· The French are famously uninhibited, but apparently they are not fans of sex toys. We suppose if you're having that much actual sex, tools aren't really necessary. (itv.com)

· A law banning "sexually suggestive" highway billboards has been ruled unconstitutional. Luckily, our Founding Fathers understood the importance of quality smut. (news-leader.com)

· An anonymous porn director is suing his producers for revealing his true identity, but if you directed a movie that became "the top black, gay DVD in the U.S. for five weeks in a row" wouldn't you want everyone to know? (upi.com)

· Britain's Channel 5 is debuting a new sitcom that is set in a brothel. That's usually not the place where you want people laughing at you. (guardian.co.uk + avn.com)

· It's back to school time, so before your kids head off to college sit them down and have "the talk." Pay attention, too, because you'll probably learn something. (fortwayne.com)

· Finally, here's a reason to get out of bed this morning. You're welcome.(YouTube)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.