Taking a bath or a shower with a loved one has its pros and cons. Pro: Your partner can wash your body with increased care and dexterity. Con: Only certain bodyparts get attention from your partner (ever seen a booty shine like this one?). Also, something about hot water and clean towels always creates a situation where one person gets jizzed on. We don't know why, but it always happens.

· Full Bath Sex Vid (xtube.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

We understand that HJ's are not for everyone. In fact, when it comes to our own unit, we prefer to take care of things manually. Still for some this extended form of masturbation is nothing short of the cat's meow, a safe and fun way to let some pressure off and bring the engines back to neutral. That's where Porno Dan and legendary smutmaster Jim Powers come in.

Volume 3 of 'Hand Job Winner' stars the nasty girl with the supermodel good looks – Kiara Diane. Kiara goes to work, churning her lucky fan's cock like she's attempting to make a batch of homemade ice cream the old fashioned way. By all appearances it works, with her getting a piping hot load of sweet cream to her satisfaction. It's nice when you can see the results of the hard work you put in without having to wait. Girls love that kind of instant gratification.

Legal teen daydream Kacey Jordan also makes an appearance in the flick. She may easily be our favorite legal teen of all time, running neck and neck with Lil Lupe back in her heyday.

Add in a two parts former contract girls, Anne Marie Rios and Delilah Strong, and equal dashes of dirty girls Arielle Alexis and Crista Moore, and you have a recipe for ball draining excitement that's fun for the whole family.

'Handjob Winners 3' releases before the end of the decade – which means in days. Check for it online or at finer smut shops across the nation. Now check out our exclusive gallery. Thanks again Porno Dan. You rock buddy!

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Maybe Screech is a goofball, and maybe he'll never make the football team, but he has a sizable penis and that's the next best thing. Er, maybe the penis is the first best thing. After all, this is (Not) Lisa Turtle (XXX) we're talking about here.

· Buy "This Ain't Saved By The Bell XXX" (gamelink.com)

Mandy Candy

Studio: Heartcore Films
Director: Kimberly Kane
Cast: Mandy Morbid, Kimberly Kane, Devi Lynne, Zak Sabbath, noname

Mandy Morbid, former Suicide Girl, hasn't blessed the pages of our website in quite a while. Imagine our excitement when we received "Mandy Candy" in the mail! Well, the excitement was short-lived.

Mandy has a gentle face (some have said she looks a tad like Anne Hathaway) and a bodacious rack; these are both wonderful to see in photos. Unfortunately, she seems less than comfortable in front of the video camera. The longest scene with her and boyfriend Zak Sabbath feels like a driver's-ed class: jerky, awkward, stop-and-start sex. Sometimes Zak has to put a pillow under Mandy's butt, or take it out, or he has to slap Mandy with his cock, or he has to spit on her tits, or whatever: let's just say it's really hard to work up a good lather with all these interruptions.

Like much of Ms. Morbid's other work, "Mandy Candy" has a sinister edge to it. Both the DVD menu and the opening credits have a grating, industrial soundtrack likely designed to unnerve viewers and create a state of vulnerability. In this same vein, one of the segues between scenes features little, dark subtitles describing Mandy's favorite pastime: picking up young, runaway girls off the street and paying them to masturbate on camera (an activity Devi Lynne later demonstrates). Beyond that bit of brooding, the four, straightforward scenes are really just standard fuckshows.

Due props must be given to Kimberly Kane: she is a solid rock in an otherwise shifting world of altgirl porn and her scenes in "Mandy Candy" are simply the best. First she rolls up on Mandy's hotel room with a long, black trench coat and duffle bag full of rope, dildos, vibrators, and strapons, and unceremoniously goes to work on Mandy's with the heaviest tools. It's like that scene from the first Matrix movie where Neo and Trinity try to pass security with loads of guns on them, except Kimberly Kane is far more attractive than Carrie-Anne Moss. For the final vignette, Kimberly throat-fucks the cameraman and beats him off with a cherry Ring Pop on her hand. It may be a bit anticlimactic, but it's the sweetest gag session ever.

So while "Mandy Candy" is a good snack of Mandy Morbid, you might feel let down if you were expecting a full meal.

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Truth be told, this isn't the first time we've seen this kind of sensual suction in vintage porn, but it's one of the best. It makes us think that people in the olden days were much more intimate with their cleaning appliances. The next time you need to relieve some tension or feather your hair, look no further than the good ol' WetDry vacuum.

· Buy "Flaming Tongues" (vcx.com)

There's a popular saying in some parts for a young girl who's freshly legal to fuck, ripe and ready, with that excited look in her young eyes, ready to transformed into a little lady—that's farm fresh.

3rd Degree director extraordinaire Danny Case hipped the world to this unique slang for tight, sexy twat, juicer than juice box, popping hot and fresh all down your legs when you run delirious all up in it. Now he's bringing you the sequel, and, from the way these girls sound, it's the season's true "squeakquel," and far more entertaining than being locked up at a kid's movie listening to chipmunks scream for two hours.

Hot ass Rebeca Linares kicks off the festivities, setting one hell of an example for the rest of these little ladies. Nesty, Valeska Mala, Dani Jensen, Ashlyn Rae, and Aleska show us what they know. With cream pies, hard anal, double penetration, and full blown filth we feel safe saying these ladies are hog wild. We also feel confident the sample they sent over pretty much covers any questions you might have. Pardon us while we head of to grab a couple cups of eggnog.

"Farm Fresh 2" will be out any time now. Keep your eyes peeled and a bottle of extra peppermint lube ready just in case. Our ears (and genitals) are still ringing.

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Take it from the couples (and solo acts) in these videos—even if a lot of us don't celebrate Christmas, we still love to embrace the time allotted for spending with that special someone...by fucking their brains out.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

A Sexy Christmas Gift Wrapped in Red Ribbon (xtube.com)

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My X-mas 3way! (xtube.com)

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Of course, given that we have eyes and all, we can tell for ourselves that Melrose is worthy of fixation, period. And believe you us...we are definitely fixated.

· Buy "Black Ass Fixation 2" (evolutionerotica.com)

It'd certainly make mowing the lawn vastly more interesting.

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How you like them apples, kid? Raven kicks off her career as a Digital Playground contract star on a quest to become a fucking legend (literally) with a sexy romp on Scott's well-marinated nail. Raven is greedy to get his famous junk all up in her grill, slurping and showing us her hand technique. Looks like years of practicing on video game consoles have paid off as she slurp-twist-flicks his joystick while engaging him in ball play serious enough to make us think she's trying to unlock some secret code in his scrotum. Scott runs her through a series of predictable positions, warming her up and teasing us a little before flipping her on her belly and giving her every inch of his love.

Her second scene in this Digital debut features her taking on the tool of Mick Blue. Once again, she gargles hard, then lets Mick take her sweet, tight body for a long, hard ride. By the time she's climbing on top of his cock, we are starting to rethink our first impressions of this fiery little minx. Watching her taking control and slamming her sweet, creamy white ass and hot pink gash onto his quivering rod, there can be no doubt that this girl is a heart breaker, the kind that sell movies, emptying wallets and balls with equal impunity—and crushing anyone who gets in her way.

As if that wasn't enough to make an entire movie out of, Robby D throws in a ton of hot sex to round this title out. Kristina Rose reminds us why we love her more with every scene as she gets plowed (and we do mean plowed) by James Deen. Then our favorite Jewish male performer takes sexy Kerry Louise apart, showing us all up into her lunch as his massive schlong mercilessly pummels her uterus.

Still, our favorite scene not featuring Raven stars another Alexis. Miss Texas partners up with Charles Dera for a wild romp that will keep you mesmerized. Hot damn, that ass just don't stop! Pretty girl, you have no idea what you're doing to us, do you? Every single scene is a fucking blessing, Alexis Texas. How would we get through these long nights without you, baby?

"Raven Alexis No Love Lost" drops next year, on January 5th 2010. We are expecting great things from this little sexpot—and so far, we haven't been disappointed. Check out the gallery provided by Digital Playground. All rights are reserved. Play nice.

Raven Alexis and Scott Nails
Buy "Raven Alexis No Love Lost" (digitalplayground.com)
All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Raven Alexis and Scott Nails
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Alexis Texas and Charles Dera
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Alexis Texas and Charles Dera
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Alexis Texas and Charles Dera
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All images courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
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Kerry Louise and James Deen
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Kerry Louise and James Deen
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Raven Alexis and Mick Blue
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Raven Alexis and Mick Blue
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Kristina Rose
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Sadie West
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Sadie West and Kristina Rose
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Kristina Rose and James Deen
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Although if her head starts spinning around, definitely let us know. A cock-crazed girl with 360 degree head spin? Just imagine the possibilities...

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If anything, they crave it more, because they know what they're missing, all couped up in their suburban houses, far from action and all that juicy prick meat. With the demands of running a household, the unseen pressures of domesticity, the banality and neglect built into marriage, she's facing the perfect recipe for sexual entropy—but her sex drive is climbing like thermometer left on a Foreman grill as her baby clock ticks!

To make things worse, men are biologically inclined to stuff their tool as far into the youngest, legal ladies they can entice into take a load or three. Is it any wonder that these ladies get bossy? Taking out their sexual rage on unsuspecting young studs who can't get with girls their own age?

Director Alex De Large plays the role of biographer to their decline, on behalf of Hustler, capturing the sequel to the first "Bossy MILFs" release—which gained worldwide recognition when Jane Goodall referenced it during a New York Times interview as one of the most compelling documentaries of 2008. He captures the frenetic mating habits of six lusty ladies in their prime, maintaining a degree of journalistic integrity that would earn him a Pulitzer were he covering something less controversial, like say, the Afghan war or the Tea Party Divide of 2009.

Make no mistake: we are not suggesting that Raquel Devine, Morgan Ray, Trina Michaels, Devon Lee, Janet Mason, and Anjanette Astoria have jumped the shark in any way. If anything, we are suggesting that Alex's cleverly captured footage reveals how these seasoned performers have so much left to bring to the table. On the flip side, his largely imperceptible invisible hand easily exposes the inner demons that drive these women to the brink of sexual frenzy in the presence of young cock, until we sympathize in our cum drenched drawers.

"Bossy MILFs 2" releases from Hustler this week. Check out our exclusive photo feed from the wilds of Chatsworth. Thanks to Alex and his team of dedicated anthropologists for risking their lives and genitals to capture this amazing footage.

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Even better: those friends have video cameras. Watch out for the sexy surprise reversal in the last video – it was too hot to resist including.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

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It'd be too easy to brush off sexual Santa flicks as an easy way to cash in on the holiday season; this definitely goes deeper than economics. Santa Claus is the Übermensch of porn, he's one of the few magical beings we feel comfortable with in our home, and he only gets one night per year to party. As these films will show, Santa's lap isn't just a place where wishes come true, it's a seat of power.

Miracle On 69th Street
This time, Kris Kringle isn't worried about making amends between rival department stores or proving that he really is Santa Claus. He's just trying to stuff some stockings, and move to the next town.
Moral of the story: Santa is not a one woman man, even Mrs. Claus knows that.
· Buy "Miracle On 69th Street" (gamelink.com)

All I Want For Christmas Is A Gang Bang
This memorable gangbang flick from the early '90s isn't holding up the Santa-is-real charade. Ron Jeremy and eight other Salvation Army volunteers take a break from asking for donations to go ring bells in the mall. Kerri Downs and Annabel Chong can't spare any money, but they figure the Santas deserved something for their hard work.
Moral of the story: Even if Santa Claus isn't real, his image is so powerful that it commands loose women to share their bodies with any guy wearing red velvet and a beard.
· Buy "All I Want For Christmas Is A Gang Bang" (gamelink.com)

