Mandy Candy

Studio: Heartcore Films
Director: Kimberly Kane
Cast: Mandy Morbid, Kimberly Kane, Devi Lynne, Zak Sabbath, noname

Mandy Morbid, former Suicide Girl, hasn't blessed the pages of our website in quite a while. Imagine our excitement when we received "Mandy Candy" in the mail! Well, the excitement was short-lived.

Mandy has a gentle face (some have said she looks a tad like Anne Hathaway) and a bodacious rack; these are both wonderful to see in photos. Unfortunately, she seems less than comfortable in front of the video camera. The longest scene with her and boyfriend Zak Sabbath feels like a driver's-ed class: jerky, awkward, stop-and-start sex. Sometimes Zak has to put a pillow under Mandy's butt, or take it out, or he has to slap Mandy with his cock, or he has to spit on her tits, or whatever: let's just say it's really hard to work up a good lather with all these interruptions.

Like much of Ms. Morbid's other work, "Mandy Candy" has a sinister edge to it. Both the DVD menu and the opening credits have a grating, industrial soundtrack likely designed to unnerve viewers and create a state of vulnerability. In this same vein, one of the segues between scenes features little, dark subtitles describing Mandy's favorite pastime: picking up young, runaway girls off the street and paying them to masturbate on camera (an activity Devi Lynne later demonstrates). Beyond that bit of brooding, the four, straightforward scenes are really just standard fuckshows.

Due props must be given to Kimberly Kane: she is a solid rock in an otherwise shifting world of altgirl porn and her scenes in "Mandy Candy" are simply the best. First she rolls up on Mandy's hotel room with a long, black trench coat and duffle bag full of rope, dildos, vibrators, and strapons, and unceremoniously goes to work on Mandy's with the heaviest tools. It's like that scene from the first Matrix movie where Neo and Trinity try to pass security with loads of guns on them, except Kimberly Kane is far more attractive than Carrie-Anne Moss. For the final vignette, Kimberly throat-fucks the cameraman and beats him off with a cherry Ring Pop on her hand. It may be a bit anticlimactic, but it's the sweetest gag session ever.

So while "Mandy Candy" is a good snack of Mandy Morbid, you might feel let down if you were expecting a full meal.

· Mandy Morbid (mandymorbid.com)
· Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
· Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)

Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)
Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
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Heartcore Films (goodreleasing.com)
Buy "Mandy Candy" (gamelink.com)

Truth be told, this isn't the first time we've seen this kind of sensual suction in vintage porn, but it's one of the best. It makes us think that people in the olden days were much more intimate with their cleaning appliances. The next time you need to relieve some tension or feather your hair, look no further than the good ol' WetDry vacuum.

· Buy "Flaming Tongues" (vcx.com)

· Buy "Girlfriend Vignettes #3" (tlavideo.com)

It's not that Santa has a problem with masturbation, or feels threatened by a large, fake phallus, he's just very strict about only having elf-made toys in his home. As much as Mrs. Claus sympathizes, those tiny hands are better suited to making wooden trains than they are to satisfying a woman's needs.

· Merry X-mas in Japanese - Countdown 1 (xtube.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Take this young lady for example. All she needs to be happy is a cozy bed, a couple well-licked fingers, and a camera. That's all! And if she really needs to step her game up, she just grabs a brush from the bedside table. It's important to have multi-use items lying around.

· Watch Me Orgasm (xtube.com)

As the year draws to a close, we've reviewed our reviews from 2009, and scientifically determined just which toys were the best of the best this year. Below, our picks for the tops in toys.

10) The Real Touch: With a few rare exceptions, high end (and high tech) sex toys are almost exclusively targeted at women. The Real Touch is looking to change that. A high tech masturbator that syncs with POV porn, the Real Touch may just change the face of toys for boys. True, it has its problems (most notably, the fact that it won't work if you're not paying per minute for AEBN's porn)—but it's promising enough to give us hope for the future.

9) OhMiBod Freestyle: After years on the scene, the OhMiBod has finally reached its full potential. With the Freestyle's wireless connection, you can finally rock out to your tunes without being tied down to them.

8) Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug: The Tenth Anniversary Tristan Plug takes a good thing and makes it better (or at least bigger). A beefed up version of the original Tristan plug, the 10th anniversary edition is a must have for any butt aficionado in need of an upgrade.

7) Bolero Straitjacket **BEST LUXURY TOY**: This delightful bondage device combines the efficient immobilization of the straitjacket with the delicious eroticism of being nearly naked. True, it's not cheap—but if you're willing and able to invest in your BDSM toy chest, it's an excellent addition.

6) Imperial: With 11 inches of aircraft quality spun aluminum, the Imperial is bound to please any and all size queens—especially the ones who enjoy toys with the ability to pleasure and violently disfigure.

5) Bloomy: A wonderful dildo for the girls, and a p-spot stimulating butt plug for the boys—Bloomy's a toy that everyone can enjoy! (Just, uh, remember to sterilize it before sharing.)

4) Finger Tingles **BEST BUY**: Since the day we first discovered sex, we've wondered whether there could ever be away to improve on the erotic abilities of the simple little finger. The answer, friends, is yes: with the help of the Finger Tingles, your mild-mannered digit becomes a super finger.

3) Contour Q **BEST DISCREET TOY**: Don't be fooled by Contour Q's innocent appearance: these bumpy little massage stones know their way around a woman's body. And we do mean all parts of the body.

2) Sqweel: With the Sqweel, Love Honey set out to create a toy that replicates the sensation of oral sex. While they may not have quite achieved that goal, they did create a wholly unique toy that stimulates in a very unusual (and very pleasing) way.

1) Form 2: Small, sleek, and super-powered: the rabbit-inspired Form 2 has two silicone ears that are all revved up and ready to rock. And just like a real rabbit, this thing won't quit until long after you're satisifed.

Worst Toy of 2009: The Blowguard: Sure, it'll enable you to give a decent blowjob with absolutely no effort...at the cost of your dignity, your comfort, and your ability to control your drooling.

At first glance, Coco de Mer looks like any other upscale boutique—but upon further inspection, all sorts of naughtiness is revealed. The patterns decorating the wallpaper and upholstery obscure scenes of lovemaking, the butterfly necklace has phallus-shaped openings—and, of course, there's all the dildos, lingerie, and fetish gear lining the shelves (and we'd be remiss if we didn't mention the china plate that reads "Cock.").

Best of all, though, are the dressing rooms: a small panel on the walls can be opened to transform the rooms into two halves of a confessional box. With your lover one side, and you on the other, you can confess all your naughty secrets (we're betting you'll get a more interesting punishment than just a few "Hail Marys."). And, of course, no Coco de Mer dressing room would be complete without a Private Poses camera...

And though many of Coco de Mer's wares fall on the pricier end of the spectrum, they do offer quite a few affordable products (including some of our favorite sex toys from places like Lelo and Fun Factory). True, in this economy, splurges may be few and far between—but if you're going to open your wallet, shouldn't it be in the service of better sex?

Coco de Mer NYC is located at 263 Elizabeth Street, between Prince and Houston.

· Coco de Mer (cocodemerusa.com)

Fortunately, the team at Babeland has a much longer memory that yours truly—and they were very happy to sit us down and school us on exactly what's changed in the adult novelty arena over the past ten years. So how far have we come? Read on to find out.

At left: What a difference a decade makes.

The Best Selling Toys of 1999:
Pocket Rocket
Rabbit Habit
Hitachi Magic Wand
Rabbit Pearl
Silver Bullet
Freshman (a hot pink, phallic, sparkly jelly rubber vibrator)
Slimline
Fukuoku 9000 finger vibe
Leo, a silicone dildo
Nubby G

At left: The Rabbit Habit, the iconic toy of 1999. (Thanks, "Sex and the City"!)

The Best Selling Toys of 2009:
The Rabbit Habit and Magic Wand continue to dominate thanks to their brand loyalty. We saw the Mystic, a battery version of the Wand, debut recently and rival the Hitachi for sales.
We Vibe, a clit/g-spot vibe a woman can wear during intercourse, is a one of a kind vibrator that women and couples continue to purchase in droves.
Gigi, a stylish, strong, nicely packaged toy became a runaway hit, with an excellent ‘word of mouth' reputation. Our staff love this toy so much, they literally hand-sell it. If there is universal staff love for a toy, it'll sell.
SaSi, a high tech toy with an iPod-like interface dominated sales in 2009
Form 6, a sleek, high end, design-centric toy introduced Jimmyjane vibes to customers. The brand is making a name for itself.
Laya Spot, excellent mid-range priced toy, fits nicely in one's hand (it's ergonomic) and travels very well. Great gift vibe.
Pure Wand, a really heavy metal g-spot dildo, did great.
SpareParts Harness was popular among harness-lovers.

At left: Je Joue's SaSi.

What, in your opinion, were the best (meaning highest quality, best user experience) toys on the market back in 1999?
Rabbit Habit and Rabbit Pearl sales skyrocketed thanks to an appearance by the Rabbit Pearl on Sex and the City in 1998. These vibes (one has an attached battery pack, the other holds batteries in base of vibe), which were already popular among fans of g-spot/clit stimulation (hence our reference to them as "Dual action" vibes), received mainstream legitimacy and started surpassing the Hitachi in sales. It's a much sexier vibe; we sometimes joked that the Hitachi was the vibe of choice for first wave feminists (who had so few choices), but the Rabbit won over the 2nd and 3rd waves! And really, who wouldn't be tempted by the promise of little rotating pearls massaging your sensitive bits while rabbit ears tickle your clit?!

The Pocket Rocket was/is a powerful, wonderfully-named mini vibe, and so discreet you could carry it around in your handbag for easy access, which was empowering.

The Fukuoku, a fingertip vibe, was also a fairly recent innovation around then, and the ability to add "vibration" to a hand job, a massage, or for extra oomph during sex, was well-received.

At left: The Fukuoku.

What are some of the best (again, highest quality, etc) toys on the market now?
Gigi, Form 6, SaSi, We Vibe—all innovations that are designed specifically to enhance women's sexual experience in new ways. Fun Factory's silicone toys are a huge improvement, too. And even the beloved Rabbits from Vibratex appeared a few years ago in Elastomer version, in response to the phthalate concern. And not to be overlooked is the Silver Bullet vibe, a low cost vibe with a surprisingly strong vibration, and more durable than cheaper vibes.

At left: Lelo's Gigi.

What's been the biggest change in the sex toy industry over the past decade?
Probably the same changes you see in the rest of the manufacturing world: stronger, smaller motors; more advanced technology (programmable!); and improved materials like silicone and elastomer. Even wood dildos, which were more popular in the ‘70s, are making a comeback thanks to the green movement.

But hands down the biggest recent change is the proliferation of designer, luxury vibes. These toys deliver incredible functionality (think programmable, customizable, rechargeable, etc), plus they're aesthetically pleasing, featuring tasteful, sophisticated designs. Designer toys are typically made of high quality silicone, are often rechargeable, are texturally pleasing, are usually either waterproof or submersible, and are contoured to fit (and more effectively stimulate) a woman's body. They are typically packaged in attractive, satin-lined boxes so opening the box makes you feel the way you would purchasing some coveted piece of jewelry or a new fragrance.

This category makes up the highest increase in Babeland's sales for the past several years. Sales of luxury vibes (average price point is $120) have risen by four times during the recession. Women are investing in pleasure!

At left: JimmyJane's $3250 Little Platinum Eternity.

Has American culture become more accepting of sex toys/masturbation over the past decade?
Absolutely! Sex toys may have had their coming out on Sex and the City, but [now they've] finally moved into the "cool to own one" realm. Stars like Eva Longoria, Madonna, the Beckhams, Rihanna and Britney have all been "caught" shopping or talking about sex toys. Mainstream magazines are much more likely to cover them—just this year, we appeared in a Time Magazine feature on eco-sexy toys. HBO has filmed Babeland three times, most recently during a ‘Kinky crafting' event.

By seeing images of sex toys reflected back by popular culture in ways that are not stereotypical or demeaning (until recently they could just be counted on as the butt of a joke), the rest of the population finally gets the message that there might be something they're missing out on!

At left: Vibrators, one of Oprah's favorite things.

What do you think the sex toy industry will look like in another ten years?
The industry itself will probably not change much, except that the big players will try to capitalize (as they always do) on the innovations of the cutting edge smaller players by introducing their own versions of luxury toys (without the quality). Consumers will finally start to become more brand savvy. It's no accident that Hitachi has been a top-seller for decades. Sure, it's a powerhouse, but it has a brand name for quality behind it, and the toy has always lived up to that. The marketing has just been missing good, reliable brands, and that's what Lelo, JimmyJane, Vibratex, and Fun Factory are delivering.

We'll definitely continue to see the high product sector roll out—with engraved, diamond encrusted vibrators being more available to the general population (at least the wealthy ones). Phthalate toys, which are still fairly common in typical adult stores, will be gone, thanks to the consumer-savviness of the buying population. And we're still waiting for a really good cyber-sex toy.

At left: the Real Touch...the future of toys?

While the Form 2's ears made it rabbit-like in appearance, the Ina is a rabbit in a more metaphorical sense: unlike the Form 2, it is a dual stimulation (aka "rabbit" vibe)...but in appearance, well, it bears more resemblance to some sort of cactus than a fuzzy little bunny.

But, of course, it's much more pleasant than a cactus would be on the lady parts. Ina's sleek, smooth contours felt great on my bits; and I greatly enjoyed the many pulse patterns offered by the toy. If you're familiar with Lelo toys and Lelo quality, you should know what to expect here: it's a solid, well designed piece of machinery that'll keep you happy all night long.

However, there were some road bumps to my experience with Ina. The first came early on: Ina's smaller prong (the one used for external stimulation) is in a relatively fixed position. While it's flexible enough to bend back a bit, it may not be enough to accommodate all body types. Ultimately, it was fine for me—but if you prefer your external and internal stimulators to have a good deal of distance between them, this may not be the toy for you.

Secondly, the external and internal stimulators do not have separate controls. The Ina's four buttons control all parts of the toy simultaneously, whether they're turning it on, turning it up, or cycling through a few rocking beats. If you like your clit to rock as hard as your gspot, then carry on—but if you want to be able to switch things up between the two areas, another toy might suit you better.

True, the rabbit vibe is a classic toy—but it's always nice to see the classics get reinvented (like when Baz Luhrmann shot "Romeo and Juliet"!). Ina's one great take on dual stimulation...and we can't wait to see what other sorts of remixes the future has in store for us.

· Lelo (lelo.com)
· Buy the Ina (babeland.com)

· Watch "I Love Big Toys #23" right now! (hotmovies.com)
· Buy "I Love Big Toys #23" (gamelink.com)

Strap On Sally 25

Studio: Pleasure Productions
Director: Jim Gunn
Cast: Gina Lynn, Capri Anderson, Cheyenne Cooper, Kitty Bella, Kara Novak, Marky Marxx, Katey Grind, Lynn Love, Megan Jones

"Strap On Sally 25" isn't just a hot, girl-on-girl fuckfest, it's also a slow-paced montage of women mastering the ancient art of strap-on sex. The girls have to learn to work with their new penises, and slowly but surely, they develop a rhythm for ramming that could rival the most cocksure stud on the scene.

In fact, some might say that the strap-on dildo is better than the real thing: it's always hard, there's no risk of premature ejaculation, it can perform while bent at horrible angles, and—best of all—it's attached to a beautiful, domineering vixen. Which vixen? We're glad you asked.

For her eighth time in the series, Gina Lynn commands a cocky crew of females probing through new, sexy territory. She introduces Capri Anderson to the wonders of the strap-on, who returns the favor to Kara Novak, and so on until the knowledge is disseminated throughout Miami. This results in a six-way strap-on orgy at Gina's house, proving once and for all the efficiency of trickle-down fuckonomics.

Gina is, as always, brash and bossy with her cock and a stern disciplinarian in all aspects. She demands that her partners suck her cock before she lays even a tip of plastic pipe. While it's practically pointless to have Capri and Cheyenne Cooper slob on a false knob (since they show the application of lube), it's still pretty fun to watch. More importantly, it gives them a sense of reverence for the strap-on.

At times, Gina goes a bit overboard with her power trip. While warming up Cheyenne, she tells her young apprentice to "suck that nipple like it's a cock." That's pretty cool. We guess.

Luckily, there are few truly awkward moments in the film, and everyone gives 110% for the final orgy. Lynn Love, Katey Grind, and Megan Jones join Gina, Capri, and Kara for one last hurrah of harnessed humping that leaves the strapping young lasses writhing and giggling. And there's not one bit of penis envy to be found.

· Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)

Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)
Buy "Strap On Sally 25" (gamelink.com)

A bright red sheath encasing (what else?) a bullet vibe, the Finger Tingles looks a bit like a very ineffective bottle opener. But trust me: with a little know how and maneuvering, this toy should have no problem popping your cork.

To use the Finger Tingles, simply slip your finger of choice (index finger, middle finger, someone else's finger...whatever) through the hole, and press the vibrator's button to activate. Voila! You should immediately notice some tingling...in your finger. No, there's nothing wrong with you: the toy's sheath is, in fact, conducting the bullet's vibration into your finger.

Most of you have probably figured out what happens next, but if you're feeling a little slow today, I'll happily explain. Using your (vibrating!) finger, proceed to stimulate yourself as normal. Yes, your finger just got that much more powerful.

But wait! There's more: move the Finger Tingles all the way down to the base of of your finger, and you now have the ability to do oh so much more with that little digit. For instance, slide it inside yourself, with the vibrator pressing against your clitoris and labia. Yes, that is what we call double stimulation (eat your heart out, rabbit vibe!).

The Finger Tingles is a wonderful example of how effective simple, good design (and your very own finger!) can be. My one complaint? It's only available in one size. Much as I liked it, it felt a little large and unwieldy in the palm of my hand. Then again, my hands are (more or less) the size of a child's...so that probably won't happen to you.

· Buy the Finger Tingles Vibrator (goodvibes.com)

We're not 100% sure, but it looks like her man was using a Wallbangers Double Penetration Vibrator. So if you feel like playing along at home, you can... play along at home, we guess.

· "Crash" (2008) (imdb.com)
· Ellen Woglom & Tania Raymonde :: Crashs02e10 (deepatseavideos.blogspot.com)

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Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Jayden James and Nikki Rhodes are both gorgeous, charming, and (clearly) creative. Can't you imagine sitting down to a nice meal with the family with one of these girls? Sure, she might have a little food dye on her lips, but as long as no one serves popsicles for dessert, everything will be ok.

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Previously: Sticky, Sweet, Serious Work In "Popsicle Play"

· Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)

Some of you may have already been to Wal-Mart and back to stock up on Black Friday specials...but if you're anything like us, Wal-Mart doesn't stock what you really want. Looking to ensure a little kissing (and then some) under the mistletoe this holiday season? Read on for a few sexy gift ideas.

Sexy present: Luna (lunascam.com)

For the porn enthusiast: Sure, you could give someone a porno—but why not give a porno that's special? "Cummin' At You 3D" isn't just any porno: it's a 3D interactive adventure that offers 50,000 possible adventures. And, as an added bonus, it's also got Sindee Jennings squirting...in 3D.

For the onanist: Tired of the sound of one hand fapping? The Real Touch goes one step further than the Fleshlight, offering a masturbation sleeve that fucks you back. Integrated with POV porn to create the realest fantasy money can buy (well, short of hiring an escort, anyway), the Real Touch is sure to please even the chronicest of (male) masturbators.

For the onanista: Masturbation's not just a male game—but what to get the lady who's taken a few trips round the toy box? For a revamped rabbit, try JimmyJane's Form 2—or, for a sensual massage, you can't go wrong with Contour Q. And for the lady who likes a good tongue lashing, well, the ten tongues of the Sqweel are pretty hard to top.

For the calendar lover: Tis the season to stock up on sexy calendars—but with so many on the shelves, how to pick just one? We're personally smitten with Digital Playground's illustrated Contract Star Calendar, featuring fourteen months of hand drawn sexy goodness. (We've got a preview of illustrated Katsuni at left; Stoya, Riley Steele, and Gabriella Fox all look lovely as well.)

Of course, if you prefer a calendar that's more flesh and blood than illustrated girl, there's always the 2010 Sex Blogger Calendar. All proceeds go to benefit Sex Work Awareness—so it's a gift that keeps on giving (and to sex workers, at that!).

For the stylist genital enthusiast: If you're reading Fleshbot, there's a pretty good chance you love pussy, or dick, or both. So why not show the world where your heart lies? Agent Provocateur's Sharon cardigan is festively bedecked with phalluses; the customizable Vulva Portrait Pendant lets you show your love for your very favoritest pussy of all. [Via nymag.com]

Consider the best porn movies which are, let's say, a concerted effort between performers, videographers, and directors to get you off. The RealTouch adds yet another participant to your masturbation's open marriage: a hard-working haptic encoder.

The RealTouch device is slightly bigger than that squash you devoured yesterday, and far more interesting to put your penis in. Opposite your penis, a USB cable connects the RealTouch hardware to your computer where, logged in to your account at RealTouch.com, you can access hundreds of scenes specially coded for use with your new conversation starter.

Starting with an ever-increasing library of straight, gay, and even anime P.O.V. videos, RealTouch's North Carolina-based programmers then assiduously mark, frame by frame, each movement of (for example) Tori Black's mouth, adjusting for heat, wetness, friction, and ferocity, sending these routines to two opposing conveyor belts within the machine. Ditto Tori's hands, ass, and vagina.

Unlike other marital aids in which the user actually has to do more work to operate them, the RealTouch is particularly eager to please. You select a video and put your dick in a machine. Science and your own self-control do the rest.

"I just stood there," one test subject said. "It really did all the work for me."

One drawback of the RealTouch is that it is not yet Mac compatible. So I farmed out the job of testing the device and its web interface to three PC users. Top of the list of my review criteria was not to tell me how weird it was.

"Look," I said. "We know it's weird."

Initial web setup and login to the RealTouch account were simple, followed by a Windows Media-based software download that was considerably less difficult than a WordPress install. Our review model made a whirring sound and one subject was tentative about making a penile approach to it.

"I didn't know if I'd come back," he said.

But they were Heroes, and each on different occasions tried videos with Tera Patrick, Ashlynn Brooke, Tori Black, Bree Olson, and Jenna Jameson, noting that Bree used up a lot of lube.

The belts work in conjunction with heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a simple adjustably tight seal (but haptics don't care how big you are). Is one hole different from the other? The belts squeeze tighter and the coils heat hotter when you're in Bree's ass.

Cleaning, refilling, and transporting this machine require, as you'd imagine, a commitment, but not one our test subjects, each either happily married or otherwise partnered, minded ("but watch out for leaks," one said).

What I find fascinating about the RealTouch is that someone in Charlotte was focusing as intently on Jenna Jameson or Lisa Ann (or dozens of other actresses) as you would be, dropping coder's keystrokes in anticipation of your eventual loads.

So, even though masturbation is a personal experience, the RealTouch proves that it takes a village to jerk you off.

· RealTouch (realtouch.com)

Everyone knows that Lexington Steele lays enough pipe to put the plumber out of business, but were you aware that the gardener is about to lose his job, too? It's a recession, homies. Lexington('s veiny member) has more pep than Miracle Gro, so he can make a lot of plants (and voluptuous babes) happy. It's just plain economics.

· Buy "Lexington Steel's Heavy Metal VII" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Yes, Olga's years of experience have certainly taught her a bit about the right touch (and the right toys). We're sure she could teach the youth quite a few lessons...in fact, we advise you all to watch and learn.

· Watch "MILFs and Their Toys 4" right now! (hotmovies.com)
· Buy "MILFs and Their Toys 4" (gamelink.com)

In particular, Furry Girl is in pursuit of cis (aka non-trans) men who'd be interested in getting pegged for Cocksexual. She'll be in San Francisco from November 27th to December 2nd—so if you're in the area, and interested, be sure to give her a shout. (If you're in some other area, don't despair—Furry Girl is willing to accept remote models as well).

Excited? Intrigued? Full info can be found here (and if it works out, be sure to tell Furry Girl that Fleshbot sent you, okay?).

· Cocksexual Casting (cocksexual.com)

CurrentTV's Ben Hoffman takes a comprehensive look at various nifty apps you can use to look at scantily-clad women, arouse yourself through a magical tone, or turn your iPhone into a (moderately-effective) vibrator. Because if technology can't be used for fapping, it isn't any good.

· iPhone Sex Apps (current.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Taking A Penetrating Look At 3-D Porn

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Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

JimmyJane is referring to the Form 2 as a rabbit vibe (and given its resemblance to a certain Sanrio character, it's not hard to see why). But don't be fooled: this isn't the Rabbit Pearl you're dealing with. The Form 2 is a world away from the toy that was the toast of the "Sex and the City" set.

For one thing, the Form 2 is for external use only. But don't think that the lack of dual stimulation is a failing: the Form 2 may not do everything, but what it does do, it does very, very well. The two ears (which can stimulate the labia, envelope the clitoris, and whatever else your dirty little mind imagines) are each powered by their very own motor...the better to vibrate as hard as possible, of course.

And there's also the matter of the controls. The Form 2 is graced with three little buttons: a plus sign (to turn vibration on and up), a minus sign (to decrease vibration and turn it off), and a squiggly line, which takes the toy through different pulse patterns. It's a simple, intuitive set up, and it works very, very well—even in my orgasm addled state, I was still easily able to navigate my way through the pleasure cycle.

But that's not all! The Form 2 is completely waterproof (for bathtime fun), and—and this really excites me—it's impossible to overcharge it. Yes, leave your toy sitting on your charger overnight, if you like; it'll still be good as new in the morning.

In the past, I've had my issues with some of JimmyJane's products, but the Form 2 might just be enough to turn me into a true believer. I'm eagerly looking forward to Form 3 and 4...I can't wait to see what the future holds.

· Buy the Form 2 (jimmyjane.com)

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Popsicle Play

Studio: Abigail Williams Productions
Director: O. Cohen
Cast: Samantha Ryan, Nika Noir, Ava Rose, Nikki Rhodes, Jayden James, Ann Marie Rios

This movie is wet in the best possible way. The first scene has Nika Noir and Samantha Ryan work each other to a slow, screaming lather. They get wet, I get wet (which really isn't supposed to happen, I'm a guy), and it's literally raining on them the entire time. Sadly, a popsicle is missing from this scene, but there was a delightful, popsicle-colored vibrator in use.

Actually, the absence of popsicles was a bit concerning at times. Certain scenes—like Nika and Samantha's—could've used one, especially when the cover shows an intimate moment between the girls involving a Cherry Pineapple Big Stick. Ann Marie Rios has the only solo work in the film, and she is also missing a frozen treat. Then again, what she lacks in sugar, she more than makes up with seething. She masturbates like a schizophrenic, half-laughing/half-crying to the point of blazing orgasm.

On the other hand, I'm happy the popsicles were few. It makes them exciting! Jayden James and Nikki Rhodes start off their scene with some intense snack time: holding a Firecracker in her teeth, Jayden colors Nikki's nipples red. Then the girls double-team-deepthroat the ice lolly down to the stick. Have you ever wished your penis were a popsicle? You will.

But it's important to remember that the popsicle isn't a surrogate penis, and you shouldn't be projecting yourself onto unhealthy snacks. For one, you could never have intercourse because sugar is bad for the vagina and is prone to cause yeast infections (The More You Know!). Besides, remember what Belladonna taught us?

Second, it's ok to identify with girls in porn, even lesbian porn; accept your desire for both the active and passive roles! Really, when you're watching Darryl Hannah mouthfuck Ava Rose with a popsicle, and the camera is so close that you can read the joke off the stick, you'd be silly if you didn't want to be one of the girls.

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* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Just give it, like, 38 seconds, and you'll see what we mean.

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Of course, the use of an anal vibrator is more of a personal discovery, as in this video. Like all discoveries, it should be well-lubed, gingerly placed, and accompanied with slow but steady boning. Some day the humans will uncover an even more delicious orifice to put things in. For now, the Monolith waits...

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Of course right. Just like any sensible person would—and like Megan Jones and Nikki Sexxx most certainly did. (Those girls have good heads on their shoulders, if you ask us.)

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And frankly, it's just as hot to watch her deepthroat as it is to watch her pleasure herself. Each task requires serious attention, knowledge of personal limits, and zen-like concentration. We just don't know which to watch! Luckily, her husband is considerate enough to keep the camera moving while he gets head. Hey, we guess guys can multi-task after all! Enjoy this gender equality right here.

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New Yorkers will be able to take it all in on Thursday, October 22nd at the Museum Of Sex; Philadelphia gets a piece of April on Saturday, October 24th at the Painted Bride Art Center. Both events start at 7:30, with a cover charge of $10. Hope to see you there!

· April Flores love toy art show (edenfantasys.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Last year, we were presented with the very praiseworthy SaSi from Je Joue, which turned the idea of what a sex toy can do completely on its head: instead of vibrating or penetrating, the SaSi's primary stimulation comes from moving pressure created by a small nub on the toy's underside. Now LoveHoney has their own innovative toy: meet the Sqweel, a rotating wheel of ten pink rubber tongues.

The idea behind the Sqweel is relatively simple: as the wheel rotates, the pink tongues flick against the clitoris (or nipple, or penis, or labia, or...you get the idea) one after the other after the other (and so on). The idea is to simulate oral sex—though I have to say, most of my partners have had an oral repertoire that was more extensive than simple tongue flinging.

That's not to say that the Sqweel isn't awesome; because, well, it feels pretty darn great. The soft tongues create a very nice feeling, and were easily able to get me off—obviously, the most important test in any sex toy.

However, the Sqweel can be a rather temperamental toy. For optimal results, it must be held just so: when I attempted it press it into my parts to increase the stimulation, I found that the tongues completely stopped spinning—likewise my attempts to clutch the toy between my thighs for hands free fun (I eventually got this to work, but it took some strategizing). But don't be discouraged by any initial struggles: when you do get it work just so, the resulting feeling is well worth the effort.

One criticism, though: despite LoveHoney's claims, I would not classify this toy as "easy to clean," purely on the basis that in order to clean the toy, you must first disassemble it. Sure, the disassembly is a mere two steps—but that's a whole lot more work than it takes to just rinse off any of my other toys.

Of course, none of my other toys house a wheel of ten divine, spinning tongues—so I guess it's just a trade off I'll have to live with.

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In fact, more often than not we find we can't pull ourselves away from bed and into the real world until we've had that one last wank...or watched someone like Brandi Love have one, anyway. From us to you, a Monday morning gift: here's hoping Brandi's sweet flesh will make that cruel, cold world seem just a little bit kinder.

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The blame is the worst: "If your mouth was on it, it wouldn't have popped out and gored you." "If you could have just stayed still..."

But this product, a little sleeve of externally ribbed Cyberskin, allows her to firmly grip your Shafted One as if it were a bicycle handlebar (Which it IS, right? RIGHT??), theoretically less vulnerable to losing control when she stops to take a breath or otherwise shout praises to Jesus, as she'll have her hand firmly clasped around you.

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Myself, I'm not sure why you would want to stay with someone who doesn't have the presence of mind to keep a firm grip on that which is most important to you, but everyone needs a little help some time.

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Studio: JM
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Allison Pierce, Kendra Secrets, Anjanette Astoria, Noname Jane, Anita Blue

Review by: Gram Ponante

There is a filter over the opening credits of Jim Powers' Big Things In Small Places movie "Overstuffed 9" that makes it look as if the camera lens is spotted with blood and something brown that we'll call dirt.

But then, you never can tell with Powers movies, because "Overstuffed 9" turns out to be as sunny as it is horrifying, because five bright and cheerful women seem to have a great time stuffing things inside themselves that might divert a mighty Western river.

First is Allison Pierce, who is seen tottering down a Porn Valley road in need of a ride. Luckily Powers and minion Johnny Thrust are right there to help. Pierce stumbles into the back seat, where she finds a pile of oversized sex toys. Eventually, of course, she asks (and is not commanded) to use them, which she does.

The sight of Pierce strenuously vaginally inhaling a window-mounted dildo while San Fernando Valley traffic goes by is glorious.

Then we meet the delicious petit-MILF Noname Jane, basking by the pool. At one point she uses her foot to hammer a dildo into herself. She is an American Original.

In a movie like this one, sometimes a consumer feels a little safer when there is a hint of plot. The next scene features Anita Blue devising a way to "stretch (my) ass out for Big Willie when he comes back from Iraq." Cue a baseball bat in the ass.

Anjanette Astoria and Kendra Secrets fill up the rear (literally), but by that time this reviewer was on his way to Sport Chalet.

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Their names seem anonymous enough, like runaways or aspiring pop stars—or sexy lesbian runaways turning mind blowing lesbian street tricks while aspiring to be pop stars. Amira, Orina, Sasha, Alisa, Felicity, Wendy, Murka, Tasha, Marley, Lauren, Reagan, Ivanka, and Aaralyn all hide behind casual, non-threatening first names, embracing the wasteland of disposable culture that they were spawned into, owning it, transforming it into a sexy lesbian paradise beyond anything we ever imagined was possible.

When we daydream about young European girls and their casual sexual ways, we imagine them doing exactly these kinds of things with each other, licking and kissing and stuffing kitchen utensils up into each other. These girls love licking snatch, live to lap up perfectly puckered asshole like a sexy little fuckable kitten lapping up a saucer of cream, and can't go a single day without getting opened up while their gorgeous firm titties smashed up against the firm breasts of another insatiable rug muncher.

The scene between Felicity (the one who looks like a young, Euro Megan Fox) and her lovely friend Sasha caught our attention, with Sasha feeding about a foot and a half of a pink, jelly dildo up into the beautiful crack of Felicity's sweet, bubble ass. Trust us, you will know it when you see it. We can't get the image of her reaching the end and the long, mesmerizing moan that escapes Felicity's cherry red lips.

"Brief Encounters" releases next week from New Sensations and Lesbian Provocateur, but you can check out a sample of the magic below. A word of caution though—once you see these images you won't be able to get them out of your head for days. Don't say we didn't warn you!

Ivanka and Aaralyn
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Amira and Orina
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