And having learned this—well, we can't really say that our life has changed in any measurable way, but it still was enough to give us a momentary thrill. And isn't that what's really important in life?

· Britney Spears (hollywoodtuna.com)

Hey, can you think of a better way to start off your Monday morning?

Britney Spears Topless Photos (nypost.com)
Britney Spears Topless (taxdrivermovie.com)

Britney Spears Topless Photos (nypost.com)
Britney Spears Topless (taxdrivermovie.com)

Britney Spears Topless Photos (nypost.com)
Britney Spears Topless (taxdrivermovie.com)

Okay, so before she even made it out of her teens, she supposedly got a boob job, and now they're disappearing again. Aaaaalright. The article even references vagina dentata, but we're not even going to touch that one. Really, would YOU want to? (socialiteife.celebuzz.com)

We often wonder why people search so hard for nipple-slip and upskirt pictures of celebrities who are, in most cases, less attractive than the porn stars who give it all up all the time in every movie.

And then we remember our basic economics, and the principle of supply and demand. Lexi Love is plenty good enough for us, though. Happy 28th birthday, Lexi!

Bio data courtesy of the Internet Adult Film Database

· Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com)
· Lexi Love at IAFD.com (iafd.com)
· Buy Lexi Love’s movies (gamelink.com)

. . .

· Britney Spears - Womanizer (YouTube)

. . .

Kim Kardashian

Claire Danes

Paulina Rubio

Rosario Dawson

Helen Mirren

Britney Spears

Ashley Tisdale

Cora Skinner

Laura Vandervoort

Audrina Patridge

. . .

. . .

· The Britney Spears Sex Tape

We all wanted that one to be true, but sadly, that was just the beginning of the end for America's fairy tale couple.

. . .

· The Alyson Hannigan Sex Tape

To this day, you can still find paysites that are trying to pass this off an authentic exclusive, even though no one really believed it in the first place.

. . .

· The Adriana Lima Sex Tape



We would have totally bought that a Victoria's Secret supermodel would fuck on tape, except that virgins don't generally fuck on tape. Or Victoria's Secret supermodels for that matter.

. . .

· American Idol contestant Antonella Barba's blowjob

We were never 100% sure if these were definitively proven to be her or not, but that's beautiful thing about interent scandals: It's not a lie if you believe it!

. . .

· Vanessa Hudgens Nude Cell Phone Pics

The craziest thing about these pictures wasn't that they involved the star of a Disney show, but that they were actually her! (She also may have taken them for a boy who isn't really into girls, but that's another story).

. . .

· Kristin Davis' Old Nudie Pics

Some people are apparently still on the fence about this one, but unless someone has a really detailed picture of Kristin Davis' elbows we're not buying it.

Check out some of the moments that kept our jobs interesting this year after the jump.

. . .

10

Not Meg White
Sometimes the best sex scandals are the ones that aren't true. Did White Stripes rhythm section Meg White really bang some college student in his dorm and let him film it? Does it even matter?

9

Britney's Downward Spiral, Stage 3
So ... um ... yeah ... that happened. Moving on ...

8

Hayden's Barely Legal Year
Another hot young babe had her "it's no longer creepy" party, to be followed next year by her "whatever happened to?" fiesta (i.e., her 19th birthday).

7

Everybody's Preggers!
Salma. Christina. Halle. Jessica. J-Love. Jaime-Lynn? (No comment on that one.) Everyone seems to have forgone the sexy on-camera Hollywood screwing for the private, baby-making kind. On the plus side, bigger boobs are always nice.

6

Anything Sienna Miller Does. Ever.
Seriously, we're not sure if this gal even owns a shirt, much less knows how to wear one, but we're just glad that her dedication to the cause of the celebrity nudity is so strong and vital.

5

Amy Fisher Understands A Good Press Event
Step aside, all you amateur scandalebrities: let a real tabloid veteran show you how it's done!

4

Natalie Portman's Ass
Better in theory than in iPod-quality practice, but any chance to see Ms. Portman sans culottes is a chance we're never going to pass up.

3

Kim Kardashian: Superstar?
The Paris Hilton "famous for being famous while having sex" phenomenon comes full circle, as her former sidekick parlays her fame by association into a TV show, a Playboy shoot and the worst Vivid video of all time. But at least she's not shy.

2

Vanessa Hudgens' Graduation Gift
Even gay men agree: don't send your high school musical boyfriend full-frontal nudie pics unless you're absolutely sure he can be trusted to not share them with all his friends Planet Earth. (P.S. You can't.)

1

Vanessa and Nick's Excellent Adventure
While they are not the biggest names on this list, the Mexican hot tub dance between pseudo-celebrities Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo was quite possibly our biggest story of the year. We hope that had more to do with the revelation of Vanessa's generous bush than Nick's pained o-face, but the moral, as always, is that watching famous people do dirty things is a terrific way to pass the time.

* * * * *

Honorable Mention: Sharon Stone's Outrageous Cameltoe, Marisa Tomei Wakes The Dead, and Mr. Skin's Top 20 Nude Scenes Of 2007

· Britney Spears' Pussy is Back (egotastic.com)

There's was a time when getting a glimpse of Britney Spears without her shirt on would have been a life-changing event. Back before the marriage (and the divorce) and the kids and the rehab and the general loss of her grip on reality, the sight of even one of her bare breasts would have sent paroxysms of joy and wonder through the heart of pop-watchers everywhere. These days, a boob slip gets buried on the back page thanks to the continuing saga of her good friend Paris Hilton and we're left with nothing to do but shake our heads. (We're still looking, of course, but we are shaking our heads as we do it.) She knows that pretty much everything she does is captured on film by paparazzi, right? And she knows that clothing store changing rooms come with curtains for a reason, correct? And she still owns at least one bra, doesn't she? Ok, so it's not exactly a Playboy spread, but since we've already seen the entire package at this point, she probably should have just gone ahead and posed for a fully-nude layout, and at least gotten paid for it. Think of all the underwear that would buy!

· "Britney Spears is Naked. Don't Look." (egotastic.com + taxidrivermovie.com)

Previously: Breaking: Britney Spears Not Even Trying Anymore, Britney Spears: Off The Deep End?, Britney Spears Upskirt Photos: No, Really

Shame on you celebrity boobie bloggers. We rely on you and your generous tips to alert us the second any see-through blouse, a cold breeze, or an errant bra strap unveils even the slightest hint of rich or famous nipple. Yet there we were, wandering aimlessly around the web when we stumbled upon the latest and greatest wardrobe malfunction from one Miss Britney Spears. And where did we find this bounty? A freakin' girly blog. That's right, our increasing slutty little sister, Jezebel, scooped us in our Celebrity NippleWatch™ duties. It's not like we have anything brilliant to add about the world's greatest living trainwreck pulling a Tara Reid in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard, but it's the principle of the thing you know? We thought they were going to write about ribbons and perfume and stuff like that. Between this, their secret laundry porn fantasies, and their thoughts on the New York Times love letter to spunk (which frankly has left us all a little unsettled), we're starting to wonder if we should stop taking our bosses' phone calls. As long as no one tells those chicks about the tentacles, we think our jobs are safe.

· You've Got To Admire Her A Little Bit Because Miss Britney Jean Spears Obviously Doesn't Give A Shit + Laundry Baskets: Good Things To Have, But Not As Sex Props + All About Sperm, And A Whale Of Disturbing Phrases To Describe It (Jezebel)
· A Salute To Sperm (Gawker)

Previously: Wet Spots: Britney Spears Nailed By The Bra Police, Morning Wood: Britney Spears, Fashion Icon, Britney Spears: Off The Deep End?

· A federal appeals court tells the FCC to go fuck itself and rules that if the president can say any bullshit thing he wants on TV, then so can any asshole in America. Fuckin' A right we can! (forbes.com)

· Britney Spears' ass devours its thong packaging. At least she's finally getting some decent media coverage. (egotastic.com)

· Jenna Jameson is already on Team Hillary; now Savanna Samson is "in love" with Rudy Giuliani for president. Now that would be a debate we might actually tune in to see. (papermag.com)

· You may or may not get turned on by ladies who are expecting, but ... holy cow, pregnant Salma Hayek boobies! Who knew those things could any better? (wwtdd.com)

· Dita Von Teese will star in her first movie ... as a stripper. It's a bit of a stretch, but we think she can handle it. (metro.co.uk)

· If you're wondering who won those Feminist Porn Awards, the answers are here. Congratulations to all you crazy dames. (goodforher.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The silver lining to all this Britney Spears exposure is that she can finally get some honest advice about how to choose a proper bra. Finally, someone to set this girl straight. (knickersblog.com)

· Eva Longoria's ass is in the eye of the beholder. Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. (egotastic.com+ hollywoodtuna.com)

· Oh noes!!1! Social networking sites may soon over take porn as the most popular places on the web. We hope Gawker Media has a new blog for that too. (thechronicleherald.ca)

· If you took a taxi in San Diego recently and your cabbie was not wearing pants, look on the bright side—unlike some other cities a cabbie not wearing pants is still news in San Diego. (10news.com)

· Mike and Mandy's latest ladyboy gallery caters to all sides our reader demographic ... or at least those into chicks with boy parts. (mikeyandmandy.com)

· How do pornstars sell their houses? Very easily. (upi.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Rebecca Romijn is a terrible underwear pitchwoman. Who can pay attention to what she's wearing when all we can think about is how she looks when she takes it off? (dailypoa.com)

· Britney Spears, however, may singlehandedly be bringing the whole stripper bra and see through shirt look back for a whole new generation. If it ever really went away in the first place. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Imagine how excited we were to find a link for a book called "Handjob." Imagine how disappointed we were once we clicked on this. We feel so manipulated. (midwestisbest.com)

· New airport x-ray machines reveal everything, yet somehow the results are not the least bit sexy. We must work to improve this technology! (theage.com.au)

· A organization in India wants sex workers to learn yoga because it helps relieve stress and keeps the mind and body sharp. There may be some benefits for the sex workers, too. (hindustantimes.com)

· Now that spring weather has finally arrived, Vermonters can go back to arguing over their state's public nudity laws. Debates are more fun when you can hold them outside. (bostonherald.com + reformer.com)

· Nudists fight for their right to use the local wave pool. Surf City, here we come! (surreyleader.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Crystal Klein makes us dream about the weekend that seems to be taking forever to arrive. Soon, friends ... very soon. (dailypoa.com)

· Some people call it art, Barack Obama calls is distraction, we just call it another unnecessary look at Britney Spears' va-jay-jay. (Idolator)

· Was there a glaring omission in the About.com list of the best Hollywood masturbation scenes? Also, we're not above taking the linkbait. (datehole.com)

· India is having some serious debates about art, nudity, and how not to offend people. But isn't offending people half the fun? (ibnlive.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Obviously, we wouldn't put anything past Britney Spears at this point. The Shaved One's revolving door of rehab, combined with her questionable (and absent-minded) fashion choices lead us to believe she's capable of just about anything. But is she crazy enough to pose topless in a field of posies like some neo-hippie flower child? We're not saying she wouldn't do something like that, we're just not 100% certain that she did do it in this instance. Anyone can put on a goofy hat and some oversized sunglasses and create a reasonable approximation of Brit Brit, right? As usual in these situations, we leave it up to you, the experts, to decide. Take a closer look after the jump and tell us who you really think is the girl behind the flowers and share your reasoning in the comments. No matter what, we think we can all agree that a full-fledged nude spread is only a matter of time, even if these photos has no bearing on that future decision whatsoever.

- - -

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

· Britney Spears Topless? (hollywoodtuna.com)
· Britney Spears Topless Pictures! (egotastic.com)

Previously: The Britney Spears Sex Tape: Don't Hold Your Breath, Yet Another Britney Spears Upskirt, Britney Spears Upskirt Photos: No, Really, Britney's Bald Badassness

· Oh, Britney Spears ... we can never forget about you. Seriously, why can't we ever forget about you? (hollywoodtuna.com)

· An unidentified "adult toy" shut down a New Zealand post office last week by causing a bomb scare. They can call in bomb threats now? (kget.com, via reginalynn.com)

· Read the heartwarming story of University of Texas-El Paso students who found their way into Playboy's Girls of Conference USA issue. See, that college degree will pay for itself. (newspapertree.com)

· The folks at Found Magazine want your dirty Polaroids. Ideally they should be of other people, but we're sure if you take some of yourself and send them in they're not going to know the difference. (LAist)

· The very lovely Savanna Samson isn't just an eminent vintner; she's apparently a huge opera fan as well. The lady has class! (xfanz.com)

· According to the experts at BuzzFeed, cuckolding is the new black. Or maybe it's the new . We get confused about things like this sometime. (buzzfeed.com)

· While officials in Brighton, Michigan, decide what to do with a bothersome nude statue, some helpful citizen decided on his own to just knock it over. Problem solved! (clickondetroit.com)

· Elsewhere in the midwest, Ohio politics heats up over a controversial new strip club bill. It's not kind of bill you stick in a g-string; we checked. (cleveland.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

As if the neon girlie sign and "Be 18 Or Be Gone" notice on the splash page of his portfolio weren't enough to let you know that NYC-based photographer Tony Stamolis doesn't shy away from the sexy stuff, the photo of the ultra-friendly bodypainted babe that greets you when you click through to his online gallery should leave no doubt in your mind. But don't expect an endless expanse of Terry Richardson-inspired erotic wackiness and topless cheesecake fluff: part of his talent lies in juxtaposing sexy urban babes with more mundane shots of life in the big city and surreal street landscapes. We're especially find of his project involving defaced Britney Spears subway ads, which just goes to show that New York really isn't such a friendly town after all. Especially if you happen to be Britney Spears.

· Tony Stamolis Photography (tonystamolis.com, via Unscathed Corpse)

Previously: Rated X Panty Party: "Cum On My Tattoo 3" Premiere, FotonovaNYC: Bikini And Lingerie Photos By Alex, Shot By Richard Kern, TV Watch: "Naked Happy Girls", Misa Martin Photography, Naughty James, NYC Women by Jordan Matter, Bob Coulter's Own Brand of Naughty, "Terryworld"

· The Britney Spears train wreck rolls on. Take a look at her nipples, if you can tear your eyes away from that grease spot on her shirt. (egotastic.com)

· In other news, people are still falling for the "free nude Britney pictures" scam? Haven't you seen enough already? (itnews.com.au)

· Gang bang legend turned web designer Annabel Chong lives! We hear the play about her life starts off strong, but then just gets messy at the end. (Wikipedia + xbiz.com)

· Breaking: Male college newspaper columnist spends a lot of time thinking about boobs. (statehornet.com)

· Also breaking: Conservative Congressman has no problem taking money from the porn industry ... or anyone with the cash, actually. (ocweekly.com)

· Still Breaking! Nude photography is an art form, but some people also make money off it. Have we blown your mind yet? (hindustantimes.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Maribel Guardia is yet another hot British babe who ... wait, what's that? She's Costa Rican? Sorry, it's a reflex at this point for us. (publicnipslips.blogspot.com)

· Britney Spears' greatest achievement can forever reside on your mantel in action figure form. At least you know it's anatomically correct. (vicalecorporation.com - thanks David)

· Do you believe that worldwide porn revenue was $97 billion last year? More than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink combined? Uh, you might have carried the wrong 1 there, guys. (toptenreviews.com, via avn.com)

· A sex shop gets cheeky with its guerilla advertising. We think real people creating real steam would have been much more effective. (frederiksamuel.com)

· Stunning new research says that men prefer women with (gasp!) curvy, hourglass figures. Tell us more, Sherlock! (telegraph.co.uk)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

It's been less than 48 hours since photos of a newly self shorn-at-both ends Britney Spears hit the interweb, and it's a measure of how quickly news like this reaches saturation level that pretty much everyone is sick of hearing about it already—everyone, that is, except for folks in the much-larger-than-you-think female head shaving and bald women fetish communities, for whom Brit-Brit became Fantasy Object Number One virtually overnight. The sites below will give you a good idea of just how many adventerous souls there are out there to whom she's is less a celebrity train wreck than a shining example of the "beauty and power of bald women everywhere"; if this whole recording career/tabloid fodder thing doesn't work out, we're sure there's a special place waiting for her as a paid model on BadAndBald.com or some other niche fetish website. Maybe this story might just have a happy ending after all?

· "Britney Goes Bald, Reportedly Goes to Rehab" (ABC News)
· "X17 Xclusive - Britney's Cry For Help" (x17online.com)

See also:
· Red Light Fetish Hair Page (plazaone.com/rldc)
· Bad And Bald (paysite preview @ badandbald.com)
· Bald Girlz (baldgirz.com)
· Her Baldness (LiveJournal community @ livejournal.com)
· My Beautiful Barberette and Bald Women 4U (geocities.com, sorry)

Previously: Britney: Enough With The Crotch Already, Britney Spears Upskirt Photos: No, Really, Bald Stars ,Hot Bald Babes, More Hot Bald Babes, Still More Hot Bald Babes

· Little Miss Spears tries to keep up in the paparazzi wars. No nipple here, but she did manage to put the the bikini bottom on properly. (toxicmagazine.com)

· If you're heading to Vegas this week (and why wouldn't you be?), here's a list of the sex stars that will be signing autographs at the Adult Entertainment Expo. We hope there's plenty of ink in your pen. (avn.com)

· Everything you never wanted to know about Screech's sex tape, straight from his girlfriend/manager. We will now go cry/vomit. (10zenmonkeys.com)

· Look, Cialis is expensive and if you're not having sex on a hotel balcony in front of all the other guests, then you just aren't getting your money's worth. (thesmokinggun.com)

· We think this is a brilliant idea: put up fake cardboard prostitutes in your neighborhood, thereby driving down your rent and leaving you with more money to spend on real prostitutes! It's genius! (Consumerist + Gawker)

· Prim and proper Ivy League students discover the pleasures of co-ed naked parties, which is also know in other parts of the United States as "attending college." (scotsman.com)

· Thirty-one people in Iran are facing the death penalty for making homemade cell phone porn. Hey, we made a lot of jokes about "Screeched" and everything, but even we think that's excessive. (adnki.com)

* * * * *
Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· The New York Times takes a look at the business side of porn and finds it a bit lacking. Apparently, it's been downgraded from "doing very, very, very well" to just two "very"s. (nytimes.com)

· You've seen (most of) Ashlee Simpson's nipple, but now you can check out the rest of her beach body. These last couple of days have really brought us all closer together. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Meanwhile Brooke Burke still looks as great in a bikini as ever. (Having a professional photographer follow you around on the beach instead of some random perv with a camera definitely helps. (gorillamask.net)

· Thousands of Nintendo Wiis are barely out of the box, but adult websites are already adjusting to fit its online browser. Hey, what you choose to do with that wireless remote is your own business. (arstechnica.com)

· Britney Spears is going to pose for a nude painting of herself? The posing probably isn't necessary, since we think the artist already has enough to work with. (stuff.co.nz)

· Fake breasts just keep getting bigger all the time ... even those found on mannequins. Well, we know at least one guy who is happy about that development. (metro.co.uk)

· We agree that it's important to keep porn away from young children, but we're not sure that leaving them in the car while you shop at the adult book store is really going far enough. (thepittsburghchannel.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Fine, Paris Hilton ... you win. If you take a shower in public then we guess we'll write about you (and your friend Kim Kardashian) again. But just this once. (hollywoodtuna.com)

· Britney Spears' vagina has it's own New Year's resolution, but unfortunately the brain it's attached too might have other ideas. (prettyontheoutside.typepad.com)

· For those who are interested in such things, The Smoking Gun has the court papers from Mariah Carey's fight with Mary Carey over their names. We like a little more visual evidence in our pornstar lawsuits, but that's just us. (thesmokinggun.com)

· If real human calendar babes are a little too much, maybe the computer generated variety would appeal to you more. When you break it all down, they're all mostly silicon anyway right? (thesun.co.uk)

· A Chicago massage parlor is not only accused of offering more than massages, they may also have been broadcasting those happy endings on the internet. Talk about getting rubbed the wrong way. (suntimes.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· A concert promoter is using photos of Britney, Paris, and Lindsay's exposed hoo-has to gain attention for their event. Are they trying to convince people to not show up? (adage.com)

· Meanwhile, we'd much rather see Britney helping to spread a little holiday cheer via Christmas cards like this. God knows she's helped make our December a little merrier as far as web traffic is concerned. (prettyontheoutside.typepad.com, via Pink Is The New Blog)

· Massive multi-player online role playing games are pretty geeky, unless the role you're playing is a strip club manager. Then it's just kinda sad. (hittintheclubs.com)

· Speaking of geeks, you should get the special one in your life a solar powered USB bikini. If the girl who is wearing it isn't hot enough, maybe you can plug in a toaster or something. (Gizmodo)

· The always plucky Kelly Brook enjoys the power of latex, though she might want to look into trying a bit of talcum powder or corn starch next time to help with any further potential chafing issues. Trust us—we know whereof we speak. (mannysbabes.blogspot.com)

· We all know about Jell-O and mud wrestling, but mashed potato wrestling? Where do they find enough gravy? (stltoday.com)

· Here's a handy guide for businessmen looking for some grown up fun in Chicago ... in 1959. If you ever find yourself at a time travelers' convention, this will be perfect. (iowahawk.typepad.com, via Boing Boing)

* * * * *
Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Britney Spears can wear a bra and panties—at the same time!—and she's willing to prove it. Sooner or later she'll figure this whole "clothes" thing out, just you wait and see. (savemanny.blogspot.com)

· Who is Erin Nass? That's on a need-to-know basis and right now the fact that she is the hot girl in these photos is all you need to know. (gorillamask.net)

· A change in UK law could make stealing panties a sex crime. Frat boys everywhere are suddenly very nervous. (College kids still do panty raids, right?) (sundaymirror.co.uk)

· If you've got some time on your hands today and have absolutely nothing better to do we guess you can start downloading these PDFs of old skin magazines and use them to make some interesting wrapping paper for your holiday presents. We already have a complete collection of "Score" so we're all set, thanks. (flapandtickle.blogspot.com)

· Imagine sitting down to watch a nice, wholesome kids DVD and getting a eyeful of Katie "Jordan" Price doing things that would make "a lady of the night blush." Her boobs do sort of look like puppets, don't they? (people.co.uk)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives