" by Rachel Dretzin @ nytimesshorts.feedroom.com)

· Loyal Chinese citizens have ratted out dutifully reported over 13,000 websites since their government announced a crackdown on internet porn. Now that's a People's Republic. (chinadaily.com.cn)

· Maybe Kristine Lefebvre can use her business sense to save Playboy's stock price. You know ... after she puts her suit back on. (money.cnn.com)

· The Wall Street Journal proposes raising the minimum pornstar age to 21. But then who will star in our hot and horny teenage action? (opinionjournal.com)

· No debate about gun control is complete without pictures of naked chicks holding firearms. It's a First and Second Amendment double team! (wonderwinds.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· It probably would've been more fun if we'd known this earlier, but today is No Pants Day—or as it's known around Fleshbot HQ, "Friday." (nopantsday.com)

· Hermione Granger (a.k.a. Emma Watson) is all grown up—even more than she probably realizes if this Harry Potter poster is to be believed. (adweek.blogs.com)

· In a shocking turn of events, students who are given laptops in high school end up using them for things other than homework. At least they're still getting an education. (nytimes.com)

· Pong is a lot more fun when you get to feel up your partner while playing it (we-make-money-not-art.com, via Kotaku)

· Scotland's new strip club regulations could mean the death of strip-o-grams. In other news, people in Scotland still send each other strip-o-grams. (theherald.co.uk, via wfmu.org)

· Ricky Martin gives up on music, starts entertaining his fans with nude home movies and curse words. Way to know your audience. (metro.co.uk)

· This is one safe sex ad that does not discourage sex of any kind. We're not sure how "safe" some of these moves are, but he is using protection. (Being a cartoon helps, too.) (YouTube, via cmmnews.blogspot.com))

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Vivid may have run into a little snag with their Toastee sex tape they were planning on releasing—like the fact that Red Light District says they bought it first. Get back to us when you sort it all out, guys. Or don't. (avn.com)

· Model Joanna Krupa does not care much for wearing those ... what do you call them? Oh yeah, shirts. (gorillamask.net)

· NASA wants to send people into space for years at a time, but would rather they not touch each other while they're up there. They don't need that space baby momma drama. (cnn.com)

· New research claims that Stone Age men and women were using dildos on each other. Does that mean it's okay now when someone says you're like a caveman in bed? (timesonline.co.uk)

· What's the secret to living 116 years? Apparently, it's never getting laid. It does store up a lot of extra energy. (ananova.com)

· The best reason to keep your ass in shape is so that you always make a good, uh ... impression for your co-workers. (Flickr, via adrants.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Sixty-two percent (!) of girls between 15-30 say they've gotten their ya-yas out in public. We must be hanging out in the wrong public places. (dailystar.co.uk; thumbnail via [where else?] DrunkNipSlips.com)

· In case your hard drives aren't full enough already, Dethroner helps you find the best places for free porn on the interweb. (Or you can always ask your dirty uncle next time you see him. ) (dethroner.com)

· Still not satisfied? Here are ten Google Image searches that will bring you an unlikely amount of porn. You know, kind of like every Google Image search. (dmwmedia.com)

· A man in England kidnapped his wife to stop her from getting breast imlants. We like 'em natural too, but try to talk things out first. (metro.co.uk)

· A local Philadelphia news station takes an interest in porn and Tommy Gunn. He is very personable. (nbc10.com)

· It's okay to check out women in the park, but try to be a little less obvious than this. Or at least be as funny. (YouTube, via whatevs.org)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives