Just remember: fake body parts may be all fun and games when they're part of a costume, but real body parts are far better for the, uh, intended purpose. Sure, that fake vagina looks great (and oh so tempting)—but we think you'll find the real one far more pleasing. Trust us, we know.

· Costumed partygoers play with genitalia (full video at youporn.com)

Firstly, choose a "JUNIOR" college that happens to house its hot co-eds in a mansion with sun rooms and a huge swimming pool. Secondly, find the two girls on campus most likely to jack off for your amusement. And lastly, make sure their ray-ban sporting, obviously much older boyfriends are about to come over and give it to them good.

· Sexy whores hot blowing and hot nailing (redtube.com)

As new women joined the community, they were taken to a training center and taught all about men—and how to use them to their own benefit. And what better way to teach than by example?

(Okay, Atlantis is probably just a mythical city, and this really is just another silly porn—but it's still fun to watch people have sex in skull caps and flippers.)

· Hot orgy back at head quarters (pornhub.com)

After all, it's not every day you see a meeting of two porn greats from two different time periods—just, you know, every other day. And, to be perfectly honest, we get a thrill simply watching Bree suck cock. The Peter North part is just an added bonus.

· Bree Olson vs. Peter North (pornhub.com)

You might wonder why, exactly, rampant libidos are so important to a well-functioning cheerleading team. Well, wonder no longer—it's simply that constant sexual activity is good for morale... especially when all that sexual activity happens within the squad itself. Go team!

· Carpet munchin' teen cheerleaders in the lockerroom! (pornhub.com)

As annoying as it was to wait for the repairman to show up while we were jonesing for a serious game of stripes and solids, we're starting to think that maybe we were actually kinda lucky. After all, we didn't have to live with these two. With them around, we wouldn't just have to worry about the safety of our pool table—the cues and the balls would be endangered as well. Though, on the other hand, if we could have worked out some sort of viewing privileges... well, even the most intense game of stripes and solids couldn't match the heat on display in this pool game.

· Raunchy latina hardcore fuck on pool table (pornhub.com)

Just look at this education video we recently dug up. Two Europeans set off to find some women, and they find something better (and ten times easier): a naked woman hitchhiking along the side of the highway—one who's more than eager to please. So remember: if you ever find yourself cruising Europe, make sure to brake for those naked hitchhikers! They're guaranteed to make your trip worthwhile.

· Roadside anal assistance (full video at pornhub.com)

Thankfully, we were able to track down this clip of Andy—on her knees!—that we think might offer some clues as to what kinds of hijinks Ms. San Dimas gets up to in the flick. If this clip is any indication, Andy will be sucking a lot of cock (which, come to think of it, is just about the only reason we can think of to be on your knees. Right?).

· Andy San Dimas (pornhub.com)

Give the homeless some money and they'll do just about anything. It's just that most people don't want to see them get naked—unless, perhaps, they just so happen to be really hot and really into each other. Then that's a completely different story; one that's as worth filming as it is worth watching.

· Blond babe likes it both ways (redtube.com)

Throw in a little help from Bobbi Starr and an eager gentleman friend, and it's looking like it'll be a very good new year indeed. 2008 who? 2009 is the only year for us, man.

· Jada Fire is Squirtwoman with Bobbi Star (pornhub.com)

Don't believe us? Take a look at Kelly: she's tired of working hard for pornstars all day, and not getting to share in the, um, glory. But good things come to those who wait, right? Good things and orgasms, we should say.

· On the set they share a shower (redtube.com)

To show we're serious, we're getting things started early with this hot little video of Gianna in action. Who says self improvement has to be difficult?

· Gianna Michaels total cock intake (pornhub.com)

Sure, her doctor may try to convince her that her life isn't really a porno—but Jenny's not going to listen to simple reason. After all, she's got proof! She's got a script! And she is rather persuasive... what's that line about life imitating porn?

· Huge boobs must get there sperm (full video at redtube.com)

Of course, it's not quite that simple: just practice alone won't get you to the Blowjob Hall of Fame (or, for that matter, to Carnegie Hall). You have to practice in a very specific way, strengthening specific elements of your performance and honing key skills. Take Tia as an example: she's been studying the art of blowjobbery using the patented Suzuki method, which places a great deal of emphasis on enthusiasm, multitasking, oral lubrication, and, of course, being able to bring your partner to completion all by yourself. And, as you can see, Tia's well on her way to being a master.

· Tia (pornhub.com)

On the other hand, it's just as likely that a masturbating Rebeca Linares would actually help us to become more productive. We're not really sure how that would work, but the idea of having Rebeca in the office has gotten us so excited, we'll say just about anything to justify it.

· Horny Receptionist Rebeca Linares (pornhub.com)

Maybe Miss Rotten was on the naughty list, or maybe she was kidnapped.. whatever it was, she's got an escape plan. One that involves nudity and blowjobs. Hey, it sounds foolproof to us!

. . .

· Gorgeous Caged Rachel Rotten nailed hardcore (full video at pornhub.com)

Like, for instance, using wads of cash to lure a girl out into the snow to engage in acts of outdoor public sex. Sure, it would probably still be exciting without the snow... but we think being out in the cold just gives it that little extra something.

. . .

· Public Sex (megaporn.com)

You may say we're missing the point of the holiday time, but we think you don't understand the sheer awesome power of, well, Jenna's mouth. Maybe you need a slight refresher? Good thing we just happened upon this clip of Jenna, her mouth, and a cock. We think you'll see things our way in no time flat.

· Suck it Jenna (pornhub.com)

Let's face it: bench pressing is no easy feat, let alone trying to lift the amount this girl is attempting. Maybe she should try starting out at a lighter weight? Like, say the weight of a cock? Hey, they always told us sex was a good workout.

· Sweet maid gets fucked in the gym (full video at redtube.com)

True, it may be a few months (at least) before we get the chance to see some fresh Eva content, so until then, we'll be reliving the memories through her very vast archive. Remember that time when Eva got fucked? Man, that was magical.

· Heartbroken Eva Angelina rebounds hardcore (full video @ pornhub.com)

There are experiments taking place in outer space. And not just any experiments: ones that include latex, nurses, and a lot of anal sex.

Aliens, or what we can only assume are aliens (or men wearing odd tribal masks) are having sexual relations with nurses—all for the sake of science, of course. Under the watchful eye of doctors, scientists, and the military (and now you), these experiments are taking place in space. At least our tax dollars are finally being put to good use.

. . .

· Anal Nurses from outer space (pornhub.com)

Well, as with so many other things, it only took the tiniest bit of server voodoo (and just a smidgen of virgin sacrifice) to find out. Come next year, keep a look out for a whole new line of Flesh Flicks, featuring lots of blowjob lessons, public sex shenanigans, and, of course, lots of blue paint. That's what you guys really want, isn't it?

10) A Romp In The Park(ing Lot)

9) Everybody Back On The Bus!

8) The Art Of The Blowjob

7) Shop Til You Drop

6) Nautica Thorn Likes A Challenge

5) Happy Go Lucky

4) File This One Away For Later

3) Massage Training (You're Doing It Wrong)

2) Blowjobs 101

1) Smurf Me!

*****

Previously: Flesh Flicks Archive

Yes, we'll admit that we spent several whole minutes trying to figure out some similarities between the ministrations of Lucy's mouth and, well, the art of cultivating miniature trees, but it seems far more likely that she's trying to tell us that her blowjobs last ten thousand years (if only!), or that they were once enjoyed by Buckaroo Banzai. Because come on, let's face it: there's nothing miniature about that tree she's got in her mouth.

· Hot bonsai blowjob (redtube.com)

Frankly, we think it's more like fantastic. We don't know many girls who are as willing and eager as Sinnamon (well, not that many, anyway)—and we think she should deserves a better adjective than freaky. More like freaking amazing, if you ask us. Now who's with us on this one?

· Freaky Sinnamon Love (pornhub.com)

We're not saying that this has ever happened to us or anything, but "if" we ever happened to be in this situation, we know exactly what we'd do. We'd tell all, in great detail, but we have a feeling it might cause some of you to faint from sheer hotness... so maybe it's best if you just watch this video instead.

. . .

· Beverly Hills cunt gets worked (full video at redtube.com)

And now that we think about it, her whole body is actually pretty adorable, as are the noises she makes when she's getting turned on... and don't even get us started on what she looks like with a freshly shot load all over her face. Oh Roxy, we give up: you're just too cute for us, period!

· Hot pink blowjob with Roxy Deville! (pornhub.com)

With a slogan like "To Protect The Filthy Whores!", how could they not be our heroes? With all the work they do, looking out for sex workers, protecting them from all the crazy stalkers, serial killers and other dangerous characters that are out there on the mean streets, they deserve some kind of reward. But what kind of reward, exactly? Well, they are protecting sex workers... so maybe sex might be an appropriate payment. You know, just a thought.

· Blond chick humping dick (redtube.com)

And it seems we're not the only ones who've been dreaming about Julia Bond, either. Though given her many, um, talents and assets, we can't really say we're surprised. If you, dear reader, have been dreaming of fair Julia as well, well, prepare to have your dreams come true.

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· Bond... Julia Bond! (pornhub.com)

And don't even get us started on what it's like when the same girl—after ruining a perfectly good pool game—decides that she needs to be banged, not just by her boyfriend, but by his friend as well. Although, actually, that doesn't sound too bad, now that we give it more thought. In fact, we take back that whole "nightmare" comment—this girl sounds like a sweet dream to us!

· Horny blond bitch demands sex (redtube.com)

Although given that her specialty seems to be eating "beef"... well, maybe that's not that surprising. But with all her skills, we think she'd give Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi a run for their money. And even if she doesn't... well, she'll always be a champion eater to us.

. . .

· Gia Paloma is the best beef eater (pornhub.com)

Seriously, this girl must be some kind of hooker heroine. Tending to a down-on-his-luck guy, giving him advice, support, and her body... and what does she want in return? Just for him to believe in second chances (and you'd better believe he doesn't miss his chance with her). Uh, anyone know where we can find a girl like this? We need to believe, too!

. . .

· Hooker sucking his cock (redtube.com)

Sure, the DJ's playing terrible music, and no one knows how to dance—and don't even get us started on the suburban teens trying to pass for college kids—but if you'd kindly direct your attention to the bathroom, you'll see that the party is still slamming over there. A hot and horny threeway? Now that's some bumping and grinding with a beat you can dance (or at least fap) to.

. . .

· Hot nightclub bathroom threesome (pornhub.com)

Now, the world of porn has been known to play off of certain stereotypes, and people from the south are no different. Case in point: when the bell hop explains that the hotel room has running water, these girls just can't believe it. The fact that they have a bed instead of hay is akin to living like queens. And not sleeping with animals? Well, that's not bad either. As if all Southerners are just inbred hicks! Why, we'd be writing a letter of complaint about all this prejudice if we weren't, uh, a little occupied at the moment.

. . .

· Country miss sucking (redtube.com)

But seriously, can we just talk about that slide projector porn for a second? Has anyone really, ever, anywhere thought that that made sense? The sheer amount of effort it would require to generate but a single orgasm that way... well, we're just glad we have the internet.

Though, on the other hand... the internet doesn't have a sexy, eery glow that reflects hot images on you while you're doing it with your now wakened paramour. So maybe it's a toss up.

· Sleeping wife turned on by husband watching porn clips (pornhub.com)

And you probably don't go on to have a super hot grope session with her, either—but hey, isn't that why we all watch porn? To get a chance to experience the things we don't see in our normal lives?

Of course that's why. Now sit back, enjoy the clip... and pretend that Zafira's waiting around the corner for you.

. . .

· Zafira gives a handjob outdoors (pornhub.com)

Leave it to the Japanese to come up with this one. When a girl goes into the locker room to get changed, there's someone who's trying to fuck her... but who could it be? Since, she can't see him, he must be an invisible man! Or maybe just a guy wearing a latex suit. But either way, it's still pretty awesome.

. . .

· Invisible man fuck (megaporn.com)

In today's installment of "What Else Can Autumn Do?", the lovely vixen demonstrates proper blowjob technique, with special attention to proper use of the tongue, basic deepthroating, and the finer points of taking a load in the face. Oh Autumn, we'll watch anything you want to show us.

. . .

· Autumn Bliss super cocktease (pornhub.com)

Well, the butler in this video may be the best friend a millionaire could ever ask for. When he starts to get his girl naked, his butler is right there to lend a helping hand. Whether it be to get her ready for anal, to hold her hair while she gives a blowjob or to play with her boobs while he gets fucked, the butler is there to help. Now if only we had one of those...

. . .

· Beautiful babe fucked by her master and his assistant (pornhub.com)

We've already got it all planned out: we'll book a hotel room somewhere warm, grab our sexiest friend, hop a plane, and spend all weekend out by the pool, fucking our brains out to the tunes of some really shitty music. Okay, the music part is optional—but it seems to work really great for these two, so shouldn't we give it a shot?

. . .

· Brunette fucked (megaporn.com)

Flashback to the 70's, when anal was a fetish, something that was considered a "unusual" request. Can't imagine it? Well, you don't have take our word for it—just ask porn pioneer Sherri, who asks John to fuck her in the ass. He may be shocked at first, but when he can't think of a reason to say no... well, witness history in the making.

. . .

· John Holmes knows what which side the bread is buttered on (Redtube.com)