Kina Kei, Mia Lelani, Jessica Bangkok, London Keyes, and Taylor Kiss have only the slightest qualms about throwing away the dignity of their ancestors to engage in spontaneous and sperm-of-the-moment office and club-adjacent-to-office sex with men who don't care about centuries of rigid protocol and beautiful tradition.

Each performer (personal favorites being the more voluptuous Mia Lelani and London Keyes) gives a sweaty and spirited performance that involves liberal screaming, both orgasmic and the kind one hears from actual party sluts as they cruise down Wilshire Blvd. in an open-roofed limousine.

In other words, this movie was real to me.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)

Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)
Hustler (hustler.com)
Buy "Asian Party Sluts" (gamelink.com)

This Brandon Iron movie is especially dirty, and at one point Starr and Rose appear to be mopping the floor with each other, which made me go punch my Roomba in its smug little face.

"I Love It Rough 4" also features Amber Rayne in a series of ultrabendy asstastic contortions, but fistfuls of Kristina Rose in the hands of Bobbi Starr sold this movie for me.

· Brandon Iron (brandoniron.com)
· Buy "I Love It Rough #4" (gamelink.com)

Reprising the role he first played in "Obama's Nailin' Paylin!", Guy DiSilva returns as a horny Barrack bent on banging in every room of the White House. The press release contains such gems as this quote from Guy DiSilva:

You need to buy this movie so you can see what the Big Stimulus Package really is-and that's my dick, not some government bailout.

You don't say.

On the plus side, lovely Aryana Star plays Michelle Obama. On the minus side, the company putting this film out is called Rezko Films. Rezko? Like Tony Rezko?

This is just too weird, people.

Normally we would refrain from showing you the back cover of a porn DVD (because, you know, who cares?), but the sample tweets on this thing are just priceless.

(All jokes aside, the cast of this is pretty fantastic. Oh Lexi Belle, the things we would tweet for you...)

· Buy "Pornstar Tweet" (gamelink.com)
· "Pornstar Tweet" (pureplaymedia.com)

In addition to headliners Ava Rose and Alexis Texas, Elegant Angel has also recruited Pinky, Cherokee D'Ass, Kelly Divine, and Rachel Starr to take their asses into battle. Man...this could get ugly. In the best possible way, we mean.

· Buy "Battle of the Asses" (gamelink.com)

Also unrelated: IBN's "Chocolate Rain", featuring Crush Object Sinnamon Love. But hey, a title like that good requires multiple tributes.

· Ghetto Flava Releases "Chocolate Rain" (xbiz.com)

Being prone to just cutting to the chase, we decided to go to the source and just ask Sasha Grey herself.

So what's the lesson learned from cautionary tale?

"Uh, don't be a dumb girl who gets abused by men."

A wise lesson indeed.

· Vivid Alt (vivid-alt.com)

Even though it isn’t, and on reflection we can’t remember what we thought would have been so appealing about a movie (or band) called “Sensory Overlord,” we were not in any way disappointed, since it has the incomparable Chloe in it. In spite of the fact that she doesn’t get fisted or gangbanged or anything, she is still one of the hottest performers ever, and the more Chloe in our lives the better.

· Bruce 7 (BruceSeven.com)
· Buy "Sensory Overload" (gamelink.com)

First we had "Getting It Up With The KardASSians", a DVD from Venom starring Audrey Bitoni and Nikki Benz. But if an idea is worth doing once, it's worth doing again and again, until it's beaten, bloody, and lifeless, right? Enter Hustler's "Keeping It Up With The Kard-ASS-ians," which—aside from its only vaguely different title and, we assume, plot—differentiates itself from Venom's release by casting Veronica Rayne, Dylan Ryder, Jackie Daniels, Nicki Hunter and Mr. Marcus.

As you process this overwhelming occurrence, we'll leave you with some behind-the-scenes thoughts from Veronica Rayne (clip above).

· Behind The Scenes At "Keeping It Up With The Kard-ASS-ians" (xfanz.com)

. . .

· Buy "Strippers Gone Wild" (adameve.com)

Unfortunately, the FILF theme doesn't extend much beyond the title cards. Yes, there are scenes full of older men and younger women: but this is porn, and that's rather par for the course. In the feature's five scenes, there is no mention of taking the kids to Little League, no scenes of suburban dads driving home in minivans, no essence of fatherliness, period. Instead we're presented with a prisoner and a prison guard, a patient and his doctor, a vacuum salesman and his client—it's nice and all, but when we're promised fathers, fathers are what we want to see.

· Buy "FILF" (gamelink.com)

Oh, Brazilians. Maybe it is the fact they dwell in the only South American country to have seen no bloodshed in a postcolonial transfer of power that their asses are so delightful. These women from the Salvador and Bahia area do not understand English, but ... well, but nothing.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Thick Chocolate Shakes" (gamelink.com)

"So you fuck it?"

We have been eager to show you this title but we keep getting waylaid, as if by "Pirates". A niche that (mostly) finds clothed women giving handjobs to naked men, this example of CFNM involves the likes of Abbey Brooks, Sophie Dee, Heather Gables, and Kylee Reese, among others, in configurations such as Jailer/Jailed, Pie Fucker/Gaggle, and Comatose Man/Nurses.

Not an inch of the five separate parts of the female anatomy commonly seen in porn is exposed in "Attack of the C.F.N.M.," and that may be disappointing to some viewers. But as Thomas Jefferson said, "I may not agree with your choice to not show Abbey Brooks' boobies, but I will fight to the death for your right to not compromise a porn niche sacred to maybe two dozen Americans."

While humiliation is a factor in some of these scenarios, at least the fellows enjoy some release at the end of their ordeal. Such as this guy, who probably hasn't seen too many good times since the royalty checks for "Two Princes" stopped coming.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Attack of the CFNM" (gamelink.com)

If you are successful like last week's winner, you will tell us (one entry per person, please) what this dude is doing with his right hand.

· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)
· See the real title (gamelink.com)

The face "Interracial Booty Patrol 5" presents to the world features a woman named Envy who is photographed as one part of her watches her little brother playing Rock Band 2 and the other part ... well, see what happens after the gap.

. . .

I mean, at the very least you'd expect her to balance a bowl of chips on her back for the poor guy.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Interracial Booty Patrol 5" (jadedvideo.com)

Two lines of dialogue from these women is all we ask you to provide if you want to join Zipper in the winners' circle.

· Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)
· Buy "Earl Miller's Naughty Girls" (gamelink.com)

Yes, we are writing about "Members Only 6" because the performer Eleanor looks surprisingly like a blonde Karen Black and, apropos of Ms. Black's performance in "Capricorn One," we are equating the faked moon landing therein with the cocklessness of a movie boasting only members. There.

The above insert of Black, by the way, is from the 1982 film "Miss Right."

· Buy "Members Only 6" (vivthomas.com)

This DVD is in our possession and we promise to document all the wild goings on therein. We will figure out what the deal is with the dude on the right and see why ur covergirl looks eerily like Tera Patrick on the back cover.

· Cine X Latino (cinexlatino.com)
· Watch "Out Of Control Travestis 2" (adultemart.com)

We were happy to see that the title was not "Fuck My Mommy and Me," but we wish producers had respected us enough to choose some other prop than a goddamn lollipop to denote youth. Couldn't she be texting, or filling out college applications, or working at McDonald's? If you succeed like last week's winner I.M.B.Y., you will have given us the new porn youth totem that will replace pigtails, lollipops, and plaid skirts. Hop to it! Your nation needs you. And so does Mommy.

· Lethal Hardcore (lethalhardcore.com)
· Buy "Fuck My Mom And Me 4" (gamelink.com)

Femmes fatales outnumber lipstick lesbians in this movie featuring strap-on action and andro girls (who look like a Smiths-era Morrissey and made this writer confused) as well as, according to the cover, "real orgasms." I can never tell. Me, I take what I can get and appreciate any extra effort.

But in terms of a travelogue, the excellent soundtrack and appealing, occasional outside filming make Paris look like it is crawling with predatory lesbians ... with not one shot of the phallic Eiffel Tower in sight.

· Hysterie Productions (hysterieprod.com)
· Buy "One Night Stand" (fatalemedia.com)

. . .

You know, if you've got a boat floating around the Mediterranean and there are taut Eurohotties on it, that's your movie right there. But "Sea Creatures," while based mostly on a boat, also ventures to a secluded beach where the following transpires:

"Darling explain to her What Is Swinger."

"When the couple meet the other girl - like you - and they make sex."

...goes the tease in this delightful seaside date rape scene.

After refusing to buy this kayaker's oranges, our heroine makes the sex with him. It is only logical, as he was selling the oranges for 20 euros and they looked horrible.

Unlike the Pam and Tommy Lee nautical sex tape, this is fun to watch, though the viewer feels vicariously sunburned, remembering his or her own attempts to fuck on a boat in the broad daylight.

· Surf for "Sea Creatures" (daringmediagroup.com)

Specialty company Third World Media trawls the globe in search of footage that can't be seen in these waters.

You know how it's a conversation starter to suggest porn titles or porn niches (at least here in the seminary)? I can honestly say I have never thought about plus-sized Asian women. Yet it seems so right.

To remind us that people are the same wherever you go, our final subject appears to be straddling the Japanese Dirty Harry.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Japanese Whale Hunt" (gamelink.com)

The NRPW also stages live events —with all the sweat but none of the penetration—for the public.

· New Porn Order (newpornorder.com)

. . .

· Hustler Wraps 'Get Smartass,' Rolls 'Gilligan' Parody (avn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Top Ten TV Sitcom Porn Spoofs We'd Like To See

Absent porn star posturing and filled with smiling naked people, "Natural Bush 41" (how did we miss the first 40?) begins strong with the bathtub performance of an adorable someone named Tara Tainton, who grew her hair out for us. If this is her choice of a porn name, all we can say is "Bravo."

"Oh, look how good my hairy pussy looks," demands a woman named Hunny Bunny of her placid partner. "Fuck the bush." Well all right.

21-year-old Holly Pink says she has never felt a big cock. "Only tiny ones," she said. We don't believe this. One of the triumphs of the modern porn industry is the removal of pubic hair, which makes penises look bigger.

Finally comes stylish former Brooklynite Raven, who foregoes men for a toy.

I have never seen a Homegrown movie before, and enjoyed this one just for the diversity of shape in the models and the less predatory nature of the behind-the-camera interviewers; everyone looked like she was having a good time.

Still, in the same way that I can't imagine life without the Internet, I watched with clinical, anthropological interest at the cunnilingus scenes the way I would at, say, a native rain dance. "This is fascinating," I said.

· Homegrown Video (homegrownvideo.com)
· Buy "Natural Bush 41" (gamelink.com)

· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

This five-scene vignette movie filmed for Spain's Private studio has all the trappings of a standard porn BDSM movie — police interrogation, doctor's office ("The doctor is in!"), the humbling of high-status figures - but it is the obvious delight of people like Grey, Audrey Hollander, and Michelle Avanti, along with the delicious hamminess of Hart and Naz' strictly professional crush on his performers, that make this movie special.

· Private (private.com)
· Dave Naz (davenaz.com)
· Buy "House of Sex & Domination" (gamelink.com)

"When I measured you last week," says Van Damage to comely Emma Cummings, "you weren't so womanly." If you were they, wouldn't you be compelled to fuck after such an exchange?

The blur is what happens when bodies start slappin'. You can't control it. Not even with a Blu-Ray player. Here, Derrick Pierce helps Brooke Scott with body image issues.

At no point in the movie, other than in the title and in the sound effects, is the idea of "babies" considered; the theme of the movie is more one of fat as a result of indolence rather than youth. Lee Stone chastises Jersey (no relation) Cummings over her slovenly workout habits, for example. Then Stone does that thing where he flips her upside down so she can blow him (see gallery). So she can't be that heavy.

Another possible title for this movie would be "Abby Winters-cum-Cocks-sans-Didgeridoos," but that wouldn't fit on the DVD.

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal Baby Fat" (gamelink.com)

Shot by Jim Powers, "Fuck Truck" at the very least has some larger-than-a-car conveyance in each scene, and I guess you could say that the movie, filmed in part as a behind the scenes look at a recent tour of the punk band The Bad Samaritans, is a kind of travelogue.

And without "Fuck Truck," the world probably wouldn't have been allowed to see cutting room floor footage of the impaired Holly Wellin cavorting in the desert. You'd think she went to Wellesley College!

And it's not that Brooke Scott, Cassidy Blue, Desire Moore, and Holly Wellin aren't exactly the type of people I'd want along on a road trip, I just think that having a truck in each scene is a weak concept for a porn movie. Unless the talent is having sex with the truck.

· Buy "The Fuck Truck" (jerkoffzone.com)

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

1. "I thought that was just a wrench in your pocket! Har!"
2. "I thought you were just happy to see me! Har!"
3. A quick grope, followed by "Doesn't seem that hard! Har!"
4. A breathy "Well, let me see what I can do to ease your workload ..." as they drop to their knees behind our sleek mahogany desks.

(We're just kidding about #4. We don't have desks.)

Well, we have had it with all that innuendo and people turning our innocent, Calvinist work ethic into something dirty. But mostly we've had it with porn studios using the same sorts of titles over and over again. The last straw came in this morning's mail: a copy of Mustang's "Workin' Hard". Just look at that cover, people: he's not even working. In fact, the only thing on that box cover exerting any effort at all is that anemic title—and it's on its last, feeble legs.

So, if some crazy Greeks can sue to stop the entire freakin' world from using the term "lesbian" to mean anything other than an inhabitant of Lesbos, then surely we can sue to get pornographers to stop using the word "hard" except when it's a synonym for "diligently". Right?

In case that litigation fails, however, maybe we could suggest some other puntastic work-themed porn titles to use instead. We think "Teenage Spreadsheets" would be kinda hot; you may have other ideas. To that end, the Fleshbot reader who submits the best office/workplace-related porn title in the comments below will win free minutes to use in our new Video On Demand theatre, where you can watch "Workin' Hard" (which is actually a pretty decent film) or any of the other twenty bazillion similarly-named titles in the AEBN inventory. So, um ... get to work!

UPDATE: Ilsa the She-Wolf (aka Our Boss) says the contest will drag on for a few more days. So take Will's advice below: belly up to the bar and send in those titles! There's a sizable chunk of minutes at stake!

• "Working Hard" (falconstudios.com)
• See also: "She Works Hard for the Money" (YouTube)

As we've seen in Brazil, the traveling pornographer can take things easy. He can soak up the culture. But it would be impolite to not soak back. Thus does a man named Kinkade conduct his affairs as Our Man in Pattaya.

You might say the entire "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee" series is an example of an uncomfortable porn stereotype. I would have, too, until I traveled to Bangkok and was asked at the airport if I wanted a suckee fuckee. By a judge.

"Who am I to question community standards?" I thought.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee 5" (tlavideo.com)

Their interludes in noirish locations flow to the tones of muted horns and a stand-up bass. At no point does anyone say "Did I hear Dirtpipe Milkshake?" Sometimes Dylan wears a hat. These are people we don't see around here too often, and we wonder where on La Cienega Pussy's might be, and if the Strap-On Motel takes Diner's Club.

· Maria Beatty (bleuproductions.com)
· Buy "Strap-On Motel" (bleuproductions.com)

Maybe you don't care to know this, but people with glasses tend to take them off before sex, lest they be fucked off. Not only do most of the Eurohotties in this picture appear to be sharing the same pair of glasses (which leads to disease) but they also keep them on all the way through The Act.

Don't get me wrong, I would think that glasses would make a tempting target (and in this movie they are), but I am a gentleman of the old school, where suggestion is very erotic. For me, the taking off of the glasses means that it's OK to come in her eye.

The title seems kind of clunky. My suggestion would be "Eyedrop a Load." But there are too many talented people suggesting porn titles for me to get in that business.

Finally, with most of the women peering over their glasses to get a gander of the viewer, I am unhappy to admit that it looks like these ladies don't need glasses at all.

· Legal Pink (metrointeractive.com)
·Watch "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" now at AdultRental.com
· Buy "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" (gamelink.com)

From what we hear (= no, we haven't received our screener copies yet—funny you should ask!) it's more of a good-natured spoof than an earnest attempt to emulate the original ... and for that we are grateful. After all, things like exotic locations, frenetic action sequences, and heavy dialogue are all very good in their place, but when it comes to Ava Rose and Bree Olson (along with Nikky Blond and Roxy Panther), wouldn't you rather watch them doing what they do best—mainly, everyone in sight?

· Adam & Eve's "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" (official film site @ carolinajonesxxx.com)
· Order: "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" (Adult DVD Empire)

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

You might remember the last two What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? entries featured a cock-drape. What Devine is getting on this cover is a cock-poke—or, some scholars argue, a cock-shelving. Either way, it's not a drape, so don't call your local drape hotline.

The guy from Peter, Paul & Mary beseeches Ava Devine for some nut-busting (I didn't say this - he did). It is the only time in recent memory in which we hear actual wheedling. The acting required in this scene is tremendous, in that Devine never needs to be wheedled.

The one reservation we have with this movie is that there are no Asians in it. You don't put a -zilla on something and exclude the Asians. Hasn't Jonathan Pryce's casting in "Miss Saigon" taught us anything?

Still don't know why Adrianna Nicole gets cast in MILF roles. Maybe it's her alto range, or her Billy Idol sneer.

Mae Victoria looks a bit like a wayward mid-90's Sherilyn Fenn. If "Of Mice And Men" were ever made into a porn movie, we'd cast her.

This is a delightful movie, sure to inspire sequels. But rather than going the sequential numbers route, I strongly suggest "MILFzooky" or "Terror of MechaMILFzilla."

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "MILFZILLA" (hustlervideo.com)

A star vehicle for veteran pornstress Amber Lynn, any intellectual property-type objection we might have is countered with, "Aw why shouldn't Amber Lynn have a movie named after her?"

Don't look at us! Look at dreamy Nick Manning! What's the matter with you?

Performer/director Randy Spears presents two shots of superhero housewives floating mysteriously above their partners.

You will never see belly fat or floppy boobs in a Wicked feature. Maybe that should be their motto instead of "What Excites You."

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Housewives of Amber Lane" (gamelink.com)

Because we're understandably prepared—at all times—for female ejaculation, we expected something different from this movie. "Showers" indicates squirting to us, not actual hygiene. But the press release sounded downright Sapphic:

This film is filled with sexy young girls who display their love of the female form by teasing and playing with each other's bodies until their hearts' content!

Grammar aside, how'd they get the camera into the shower without the lens fogging up? After all, it's "Hot Showers."

Hot Showers #16 features five incredibly erotic scenes with sultry girl-on-girl action. All of these ladies are undeniably hot for each other and give deliciously lust-filled performances. The chemistry between the performers is unquestionably satisfying for the viewer

Incredibly. Undeniably. Deliciously. Unquestionably. What about Nozzly? Drainily? Dermabradily? What about "Not the Dermabradily XXX"?

In stores now! Hot Showers #16 is guaranteed to satisfy all of those wet-and-wild fantasies!

Damn. Now we're bad people for not having any of those?

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Hot Showers 16" (tlavideo.com)