We'd like to take a moment and thank Madison Young for presenting "The Curse of MacBeth" to the world. She has a lot of guts for fucking with Shakespeare (literally penis-and-vagina-ing Shakespeare), and it's something we'd like to see more of. As always, that's where you, the highly literate and ever-creative Fleshbot readers, come in.

For this week's contest, we'd like to hear you flirt. Spit your game in Shakespearean English for some fly 17th Century honeys. If you were approached by a couple of foxy wenches, what would you say to free them of their frocks? Imitate Shakespeare however you'd like; rhyme, meter, word choice, and confusing innuendos are just a few of the tools at your disposal.

Post your entries in the comments section. Perhaps your skillful persuasions will prompt parody porn directors to set their sights on some classic theater. Or maybe some you'll make an impression on some horny drama major. It's hard to say. What we can say is the winner will receive a copy of "The Curse of MacBeth" and mad Thespian street cred.

Speaking of street cred, it's time for us to give some out! Last week's odes to Lisa Ann produced some glorious work. If she read this site (does she read this site?), she would be most flattered. But this moment is not about Lisa Ann; it's about you.

As always, all of the entries were brilliant. Beaker delivered another volley of clever haiku. mattyte made a strong endorsement for MILF-assisted death:

Queen of the Cougars
Being mauled by Lisa Ann
Perfect way to go

On the longer side of things, Dethzilla treated us to a near-epic poem about reincarnation. We're guessing you'd need about a billion karma points to come back as anything close to Lisa Ann, but we nonetheless love the line the silent motorboat.

But we have to give it up to offred, whose adoration for Lisa Ann is only matched by his powers of iambic pentameter.

Ode to Lisa Ann (A Sonnet - my first attempt at one, be gentle)

Oh Lisa Ann, thy subjects will be true
Toward thy bosom, hanging like ripe fruit.
Its ample offers craft a heady brew,
That clouds the minds of even the astute.

By teaming with the fair Julia Ann,
Thou plays in waters leading thou to shiver.
To watch thy exploits will lead ev'ry man,
To tremble, with their manhoods all a-quiver.

When I was young and green in days of yore,
I quested vainly to attract a sylph.
Alas, I now know that which I adore;
The beauteous curves found only on a MILF.

My want for thou is not for Sarah Palin,
But to go rogue in a fit of heedless nailin'.

Anyone who rhymes "sylph" with "MILF" is a baller in our book. Congratulations, offred! You just earned yourself a fresh, soggy copy of Wet! We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Madison Young picture via Jizz Bomb (nsgalleries.com)

Earlier this week, we watched as Tom Byron wrestled with a new addiction with breasts... vicariously through Derrick Pierce's penis. The way we see it, we need to help Tom out. Some people might suggest sending him through a twelve-step tit program and cleaning him up, but it's really more fun to sink to his level. With that in mind:

Write an ode to big breasts. I think we all know how this one goes, so an example isn't really necessary. For consistency's sake, here's a quick haiku on the topic:

Big Tit Fixation,
If only nipples had sight:
Eye contact achieved.

Not my finest work, but you get the idea.

You can write the ode however you choose. Haiku, limerick, sonnet, story, anecdote, pledge of allegiance, whatever; but keep it short and sweet.

Post your entries in the comments section. In one week, we'll give the winner a hot dose of Vitamin-B(oob) with his or her very own copy of Big Tit Fixation!

And now this week's winner must be named. As always, the entries were lovely, and deeply honest. We especially appreciate the chutzpah SexyHard put into the slew of limericks he wrote (and we hereby pledge to have more poetry contests). But we're going to have to give the grand prize sueslovemaster for his redecorating game:

College in the late 70s... how to stand out from all the guys competing for the most limited of resources: willing females. Bright idea: cover every surface of the rented bedroom with aluminum foil. Ceiling. Windows. Walls. Dresser. Door.

It worked but I still get ribbed by the surviving college buddies.

How did that possibly work? We desperately want to hear the details.

Anyway, congratulations, sueslovemaster! You have skipped the lines, passed the velvet rope, and the free copy of "Sexclusive # 2" is all yours. We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Carmella Bing, star of "Big Tit Fixation," via Big Tit Boss (realitykings.com)

Earlier this week, we showed you a clip from "Tom Byron's House of Ass 11" with the lovely Jessica Bangkok breaking out her bodacious bottom. Use that ass as your muse and create a poem with as much vibrance and bounce as that body part we keep talking about. Here are the rules:

Describe your first trip to the House of Ass. What did you do? Who did you meet? What is the house like? Was it, perhaps, haunted?

All entries must be in the form of a limerick. For those of you who aren't familiar with the style, here's an example entry (from an unnamed source):

Approaching the great House of Ass,
I cut a quick path through the grass.
The House said, "You boob!
Don't step on my pubes!"
And now I can't enter. Alas!

Post your entries in the comments section. We'll let you know our favorite next week, and the author will win a copy of House of Ass 11!

· Literary babe: Jessica Bangkok (realitykings.com)

Grab a bottle of wine (and maybe a tissue or two) and join Madeline on the love seat afther the jump/

. . .

Sex Blog Roundup
by Madeline Glass

- - -

Thoughts Out Loud

I am out of my league with this one. But his voice...mmmm.
The second the phone rings, my clit starts to throb. I'm instantly wet.
Why does he excite me so much? I know I've been curious since the beginning. The first few comments left me wanting to know more.

- Clearing My Head Again

. . .

"Passion"

Please fuck me gently
Ask me to blow you
Suck my clit till I cum on your face
Slip a finger in me and watch me squirt
I watch your eyes roll back as I take you in my mouth
On my bed we find every new position
Next time we will go all night

- Lust Puddle

. . .

And then I took another step

I checked the Melbourne craigslist. It was pretty desolate, but there was one listing that caught my eye. I emailed the writer — we'll call him Mr. PK — and he emailed back, and there was a verbal attraction. We exchanged pictures and lo, there was a physical attraction. And that was how I found myself arranging my first assignation with a married man.

- In the Offing

. . .

Talking on the Telephone

...what would you say if I gave you a chance to orgasm tonight?”
“I guess I’d ask what the catch was.”
“Heh, trying to play it safe huh? Well, remember what I told you the first time we played?”
“Yeah, you said, ‘That really fucking hurts isn’t a safe word’.”

- Little Submissions

. . .

Interactive Story

Her hair was all tousled and her clothes were visible crushed and unkempt.
She breezed in smelling of men's aftershave and sex and dropped her hand-bag casually by the front door with a smug 'just been fucked' look on her face.

- Smack Dab in the Middle

. . .

brainwaves

and when i was satisfied with my work
i untied her and had her climb up to ride my face
which is a sort of profound meditation for me
my monkey head gets so lost
i just am
with my face buried in her pussy
there's nothing much else

- Tongue Tied Blue

. . .

See also:
• Susie's SexPosi Blog Carnival - The Unforgettable 14 (susiebright.blogs.com)
• Sugasm #146 (sugasm.com)
• Thumbnail via Vivid.com (TGP/preview gallery @ vividvideoonline.com, via Ask Jolene)

* * * * *

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive

For nine Thanksgivings
Granny just basted herself
It's why Grandpa died.

More versification after the jump.

. . .

Greek MILF

Hellenistic MILF
Minotaurs are flaking like
Spanikopita.

. . .

Bubble Butt Mothers 4

Fairy conveyance
Waving wands in bubble butts:
Are you a good witch?

. . .

· Buy "Mommy, Granny & Me" (gamelink.com)

· Buy "Greek MILF" (gamelink.com)

· Buy "Bubble Butt Mothers 4" (gamelink.com)

. . .

How beautiful to think that each of these clean secretaries at night, to please her lover, takes a fountain into her mouth and lets her insides, drenched with seed, flower into her landscapes: meadows sprinkled with baby's breath, hoarse twiggy woods, birds dipping, a multitude of skies containing clouds, plowed earth stinking of its upturned humus, and small farms each with a silver silo.

· "Fellatio - a poem" by John Updike (igreens.org.uk)

. . .

Gently, intently, I slid to the massive base Of his tower of power, paused there a moment down In the warm moist thicket, then began to retrace Inch by inch the smooth way to the throbbing crown.

Indwelling excitements swelled at delights to come
As I descended and ascended those thick distended walls.
I grasped his root between left forefinger and thumb
And with my right hand tickled his heavy voluminous balls.

I plunged with a rhythmical lunge steady and slow,
And at every stroke made a corkscrew roll with my tongue.
His soul reeled in the feeling. He whimpered "Oh!"
As I tongued and squeezed and rolled and tickled and swung.

Then I pressed on the spot where the groin is joined to the cock,
Slipped a finger into his arse and massaged him from inside.
The secret sluices of his juices began to unlock.
He melted into what he felt. "O Jesus!" he cried.

Waves of immeasurable pleasures mounted his member in quick
Spasms. I lay still in the notch of his crotch inhaling his sweat.
His ring convulsed round my finger. Into me, rich and thick,
His hot spunk spouted in gouts, spurted in jet after jet.

· "How Dirty Is That Auden Poem That Was Too Dirty for the 'Times Book Review'?" (nymag.com, via Gawker)
· The Best American Erotic Poems (review @ nytimes.com)
· Thumbnail via adultxporn.com via askjolene.com)

* * * * *

Previously:

See some snaps after the gap.

. . .

Gallant's movie is a blend of his own standby seediness with a raft of Penthouse corn-feditude.

I am not equal to the task of describing the plot of "Candy 69" in its unfinished state. There were several peaks upon which ropy strands of plot hung, however.

I know that Dino Bravo delivers what seems to be a three-minute A & R spiel to a woman with tape on her face.

(But she snaps out of it.)

"I come like the rain and the thunder," Kimberly Kane says. "Hard and wet." Wet thunder? Groovy!

Kane is joined by Nick Manning and Voodoo for a Haight/Ashbury-style hoedown.

And I know that Brian Surewood and Seth Dickens are scared of this lady (as they should be).

· Penthouse (penthouse.com)
· Joe Gallant on MySpace (myspace.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

We studied a bit of English literature back in college and if we learned anything from that adventure, it's this—poets get a ton of ass. Those Romantic era fools were a bunch of geniuses, not because they understood iambic pentameter and the proper use of rhyme scheme, but because they knew how some flowery words and a few well-timed couplets could charm the pantaloons off any comely lass. That spirit is alive and well (sorta) on the movingly-named blog, "She asked me for a symphony (I only gave her songs)", which reprints many of the great poems of all-time, helpfully illustrated with winsome naked babes. Since poetry was invented specifically to woo chicks (look it up!) it's an appropriate marriage of beauty and words ... and all without one single mention of Nantucket. Now does anyone know a word that rhymes with "dirt pipe"?

· She asked me for a symphony (I only gave her songs) (sheaskedmefor.blogspot.com)
· Thumbnail: Lord Byron and friends, via noelcollection.org

Previously: Blowjobs and Haikus, Jess Fink's Dirty Limericks, Porn Review Haikus Limericks: All-Azz Edition, Hentai Haiku

As if collecting the very finest in increasingly-harder-to-find hardcore blowjob pics on Flickr wasn't reason enough to visit his blog, DB provides seventeen syllables worth of commentary with each (pop)shot to uplift your porn gawking experience from the merely prurient to, well, high literary art: "She wears it proudly/even though it's degrading/cause she loves her man." If that isn't as succinct an explanation of the psychology and enduring appeal of the venerable facial as we've ever encountered, we don't know what is.

· Blowjobs on Flickr, Haiku Style (blowjobhaikus.blogspot.com)

Previously: BREAKING: American Idol Contestant Gives Blowjobs! (Maybe), Celebrity Blowjobs: A Look Back, Blowjob Battle, How to Deep Throat, Flesh Flicks: Raven Riley's Pop Rocks Blowjob, Porn Review Haikus: The Return

· A pregnant woman is just a beautiful sight to behold—especially when she already looks like Eva Herzigova. (mannysbabes.blogspot.com)

· Gawker's go-to photog Nikola Tamindzic does what he does best: getting babes you've never heard of to strip down to their undies. Hey, we didn't hire him for his sparkling conversation. (Gawker)

· How silly of us to mention the former teacher turned Playboy model and not wait a couple of hours for the pictures to show up. Will we ever learn? (buck1690.com, via toxicmagazine.com)

· If you still don't have a good idea for tonight, read your Valentine one of these sexy poems from one of the masters of English literature. Everyone knows poets get all the tail. (slate.com)

· We don't remember The Beach Boys ever writing a song about this, but we really wish they had. (totallycrap.com, via myhotbox.blogspot.com)

· Still need a date for this evening? Here's a tutorial on how to get that hottie whose picture you found on Flickr to go out with you, also known as Internet Stalking 101. (wired.com)

· More legislators try to protect you from yourself and the evils of MySpace and blogs. Wait until they hear about what those weirdos are doing on Flickr. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Believe it or not, some people don't need pictures of big boobs or videos of bouncing ass in order to get aroused. These non-visual types use something called "imagination" to tell "stories" and share their erotic adventures using "words" instead of images. It sounds kind of scary, but we've been looking into it and it actually works. For example, there's the long-running Clean Sheets magazine, which is a repository of sorts for sex through writing. Their website has regular updates of fiction, poetry and other tales told by talented authors - many of whom end up in popular anthologies - that will accomplish the exact opposite of what the name implies. We're not throwing away the DVD player or anything, but sometimes it's nice to unplug and let your mind do some of the work for a change.

· Clean Sheets Magazine (cleansheets.com)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive, Jess Fink's Dirty Limericks, Erotic Fiction Contest, Pulp Erotica

Dirty limericks are generally plenty graphic on their own - they don't call 'em dirty for nothing. But, the dirty quotient (a technical term, we assure you) goes up incrementally when drawings get added. Especially when those drawings aren't shy about portraying gushing vaginal juices. Jess Fink's smutty comic series debuted on AdultWebcomics.com this week, and she'll be adding two new ones every week to the site, which has a variety of high quality dirty webcomics, hand-picked by the site's owners.

And that man from Nantucket? He's got nothing on Jess Fink's dirty little mind.
- AR

· Dirty Limericks (adultwebcomics.com)
· Jess Fink (jessfink.com)