Earlier today, we mentioned how "30 Rock" did a "30 Rock" porn on last night's "30 Rock". BSCreview caught up with the lovely Ms. Samson to ask her how things went on the set, what it was like to be Liz Lemon, how hot Tracy Morgan is, etc. Long story short: everything was great. (bscreview.com)

Despite what you may have heard, Liz's porn did not star "30 Rock - A XXX Parody"'s Lisa Ann and Ashlynn Brooke. If it had, space-time would probably have collapsed in on itself. No, instead, Savanna Samson nobly stepped in to play the part of Porn Liz. We're still not sure who Porn Jenna was—but as you can see in the clip above, she did a very admirable job of making out with Savanna.

· "30 Rock" (nbc.com)

All the major studios will be sending contract girls to work the crowds at Edison's New Jersey Expo Center, including Wicked's Mikayla Mendez, Vivid's Savanna Samson, and Adam & Eve's Kayden Kross, as well as dozen of famous names (Sasha Grey, Joanna Angel, Eva Angelina, Kylie Ireland, Amy Fisher) and dozens more of intriguingly unfamiliar ones (such as Cherokee D'Ass—please, someone, take me to the Ass region of France, for I intend to retire there).

And for those feeling nostalgic, the Legends of Exxxotica booth with also be featuring retired-but-not-forgotten stars from the past few decades, including Seka, Christy Canyon, and Heather Hunter (as well as some still working legends like Lisa Ann and Mr. Marcus).

Exxxotica NY takes place the weekend of September 25-27, and tickets range from $50 for a day pass to $125 for all three days. The latter translates to 31 cents per star sighting.

The steam-gathering Exxxotica shows, which began in Miami and which rival the dingy Adultcon for #2 status behind January's Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, are both well-attended and professionally run.

Seminars include multiple session from Fleshbot Friend Jamye Waxman (including one about blowjobs) as well as Monstar's social networking wrapup and the compelling Swinging for Single Guys by Todd and Elena Crawford. I expect the latter to be especially packed with note takers. I mean, it's a cheap date.

· Exxxotica New York (exxxoticany.com)

So sex advice is sex advice and most of it is pretty sensible and formulaic, but we had to laugh when Savanna (jokingly) suggested that "lots of opiates" are what it will take to convince your wife to join in an orgy with you. Or that the solution to your girlfriend's annoyance with how long it takes for you to come (oh, boo hoo) is to "have her stick her finger up your ass! Kisses!" She also gives a lesson in how to deep throat and explains why women love to take it in the ass. Seriously, this advice column is gold.

· Savanna on Sex (xcritic.com)

If your mother is not quite so liberal, however, you might find some use in Spike's list of 7 pornstars capable of passing muster at your family dinner table. If you could actually manage to convince them to come home with you, that is (we have a feeling Stoya might be otherwise occupied).

· The Top Seven Porn Stars You Can Take Home to Mom (spike.com)
· Image of Stoya courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Fisher will host a "Hottest MILF" contest on—of course—Mother's Day (May 10) at the third annual porn consumer show. Fisher, who went from "Lolita" to "MILF" without stopping at that awkward porn ingenue phase, will be appearing at the event all weekend.

And Vivid girls Hanna Hilton, Nikki Jayne, Meggan Mallone, and Savanna Samson will celebrate their employer's quarter century of existence at a party at Karu & Y Ultra Lounge on May 9. They will also be supporting the art show/web site 25 Years of Vivid, a tribute by Vivid BFF World of Wonder, featuring photos from Vivid's portfolio, including these of Kayden Kross (a Vivid girl before Adam & Eve snatched her up), Eve Laurence, and jailbait Janine Lindemulder.

So if you are on your way to see your own Mom in Boca, a stop in Miami would probably do you good.

· Exxotica Miami (exxxoticamiami.com)
· Amy Fisher (amyfisher.com)
· 25 Years of Vivid (25yearsofvivid.com)

Sure, they might have the best name for their music group—how can you beat Pajamaband?—but other naked pioneers have paved the way for them, including:

Savanna Samson: The pornstar cum vintner also recorded an album. Who knew you could pack so much talent into one person?

Clara Morgane: The best part of Clara Morgane's music career? She was also her very own video vixen.

Tera Patrick: Okay, it was more a one-off gig than an actual singing career, but when Tera Patrick does anything, we sit up and take notice.

Keeley Hazell: The lad mag model has already conquered our hearts, minds, and, uh, other parts, so it only makes sense that she attempted to conquer the music world as well.

Joanna Angel: And, last but most certainly not least, our very own Supreme Commandress recorded a little ditty called "Rock 'n Roll In My Butthole," which was featured on the soundtrack of a porn epic of the same name.

· Porno Babes Form A Band! (hustlerworld.com)
· Thumbnail star: Rockin' Lana Lopez (penthouse.com, via Ask Jolene)

. . .

· Howard TV's "Bowling Beauties" (craveonline.com)

· Savanna Samson (savannasamson.com)
· "Gay-Baiting, Porn Stars Will Save 'Red Eye'" (Gawker)

Previously: Savanna Samson Explains It All For You, Porn Valley Dispatch: Sex Advice with Savanna Samson

Lisa Sparxxx is still going strong after four days of signing. Here's hoping her wrists are as strong as her fans'.

These are the stairs that lead from the convention floor to the dungeon-level press room. If we never climb them again, it will be too soon.

Yes, these dudes are riding Segways. Well, that's one way to navigate the avalanche of humanity.

Just hours ago, this was the world headquarters of sex toys. We'll understand if you want to cry now.

Tyler Hope's Pets: A island of cuddly in a sea full of filth.

Oh, Savanna. So close, yet so far away ... Maybe next year.

. . .

· Photos by Jeff Koga for Fleshbot

· See also: "Vivid Ha! Launches With Stood Up Party" (AVN)
· Vivid (vivid.com)

Read our review after the gap.

- - -

Stood Up

Studio: Vivid
Director: B Skow
Cast: Savanna Samson, Bob Levy, Lanny Barby, Moni Michaels, Kimberly Kane, Penny Flame, Kimberly Franklin, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Lee Stone

Review by Gram Ponante

This pornolized account of comedian "Reverend" Bob Levy's rise to semi-stardom is a searing documentary about the bitterness of the standup road warrior masquerading as a porn movie.

Told in flashbacks to a fan, Stood Up is probably the movie Howard Stern would like to have made about him, but Levy had the idea first.

Levy plays himself as the narrator, but in flashback scenes, such as the one in which a younger Levy meets his agent, played by Savanna Samson, Tommy Gunn takes over Levy duties. Samson and Gunn fuck in the green room after a gig. She looks fantastic, and the production doesn't skimp on giving Gunn a little time in front of the microphone at a dingy club.

Levy tells his fan that the agent went on to get him a series of crappy gigs, including a bachelor party at which he is assaulted by a brute named Andy (Lee Stone) who horns in on Levy's strippers, but not before confiscating a bag containing Levy's act, which consists of "a bunch of nursey rhymes".

We are meant to believe that this was Andrew Dice Clay, and Stone does a good job impersonating him. Then he fucks Lanny Barby. Breasts like Barby's didn't exist in 1982, but who cares?

At a Long Island Jewish wedding reception in 1985, Jerry the waiter (James Deen) sneaks a look at the script Levy has written, a sitcom pilot "about nothing". Levy is onstage telling the guests how cheap they are. Meanwhile Jerry takes advantage of the JAPpy Penny Flame in a very hot scene. Even if the rest of the movie is not to be believed, we can at least feel that Deen and Flame really like each other.

I'll say it again: Penny Flame in a yellow summer dress is awesome. The "Jewish" ad-libbing of the wedding guests, however, about money, diamonds, real estate, and lawyers, seemed like jokes from another time (Oh yeah - it was supposed to be 1985). But a mainstream movie would not allow this sort of humor. Not because porn is the last bastion of free speech, but because the jokes were old.

Despite what appears to be ten years of bad bookings, Levy still retains his manager until a disastrous 1992 show in a Georgia roadhouse, where his "You know you're a hillbilly" routine is copied by someone who looks like Jeff Foxworthy. Levy and Samson get into it backstage.

"Hack!" Samson says.

"Cum Bucket," Levy responds. "I should knock you the fuck out."

Levy himself is knocked out by hillbilly Evan Stone, who proceeds to entice girlfriend Kimberly Kane and Savanna back to his motor home. This leads to another funny scene, this time about Stone's "girth".

This is a movie you should watch so I won't give away the ending; I'll just say that bad things keep happening to Levy.

Stood Up is Vivid firing on all cylinders. It is just the type of stuff they should be doing, and that they do well. Everybody looks good in it.