Private Black Label 48: Sexy Santa
So, as it turns out, there's not just one plump, jolly, old Santa, but many young, voluptuous, seductive female Santas. If you're naughty, they hold you prisoner and taunt you with their nudity and masturbation. If you're nice, they sneak into your bed at night—whether or not there's someone already with you, like your wife—and fuck you senseless.
Moral of the story: It doesn't matter if you're naughty or nice, everyone deserves something special for Christmas.
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Santa's Itty Bitty Titty Helpers
Christmas isn't just about getting new things, it's about appreciating what you already have. When women wish for larger, fuller, bouncier boobs, Santa feels obligated to hop off the sleigh and declare his love for petite tits. And to make sure his message is clear, he will also have sex with the women.
Moral of the story: People don't always get what they want for Christmas, but Santa does.
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Yo Yo Yo: A Very Black Christmas Tale
Here's the description gamelink.com provides: "This is a very black Christmas tale. Have you been dreaming of a bad Christmas? And when I said bad, I mean good. Well, here it is. Rudolph's hot nose will lead us from one smoking scene to the next."
Moral of the story: Rudolph is our favorite reindeer.
· Buy "Yo Yo Yo: A Very Black Christmas Tale" (gamelink.com)

Hustler's Barely Legal - The Bitch That Stole Christmas
Santa's just trying to get work done, but all the women at the North Pole are on his jock. Ashli Orion, Tori Black, Audrey Hollander, and Tiffany Price decide to steal the Christmas cheer and use it for an all-out fuckfest. Santa's doesn't stand for that; if there's going to be a pile of squirming nakedness on the workshop floor, he's going to be king of the heap.
Moral of the story: Santa Claus, like the moon, has an inescapable tidal pull on women that not even he can ignore. Also, he gives the elves sloppy seconds.
· Buy "Hustler's Barely Legal - The Bitch That Stole Christmas" (gamelink.com)

The Tits That Saved XXX-Mas
It's sort of the inverse of "The Bitch That Stole Christmas," in that tits are part of the solution, not the problem. When Christmas is in danger of being cancelled, Mrs. Claus (Ava Devine) deputizes her special helpers to lift Mr. Claus' spirits. And they do just that.
Moral of the story: Santa knows how to pick his women; Mrs. Claus is down for whatever.
· Buy "The Tits That Saved XXX-Mas" (gamelink.com)

Santa's Revenge
We're not really sure what this one is about. We assume that Jenny Hendrix leaves out porn for Santa Claus to watch, and he falls asleep after jerking off. It's like "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" except the porn DVD is mommy and kissing is significantly less important of an event.
Moral of the story: Santa has his priorities straight: porn > cookies and milk.
· Buy "Santa's Revenge" (gamelink.com)

Nice Jewish Girls
Christmas isn't the only December holiday worth porn-ifying, but sadly, there's a complete dearth of Hanukkah or Kwanzaa porn. The most likely cause is the absence of identifiable or marketable figures in the traditions of the other holidays. Since no one will take our script for a Hanukkah gangbang with Judah Maccabee and eight women ("I only have enough cum for one!"), we'll have to settle for James Deen dressed in Hasidic garb.
Moral of the story: James Deen may be Santa's only threat.
· Buy "Nice Jewish Girls" (gamelink.com)

From couples who've just tied the knot to wives who've turned to cuckoldry, sex at school and sex at work, and those who are touched (on video!) for the very first time, these are the lists that made your list. And so, with no further adieu, we'd like to offer you a peek at the most popular top ten lists of 2009. Dig in and enjoy, people—this is the cream of the crop.

10) When Hubby's Away: Top Ten Amateur Cheating Wives Videos

9) Rub-A-Dub-Dub: Top Ten Amateur Bath Sex Videos

8) Here Comes The Bride: Top Ten Amateur Honeymoon Videos

7) College Life 101: Top Ten Amateur Dorm Sex Videos

6) All Work And No Play: Top Ten Amateur Office Sex Videos

5) The Squirtin' Geyser Of Love: Top Ten Amateur Female Ejaculation Videos

4) Take It Like A Man: Top Ten Girl-On-Guy Strap On Sex Videos

3) Autumn Is Coming: Top Ten Amateur Outdoor Fall Sex Videos

2) No Boys Allowed: Top Ten Amateur Lesbian Sex Videos

1) Like A Virgin: Top Ten First Time Amateur Sex Videos

The fifth volume in this signature series, from Immoral Production's partners Jim Powers and Porno Dan Leal, offers real-life fans the chance to get paid to get laid first and foremost by Best New Starlet nominee (and part time super hero) Kagney Linn Karter, but also by Gina Lynn, Sara Jay, Heather Starlet, and Cindy Hope.

So who ends up winning the chance to stick their pork sword up into the hot pink lubricious insides of our busty blonde cover girl? A very lucky fan named Jesus. Is this a Christmas miracle or were his parents just a little overzealous in the religion when they named him? You will have to decide for yourselves. We can promise you this though – when he got to the holy land he did fall to his knees, cry hallelujah, and praise the lord.

For Gina Lynn it's her second appearance—which should inspire her fans to hold that torch a little longer. Yes, there is a chance that she could one day give you the best three minutes of your lives. By far the most entertaining was Heather Starlet, who nails her fan Vic after picking him up off the floor of the AVN convention. That right there makes the show worth attending. Now if only we could get all of the fans who show up to shower and use deodorant before they get down to where the girls are signing, that would truly be a public service.

"Fuck A Fan Volume 5" comes out this week. It makes one hell of a stocking stuffer so go ahead and cram it in there with all those knick knacks, ammunition, and all that candy. Now check out the action in our exclusive gallery. Thanks Porno Dan for coming through again!

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True, it looks like most of Amy's New York sojourn took place in the comfort of a hotel room...but it was a hotel room in Times Square. And that's enough for us. (Though if she could shoot her next scene at The Standard, that would be even better.)

· Buy "Riedality" (gamelink.com)

Active in the Private/Harmony school of hard-fucking Europeans, Black Anjelika has, in her two years and 50-odd porn scenes, evolved into a garden of porny delights on legs. While there is no mistaking she is a porn performer, one can't help but suspect she is just a little bit wholesome, too, agitating suspicions that she probably got her impossible porn vixen body through the Romanian tradition of bathing in virgins' blood.

It's true: vampires are all over the place over there.

But back to "Anal Asspirations 11." Even though the title itself is a little on the nose (or up the ass) - because you don't need "asspirations" when you've already got "anal," Anjelika has a nice spa day with a dude who can't get enough of her. Lucky bastard.

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The Perversion

Studio: Grey Art
Directors: Sasha Grey and Oren Cohen
Cast: Sasha Grey, Evie Dellatoso, Kiera King, Sindee Jennings, Faye Reagan, Nikki Rhodes, Tommy Gunn, Nick Manning, Dane Cross

Like "The Birthday Party," "The Perversion" balances hardcore with high art; not only is it satisfying to watch, but it gives you something to talk about around the water cooler with, you know, the co-workers who understand you. The movie is described as an exploration of "artistic metaphors of domination and submission," although it's hard to divide the symbols and metaphors from the literal demonstrations of sexual control. But whatever, Sasha Grey wears a cape and looks fucking fantastic.

We probably don't need to tell you how great the sex is, but some things deserve mention. As previously showcased, Dane Cross and Faye Reagan dominate Sindee Jennings through a bizarre mix of camaraderie and exclusion. At one point, they Eiffel Tower her (that is, they join hands as Sindee is fucked by Dane and eats out Faye) with such romance and passion that it almost strips that position of its frat house connotations.

One of the most surprising things about "The Perversion" is how much we enjoyed Nick Manning in his scene with Tommy Gunn and Kiera King. In this vignette, you see Kiera lying on the ground, wearing a leash, and lapping up the puddle of booze spilled on the floor. While the music is still going, Nick and Tommy lumber their enormous frames into the scene, pick Kiera up, and fuck her. All this is standard.

But when the music stops, Nick Manning comes off as a crazed, three-dicked Cerberus barking orders to GAG ON THAT COCK (emphasis his), and yet it somehow fits! Honestly. It's especially menacing juxtaposed with Tommy Gunn's cool, silent, and vicious demeanor.

Seeing Sasha master the women around her is always refreshing, and it's in her scenes with Evie Dellatoso and Nikki Rhodes that the metaphors of domination clearly come across. For example, while pushing around Nikki, she keeps black tape over her nipples. This effectively denies the viewer the full image of her breast; Sasha dominates the imagery.

And dominate she should. Now that Grey Art is pumping out films, she can feel free to show us whatever she'd like.
* * * * *

Previously: What Would Faye Reagan Do (With Sindee Jennings' Face)?

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Even though this is only her second scene ever, she shows real potential (at least Tom Byron thinks so). Sure, she gets fatigued and a little dizzy at times, but she keeps going! We think she needs to control her chi better. She resists the penis too much; she needs to remain fluid, use the penis' energy against itself. This is the essence of fuck-jitsu.

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* * * * *

Previously: Rice, Toast, and "Unseasoned Players" Are Good For Digestion

Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel has a fresh gallery from her latest international excursion with James Deen, and frankly, we're a tad jealous. Not that we have French-envy or anything—we're 100% American through and through—but how are we supposed to talk about how rad the Louvre was when there's a full-length porn about having sex around France to compete with?

· More photos and the trailer for "Joanna Angel and James Deen's European Vacation" at XOXOJoannaAngel (xoxojoannaangel.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Lucky for us (and Mr. Rosano), touching Bree doesn't cause you to explode in flames, there's only a slight melting sensation. You may also experience sweating, dizziness, weak knees, euphoria, and a sudden affinity for footjobs. We recommend not using heavy machinery during exposure to Bree. Unless you're using your computer to watch her, then you kind of can't help it.

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Previously: Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From "Bree Exposed"

You can tell there's a great deal of trust between these two. Ass play isn't something you just casually pick up one day: it's a journey, an exploration you take with yourself, a friend, or maybe a group of friends. It's like Beyonce says, "If you like it then you should put a finger in it."

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Krissy Lynn, Zerah Jones, Cindy Hope and Mick Blue kick off the whortastic Olympics of sex, with the kind of fireworks that sear an indelible image into your eyes. Yeah, it's that good kind of burn. Any single one of these girls on their own would be enough – much less the unholy trio – to drain an average man's nuts in sixty seconds. Mick Blue is like the new God of Fuck.

Rio Valentine and Manuel Ferrara are up next, turning in one amazingly juicy scene. Bodily fluids flow liberally throughout, while the french stud cranks one ear piercing orgasm after another rom Rio's deep throat. She is more beautiful, and talented, than any opera singer we have ever met.

Brynn Tyler, Piper Fontaine share a moment of ineffable Sapphic bliss before Rio makes a "cumback," riding the ever ready rod of pretty boy Derick Pierce like a jockey going for the blue ribbon in the Kentucky Derby. Then sexy bitch Jayden James, who has completely won our hearts over with her luscious curves her irresistable ass, her indefatigable rack, goes wild on Manuel Ferrara. Joy juice spurts in ample measure as he treats her to the kind of proper cunt smashing that only a seasoned whore could bear. Truly anything less would be uncivilized.

Madison Parker rounds it all out by taking Mick Blue for a ride - grinding her hot twat all over his crotch until his hard cock is way up into her lunch. She gulps down his piping fresh load with the zeal of a retired street walker. We couldn't be happier—or prouder.

"Whore It Up" releases from Robby D & Digital Playground next week. Now enjoy a small sample of the goods, graciously provided courtesy of Digital—and behave.

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Our buffet of videos features both couples and solo acts. Whether they find pleasure in licking sweets off of their partner or using edible products on their own, the message is the same. Don't play with your food...unless you plan on videotaping it.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

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Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel offers this festive porn in the grand tradition of holiday specials. It's like a Very Special Christmas episode of "House," in which House learns the magic of giving. Except instead of House, it's Joanna Angel. And instead of "giving," it's bondage tape and fake beards.

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Perhaps a subsidiary washing is in order? And then maybe another creampie? Sure, this clip is only about four minutes long, but you could loop it and all you would see is an endless cycle of cleaning and coming, cleaning and coming...

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Well, you're in luck: Fetish Fantasy Girl—or Iridal Loveland—wants to create a site just like that! Iridal's weekly cam shows are based on fantasies submitted by members...who, if they're especially lucky, sometimes even get to appear in the videos.

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Not The Bradys XXX: Pussy Power

Studio: LFP Distribution/X-Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, Kacey Jordan, Alana Evans, Lynn Lemay, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Tanner Mayes, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, James Deen, Mikey Butders, Ron Jeremy, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Dane Cross

On this episode of "Not The Bradys," young Jan (now played by Dylan Riley) feels neglected by her family, teachers, and—most of all—the boys at her school. Little does Jan know that all she needs to get a little attention (or tickets to a concert, or good grades) is some Pussy Power. And with that skirting-the-edges-of-sexist comment, let the film begin!

Lucky for Jan, bad girl Tanner Mayes shows up at the Brady Compound and wildly masturbates in Jan's bed, which somehow introduces her to the world of mature decisions and sexual favors. Jan realizes that the key to Marcia's success has always been blowjobs, and so her only hope of "being good at something" lies in emulating her big sister.

Meanwhile, everyone else is having sex, looking good in their ‘70s garb, maintaining erections and wholesome imagery, etc. Lexi Belle is the new Marcia, and she fits the role just fine. Her secret romp with the high school quarterback is not only inspirational to the viewer, but to Jan and Cindy as well.

On the male side of things, all is well. James Deen is still adorable as Peter. He somehow manages to look goofy and enthusiastic in the middle of his scene with Tanner, just like good ol' Christopher Knight. Mikey Butders embodies the coy Bobby Brady just as well. His threesome with Ashlyn Rae and Nicole Ray is one of the finest in Brady family history. Except maybe for that one time Alice stumbled into Mr. and Mrs. B's bedroom.

But hey, gang! There are some things more disappointing than Jan's violin playing (insert laugh track here). They still haven't delivered on that real, slow Sam the Butcher/Alice loving, although the characters talk about it non-stop. However, there is a simulated sex scene in which Alice ducks behind the kitchen island and Ron Jeremy pretends to be fellated most comically. Like most of the humor in Will Ryder parodies, this goes until it becomes awkward, keeps going, and then arbitrarily stops.

All in all, it feels like another Will Ryder movie: the sex is very good, the comedy is very bad, and everyone can feel ok about the lack of Brady-on-Brady boinking. The whole Pussy Power thing is something to think about. We always wondered how Carol convinced a man to take her and her three daughters in; "much more than a hunch" indeed.

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It's honestly been a while since we last saw our old friend Miles Long. So you can imagine our surprise when we learned that he was the artist behind this Third Degree Film masterpiece-in-the-making. Yes, you could say we were titillated...because we would never stoop so low as to be that punny.

Busty beauty Diamond Foxxx shows us once again why she's become the hottest new MILF of 2009, with an incendiary performance that left us drooling from our mouths and genitals and craving more. Her sheer sexual presence and sultry mystique are enough to make you cum in your pants prematurely, and then she gets to work on a hard prick with her mouth, hands, tits and holes—and it's game over.

Former Vivid girl and extraordinary beauty Raylene also stars in this big boob vehicle, her sly smile and ample curves a blessing under any circumstances. She's slow to arouse, her gift the wry art of seduction, but once this hot mama gets her engine cranked up she's an unstoppable sex machine who can take on all cummers.

Sultry sex pots Victoria Valentina, Moxxie Maddron, and Sienna West join in with their jiggling juggs, each presenting memorable and enntertaining performances that will keep you mesmerized.

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And who better to include in such a buffet than 11 year veteran Jada Fire? No one, that's who (though we must admit, her costars are pretty impressive, too....).

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This movie is exceptionally well shot by William H. and edited by Robert Laplance. The team makes these sunny, upbeat, and strenuous interludes with Monique Alexander (fantastic blowjob), Sadie West (competent soccer player), Phoenix Marie (pliant!), Abbey Brooks (thanks for involving men in your life, finally), and the resurgent Hillary Scott that much more effective.

I am not saying that the five women listed above can't do some major damage just standing there, but a movie like this one, which would be a throwaway in other hands (brief setups of women exercising and then playfully seduced by their partners), really knocks it out of the park, making each performer look her sweaty, alluring best.

As a carnivore, I like a little flesh and jiggle. Only volleyballer Abbey Brooks qualifies as voluptuous - everyone else is either whippet thin or, like Phoenix Marie, muscularly sexy - but each vignette displays teamwork, effort, and vigor. I want these women on my side.

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But whatever: clearly, the why is not important as the fact that this happened. And that it was caught on tape, uploaded to the internet, and streamed into our homes (and offices, for the naughty types).

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* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive