Thanks to our friends at Masturbate for Peace, we're reminded that cheap vodka isn't the only thing we can use to drown our sorrows this week. And at least our personal lubricant of choice won't leave us with nasty hangovers the morning after—just sticky DVD remotes and stains on the sofa cushions that wash out easily with a little water. (Looks like our readers in Alabama may be out of luck when trying to follow the advice here, but hey: we tried to warn them what might happen if they voted for Bush ...)

"Post-Election Masturbation Survival Guide" (Masturbate for Peace)