Except for Levy. While Levy is made to look like the victim throughout the movie, his banter and short routines are all of that late 80's/early 90's abusive standup style, which makes the parts of the movie Levy is not in classier than the parts he is. Obviously a talented guy, it is sad that he is upstaged in his own movie. But how could he not be? Penny Flame in a yellow dress, and then out of it, beats cheap Jew jokes every time.

As far as celebrity porn movies, though, Levy puts on a better show than Snoop did.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy "Stood Up" (gamelink.com)

· A federal appeals court tells the FCC to go fuck itself and rules that if the president can say any bullshit thing he wants on TV, then so can any asshole in America. Fuckin' A right we can! (forbes.com)

· Britney Spears' ass devours its thong packaging. At least she's finally getting some decent media coverage. (egotastic.com)

· Jenna Jameson is already on Team Hillary; now Savanna Samson is "in love" with Rudy Giuliani for president. Now that would be a debate we might actually tune in to see. (papermag.com)

· You may or may not get turned on by ladies who are expecting, but ... holy cow, pregnant Salma Hayek boobies! Who knew those things could any better? (wwtdd.com)

· Dita Von Teese will star in her first movie ... as a stripper. It's a bit of a stretch, but we think she can handle it. (metro.co.uk)

· If you're wondering who won those Feminist Porn Awards, the answers are here. Congratulations to all you crazy dames. (goodforher.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Oh, Britney Spears ... we can never forget about you. Seriously, why can't we ever forget about you? (hollywoodtuna.com)

· An unidentified "adult toy" shut down a New Zealand post office last week by causing a bomb scare. They can call in bomb threats now? (kget.com, via reginalynn.com)

· Read the heartwarming story of University of Texas-El Paso students who found their way into Playboy's Girls of Conference USA issue. See, that college degree will pay for itself. (newspapertree.com)

· The folks at Found Magazine want your dirty Polaroids. Ideally they should be of other people, but we're sure if you take some of yourself and send them in they're not going to know the difference. (LAist)

· The very lovely Savanna Samson isn't just an eminent vintner; she's apparently a huge opera fan as well. The lady has class! (xfanz.com)

· According to the experts at BuzzFeed, cuckolding is the new black. Or maybe it's the new . We get confused about things like this sometime. (buzzfeed.com)

· While officials in Brighton, Michigan, decide what to do with a bothersome nude statue, some helpful citizen decided on his own to just knock it over. Problem solved! (clickondetroit.com)

· Elsewhere in the midwest, Ohio politics heats up over a controversial new strip club bill. It's not kind of bill you stick in a g-string; we checked. (cleveland.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Made in Los Angeles and taking place in Dallas, Heaven, and Hell (Dallas adjacent), what better place to hold the premiere party for Paul Thomas' latest cheerleader porn opus than the Flatiron District of Manhattan? Yes, Debbie is doing that very lucky Texas city once again, but Club Ultra on West 26th Street was where co-stars Monique Alexander and Savanna Samson came to mingle with fans and drink moderately-priced alcohol. Never one to turn down booze and/or pornstars, Team Fleshbot members took in the festivities and came back with this video diary (and a few teaser clips from the movie to sweeten the pot.) Two pornstars in a darkened room with 100 or so shady guys for four hours? You do the math.

· See also: "Debbie Does Dallas ... Again" Blog (worldofwonder.net)
· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Video by Richard Blakeley
· Preorder: "Debbie Does Dallas ... Again" (Adult DVD Empire)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch: Debbie Dies (Dallas), Breaking: Debbie Still Doing Dallas, Porn Valley (Adjacent) Dispatch: Not-Debbie Does Manhattan

If you have been watching the "Debbie Does Dallas...Again" miniseries on Showtime now that "Battlestar Galactica" is on hiatus, you know that the darkness inside Monique Alexander was supplied as the reason she did not get the coveted title part in the Vivid movie of the same name.

Next Thursday, you can ask Alexander in person if she will let the darkness take over (and also reassure Savanna Samson that she is hot like fire despite—or perhaps because of—her casting in a MILF role in the movie) as she hosts a "Debbie" release party at Manhattan's Club Ultra on 26th Street. Guests will quaff free drinks from 8-10 p.m. and receive a free copy of the new movie, as well as a re-release of the original, iconic, horrible movie. - GP

· "Debbie Does Dallas ... Again" (official series site @ sho.com)
· "Debbie Does Dallas ... Again" Blog (worldofwonder.net)
· Vivid (vivid.com)
· "Lessons in quitting while ahead" (gramponante.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive