It's the last day of May and we couldn't resist one more celebratory wank to send National Masturbation Month out in style. It's been quite a ride, hasn't it? Remember all those good times we had ... alone in our room, with no one to hold on to but ourselves. That's why we like to think of the girl in this webcam session as a symbol of all you. It's a little known secret, but we usually fantasize about our readership during our most intimate moments and almost all of you do, in fact, look like young Brazilian women with deep tan lines. (In our heads, anyway.) We'll keep this image with us as we suffer through these next 11 grueling months without self-reflection. Oh who are we kidding? This is a year-long celebration and it's a pretty good bet that everyone will be "honoring" it 365 days a year. Wait, isn't 2008 a leap year? Bonus!
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In theory, masturbation is all about you. You touch yourself where you want, when you want, and how you want, until you get exactly what you want. Still, we can't escape that feeling that some part of Syvette Wimberly is just doing this for the people. She knows you're watching, and not only does she not care, for her it's kind of the point. We hope it doesn't ruin the magic to know that she knows that you know what she's doing, but we think it's a nice gesture that she's this touchy-feely stuff is for you as much as it is for her. The look on her face shows just how proud she is of her, uh ... handiwork.
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As we said, our month-long wankfest is nearing its dramatic conclusion, so we're going to milk this sucker (so to speak) for all it's worth. Today we bring you the well-manicured stylings of babelog stalwart Alison Angel who takes you deep inside her world—and a surprisingly clean public restroom—to show you how she treats herself to a good time. Please keep any comments about "lending her a hand" to yourself. We'll handle the bad puns around here, thank you very much. More »
One of the goals of National Masturbation Month, now moving towards its thundering climax, is to remove the stigma and shame associated with the act itself. Who among us hasn't at one time or another felt like poor Ricky, trying to save face after being discovered in the most intimate of intimate moments. How humiliating! (We think. The kid's got a pretty good poker face, actually.) On the other hand, no one among us can possibly know how Ricky feels after hearing his mother's reaction, because no mother on Earth has ever given this speech. Despite how it looks, this is not the set up for the latest sequel to Taboo, but it is actually someone's sick idea of the proper response to walking into your kid's room without knocking. The more appropriate—and more likely—technique is to run from the room horrified and never speak of it again, as Pheobe Cates wisely demonstrates in the only reason anyone remembers "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." After all, if masturbation stopped being dirty and forbidden, what would be the fun of it?
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You'd think that after all these years we'd be a little more blasé about events like the annual Masturbate-A-Thon sponsored by San Francisco's illustrious Center For Sex And Culture, but what can we say—the concept of a bunch of folks getting together to whack it for a good cause still tickles us in all the right places. This year, the festivities promise to be even more splashy with an eight-hour live event coming at you from the "Porn Palace" headquarters of Kink.com which you can attend live if you're lucky enough to find yourself South of Market this Saturday or follow along from home via a live broadcast to see competitors go mano-a-mano in an attempt to break records for endurance, longest squirt distance (male and female), and most orgasms. Best of all, you can sign up to be a participant yourself and get your friends and family to sponsor you as you jerk and moan your way to a better tomorrow. After all, it's the sort of thing that everybody does anyway—why not have something to show for it afterwards besides a few soiled Kleenexes and a craving for a post-orgasm cigarette or two?
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We all had a lot of fun yesterday recounting the joys of masturbation, but its important to remember that the five-knuckle shuffle is a gift given to us by ... let's say, Prometheus ... and it's important to use that power responsibly. Since we are in the throes of National Masturbation Month, we think it's appropriate to share this cautionary tale of self-love gone wrong. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much wanking and hopefully if you ever find yourself on the wrong side of that line, you will have concerned friends and loved ones to bring you back. Until then, remember this cherished piece of wisdom that we tell ourselves every day during our legally-mandated six-and-a-half-minute coffee break: Just because you can jerk off, doesn't mean you should. Think about it.
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They say that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, and since you rarely have to buy yourself dinner or a fancy ring in order to get lucky we'd say that's a pretty tough statement to argue with. As you mayknow by now, May is National Masturbation Month, and in honor of that self-centered spirit we've pulled together this collection of links, pictures and videos that not only recognize the event, but will help you find ways to enjoy the occasion yourself. Of course, just about every post in our archives should be able to help you with that, but that's the beauty of this month-long extravaganza—each and every day is an new opportunity to celebrate. Maybe even two or three opportunities, if you have enough stamina. More »
Latest by Kuono:
Good Vibrations began celebrating National Masturbation Month in 1995. Earlier that year, then-Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for more »
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Fri Nov 21
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