Lucky for us (and Mr. Rosano), touching Bree doesn't cause you to explode in flames, there's only a slight melting sensation. You may also experience sweating, dizziness, weak knees, euphoria, and a sudden affinity for footjobs. We recommend not using heavy machinery during exposure to Bree. Unless you're using your computer to watch her, then you kind of can't help it.

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· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
* * * * *

Previously: Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From "Bree Exposed"

Which explains (in part) why they've released a four plus hour title starring some of your favorite cock gargling starlets, back when they were fresh and new and nearly factory sealed, their young hearts and vaginas still as indestructible like those famous plastic combs from our childhoods.

"Cum Fuck Them Young" is more than just a compilation video starring Bree Olson, Amy Ried, Ava Rose, Lacie Heart, Riley Mason, Audrey Bitoni, Carmen Kinsley, Chase Dasani, Krystal Jordan, Lindsey Meadows, Ruby Flame, Samantha Sin, and Stefanie Renee—it's also an invitation to recall those halcyon days of yonder, fleeting quickly into life's rear view mirror as we push ever further towards the great equalizer. It's one great big "carpe diem" shouted up into the face of the howling abyss, a double finger superhero salute to the darkness that threatens to strip all meaning away from this brief and wonder filled dream.

Is that too morbid? Welcome to the winter of our discontent. It's been a wild year, one where we lost too many we cherished. That being said, "Cum Fuck Them Young" is also a reminder to grab life by the tail, to chuck out that which is truly non-essential, and to embrace our animal instincts right here and now.

Seeing young and vibrant Ava Rose have her tight and tiny clam pried open again takes us back. Likewise, it fills the cockles of our hearts with joy to see a thin, bubbly Bree Olson get nailed in the ass—almost as if it is her very first time. With so many amazing starlets doing what we have grown to love them for, this release is like the "family-sized" value saver equivalent of a pornographic Costco—which is fine from time to time.

"Cum Fuck Them Young" releases next week from New Sensations. Check out this awesome gallery, exclusive to Fleshbot, then go out and seize the day!

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Consider the best porn movies which are, let's say, a concerted effort between performers, videographers, and directors to get you off. The RealTouch adds yet another participant to your masturbation's open marriage: a hard-working haptic encoder.

The RealTouch device is slightly bigger than that squash you devoured yesterday, and far more interesting to put your penis in. Opposite your penis, a USB cable connects the RealTouch hardware to your computer where, logged in to your account at RealTouch.com, you can access hundreds of scenes specially coded for use with your new conversation starter.

Starting with an ever-increasing library of straight, gay, and even anime P.O.V. videos, RealTouch's North Carolina-based programmers then assiduously mark, frame by frame, each movement of (for example) Tori Black's mouth, adjusting for heat, wetness, friction, and ferocity, sending these routines to two opposing conveyor belts within the machine. Ditto Tori's hands, ass, and vagina.

Unlike other marital aids in which the user actually has to do more work to operate them, the RealTouch is particularly eager to please. You select a video and put your dick in a machine. Science and your own self-control do the rest.

"I just stood there," one test subject said. "It really did all the work for me."

One drawback of the RealTouch is that it is not yet Mac compatible. So I farmed out the job of testing the device and its web interface to three PC users. Top of the list of my review criteria was not to tell me how weird it was.

"Look," I said. "We know it's weird."

Initial web setup and login to the RealTouch account were simple, followed by a Windows Media-based software download that was considerably less difficult than a WordPress install. Our review model made a whirring sound and one subject was tentative about making a penile approach to it.

"I didn't know if I'd come back," he said.

But they were Heroes, and each on different occasions tried videos with Tera Patrick, Ashlynn Brooke, Tori Black, Bree Olson, and Jenna Jameson, noting that Bree used up a lot of lube.

The belts work in conjunction with heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a simple adjustably tight seal (but haptics don't care how big you are). Is one hole different from the other? The belts squeeze tighter and the coils heat hotter when you're in Bree's ass.

Cleaning, refilling, and transporting this machine require, as you'd imagine, a commitment, but not one our test subjects, each either happily married or otherwise partnered, minded ("but watch out for leaks," one said).

What I find fascinating about the RealTouch is that someone in Charlotte was focusing as intently on Jenna Jameson or Lisa Ann (or dozens of other actresses) as you would be, dropping coder's keystrokes in anticipation of your eventual loads.

So, even though masturbation is a personal experience, the RealTouch proves that it takes a village to jerk you off.

· RealTouch (realtouch.com)

Mr. Sponge escorted fellow Southerner Stormy Daniels to the AVN Awards a few years back, so we knew he was of the populist "Jackass" variety of radio hosts, and he has since released several editions of his uncut studio exploits with porn stars and hapless employees.

"But this Bree bitch wasn't believing that Steve was blind," huffs Bubba.

Probably because he wasn't.

The idea was that Olson would be introduced to employee Steve, decked out in sunglasses and walking stick, and perhaps feel sympathetic enough to his condition that she would give him a handjob.

But she wasn't buying it.

"I think you guys are messing with me," she says. "I don't think he's really blind."

Radio interviews with mass market DJs are still among the gold rings of porn publicity, so Olson puts up with the ruse for a while, and then, in a clear gesture of "Whatever," she begins texting. Moments later, she exits the Florida studio and walks at a clip down the road, pursued by a cameraman and another Sponge minion.

"Then she had a total meltdown!" Bubba drawls.

Olson grabs the camera and won't let go, demanding to get the tape. Sponge underlings give her a blank tape and make their getaway.

"Bubba Raw 4" features various segments of nudity a la "Girls Gone Wild" and cruelty to employees a la Howard Stern, but it's not as entertaining or as original, and that's saying a little. Sorry you had to deal with that, Bree.

· Evolution Distribution (evolutiondist.com)
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Yes, Genesis has released their annual list of the best of the best: and whether you love it or hate it, it's interesting to see who they deem worthy of the top 100 title. We've taken a closer look at their pick for the top ten, with a look at where these ladies were listed last year—and our thoughts on their current position.

As always, your thoughts for who should have made the cut are welcome in the comments.

2009 Porn's Hot 100 (genesisonline.com)

Previously: The 100 Hottest Women In Porn (According To Genesis, Anyway) (fleshbot.com)

10. Gianna Michaels

Last Year's Rank: 21

Fleshbot's Thoughts: If anything, we're just shocked it's taken so long to get the wondrous Gianna into the top ten. She's a strong performer with a resume that's as expansive as her T&A. Heck, she made our top ten all the way back in 2007.

· Photo via Reality Kings (realitykings.com)

9. Joanna Angel

Last Year's Rank: 18

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Again, it's good to see a long time favorite (and, ahem, Supreme Commandress) recognized in the top ten. We'd love to know what boosted her rank this year—was it "LA Pink"? Cause "LA Pink" does look pretty awesome....

· Photo via Burning Angel (burningangel.com)

8. Belladonna

Last Year's Rank: 5

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Any top ten that doesn't include Belladonna is just kidding itself.

7. Briana Banks

Last Year's Rank: 22

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Another hardworking performer who should have been in the top ten ages ago.

· Photo via Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)

6. Bree Olson

Last Year's Rank: 10

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Bree got a slight boost in the rankings this year—and with releases like "The Five", it's not hard to see why.

· Photo via Twistys (twistys.com)

5. Stormy Daniels

Last Year's Rank: 1

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Stormy's stayed strong this year—but she's also shifted her focus from making porn to pursuing a career in politics. You can't stay on top if you're not fully in the game.

· Photo via Wicked Pictures (freewicked.com)

4. Tera Patrick

Last Year's Rank: 2

Fleshbot's Thoughts: We're a bit surprised to see that Tera's still in the top ten. Not that we don't find her enthralling—but she barely performs anymore. Shouldn't that be a knock against her?

3. Jesse Jane

Last Year's Rank: 3

Fleshbot's Thoughts: Digital Playground's resident superstar holds steady. No surprises here: with her talent and enthusiasm for her work, Jesse's not going anywhere for a while.

· Photo of Jesse Jane courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

2. Jenna Haze

Last Year's Rank: 4

Fleshbot's Thoughts: There's a very good reason why Jenna bagged Female Performer of the Year—and it's the same reason why she scored the number two slot on the Genesis list: this girl is fucking hot.

· Photo via Big Wet Asses (freepornofreeporn.com)

1. Sasha Grey

Last Year's Rank: 6

Fleshbot's Thoughts: 2009 is the Year of Sasha Grey. If she hadn't been crowned with the number one slot, we might have had to organize a protest (Million Fleshbot Reader March, anyone?).

· Photo via Twistys (twistys.com)

Bree Exposed

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Ava Rose, Jenny Hendrix, Missy Stone, Charlie Laine, Danny Mountain, Anthony Rosano, Tommy Gunn, Mick Blue

Bree Olson only appears in two scenes! I know I'm being greedy, but I was hoping for more. Naturally, the quality of her scenes more than makes up for the quantity, as Bree is a powerful force in her respective segments with Anthony Rosano and Tommy Gunn.

Since Anthony has the first scene, you'd expect him to set the pace for the rest of the actors. While his unchained fucking certainly typifies the wild tone of the film, I wouldn't designate him the golden standard of "Bree Exposed." Mr. Rosano gets very, very sweaty. Like, just-got-caught-in-a-monsoon sweaty. Also, he finishes by jacking off on Bree's feet and I wasn't prepared for it. Maybe that's a good thing?

The following four scenes are also wet and surprising, but in different ways. Mick Blue brings Missy Stone to squirt before embarking on a long anal engagement. Then there's a lesbian intermission with Ava Rose and Charlie Laine involving a rather ornate but uncomfortable-looking chair. Next, Bree seduces Tommy with an oh-so sensuous booty dance. Finally, Jenny Hendrix and Danny Mountain use the only bed in the movie for some very intense reverse cowgirl action.

As hot as all of the performers are, I felt the sound was the sexiest part of the movie. One moment you're listening to Bree describe the prodigious veins of Tommy's cock (prodigious, by the way), and the next, you're eavesdropping on the whispers between Jenny and Danny. It really says something when you can enjoy a porno with your eyes closed.

The only thing that soured my audio love affair was the ambient music. Before every scene you're treated to either an Enya techno remix or Gregorian chant-break beats. A minor concern, but it causes me to wonder what overall feel Andre Madness wanted to impart.

The straight story is this: there are five hot scenes that stand out strong against any environmental oddities that may exist. With every new scene, you can feel yourself getting excited, impatient, and just generally happy to see the performers. It's that Christmas-morning feeling that can't be faked, and it comes from the talent and enthusiasm of the actors.

And that's why I want to see more of Bree Olson: you can stare at her for hours and it won't damage your retinas.

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Audrey Bitoni
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It really was Tommy Gunn's week: First he debuted his pretty awesome "Cummin at You" 3-D porn, in which he and Sindee Jennings literally COME RIGHT AT YOU, and then he trotted off to fuck Jada Fire in Dave Naz's upcoming "Cheating Hollywood Wives" for Private.

I love this picture of Jada Fire. She looks like the type of backup singer the star gets jealous of and kicks off the tour.

Next is Bree Olson in the upcoming "Bree's College Daze 3" for Adam & Eve. Like ZZ Top once did, Bree travels to various places - in the case of these movies, colleges - and makes things right. With her very Breeness.

Breeness rhymes with penis, and that is exactly what Mr. Marcus has up Sasha Grey in "Cheating Hollywood Wives." See how I worked that in there? See how Mr. Marcus did? One seems more fun than the other ...

The 8th Day

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Ren Savant
Cast: Kayden Kross, Amber Rayne, Bree Olson, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Kylie Ireland, Jandi Lin, Poppy Morgan, Tori Black, Violet Marcell, Krissy Leigh, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Tyler Knight, Trinity Post, Darryl Hanah, Ameatabh Bachan, Derrick Pierce

Review by: Gram Ponante

Samantha (the exquisitely nude Kayden Kross) wakes up from future sleep in a future chamber, a recorded message from her late father (director Ren Savant) playing on the future video screen.

"Possibly I died of natural causes," he is saying, Jor El-like, waxing on about the zero-point generator he invented that he is confident will have saved the world by now. "I am very envious of my little girl."

Envious or not, Dad, at least wait until she's got some clothes on.

Thus begins "The 8th Day," Adam & Eve's massive 4-disc (two for the feature, two for extras) epic of sex in a post-apocalyptic world, part "2001," part "The Road Warrior," part "Contact," and, what the hell, still weirded out by a father being creepy with his daughter, even posthumously, part "Blame It on Rio."

Of course, the world Sam wakes up to isn't quite fixed. In fact, it looks a lot like many greater Los Angeles communities south of the 10 freeway; places where bodies are meat, technology has betrayed Man, and where "In a lawless new world, sex is the only salvation."

"My God," Sam says. "What happened?"

Life happened, Sam. We follow her through the ruined, overgrown landscape. We evaluate Sam's choices as if she were making her way through Quake, and we're waiting for her MMPORGasm.

In fact, "The 8th Day" is unlike many contemporary movies in that it takes its time, and this is an unexpected pleasure. Well, perhaps not to fans of porn's pay-per-minute model, but whatever.

By the time Sam meets Mel (Amber Rayne), lots of information has slowly unfolded, much like Krissy Leigh's impressive labia in a desert shanty scene with Tyler Knight.

It turns out, Mel tells Sam in porn's first recorded ten-minute dialogue scene, that long ago all the electricity went out, the animals died, women had trouble reproducing, and mutants with different attributes emerged. Sam, for example, has sex with some slimy Morlocks. Then we watch a three-way between some blue, caterwauling Gila girls. I'd add "Good Times" here, but I'm not a douchebag.

Mel takes Sam to the Elysium Fields, a desert enclave ruled by the charismatic Amir, who preaches against technology and presides over tent orgies. We learn that Amir led the angry mob that killed Sam's father when the latter's science didn't turn out as expected. We learn, also, that Mel can take a double-penetration like a goddamn champ.

My only complaints about the movie are logical ones, which I admit don't hold up against the copious flesh on display, but here goes: It is not altogether clear why Sam's dad put her into deep sleep, unless he just did so to see his adult daughter naked. And Amir doesn't seem all that charming, despite the fawning.

But the risks "The 8th Day" takes are admirable for porn. There are stretches without either music or nudity and where the plot advances by scenery alone. The special effects are parceled out with maturity, there are references to Shakespeare and the Beatles, and the movie trusts you to allow it to end without a cumshot.

There is also more creepy stuff with Dad, crucifixion, peeing on asbestos, a "West Wing" cameo, Bree Olson's Blue period, the unsinkable Darryl Hanah, the always-dependable Trinity Post, a delightful performance by Amber Rayne, and the jaw-dropping Kayden Kross, who meets a bad end (but so does everybody).

"The 8th Day" is a great movie; how bad can the end of the world be if it's got Kayden Kross in it?

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· And on the 8th Day, God blew up Boston (gramponante.com)
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You'd think compilation porn DVDs would be the best of the best, but often they are not; the sheer amount of material available often works against the better angels of a company's nature, and the consumer is left with something less thought out, even, than regular porn.

But "Lexington Loves Huge White Tits" is not only an excellent compilation but it is also a mini-history of famous and lamentably obscure porn talent over the past half-decade which shows why Steele is still at the top of his game and why huge white tits have been the cornerstone of Western Civilization.

There's very little tease, no story at all, and it appears that some of the women are wearing recycled outfits their counterparts might have worn in earlier scenes, but who cares? Viewers are treated to spirited performances from Sara Jay and Gianna Michaels, as well as a number of healthy, phat-bootied caucasians we haven't seen in a while and who have disappeared into the ether, like the bewitching Texas (not to be confused with Alexis Texas).

Not only that, but we also get Belladonna, whose breasts aren't that big, per se, but she is Belladonna.

Even though Bree's is arguably the most famous name in the bunch (and her scene, shot at least three years ago, shows exactly why she is in a long-lasting contract), it is the trysts that make up the middle of this 12-pack that are the most spontaneous, least-studied, and fun.

In the end, it is appararent why Lexington loves huge white tits, and we learn to love them, too.

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Porn doesn't have anything like Hollywood's traditional pitch meetings, but we still like to imagine Director Ren Savant promising Adam & Eve's head honchos that he was going to make the best porn movie of the decade by mixing "Mad Max Thunderdome" with "Behind the Green Door' all while using action figures, a Kayden Barbie, several Tonka trucks, and a cat box to illustrate his point.

Any reservations the A&E brass had about making a big budget, non-spoof sci-fi porno were certainly placated by the knowledge that indefatigable blonde beauty Kayden "too pretty for porn" Kross would be cast in the lead.

The story opens with Kross being awakened from a cryogenic slumber to find herself in a strange city overrun by tribal gangs and overactive sexual half breeds, not entirely unlike Barstow or the backside of a meth lab way back in the hills of San Bernadino.

Kayden gets rescued by a scrappy scavenger girl, Amber Rayne and learns her only hope for salvation lies in the hands of the charismatic ruler of a desolate dessert village, known as Elysium Fields. But when Prince Amir takes Samantha under his wing, he discovers who she really is and decides that she must make the ultimate sacrifice.

Kayden Cross, Bree Olson, Tyler Knight, Tommy Gunn, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Kylie Ireland
Derrick Pierce, Jandi Lin, Krissy Leigh, Poppy Morgan, Tori Black, Violet Marcell, Darryl Hanah, Evan Stone, Amber Rayne, Cheyne Collins, Sledge Hammer, Trinity Post, Chris Cannon, and Jerry keep spending all their lives fucking in a post apocalyptic burnt out ghetto paradise.

Will this be the greatest movie of the year? Can it topple the strangle hold "Operation Tropical Stormy" will no doubt have on industry come awards time? No one knows for sure. We can say, however, that it is an impressive effort replete with sexy girls, hot sex, orgies, and bucket loads of pure imagination, which (as we all know) Einstein even said was more important than having Stormy.

"The 8th Day" releases on 9/08/09 but you can get it now at Adam and Eve's website. For more info on the title, check out "The 8th Day"'s website. And in the meantime, check out our mega exclusive sneak preview gallery.

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The sorority girls are in need of cash and they call in Bree Olson to help save their house. Her solution? She turns them into whores.

You may say, "Grams—nice cribbing the logline from the boxcover." But I actually watched the movie.

You would think that some of the ladies might be reticent about selling their bodies to save the sorority, but you would be wrong. Have you ever been to Vassar?

No, it takes no convincing at all—just a "Grease"-style montage sequence, to turn these co-eds (the delicious Tori Black, Madison Ivy, and Lexi Belle included) from women who fuck out of boredom and for the remains of the Aftershock to women who fuck for money.

Thanks Bree!

The only beef I have with this film—even its tunebank Hadaway-style score is good—is that Ms. Olson never wears in the movie the outfit she wears on the cover. It was the only reason I opened the box.

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Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Buy "Bree's School Daze 2" (gamelink.com)
Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
Buy "Bree's School Daze 2" (gamelink.com)

The Five

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Alexis Texas, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Johnny Sins, Mr. Pete, James Deen, Scott Nails, Danny Mountain

Review by: Gram Ponante

It is then that you realize that "The Five" is not supposed to be a porn version of "The 300."

"The Five" is ALSO not about some elite crimefighting team, unless the crime is not having an opportunity to watch Bree Olson and four other women fuck other guys.

Instead (and depending on the household) "The Five" features five of porn's household names in overlapping scenes shot in a pleasant and sunlit modern country home. Nothing special, unless you like those people a lot. Which I do.

For example, Bree opens the movie (and her stems) with a couch-based tease sequence. I hope this is not taken the wrong way, but Olson is a little heavier than the last time I saw her, and the extra weight looks great on her. People can be sensitive about weight, I've heard. When she is done tossing her lingerie at the camera, she and the camera crawl over to Johnny Sins, who happens to have been sitting on the couch all along, just like the Footprints in the famous inspirational poster.

He fucks her. What would you do if Bree Olson crawled over to your side of the couch naked? At least I hope you would fuck her. I'd block you from this URL if you didn't do your best to take advantage of all opportunities.

"Oh my goodness!" Olson yells, adorably.

Then Mr. Pete fucks Sasha Grey in the kitchen.

A few words about Sasha Grey and Mr. Pete: I am prepared to say that their onscreen personae (ice princess, hillbilly) do not accurately represent them. For example, Sasha Grey is delightful to talk with and she laughs a lot, and Mr. Pete is the nicest guy you'd want to meet. When they fuck in the kitchen you can imagine they had lunch afterward (after they'd squeegeed the surfaces).

Later, James Deen encounters Jenna Haze at the bottom of some concrete-and-stainless-steel stairwell at which someone has thoughtfully placed a couch to fuck her on.

I often wonder: What's the big deal about Jenna Haze? But in "The Five" it became clear. She makes excellent eye contact, and that can't be faked.

While the rest of the movie doesn't fizzle (a threesome with Shyla Stylez, Olson, and Digital Playground mainstay Scott Nails, a scene between Alexis Texas and Danny Mountain), I began to wonder about the viability of a title like "The Five." As there was no throughline - other than the house - the "five" only refers to the number of women in it, which is about as useful as renaming a "Reverse Bukkake" "The 17 Who Showed Up."

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· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)

Apparently an abridged version of the sketch ran last night, this online only clip is, ahem, "uncensored." (Though to paraphrase Inigo Montoya, we do not think that word means what they think it means.) We're not gonna lie: the whole thing is pretty stupid...but still, we're very happy to see young Bree get more mainstream exposure. Especially when it doesn't end with her in tears.

· Bree Olson and Dave Attell - NSFW! (comedycentral.com)
· Thumbnail via Porn-star.com (porn-star.com, via KellyFind (kellyfind.com)

Vandella and Lexington Steele have been working together a lot lately, and it is apparent why.

Steele is a lucky bastard, that's why.

Steele has a good job, and told us that, even when he feels less engaged, fucking anyone he wants is better than working construction. Still, he clearly enjoys Sarah Vandella in this scene from "Lex Steele XXX 11."

Steele grabs handfuls of the alabaster Vandella, even taking off bling so that he doesn't injure her unnecessarily. And Vandella appreciates it.

We include some blurry shots of their scene because Vandella moved like a jackrabbit. It was like trying to capture the wind.

· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
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· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)
· Lexington Steele (lexsteelexxx.com)
· Buy "Lex Steele XXX #11" (gamelink.com)

The fucking of a vibrating Cyberskin pussy and ass (not to be confused with "The Taking of Pelham 123," unless "Pelham 123" is your new dorm shorthand for pussy and ass, which it should be) isn't a light affair. In fact, some of these items are downright heavy.

Bree Olson's Cyberskin Doggy Style Vibrating Pussy & Ass, for example, weighs about 600 lbs. The idea is that, after you're done doing it doggy-style, you crawl into it and start a new life.

Olson's parts are the biggest of this collection, even bigger than those of April Flores, which tells you that Cyberskin reality is different from yours and mine.

The Cyberskin world also ascribes different value to the angle by which one enters. You'll notice that Olson and Roxy Reynolds are doggy-style marital aids and take up the most real estate, whereas Flores and the Unknown Vagina look petite and dainty by comparison.

That leaves us with Nautica Thorn's "Jackhammer" girljunk. Her ankles are floating near her ears in this pose, and you are meant to jackhammer her on a table or similar surface. In contrast to the other vaginas presented, it looks like her vag is trying to get away. Better catch it!

Each of these items is solid, malleable and, if you leave them in the sun long enough, deliciously sweaty. Keep that in mind when you bring them upstairs to meet your mom.

· Topco (topcosales.us)
· Buy Bree Olson's CyberSkin Doggy Style Vibrating Pussy and Ass (gamelink.com)
· Buy April Flores' CyberSkin Voluptuous Pussy (gamelink.com)
· Does Cyberskin April Flores dream of electric sheep? (gramponante.us)
· Buy Nautica Thorn's Jackhammer Pussy and Ass (sensualadvisor.com)
· Buy Roxy Reynolds' CyberSkin Pussy and Ass (forbiddenerotics.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Earlier this year, we saw Andrew Blake's "5 Stars", now Adam & Eve have taken up the pentaphilic torch with "The Five," a celebration of five of the porn world's most impressive stars.

The feature is headlined by Bree Olson, who brings her adorable (and dirty) charms to both her scenes (the opener, in which she opens up all her orifices to Johnny Sins, and the fourth scene, in which Bree joins Shyla Stylez and Scott Nails for a delicious threesome). But Bree is hardly the only star in this show: Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, and Alexis Texas round out the release, with ample dirty talk and hard fucking.

There is no plot—or even a half-hearted attempt at a plot—to "The Five": instead, each performer is introduced with a little striptease, and then immediately cuts to the fuck, er, chase. But it's for the best, really. With a cast of this caliber, there's no need to waste time dressing up the action or providing a backstory: these performers are strong enough to carry the film on their sexual skills alone.

In keeping with its numeric theme, "The Five" releases today—5/5/09. For the sake of numeric consistency, we almost wish it had come out four years ago—but, alas, if it had, we wouldn't have been able to compile this stellar cast.

· "The Five" (adameve.com)
· Buy "The Five" (gamelink.com)

Bree's Big Campout

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Jim Malibu
Cast: Bree Olson, Faye Reagan, Jenny Hendrix, Alexis Breeze, Annette Allen, Dirty Harry

Review by: Gram Ponante

Bree Olson is going to Arizona. You'd think she'd be crushed by this, but she's not. I experience suicidal ideation whenever I have to go to Arizona. But it's not about me—it's about Bree. Instead, she decides to throw a big campout with her sexy friends!

You see, our Bree just graduated from high school and she's headed to a "really awesome" school in Arizona for pre-med.

I will not bore you with the details of how Olson, Faye Reagan, Jenny Hendrix, Alexis Breeze, and Annette Allen become naked in tents, on blankets, and in pools. Just know that they do, and that's all that matters.

"Bree's Big Campout" is the type of porn movie that can be remade every two years with different people; it is a perfect example of a wholesome adult movie you'd want to include with anyone's 18th birthday card.

Everyone looks good in this movie, particularly Olson, Jenny Hendrix, and Alexis Breeze (though we do fear they're going to burst into flame and/or get sand in their parts) and the chapters are set apart by clever vlog entries by the characters. There is even a cameo by Dirty Harry as a creepy park ranger. Unlike his appearances in JM movies, Harry does not spend his time in "Bree's Big Campout" weeping or screaming.

As cross-country rival Digital Playground is cleaning up on occupation-based fetishes like nurses, babysitters, and cheerleaders, I think Adam & Eve should capitalize on events. I'd love to see Kayden Kross doing a timeshare pitch porn or barbecue flick, and maybe Bree can follow "Campout" with "Bree's Big Bachelorette Party."

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Buy "Bree's Big Campout" (gamelink.com)

More's the pity, really; we have a feeling we could have had a lot of fun. At the very least, we could have taught them our super secret extra special popcorn recipe (the secret ingredient is salt)—cause, you know, nothing goes with deepthroating and girl on girl like popcorn, right?

· Buy "Girlfriends With Benefits" (gamelink.com)

Which, we might add, is extremely unfortunate, since bondage and kink and submission are things that Bree happens to do very, very well. Let us all be grateful, then, that she was cast as the lead in "The Surrender of O": finally, a chance to see Bree bound and spanked... in addition to seeing her royally fucked.

· Buy "The Surrender of O" (gamelink.com)

*****

Previously: Instant Classics: "O2: The Surrender of O"

We also figured it was probably not the "Bree Olson, psycho pornstar" story that was being circulated by the staff of the "Bubba The Love Sponge Show" (who, incidentally, happened to be responsible for Bree's meltdown). So we waited to hear her side of the story.

It seems that Bree was the victim of an immature prank—one that began when the show decided to prank a "dumb porn whore" into giving a handjob to a man pretending to be blind, and escalated when they proceeded to document (and distribute) Bree's rage at learning that she'd been set up to be made a fool of.

Until this week, we'd never heard of the "Bubba The Love Sponge" show—and if we had, we'd be boycotting it right now. The disrespect that these people showed towards Bree, both before, during, and after her appearance on their program, is disgusting and unprofessional—and we're happy to see that Bree is letting everyone know the truth about her "meltdown."

· What REALLY Happened on Bubba the Love Sponge Show (myspace.com)
· Thumbnail: Badass Bree Olson (nsgalleries.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Actually... yes. And now that we've had a moment or two to recover from our gasping fit, we're not really that surprised to see Bree give in to the urge for lady love. After all, Mia Lelani fills out her schoolgirl uniform quite nicely—maybe we should pass her a note, too?

· Buy "One Last Ride" (gamelink.com)
· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)

*****

Previously: Come On And Take A Bree Ride: Olson Jacks Cars, Not You

Not that we were really that surprised—the series has slowly but surely been getting funnier, and Craig Robinson and Sean Gunn are pretty funny (and, for that matter, Bang Bus is ripe for spoofing). If anything, we just wish that there'd been a little bit more Bree Olson. Okay, maybe a lot more Bree Olson (maybe she and Marie Luv could make out?).

What can we say? We love Bree!

· PG Porn: Helpful Bus (spike.com)

Whores D'oeuvre

Studio: Daring
Director: Christoph Clark
Cast: Zafira, Trisha Brill, Regina Ice, Halana, Dorina Golden, Samantha, Brandy, Crystal Crown, Sera Passion, Viviene, Indira, Anita Pearl, Angelicka Black, Britney, Jennifer Love, Valentina Blue,

Review by: Gram Ponante

It is hard not to love this movie. People who might normally be turned off by aggressive European porn and its disaffected performers need not worry about director Christoph Clark's ability to connect; each setup is whimsical and weird and he fills each scene with bits of business that are mostly absent from American porn movies.

A woman teaching a blowjob class passes dildos around the room, a bondage slave has her leather hood splooged upon, nurses gangbang other nurses in a HMO-erotic hookup, and lovers choose to screw in a limo when there is a perfectly good bed in the same room.

Clark delivers gonzo scenes with just a whiff of plot, suddenly making women who would otherwise seem inaccessible to New World audiences much more present, especially with an intriguing, not distracting, circling camera style.

It would be fun to see Belladonna or Bree Olson walk into one of these scenes; the culture clash would be very sexy. But Clark really succeeds in making euro porn fun.

· Daring (daringsex.com)
· Buy "Whores D'oeuvre" (gamelink.com)

Allanah Starr is truly America's Transsexual and fully deserving of this massive Cyberskin fauxjob mouth. But what, other than the fact that this is no dainty little mouth on a stalk, identifies it as a transsexual mouth?

I think the traditional tranny story, passed down through the ages, goes something like this: Man meets hot prospect at a bar, they go back to his place, date asks for anal, Man happily complies, dawn reveals date has morning wood. Yes, it is a delightful bit of Americana, first revealed in an early draft of Lincoln's second inaugural speech. But can the same thing happen to someone like me, rifling through his cabinets looking for Bree Olson's mouth and then - but only after - realizing the shocking tranny truth?

And you thought you knew all there was to know about the crying game.

Allanah Starr's Cyberskin Deep Throat Stroker is a substantial piece of work, proud, and impossible to conceal in a little Hello Kitty backpack. The package comes with lube and a delicious sense of foreboding.

· Buy Allanah Starr's Cyberskin Deep Throat Stroker (69adulttoys.com)
· Allanah Starr will try anything once (gramponante.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

One Last Ride

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Bree Olson, Tori Black, Mia Lelani, Jamie Lamore, Ben English, Chris Johnson, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce

Review by: Gram Ponante

"My father told me, just before he died, to never mix blood and money," says Marco (Barrett Blade) to Bree Olson (who plays the character Bree) while explaining why he can't tell her what he does for a living. Then he dies. And somebody who says stupid stuff like that? I'm glad he's dead.

But Bree has lost her sugar daddy, and must make ends meet the only way she can. She hooks up with an even sketchier crowd, and becomes a car-boosting criminal stealing high-end vehicles for a limey crime lord (Ben English).

But as her crew of thieving hotties becomes more accomplished, Bree gets in over her head. She can only compensate by putting her ankles back there, too.

Does Bree learn to mix blood and money? I'm not sure, but given the mortality rate in this movie of people who say that, I'm glad she chooses not to utter those words, thus preserving her glorious pinkening fleshmass another day.

But what about tender, lesbian love? Oh yes: she figures that out. At the expense of all the men in the film, Bree discovers that a woman's affection is her personal rehabilitation program.

"One Last Ride" was shot beautifully, with lots of nighttime Los Angeles competing with the landscapes of Olson, Tori Black, Jamie Lamore, and Mia Lelani. There was also an utterly non-Adam & Eve-like stripper's ass-based coke-snorting sequence. But in porn I believe that the noir is inside us - I don't need to hear people externalizing it through dialogue; it's like capri pants on the wrong person.

"One Last Ride," a sort of "Thelma And Louise in 60 Seconds"-meets-"Oliver!" with extra scoops of Bree, is like the late-nite crime caper you endure hoping there will be sex in it that actually has sex in it. It is only later that you wish you'd forwarded through the rest of the stuff.

· Adam & Eve (afameve.com)
· Buy "One Last Ride" (gamelink.com)

It's almost amazing that it's taken us this long to touch on the topic—but hey, sometimes it's the simplest pleasures that are the easiest to overlook. In any case, with no further ado, we're pleased to present some of our favorite girls and their very best friends. If you ask nicely, they might even let you join in at playtime (or at least watch the fun).

Lexi Belle (barelyevil.com)

Yurizan Beltran (incrediblecontent.com)

Dillan (ronharris.com)

Shawna Lenee (stunners.com)

Maria Ozawa (tokyoteenies.com)

Bree Olson (stunners.com)

Adrianna (galleryhost.com)

Puma Swede (pumaswede.com)

Aurora Jolie (galleryhost.com)

Misty Stone (stunners.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

New Sensations' "I Love 100th Edition," a 4-disc set containing 12 hours of scenes from Jenny Hendrix to Bree Olson to Shawna Lenee to Tia Tanaka to Ashlynn Brooke to Cassandra Calogera to Lorena Sanchez (and about 25 more names you'd recognize) underlines the opinion that, in the end, it is not stars but quantity of flesh that will help porn survive the economic downturn.

(Of course, the other opinion is that it is only the occasional emergence of someone with star quality that keeps porn afloat. It might be a little of both.)

In any case, this DVD set is a testament to the power of the quantity platform, and I have chosen to include pictures of weirdly-placed feet in addition to a large gallery. Enjoy!

. . .

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love 100th Edition" (gamelink.com)

From Best New Web Starlet to Female Performer Of The Year, these pornstars are truly the best of the best (at least according to the awards board)—and since you deserve the best, we'd like to bring you in on the celebration with this fabulous collection of clips depicting this year's award winners in action.

. . .

Best New Web Starlet: Bree Olsen (pornhub.com)

Best Web Starlet: Catalina Cruz

Crossover Star of the Year: Katie Morgan (megaporn.com)

Best MILF/Cougar Performer: Lisa Ann

Female Performer Of The Year: Jenna Haze (pornhub.com)

Best New Starlet: Stoya: From "Stoya Sexy Hot"

Male Performer Of The Year: James Deen (pornhub.com)

Best Male Newcomer: Anthony Rosano (lubetube.com)

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Straight from the red carpet of the AVN Awards, here our some of our favorite (and not so favorite) fashion choices. We'll let you decide which is which.

· AVN Awards (avnawards.com)

So who was crowned with glory, and who was left to cry into their dirty martini? View a selection of the award winners below (the full list is available at avn.com).

Best Film - "Cry Wolf," Vivid Entertainment Group
Best Male Newcomer - Anthony Rosano
Best Actor - Evan Stone, "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge"
Male Performer of the Year- James Deen
Best New Web Starlet - Bree Olson
Web Starlet of the Year - Catalina Cruz
Best New Starlet - Stoya
Best Actress - Jessica Drake, "Fallen," Wicked Pictures
Best Director Feature - Joone, "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge"
Female Performer of the Year - Jenna Haze
Best Video Feature - Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge
MILF/Cougar Performer of the Year - Lisa Ann
The Jenna Jameson Crossover Star Of The Year - Katie Morgan

· 2009 AVN Award-Winners Announced (avn.com)

"Are you... Bree Olson?"

No.

"Ashlynn Brooke?"

Second time's a charm.

Thankfully, I was not the only one to make this mistake. While on the floor the next morning, a colleague told me that Bree Olson was on the floor—when a quick sojourn to the Adam & Eve booth revealed she had not yet arrived. Ashlynn Brooke, however, was happily signing over at the FyreTV booth.

After all, it's not every day you see a meeting of two porn greats from two different time periods—just, you know, every other day. And, to be perfectly honest, we get a thrill simply watching Bree suck cock. The Peter North part is just an added bonus.

· Bree Olson vs. Peter North (pornhub.com)

I took 3000 pictures of nude pornstresses and nude pornstresses-adjacent this year, which is nothing compared to people who do it well.

From conventions to porn sets to photo shoots at disreputable hotels, Porn Valley came to America.

At no point during the creation of these pictures did I think, "Boy, I'm in the wrong line of work."

But I did often think, "Boy, I'm in the wrong pair of pants."

Happy New Year, friends.

Earning a place as one of the Crush Objects of the Year is an honor like no other, guaranteeing eternal career success and a lifetime of happiness (or at least ten minutes of joy and a year's worth of bragging rights). Who was fortunate enough to make the list this year? Read on to find out.

10.
Baby Sinead
What's the quickest way into the hearts of Team Fleshbot? Gratuitous self promotion—when it's accompanied by hot naked photos, that is. Just a few months ago, Sinead was a mere blip on our radar; now the budding young pornstar and photographer is a full-fledged Crush Object of the Year... and she owes it all to self promotion (well, that and her smart mouth and hot looks).

9.
Bree Olson
Bree may look sweet and innocent on the outside, but just a few minutes with her (or watching her) reveals that she's anything but. With her powerhouse performance, Bree steals the show in just about every film she's featured in—even when she's not the one with top billing.

8.
Shawna Lenee
This stunning young blond goddess won our hearts long before she made an appearance in "Pirates 2," lurking in the biz under several pseudonyms such as Kara Bare and Kara Minor when she had red hair. Over the last year, the growing body of work that this heartbreaker-in-training has compiled far exceeded our expectations. To top it all off, she's closed out 2008 by grasping the coveted title of Penthouse Pet of the Year runner up (and our hearts, too!).

7.
Sinnamon Love
Sinnamon first came to our attention with her fabulous turn in "Chemistry 4"—but she really won our hearts with her appearance on Tyra Banks's abominable "Porn Town" episode. In spite of Tyra, Sinnamon managed to hold her own and prove that making a living from your body does not mean you don't have a brain. Oh, and that cute little gap in her teeth is just to die for.

6.
Lacey Motherfuckin' Duvalle
We find Lacey Motherfuckin' Duvalle so inspiring, it almost makes us want to write an ode in her honor—but it seems that Charles Hamilton beat us to it. (Which is for the best, really—our ode would have been to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," and would have had way too much profanity to ever be played on the radio.).

5.Rosie Jones
Darling Rosie burst on to the lad mag scene this year as one of the hot new babes of 2008... and one of the best reasons to keep reading lad mags.

4.
Madison Scott
Watching this lithe young beauty devour cock is like watching an honest-to-God possession and wanting to beat off to it. This barely legal beauty exhibits the most rapacious sexual appetite we've ever seen—period! We expect to see more amazing scenes from her in 2009... which means it's definitely going to be a good year.

3.
Penny Flame
Penny's looks alone would be enough to make us fall for her—but it's her personality that's really won us over and rocketed her to the top of her list. With her wicked sense of humor, dedication to smart and sexy sex ed, and all around adorableness, Penny's Crush Object material in every possible way.

2.
Faye Reagan
Incredible breasts, milky white skin, freckles, red hair, and a burning lust that no amount of sex can extinguish all put this fresh faced darling (also known as Faye Valentine) in our sights for Crush Object. Our only regret? She no longer performs boy-girl scenes. At least we can always watch her previous work... and keep our fingers crossed for 2009. Right?

1.
Stoya
How can we sum up Stoya in a mere paragraph? We're pretty sure we can't. The newly elected Fleshbot Supreme Commandress/Extreme Pornstar Champion/2008 Crush Object of the Year is too wondrous to encapsulate in such a small space—we'll be back later with a more proper tribute to the girl of the year. (Image courtesy of Digital Playground.)

Fleshbot's Crush Object Hall of Fame:
2007's Crush Object Of The Year: Sasha Grey
2006's Crush Object Of The Year: Dana DeArmond
2005's Crush Object Of The Year: Joanna Angel

*****

Previously: Fleshbot's 2007 Crush Objects Of The Year, Fleshbot's 2006 Crush Objects Of The Year, Fleshbot's Top Ten Hotties of 2005